The Photoshop Awards: Xtina's New Perfume Ad
The bitch who airbrushed this mess must have been on the verge of getting fired and knew about it, because it's obvious that they didn't give a turtle's dick (NSFW) about this shit. This is some sweatshop fuckery. It pretty much looks like shit you would find at the dollar store.
Now let's talk about the description. This was seriously written by a wet queef. There is no way that an actual person put this together. Like some tranny liquid is really going to make me "stand up for what I believe in." It'll probably make me hungry for red lipstick and orange grease.
And what in pink hell is up with the cheese grater in back of Xtina? Is that a metaphor or something? I know what "cut the cheese" means, but what does "shred the tranny clown" mean?
VIA ONTD
Turtle peens are HUGE! I feel so sorry for the female turtles now. Anywho, Xtina blows...bubbles that is. Totally looks like a cheese grater in back of her too. I didn't even bother reading the paragraph about how the perfume supposedly inspires individuality, because that's not Xtina, someone cut off her head and put it on a Xtina body double from 1996.
Your face!
That cheese grater is a bubble machine. It produces thought bubbles. As you can see, most are empty.
*shakes head* Christina, darling, you can do msoo much better than this.
That said I've already ordered my free sample!
~♥~Meet Christina Aguilera September 2nd from 2 -5:30/6pm at Macy’s Herald Square store, Manhattan!~♥~
These are the BEST comments.
And I don't like mass-produced perfumes. (Okay, I do wear one Chanel fragrance...) I love to wear stuff I've found off the beaten path so I won't smell like everyone else. My sister smelled REALLY good one day and she grudgingly admitted it was SJP's perfume.
She looks SO beautiful. I saw her personals ID on wealthy men for beautiful women site """"""C e l e b C u p i d.c o m"""" last week. It is said she is dating young billlionaire on that site. Is she single now?
Submitted by Khensu Hetep on August 20, 2008 - 9:18am.
Damn, every word in that post was a killer!
Mass produced perfume really isn't the greatest expression of one's individuality, huh?
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Are we sure Xtina has not passed on and her final request was to be embalmed standing up holding a bottle of her nasty perfume? - DivasGone
And what is this "be yourself" shit?
Christina Aguilera thinks she's an individual because she spoke out against some pop stars with her poor pretty rich girl angst, and like Asshole Lavigne, she thinks that takes balls or something.
And she's still conforming to the mainstream's standards and expectations of a female celebrity. Nothing screams individuality like fake tits, platinum blonde hair, and 20 pounds of makeup on your face.
You're no revolutionary. Let's face it, while she's not a horrid singer (although I have to say I can't stand her voice), you know how she got her little "breakthrough" onto the scene. Just like every other Disney tartling, the only reason she EVER became mainstream is because she's conventionally attractive.
She's a GREAT singer by comparison, but there are MILLIONS of girls out there who can sing better, but won't ever be famous because they're not sexy enough.
In other words, Christina Aguilera conformed to what her crazed stagemother and Disney wanted to, and no matter how much she tries separating herself from her Disney brethren, I fail to see how she's any different.
Ich will aus Ihren Augen reißen und pisse in ihren Steckdosen!
Does this fucking android know any other facial expression, or is she permanently dead behind the eyes?
I really don't like her.
Ich will aus Ihren Augen reißen und pisse in ihren Steckdosen!
i'd do the turtle over xtina anyday !!
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on August 19, 2008 - 11:06pm.
I can't help that the boiz love mah womanly curves. *rubs her fat rolls*
If I had forums access, I'd nominate that baby for HSOTD. Oh well. He will forever be a HS in my heart.
Anyways, I must be off to bed. Big presentation tomorrow (last day of teh internship, ahhh!) Good night, my loves. Don't let Angel the Human Doll getcha!
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Hi5.
Submitted by FatMartha on August 19, 2008 - 10:29pm.
This horse and I got to second base, basically. Awkwardddd.
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You know I love you Martha, but I don't think we can be friends anymore.
Do you think that baby's available for birthdays and weddings?
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Yes, ees gud. Now, if you pees shut mouf, we say nice prayer to God.
@LCT: First off, LMAO at that baby. It is better with words than 99% of us.
Secondly, that quote comes from the turtle peen link from the forum. And I have another boner-giving story too (again from the barn). There was this one stallion who was in a stall across the hall from a mare who was in heat, and I was stroking his nose through the bars when all of a sudden he started jerking around and grunting. Only he didn't stop there. This horse and I got to second base, basically. Awkwardddd.
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Hi5.
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on August 19, 2008 - 10:20pm.
Ok, if any baby were to perfectly display DListed hawt sluts, this is the one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PI42LSbwc8E
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Cute:) That's definitely someone on the Nite Crew:)
♥ ThreadKilla! / Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
I can only find pictures of the girl twin.
Submitted by FatMartha on August 19, 2008 - 10:19pm.
I'm so glad that humans don't retract their peenors. That would ruin all sexytimes for me.
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Was that quote from the dungeons of Yahoo answers or something?
I was scratching our cat's tummy when I was 10 or so once, and apparently he liked it to the point that he got a boner, and it rubbed up against my arm, and being an innocent little 10 year old, I thought his butt was on the outside. You don't thnk of your family pet cats having penises.
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Yes, ees gud. Now, if you pees shut mouf, we say nice prayer to God.
I've seen more believable work on Barbie packaging.
"This ain't rock n roll. This is genocide!"
Ok, if any baby were to perfectly display DListed hawt sluts, this is the one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PI42LSbwc8E
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Yes, ees gud. Now, if you pees shut mouf, we say nice prayer to God.
@LCT:
I was more entranced by this lovely quote:
"Sounds like your turtle flashed his male organ at you. So long as it was retracted back into his body on its own and didn't remain outward/inflamed/infected (possible prolapse) everything will be okay if he seems to have trouble retracting it in the future or you have another turtle in there be sure he isn't having it nipped by another turtle or allowing it to bump into hard structures. "
Bitch got flashed by a turtle peen!!! Once I was petting a pig up at the barn where I board my horse and what I thought was a worm came out and was wiggling around and I was like AHHHHH!!! So I told my mom and that was when I learned the facts of life.
I'm so glad that humans don't retract their peenors. That would ruin all sexytimes for me.
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Hi5.
LOL MK!
And here is yet another perfume made by a 'celebrity' that I will never, ever buy.
Cheap, fancy bottle of pepto-bismol.
Wow. That is some UGLY shit. You gotta fire four or five people for that shit. Xtina IS a celeb, afterall...maybe for Shauna or Heidi ok, but that shit is just sad.
♥ ThreadKilla! / Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
I can only find pictures of the girl twin.
Why does that turtle look like its balls are at the END of its penis? Or that he's sporting a stingray inside his dink sheath? I am not understanding.
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Yes, ees gud. Now, if you pees shut mouf, we say nice prayer to God.
i bet this shit is sold under lock and key in the finer walmarts...
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the world is great big old place for all of us to fuck up in it...
The latest from pixar.
www.bohemebambi.blogspot.com
Snowpiece, you sick slut!! You put that poor dead ho as your avie. Her rotted, Paper Mache'd body is gonna come back and haunt your ass!!!
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Hi5.
New from Christina..."Perspire." When you bring home the bacon, and fry it up in a pan. When slaving over a hot stove smelling like fried grease is what you long for...."Perspire."
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"What? Salma was supposed to stuff her melonitas into a million-dollar wedding dress and marry that rich bitch without a prenup." - MK 07/18/08
Submitted by Datura on August 19, 2008 - 7:35pm.
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They don't. They pick shoes, clothes, scents from someone else's line, and then put their name on it for a cut of the net.
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Don't dream it... BE it!
Submitted by TOPANGA on August 19, 2008 - 7:05pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on August 19, 2008 - 8:01pm.
I'd like to know where the line is to get your own brand name of perfume is, because it seems like everyone and thier grandmother has their own
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Yeah, my grandma launches her signiture scent this September. It's call Myrtle Juice...It smells of Bingo sweat, urine, Ben Gay, mothballs and chicken pot pie...with a floral essance....
LMAO!!...Will the bottle be shaped like a Mu-Mu?
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We're thinking either that or a hot water bottle...Our consultants, Ethel, Myrna, Louise and Hortense haven't decided yet...shhh...they're napping...I mean, I think they're napping...*listening for breathing*...Um, I gotta go call 911 and shit....
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by TOPANGA on August 19, 2008 - 4:56pm.
Who's next...Amy Winehouse:
Crack Dreams...Crack Dreams will inspire you to throw away your enormous talent, become increasingly hostile and violent towards family and friends and fall in love with another crackhead named Blaaake..but some where along the way the academy of music wll reward you with a grammy..Crack Dreams.
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I'll take 100 cases please. And charge it to my friend, ALL CAPS JIM
-☮'---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
LoLo come back--
You can blame it all on me
I was wrong
And I just can't live without you!♫
She looks beautiful. I love her. I saw her profile on millionaire personals site """"""C e l e b C u p i d.c o m"""""" last week. It is said she is dating young billionaire on that site.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on August 19, 2008 - 8:01pm.
I'd like to know where the line is to get your own brand name of perfume is, because it seems like everyone and thier grandmother has their own
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Yeah, my grandma launches her signiture scent this September. It's call Myrtle Juice...It smells of Bingo sweat, urine, Ben Gay, mothballs and chicken pot pie...with a floral essance....
LMAO!!...Will the bottle be shaped like a Mu-Mu?
*****"Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die. Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up, just don't do it, OK, promise? OK, now everybody take some rubbers."*****
I'd like to know where the line is to get your own brand name of perfume is, because it seems like everyone and thier grandmother has their own
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Yeah, my grandma launches her signiture scent this September. It's call Myrtle Juice...It smells of Bingo sweat, urine, Ben Gay, mothballs and chicken pot pie...with a floral essance....
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
FAIL.
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Gimme some sugar!
Submitted by TOPANGA on August 19, 2008 - 7:56pm.
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ROFL! I'd buy that...Crack Dreams has a nice ring to it, tres elegante.
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"Watch my love, Ed Westwick, being his usual dirty self"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H3LyOVbrw9M
Christina sucks. She's such a copy cat, and always does it worse. This perfume bottle looks pretty similar to SJP's Lovely, her look is pretty similar to Gwen Stefani's... does anyone remember when she tried to rep "latina" when J.Lo (that whore)started "singing" en Espanol?
Hell, even Xtina's husband's chin is non-existant, similar to a Shel Silverstein drawing.
Who the fuck would buy perfume just because it has her name on it? Either advertising executives under estimate people's intelligence or I woefully over estimate it!
I'd like to know where the line is to get your own brand name of perfume is, because it seems like everyone and thier grandmother has their own "scent" now-a-days. Who's next...Amy Winehouse:
Crack Dreams...Crack Dreams will inspire you to throw away your enormous talent, become increasingly hostile and violent towards family and friends and fall in love with another crackhead named Blaaake..but some where along the way the academy of music wll reward you with a grammy..Crack Dreams.
*****"Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die. Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up, just don't do it, OK, promise? OK, now everybody take some rubbers."*****
At least she doesn't have the red lipstick on. These actors and singers have to have something going on where they don't have to go on the road. If they didn't write the songs they are not going to get paid. They need residual income to maintain their lifestyles. So a cheap perfume line or clothes line can bring in money with shaking that ass 24hrs. Look at Elizabeth Taylor, she started with White Diamonds.
Please Mr. Francis Ford Coppola, make a Godfather part 4 with Talia Shire as the Godfather and Kay finally with the program.
Do we really want to smell like this thing? Refreshed day old tranny clown make-up, clorox root bleach, and Orangina self tanner? Um no...*digging at my sinuses with a steak knife*...Um, no...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by NovaNightly on August 19, 2008 - 7:32pm.
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That's why I liked it - it's the closest to natural looking she's gonna get.
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"Watch my love, Ed Westwick, being his usual dirty self"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H3LyOVbrw9M
These stars dont even make any of this shit...they basically sit around in a room and smell a bunch of stuff that someone else made. Thats why all these dumb hollywood twats have perfumes out. Its easy to sniff stuff...lol.
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It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em the bird.
Why can't celebs just let designers do perfumes? Why do each and every last one of them have to make perfume, clothes, etc. most of them aren't any good at acting or singing. I like Christina but fuck I really wish all this shit would fuckin stop already, I miss the days when actors where ACTORS and singers where SINGING.
That description is ridiculous. The perfume will make me self-assured like Christina? I look at pictures of Christina in her 15 tonnes of make-up and see nothing but insecurity.
The photoshop is wonderful though. They made her look like Barbie in one of those straight-to-video CGI movies that my little niece watches all the time.
"Life is like a box of chocolates. A cheap, thoughtless, prefunctory gift that nobody ever asks for..."
OK...i see one good thing....she doesnt have her tranny clown makeup on.
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It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em the bird.
oh that turtle owner cracked me up.
Nothing inspiring about this...
They photochopped Xtina to look like she has Posh's body. Whats up with the barbie hand positions and the one hand pointing to the floor?? Looks so odd. ...and a cheese grater??? Wow....someone over at photochopping HQ was PISSED!!!...meaning either they were drunk or just mad. lol.
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It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em the bird.
Why the fuck did they waste money backing a perfume by christina?
Its not that she sucks, cause you have to give the girl props, when she sings well its a knockout. Her new cd I felt sucked donkey cock hardcore, until i heard "I got trouble", which is a simple song, where she sings like her voice was meant to, softly building up to the big notes. When she first came out, they had to force her to sing with a vocal build-up speed. She wanted to belt from the very get go of a song,which of course as shes shown is annoying as fuck. Genie in a bottle, I turn to you, Come on Over, and her other first hits were hot cause she didnt get her way and was forced to ease her way into a song without screaming like someone dropped acid on her cooch.
Anyways, she has no marketable appeal to a customer I would think. No one is going to stop and purchase a perfume because supposedly Christina smells like it. Celeb products have also taken a hit downwards since people like Lauren Conrad, Victoria Beckham and the such have shown that they may hawk their crap, but they never wear it in use, its always some fancy shit the normal person cannot afford. And if she is trying to be taken as a serious singer, it might do her well to distance herself from perfume ads, clothing lines etc. since celeb lines are now rather tacky and have lost all the prestige it held back a few years.
"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car. "
dont like the bottle.
mariah careys perfume smells nice but the packaging is bad too.
Cheese grater? I thought it was a bathtub drain. Nice to see they're letting 7th-graders write copy on jobshadowing day.
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Don't dream it... BE it!
Submitted by ZiggyStardust on August 19, 2008 - 7:08pm.:
I'd much sooner hang from the bell tower and indulge myself in the sounds of nature. Blaring horns from malevolent drivers, the chug-chug-chug from polluting factories and the screams of mutated cats with four ears. These are the sounds that speak to me, not some patronizing reminder of my assumed beauty.
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So you would rather move to Jersey??
:O:O:O:O:O:O:O:O:O:O:O:O:O:O:O:O:O:O:O:O:O:O:O:O
If all the world is a stage, there are a lot of bad actors.
Submitted by DivasGone on August 19, 2008 - 7:10pm.
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*spits water all over computer screen*
LOL, good one.
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"Watch my love, Ed Westwick, being his usual dirty self"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H3LyOVbrw9M