Monday, August 18th 2008

I'll Believe It When I See It

That's the face JLo made when she first saw Skeletor's dehydrated slug peen. It's also the face she's going to make when she's competes in a triathlon next month. Yes, she's actually going through with that shit!

JLo was on "Good Morning America" today where she talked about training for the 22nd Annual Malibu Triathlon. JLo will have to run, swim and bike her way around Malibu. Yeah, fucking right. More like shop, eat and fart her way through Malibu!

JLo said she got the idea while she was knocked up with the Dragon Tales twins, "It came up when I was eight months pregnant, when I was beached like a whale. I was watching TV, and I saw a triathlon and I said, 'I think I could do that.' ... Maybe we could raise some money and do something really great." JLo will donate any money raised to the Children's Hospital of Los Angeles.

She has even started a blog to share her "tips" on training for a triathlon. This bitch must be drinking from Skeletor's stash of virgin blood! JLo offering tips?! Tip #1 is: Get someone else to do it for you!

Seriously, they need to watch this jelly ham from start to finish. She's going to do the old switcheroo! While some dude in a ratty wig and a pillow down his pants does the race, JLo will be in her all-white trailer, getting her make-up done.



Melissy11's picture

Although I find J Lo to be a major douche, I find know it alls that know nothing to be even worse. You arent supposed to give a baby that young water because it thins their blood too much...not because it "fills them up". B*tch, please.

z-listed's picture

I wonder if she realizes that a triathlon is going to involve sweat? So much sweat that make-up and false eyelashes slide right off and hair frizzes up.

This should be interesting.

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Computer says no

Droppin Kids Off in the Pool's picture

Was she pregnant in her ass?

Droppin Kids Off in the Pool

StudLy GoLightLy's picture

It's Xenu-blessed BARLEY WATER. Clearly it's okay.

Stoopid doodyheads...

"Society sooner or later must return to its lost leader, the cultured and fascinating liar..." (Spaghedeity)

MillyaBella's picture

She wears make up, sunglasses and heels with a baby

Yes, in the dark, while carrying a very young, wiggling, baby, who still makes involuntary movements, while descending a narrow stairwell with asphalt at the bottom.

You do NOT give a baby as young as hers WATER in any quantity because of climate and especially 6 ounces all at once.

And, Good God HOpez can't even carry her own kids at times she has her VERY VERY pregnant sister walking up & down a flight of stairs lugging them around.

http://popsugar.com/1729903

“As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler; solitude will not be solitude, poverty will not be poverty, nor weakness weakness.”

Puggles's picture

I'm with you MK, I'll believe it when I see it, no doubt there'll be a photo shoot from the event.
God I can't stand her.

Take your kids and your vampire husband and just go away already!

I just wish she would keep her word and "take a year off" to be with her invitro babies and give us a break. There are no haters here just opinions.

TT99's picture

Oh please. She's hiring the doppelgangers as we speak. Some of them didn't look exactly like her so she's making them get facial surgery and butt implants.

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"I'll go unlock the kids and make us all breakfast." - Theodore Bagwell

chiyo's picture

Oh my god
She wears make up, sunglasses and heels with a baby.She wears earrings. What a b××××
Do you hate jennifer but you spend your time looking in the bottle she is giving to her baby umh?
It´s not necesary until they eat solid food,but it´s not bad to give some water to the baby. I´m mean, not 2 liters, but from the 6 months or later you can offer to the baby small quantities of mineral water,and only if the baby wants,specially if you´re feeding them with baby bottle and not breast feed, like jennifer, or if it´s hot.

Sayonara's picture

If she takes part in the triathlon then that is good for her. It takes a lot of strength and determination to do it.

Darth Vader wore a raspberry beret

You know quite frankly if Lopez wasn't a celebrity the comment would be Tank Ass. I'm sorry, she looks no better than any average woman in this country. Kids or no kids. All the money in the world just dosen't change genetics. And the lycra surely didn't help. Good Lord!

MillyaBella's picture

HOpez can't even take the time to mix formula for the kids but she does have enough time to do her hair and make-up, put on bling. She is more attentive to make sure the boy has a matching bracelet on to her earrings but NOT concerned that giving him what appears to be about 6 ounces of water will wash the electrolytes from his tiny body putting him into HEART FAILURE!!! These kids are nothing but a cashcow and a photo op to her.

Any mother who spends more the 15 minutes with her baby would know better.

http://www.shareapic.net/zoom.php?id=10146427

Why is giving water to baby harmful before 6 months?
A baby may "fill up" on water, resulting in him taking less breastmilk or formula. This then deprives him of the nutrients essential for healthy growth and development.
Too much water can stop your young baby's body from absorbing the nutrients it needs from milk. It can also lead to an imbalance of electrolytes.

“As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler; solitude will not be solitude, poverty will not be poverty, nor weakness weakness.”

Noelegy's picture

In training...in giant hoop earrings. Klassy.

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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. --Dr. Seuss

chiyo's picture

How many press releases has HOpez given she and Skeletor are raising the twins solo. How many photos are there of both of them running around all hours of the day and night, day after day, after day, in sequence without the kids.

Yes, of course, there are thousand and thousand of photos of Marc and Jen everywhere everyday while the twins are alone in the house.
It´s no true, but I´m not trying to convince you because is obviously not true,it´s a big exaggeration. I´m tired of people that hates jennifer but knows her day after day better than a fan.
A lot of mothers works 8 hours when they have babys. Sometimes they go out with the father for a couple of hours and left the babys with the grandmother. What a bad mothers!
But if you want to think like a women of the 19´s century, it´s your choice

MillyaBella's picture

How many press releases has HOpez given she and Skeletor are raising the twins solo. How many photos are there of both of them running around all hours of the day and night, day after day, after day, in sequence without the kids.

When she does hold on of the kids she cares more about vanity then safety. This kid is about to take a header on the concrete because mommy is more interested in her outfit then them.

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/06/18/article-1027502-01A82EB3000005...

Exiting a plane in the middle of the night with sunglasses on carrying a baby...what a good mother.

Guys on the ground have their arms out ready to catch before the kid goes SPLAT!!!

http://www.jennylopez.net/gallery/albums/candids/Arriving%20in%20Tenerif...

“As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler; solitude will not be solitude, poverty will not be poverty, nor weakness weakness.”

chiyo's picture

For me pathetic describes a person who thinks in the year 2008 that a woman have to stay all the time in her house with her kids and she can´t go out not even two hours or if not she is a bad mother and not a valid woman. What a machist, pathetic and proper of a grandmother commentary.
Another thing, do you live with jennifer?Do you sleep between Marc and her?So how do you know what time she spend with her babys?I only she that she travels with her kids everywhere and she appears in very few occasions.

MillyaBella's picture

What is PATHETIC is Lopez using a children's charity for publicity.

“As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler; solitude will not be solitude, poverty will not be poverty, nor weakness weakness.”

chiyo's picture

It´s interesting the reactions jennifer causes in some people, of course reactions full of machist, self-sufficiency and racism. It´s good and healty that she recovers her shape after her pregnacy. She has been always very sporty,she has been always a good dancer, so what´s the problem? Seriously the most part of the commentaries are a little pathetic.

MillyaBella's picture

LOVE how HOpez says this is for her kids YET she spends absolutely no time with them...unless a camera is involved.

“As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler; solitude will not be solitude, poverty will not be poverty, nor weakness weakness.”

Mike Hawk's picture

The fun part will be watching her in the swimming segment. She's so damn bottom heavy, she'll sink like a stone.

WTFOMGLOL's picture

I totally see her pullin' a Rosie Perez.

MillyaBella's picture

HOpez talks like she is the inventor of this charity/triathlon/fundraiser.

It is a long established event that last year raised $178,000 dollars without her Fat Ass attached. This year she'll probably scare away legit contributions with her media whore ways.

HOpez acts as if she is donating anything of value to charity. When in fact all she is doing is using children's charity for her own self promotion without ever giving anything back. Certainly not anything from her own bank account.

“As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler; solitude will not be solitude, poverty will not be poverty, nor weakness weakness.”

paris herpes's picture

Do women actually wear make-up when they workout? Seems like it would come off with all the sweating. When I do yoga, the sweat actually goes up my nose. I know, TMI....!

Your face!

leatherfacelizzie's picture

How tight do you think that spandex is? I feel sorry for it. Who trains wearing full war paint make-up and huge gold hoop earrings? I mean... come on. I detest these people more and more every single stinkin' day of my life!

paris herpes's picture

jlo is huge but looks like she can beat the shit outta anyone! especially Skeletor so he better watch out!

Your face!

yiooooooo's picture

are you allowe to train whit jewelry ??? or this is a photoshoot???

Submitted by Tigerlilly on July 14, 2008 - 8:39pm.
HUG ME JESUS! I SAY, HUG ME JESUS!!!! Can I get an Amen from the DListed congregation...I say, can I GET AN AMEN FROM THE DLISTED CONGREGATION???? You know you ho's want a hug from Jesus

yoko's picture

If this bitch is training two hours a day for a sprint distance triathlon she is either full of shit, or an idiot. The sprint distance ain't that hard. Somebody call me when she does an Ironman.

Your Mom Ate the Taco's picture

Submitted by FatMartha on August 18, 2008 - 12:51pm.
I'm the same way... plus my butt sweats. THAT is embarassing. D:

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Swamp-ass times are not very good times. I sympathize.

☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
"If Mr. McMurphy doesn't want to take his medication orally, I'm sure we can arrange that he can have it some other way. But I don't think that he would like it."

Janet Planet's picture

if anyone can beat the shit out of jessica biel, it would be jlo. girlfriend is a hell of an athlete.

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Fighting for peace is like fucking for celibacy

parissucksliterally's picture

hahahhah FatMartha.......I believe my sweating is part of the reason I am thin- good metabolism, I am ALWAYS hot.....

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what's the matter with your life? why you gotta mess with mine? don't be sweatin' what I do, cause I'm gonna be just fine...
-Salt n Pepa "None of Your Business"

FatMartha's picture

Submitted by parissucksliterally on August 18, 2008 - 1:58pm.
DeeDee, the way I sweat when I work out, I'd never have anything on my face but sunscreen...you can wring my hair out, people ask me if I just went swimming.....hahahahah
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I'm the same way... plus my butt sweats. THAT is embarassing. D:
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Hi5.

KD's picture

finally, a new pic for my avi that expresses most of my sentiments EXACTLY.

StickaCockinWoodyAllensMouth's picture

Didn't we just see a picture of her ass in Portofino Italy climbing into a boat. When was she training? and If she was training, wouldn't her thighs and ass go down from actually riding a bike, swimming and jogging?

Please Mr. Francis Ford Coppola, make a Godfather part 4 with Talia Shire as the Godfather and Kay finally with the program.

Mawy's picture

Yea, like all of you said, wtf? Why is she wearing full makeup to work out? Eye shadow and everything. Seriously?

And I love the pic MK posted of her. Classic!
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KD's picture

Here is the site: http://seeing-stars.com/Play/Triathlon.shtml. It's kind of interesting to see the list of celebs get smaller and smaller each year. Them lazy, fatasses.

Hekki's picture

Submitted by KD: "It is only .5 mile swim, 18 miles bike, and 4 mile run. Give me 2 months to train, and I could probably beat her."

That's IT? Yeah, I could do that, too.

Hekki's picture

Submitted by de_Sades_Kitten: "Wasn't she being courted by Scientology a while back? Perhaps, like many have pointed out, that like Katie she's doing this after going through the "Purification Rundown." I've NO effing idea if that's true, just seems a really strange coincidence."

Exactly what I was thinking.

KD's picture

That is not much of a tri. It is only .5 mile swim, 18 miles bike, and 4 mile run. Give me 2 months to train, and I could probably beat her.

parissucksliterally's picture

DeeDee, the way I sweat when I work out, I'd never have anything on my face but sunscreen...you can wring my hair out, people ask me if I just went swimming.....hahahahah

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what's the matter with your life? why you gotta mess with mine? don't be sweatin' what I do, cause I'm gonna be just fine...
-Salt n Pepa "None of Your Business"

kdracofan's picture

LMAO @ "She's going to do the old switcheroo! While some dude in a ratty wig and a pillow down his pants does the race, JLo will be in her all-white trailer, getting her make-up done"

DeeDee's picture

Bwahahaha IG! Seriously PSL, how do you not break out? I guess I'm just a sweaty bitch.

☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
Girls with large kolaches shouldn't be talking all Slitty! ~Sluttsville

parissucksliterally's picture

Good move, IG!

I agree Frito, she took some pics and left! Actually that reminds me of a photo shoot she did last year, where they made her look all "strong", and there were ONE POUND WEIGHTS next to her.....so ridiculous!

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what's the matter with your life? why you gotta mess with mine? don't be sweatin' what I do, cause I'm gonna be just fine...
-Salt n Pepa "None of Your Business"

LOVE CARROTTOP's picture

Submitted by FritoDorito on August 18, 2008 - 10:58am.
...JLo's list of accommodations for this event. All white candles, white skittles, water made from the tears of poor people who can't afford Louis Vuitton... you know, the usual.
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A change of Juicy sweats every mile, every third person standing on the sidelines to mist her ever so gently with 56 degree Evian, no one within a 7 foot radius running near her...

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Yes, ees gud. Now, if you pees shut mouf, we say nice prayer to God.

paulapoo's picture

Submitted by joe shmoe on August 18, 2008 - 10:42am.

That lycra ain't doing her any favors.
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She's not doing the lycra any favors either. Poor lycra.

Who will carry the white candles and flowers. Maybe Diddy can follow her around and wipe the sweat from her brow. Perhaps slather her with some expensive $500.00 an oz cream so that she doesn't get weather beaten. Yeah give me tips Jlo. I so need to know how you do it all.

islandgirl's picture

parissucksliterally on August 18, 2008 - 1:11pm.

DeeDee, I always put on a face full of make-up before I work out! Especially lip-liner...
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I put my lips and brows on with a Sharpie, that way they don't run quite as much.

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"You're a tool. And do you know why? It's because you're a ginge, Fintan. A dirty, freckly ginge."

FritoDorito's picture

Submitted by parissucksliterally on August 18, 2008 - 11:11am.
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Never mess with a chick with lip liner no lip stick...
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"I want a butt ugly slut with a bad drankin' problem and jealous old man in jail "- Roger Alan Wade

FritoDorito's picture

She's not working out. She's just getting her picture taken around a bunch of weights and shit and then she's going to scream at all of her assistants all the way home.
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"I want a butt ugly slut with a bad drankin' problem and jealous old man in jail "- Roger Alan Wade

NOT IMPRESSED's picture

She's boring.

MachSchnell84's picture

Whoa... make-up much?

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Whenever you feel fat, just look at one of your pinkies. I love my pinkies. - MK.

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