Dane Cook Really Hates His Movie Poster
Dane Cook has taken to his MySpace to whine about the poster from a movie most of us will probably never see. Dane listed the 10 reasons why he loathes it so much.
He lost me when he said his "left side looks like Brittany Spears' vagina." First of all, it's BRITNEY, bitch. Second of all, Britney's delicate vagina looks more like the beautiful bouquet that dude from "American Pie" is holding.
The only problem I have with the poster is the fact that Kate Hudson and Dane Cook's skanky faces are in it. Besides that, it's fine.
Dane's 10 reasons on why he wants to eat his own movie poster and poop it out are after the jump. Try not to scream "douche" while saying it and you'll get a prize. JUMP!!
1. Graphics:
Whoever photoshopped our poster must have done so at taser point with
3 minutes to fulfill their hostage takers deranged obligations. They should have called Donnie Hoyle and had him give a tutorial using "You Suck at Photoshop" templates. This is so glossy it makes Entertainment Weekly look wooden.2. My head:
The left side of my face seems to be melting off of my skull. I guess I am looking directly into the Ark of the Covenant? Are they going for the bells palsy thing here? My left side looks like Brittany Spears' vagina.3. The Stare.
My character apparently has fallen in love with a strand of Kate Hudsons hair. Kate's mannequin is desperately in love with the inside of my right ear while Jason is half stunned, half corsage.4. Lips:
It looks like I'm wearing Maybelline Water Shine Diamonds Liquid Lipstick. My characters name is now Winter Solstice and I'm a hooker with a heart of gold. Jason is my floral carrying pimp, while Kate is my first trick!5. Fashion:
My character is sporting a very high collar I mean damn they should be snow capped at that altitude. It's going for the vampire lurking in the castle basement vibe. An Olympic pole vaulter would have a tough go clearing that collar. I'm also able to turn my head comfortably 180 degrees, because I was raised in an abandoned barn by a family of owls.6. Flesh:
It's no secret that I'm more rugged facially due to a drunken visit by the teen acne fairy, but according to this poster I've got perfect porcelain flesh. I look like the fuckin' bathroom floor at Caesars Palace. One of Marie Osmond's dolls would look at me and say "shit ... that guys got flawless skin!"7. Hair:
It's actually a close up shot of Tom Sellecks Magnum P.I. mustache they photo-slapped on my noggin'.8. The set:
Pick one. This entire film takes place:A. on Gattaca
B. at the Fortress of Solitude
C. inside a crystal wind chime9. The cast:
Alec Baldwin is so fucking funny in this movie! Is he on the poster? I think so. He plays the wise talking plant Jason is clutching.10. Final thoughts:
I set out to make a movie like the contemporary men and women, that you and I respect, are making. My generation of comedians, actors, directors and producers that I wish to collaborate with as I build a solid body of work.
Did you scream douche? If you didn't, your prize is a tube of Maybelline's Water Shine Diamonds Liquid Lipstick in apricot. Buy yourself one at your local Rite-Aid and send me the bill.
Dance Cook sucks - untalented asshole
he looks like normal....a fug, unshaven douche with super wide jaws
I thought Dane Cook was supposed to be funny. WTF is the point of this PMSin' blog? LAAAAAAAAAME!
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"Tracy Turnblad is a WHORE!"
LMAO! That is a messed up shot of him! But I'm more concerned with why this douche continues to do movies like this!! I'm surprised they didn't cast Katherine Heigl seems like her type of movie too.I won't be watching.
They should change the title to "My best Friends Material" since Dane cook loves stealing other comedians material..poser
Who is this eejit? Surely he should be grateful to be on any poster other than the FBI's wanted ones?
THANK YOU for posting about what a douche Dane Cook is. That having been said, please try not to post any more about his fug ass. I hope he trips and falls off a cliff, what a bitch.
Ok, let me see if I can get this straight...John Mayer does movies now, too?
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"I just want to wet her lips and stick her to something." ~ Man Of The Year (about Angelina Ho-Lee)
www.myspace.com/cinnaburst_1976
What did this dickhead expect?? I mean, the movie is called "My Best Friend's Girl".
He must be really thick if he thought it would ever form part of "a solid body of work" or that the producers would spend more than $1.20 on the poster.
She looks beautiful. I love her. I saw her profile on millionaire personals site """"""C e l e b C u p i d.c o m"""""" last week. It is said she is dating young billionaire on that site.
Maybe if he didn't make shitty films, he wouldn't have shitty posters.
i have to agree, it's an awful poster. It's basic photoshop too.
Haven't I seen that movie poster before?
<3 That ain't ranch dressing on your salad...
Serious DOOOOOUCHE.Fear not Dane.If it were'nt for MK...I would'nt even know that you have a movie that I won't be going to see.
That is a pretty bad movie poster.
Your face!
Shandi: Nikki fan here! (not a Kat von Duh fan howevs)
Submitted by Aunt Bea on August 12, 2008 - 10:36pm.
"I don't have the CD, but I will check it out, thanks!
I never meet Nikki fans...everyone I know loves
Tommy"
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Tommy IS a good drummer, but I'm a HUGE Nikki Sixx fan! Good to meet another one! Definitely check out the Sixx:AM CD (The Heroin Diaries Soundtrack). You're gonna LOVE it!
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
Nite, Slutty!
XOXO!!
Danes can cook?
ETA: short drive...
I know it's late, my headache is driving me nuts, but it's after 2:00 am so I'm outtie.
OT: DC gives me the creeps....hahahahahaha.
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She's not kidding. I'm gonna whip ya silly and I'm gonna fuck ya stupid.
BWAHAHA! Lederhosen!
*slips off "Looboutins"*
Tang.....ewwwww, that stuff messed me up a couple of weeks ago. I was out of mixer, okay.
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She's not kidding. I'm gonna whip ya silly and I'm gonna fuck ya stupid.
McSlutty, it's late..... Tang & vodka: not so good. Plus my teeth are falling out from the sugar.
Yikes, I just noticed the belly ad....gee thanks DV8. "Suck it in or lose it" wasn't that a promo for
Lederhosen?
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She's not kidding. I'm gonna whip ya silly and I'm gonna fuck ya stupid.
How IS the Tang? My condolences to your metabolism tomorrow a.m.
Sheeps: no worries, I may be a beeyotch, but I'm not bestial
Submitted by Sheeps on August 13, 2008 - 1:41am.
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Calm down Opie, even I have to take an occasional break from stalking.
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She's not kidding. I'm gonna whip ya silly and I'm gonna fuck ya stupid.
This Mrs and Mrs Smyth stuff is making my head spin. Of course, I just finished my 2d Apollo Moonshot.
I'm truly LOVING the belly & mom-jeans ad...even better than the "Chinese women slimming secrets"!! (hint: the latter involves not being paid a living wage with which to buy food & inhumanly long shifts making shoddy merchandise)
Hey Dv8! Lambs, you say? Was it any good, cuz I, well, frankly...
Patti Smyth sang "The Warrior" and went on later to marry John McEnroe....I think.
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She's not kidding. I'm gonna whip ya silly and I'm gonna fuck ya stupid.
Hey McSlutty! Who's watching the GPS?
Moutons!! um, don't read back, 'K? (hint: I'm having your lambs!)
It's the fantabulous Patti Smith, (Smyth was in some '80s band I can't remember right now, but the song I can remember was "Goodbye to you")
I was actually looking for one of her with hubby Fred (Sonic) Smith (MC5) so I could do a Mr and Mrs Smith...(lame)
onT: I SAID "lame", that refers to DC muchly!
Submitted by Sheeps on August 13, 2008 - 1:34am.
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Well, well, well, look who showed up....did you look that up on wiki or Google?
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She's not kidding. I'm gonna whip ya silly and I'm gonna fuck ya stupid.
Hey, you guys.
Dv8, that's either Patty Smyth or Oscar Wilde--not sure which. No, in real life, I'm not sure which one was the gay writer who was sent to prison and which one was named Smyth.
Hi, Mani!
Pedi?
Hi Slutts and all,
...problem with trolls ...so what else is new?
the toothpicks in my eyes are about to snap...Dane Cook, is the epitome of doucheness.
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G'nite PSL!!! XOXO
Slutty, I actually DID that to a Duran Duran video back in the day (well, not the Beta part, although I was blonder then)
onT: (works for ESE,) not goin' there!
Goodnight PSL
Well, hellllllllo Manimal!
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She's not kidding. I'm gonna whip ya silly and I'm gonna fuck ya stupid.
Submitted by dv8trix on August 13, 2008 - 1:16am.
Slutty, I'm ready to see RDJ in "One night in DV8"
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DV8, I tried to rent that movie, but they said some chick with a Buffy t-shirt on rented it and it had been rewound so many times that the tape broke. Also, they said she had used it on a BetaMax machine.....very odd.
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She's not kidding. I'm gonna whip ya silly and I'm gonna fuck ya stupid.
Good night everyone....I hope I don't have nightmares after todays comments.....lol
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When I was feeding on the need for you know me, devastated at the rate you fell below me;
what wasted unconditional love, on somebody,
who doesn't believe in the stuff......
- Fiona Apple "Oh Well"
Who plays the girl in this movie?
...just sleep posting
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Thanks Slitty, got it!! *forwarding*
onT: Dane's movie poster hates HIM
Submitted by Team Valtrex on August 13, 2008 - 1:15am.
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TV, I've left funnier coiled up piles in your backyard than D.C...........Ooops, I don't think I was suppose to admit that.
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She's not kidding. I'm gonna whip ya silly and I'm gonna fuck ya stupid.
Slutty, I'm ready to see RDJ in "One night in DV8"
Submitted by Sluttsville on August 13, 2008 - 1:13am.
Umm, I can say my dog leaves funnier things in my backyard, in tightly coiled piles.
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Lois: Oh, my God! You can only play the piano when you're drunk!
Peter: That's not true! I can also vomit, fall down and make dirty calls to your sister when I'm drunk!
Dv8, are you ready to see RDJ in Tropic Thunder.
OT: I have nothing; Cheesus, it's Dane Cook...what can you say about him.
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She's not kidding. I'm gonna whip ya silly and I'm gonna fuck ya stupid.
Keep the peace, kids.
Some people have to live on grub worms and other nasty shit just to survive. Can you even imagine? Count yourself lucky.
Off to sleep (hopefully)
Love, light and peace,
Me.
Slutty, I'll steal 'em while he's visiting the chirrun next spring!!
You can borrow MY Payless "Looboutins" until such time...hookah red patent OK wichoo?
Submitted by texannewlywed on August 13, 2008 - 12:57am.
AND moist douchiness.
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Lois: Oh, my God! You can only play the piano when you're drunk!
Peter: That's not true! I can also vomit, fall down and make dirty calls to your sister when I'm drunk!
Dv8, I'll Baaaaaa, but only if you steal Creeps size 15 Louboutins before TV gets them.
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She's not kidding. I'm gonna whip ya silly and I'm gonna fuck ya stupid.