Even Board Games Get Remade
Every so often I notice that Hasbro updates "Clue" and other games by changing the look of a character or even adding new bitches temporarily. Do you remember that slut Miss Peach? She was always my favorite. Well, Hasbro has gone way too far this time. They have pretty much remade "Clue."
The characters have now been given first names, made younger and their bios have changed. Basically, Hasbro is trying to get kids to buy this shit.
Miss Scarlet is now Kasandra Scarlet, a famous actress and stupid slut. Mr. Green is now Jacob Green, a mysterious and well connected African-American dude. Colonel Mustard is Jack Mustard, a former football playing douche. Professor Plum is Victor Plum, a billionaire video game designer.
Mrs. Peacock is Eleanor Peacock and Mrs. White is Diane White. You just know Diane White is probably an "executive assistant" instead of a maid.
Each character also has some kind of "special power" to help players discover clues faster. Whatever the fuck that means. I hope by "special power," they mean a bottle of vodka. That's the only way to get me excited about this fuckery.
The pipe, gun and wrench have been dropped and replaced with a pistol, ax, baseball bat, dumbbell, trophy and poison. Dumbbell?! At least replace that shit with things that make sense. Like Parasite Hilton's vagina, a car driven by Brit Brit and one of Wino's crack pipes.
They have also added new rooms including a theater, spa and guest house.
The new shit version goes on sale this Fall. Your ass better run out and get the old one before this shit hits stores.
We'll always have the movie.
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"Oh lord, please help our athletes bring home the gold, enough gold so we can melt it down and buy back our economy from the Chinese". - Stephen Colbert
Around my parts Clue was for older people... at dinner parties... with (box-o) wine.
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"This is all rather 'may-jah'..."
~Posh-esque
How dare they!!!!!!!!!!!! Im only 20 and I played the classic and there isn't anything like it. They keep pushing dreams that are unrealistic and just plain stupid. Super powers? As much as I hate the new bios, rooms and weapons, this is taking it too far. It is destroying the true gameplay. What I love about the game is that it is the logic that you use to find out the murderer, not superpowers to easily figure out it. Just another piece of evidence that we are dumbing down are kids, although i would have to see the extent the superpowers do play a role into the deduction process. Anyway the point is Im not happy the changes. lol
Seriously. Is nothing sacred anymore?! Why can't these executive fuckers realize that sometimes keeping with a classic is BETTER than "updating" it to fit with the "hip, young, fast-paced" younger generation. I loved the old-fashioned "Clue" when I was younger--and I'm only 23! I always thought it was cool to play the same game my older cousins (and parents) enjoyed playing.
Kids are getting dumber through a self-fulfilling prophecy. People act like things need to be dumbed-down & glamorized to make it interesting to kids nowadays... THEY DON'T. Leave well enough alone, assholes!
they need to go full force hollywood trash with this shit: cocaine, heroin, greasy bear, chainsmoking, etc.
For a moment I though this was one of those posts where a celeb's face has been badly photoshopped onto some shit product- in this case Catherine Zeta Jones.
http://www.notontheguestlist.wordpress.com
MK should create his own version of Clue. I'd buy that sh-t.
They better be selling two version of this sh-t because there is no way in hell I'b buy that updated version crap.
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"Oh lord, please help our athletes bring home the gold, enough gold so we can melt it down and buy back our economy from the Chinese". - Stephen Colbert
I'm surprised Angeliiiiinnnaaa Joooooolieee isn't Miss Scarlot.
Ich will aus Ihren Augen reißen und pisse in ihren Steckdosen!
I thought this shit was called "Cluedo"??
**ok, a quick google later and Wiki tells me that they changed the name for North America.
--thanks awfully--
This is OUTRAGE!! I'm writing a letter! This is what my parents used to say as if it would change everything. The pen IS mightier than the sword, no? I LURVE Clue 1989-91 were spent perfecting my Clue skills. What in Col. Mustard's candlestick is wrong with these people?!
This is a crime (no pun intended)! You can't remake a classic!
I remember my dad giving away the old board games we didn't play and Clue was one of them. This was back in the 80s and they had those nice silver charms. I kept the little revolver charm and have it to this day, tee hee!
Clearly they needed your brand management skills on this remix MK.
The model on the cover almost looks like Catherine Zeta-Jones making a fast buck.
"This ain't rock n roll. This is genocide!"
Submitted by Tigerlilly on August 19, 2008 - 7:11pm.
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LMFAO!
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
Girls with large kolaches shouldn't be talking all Slitty! ~Sluttsville
Submitted by Tigerlilly on August 19, 2008 - 6:11pm.
This makes me angry and violent (yeah, I know what doesn't?). Why couldn't they keep the names but reveal what we've always REALLY thought about them? Ms. Scarlett? total gold digging, pill popping whore...Mr. Green? Pedophile...Col. Mustard? Post Traumatic Stress Disorder poster child and wife beater...
Ugh. Do I need to continue? You know I'm right. Hell, I had these ho's pegged at nine years old (which may explain a lot about my childhood). Fuck, you know I'm right!
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That was completely wonderful and dead on. I always wondered why no one ever saw Mrs. Mustard out in public without sunglasses...
"Life is like a box of chocolates. A cheap, thoughtless, prefunctory gift that nobody ever asks for..."
Miss Scarlett in the dining room with the candle stick. I was always that hot bitch.
Why must my childhood be continually fucked with? First Mark Spitz and now THIS. Is nothing sacred? Will Scrabble be played entirely in Ebonics now?
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"What? Salma was supposed to stuff her melonitas into a million-dollar wedding dress and marry that rich bitch without a prenup." - MK 07/18/08
Submitted by ILovePapaSmurf on August 19, 2008 - 7:03pm.
Callan, you can buy refills through the company at a pretty cheap rate.
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Sweet! Thanks for the tip. Now, I'll have zero reason to purchase this fuckery of a game.
She looks beautiful and sexy. I saw her profile on milllionaire&celeb personals site """"C e l e b C u p i d.c o m""""""last week. It is said she is dating young billionaire on that site.
This makes me angry and violent (yeah, I know what doesn't?). Why couldn't they keep the names but reveal what we've always REALLY thought about them? Ms. Scarlett? total gold digging, pill popping whore...Mr. Green? Pedophile...Col. Mustard? Post Traumatic Stress Disorder poster child and wife beater...
Ugh. Do I need to continue? You know I'm right. Hell, I had these ho's pegged at nine years old (which may explain a lot about my childhood). Fuck, you know I'm right!
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Callan, you can buy refills through the company at a pretty cheap rate.
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I am Mexican and and I do think Michael Bay's "Transformers" is racist.
FUCK THIS. I am sticking with my old Clue game purchased in 1989. I don't even care that we don't have any more of the little sheets to keep track of weapons, characters, and rooms. The best part of that game was that it was a little dated. It's supposed to take place at an old mansion. Has nobody learned from the Price is Right? Don't fix what ain't broke! You can't put a price on nostalgia!
Nobody fucks with Professor Plum!
WTF....there was NO reason to change this game in any way!!
on that note...Game night is at my house this weekend!! We're playing Harry Potter Scene it!! Cant wait!! wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
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It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em the bird.
Mrs. White was never the maid!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The maid's name was Yvette or something french. Mrs White was a rich dude's widow..played by the late GREAT Madeline Khan!!
http://www.myspace.com/midsummernitesdream
First, Whoreywood (Hollywood) can't come up with original ideas for films, and now this. Leave the board games alone!
Darth Vader wore a raspberry beret
It all started when they changed Snakes and Ladders to Chutes and Ladders..
why??
The snakes supposedly frightened children...
that was the best part..when your co-player landed on a snake..
land on a chute?? who cares..what's scarey about that???
That looks like CZ Jones on the box..
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hSyOCx6ZXfM&feature=related
Submitted by BobsBB on August 19, 2008 - 3:42pm.
Let's face it: Clue is nothing without Lesley Ann Warren.
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Word.
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It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.
Submitted by BRADIFUL BITCH on August 19, 2008 - 6:11pm.
FatMartha on August 19, 2008 - 5:39pm
Awww, whoever tried to teach you yelled at you, huh?
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*trembly lip*
YESSSSSSS!!! *bursts into tears*
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Hi5.
"...least replace that shit with things that make sense. Like Parasite Hilton's vagina, a car driven by Brit Brit and one of Wino's crack pipes"
What about the lucite heels?, the knee-pad leggins? the pimp cup? the silicone implants?
WTF is happening to this world?!
I loved playing Clue! That game did not need to be "updated".
Laura on August 19, 2008 - 2:40pm.
I am proud to say I play Euchre when I can actually find others that know how to play! Card games rule, no effing corporation can take them and change them!!
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Hahahaa exactly.
Laura on August 19, 2008 - 5:40pm
I hear you.
Since I've been playing forever, even teaching new recruits is SO HARD!
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Madolyn: What do you expect coming in here?
Billy Costigan: I have to come here.
Madolyn: I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?
Billy Costigan: You want the truth? Valium.
Let's face it: Clue is nothing with Lesley Ann Warren.
FatMartha on August 19, 2008 - 5:39pm
Awww, whoever tried to teach you yelled at you, huh?
I love that game.
How about Hearts? Spades?
/\
Madolyn: What do you expect coming in here?
Billy Costigan: I have to come here.
Madolyn: I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?
Billy Costigan: You want the truth? Valium.
BRADIFUL BITCH on August 19, 2008 - 2:37pm.
- I grew up playing all kinds of Rummy and cards with my Nana.
It was the best!!! Except she never had the chance to teach me Canasta.
Anyone play Euchre?????
Anyone?
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No, but she tried to teach me spades.
Submitted by BRADIFUL BITCH on August 19, 2008 - 3:37pm.
- I grew up playing all kinds of Rummy and cards with my Nana.
It was the best!!! Except she never had the chance to teach me Canasta.
Anyone play Euchre?????
Anyone?
**************
I am proud to say I play Euchre when I can actually find others that know how to play! Card games rule, no effing corporation can take them and change them!!
**************
It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.
Submitted by BRADIFUL BITCH on August 19, 2008 - 6:07pm.
I FUCKING HATE EUCHRE.
OnT: Why must everyone fuck up every good thing about my childhood? Seriously. Miss Scarlet was already a slut (and I always chose her, of course). Why did they have to change her into a Hollyweird-ized slut???
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Hi5.
This is just wrong....but I'll be getting this crap anyway *sigh*.
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"Ed Westwick is not gay - he's British!"
that's totally rebecca gayheart on the box!
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monkeys + guns = hilarity
zomay on August 19, 2008 - 5:30pm.
Used to play Gin Rummy with my Grandma. I am sure when I see her in heaven we will play again. Try to fucking change Gin Rummy Milton effing Bradley! No can do my friends.
- I grew up playing all kinds of Rummy and cards with my Nana.
It was the best!!! Except she never had the chance to teach me Canasta.
Anyone play Euchre?????
Anyone?
/\
Madolyn: What do you expect coming in here?
Billy Costigan: I have to come here.
Madolyn: I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?
Billy Costigan: You want the truth? Valium.
"Submitted by snowpiece on August 19, 2008 - 2:29pm.
ILovePapaSmurf : well, did you hear about Bigfoot? ;)"
I never believed in Bigfoot. But if you tell me that Santa isn't real, I'll drown myself with my own tears.
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I am Mexican and and I do think Michael Bay's "Transformers" is racist.
Next thing you know they will 'update' the Guess Who characters to make them more hip and attractive to young people. They're supposed to be ugly, that makes it fun! They'll probably also make it with an equal number of males and females, b/c it's not very pc. Although, that would make more sense. You always know you're screwed when you draw the female card in Guess Who, cause there are only 5 of them.
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Now I've seen a lot of bullshit... angel dust, switchblades, sexually perverse photography involving tennis rackets...
Used to play Gin Rummy with my Grandma. I am sure when I see her in heaven we will play again. Try to fucking change Gin Rummy Milton effing Bradley! No can do my friends.
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ILovePapaSmurf : well, did you hear about Bigfoot? ;)
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"Blame it on the London air!"
Tim Curry starred in Clue (the movie) I guess that Brand dude will star in the remake
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"Blame it on the London air!"
I love my Simpson's Clue game... but they kept the names the same. This is f'in' crap. Next thing you know, news is going to spread that Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and wrestling isn't real.
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I am Mexican and and I do think Michael Bay's "Transformers" is racist.
Submitted by Leatherette on August 19, 2008 - 5:18pm.
That's nothing, I have a waist-high box of old Halloween costumes from the early 1960s up there too. All in boxes with cellophane windows so you can see the masks.
I hate when they do this crap. Just look what happened to poor Strawberry Shortcake, they made her a Prostitot!
In a few years, they'll probably come out with "Classic" Clue, so they can make more money.
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"...We don't exist for the beautiful people of the world...We're there for the oddball, the rebel, the outcast, the geek!"
They better leave Hungry Hungry Hippos alone!!
(¯`'•.¸(¯`'•.¸♥¸.•'´¯)¸.•'´¯)
Am I getting old or is the supermarket playing great music?