Beer Whore
Beer-loving tranny alert! Since Jessica Simpson is so fucking country now, she's decided to be the spokeswhore for a Dallas-based beer called Stampede Light Plus. By the looks of their ad, Stampede is trying to cater to country tranny porn stars with swollen pussy lips. FUG!
Not only will the big-tittied frog appear in ads for the beer, but she will also take 15% stake in the company. Oh, Stampede Light just fucked up by announcing that little tidbit of info. It that doesn't scream "Boycott Stampede Light," I don't know what does.
Stampede Light is apparently filled with vitamins to support an active lifestyle. Beer with vitamins? No fucking thanks. I'll stick with getting my daily dose of vitamins from a glass of Sunny D, thank you very much.
Jessica released a statement, but I'm pretty sure she didn't write this shit. "As an entrepreneur, I am always looking for ways to diversify my portfolio with good ideas and good people. Yes, I work out and take care of myself, but I also like a cold beer once in a while." Diversify her portfolio? She can't even say portfolio.
I wish someone would stampede all over that bitch's face. And no, I don't mean you Papa Joe. Pull your pants up.
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the word "smart" and jessica's fug face is quite a juxtaposition.
Beef and beer farts just SCREAM "delicate Southern Belle."
WTF is going on with her mouth! Ugh, she's such a loser.
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Gimme some sugar!
Tranny Barbie! Drooling Tranny Barbie! Anus Lips Drooling Tranny Barbie...
(I could go on and on)
She is my favorite. I love her. I saw her profile on milllionaire personals site""""C e l e b C u p i d.c o m""""""" yesterday. It is said she is in relationship with a young handsome guy on that site now. Is she single again?
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I have to agree with the poster that said she looks like she is mildly retarded.
That doesn't even look like her to me.
Has been.When will she go away?
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
Next surely is a beer with added fiber for the elderly and constipated.
And everything about this from the name "Stampede Light", to the concept, to that photo reeks of satire, and yet it's real.
I don't know who I would rather see kick the bucket- this bitch, or Wino. I'm going to say this retarded chipmunk because at least Wino is in England.
She's an ENTREE-porner....she's getting a little thick in the mid section.
Shouldnt they have her in glasses and a school girls outfit or something? Or maybe of her looking happy and smiley at least about drinking vitamin infused beer.
Instead, she looks very much retarded and on the verge of drooling.
At first I thought it was Fergie (it was the eyes). She'd look soooo much better with short natural hair, light make up and just jeans and a T shirt.
This picture is the definition of "trying too hard".
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"Peachy with a side of keen, that would be me"
TOPANGA,
""Beer" and "Smart" should never be put in the same sentence"
What'da ya mean? I'm smarter than everyone i know when i'm drunk!
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Blah...blah...blah...jack me off and pour me some lemonade. -Michael K
"Beer" and "Smart" should never be put in the same sentence..that's like an Oxymoron. That's like putting Paris Hilton and Virgin in the same sentence...just doesn't make sense.
*****"Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die. Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up, just don't do it, OK, promise? OK, now everybody take some rubbers."*****
That does'nt look anything like Jessica Simpson... If i didnt know it was her I would have thought it was a tranny look-a-like... Sucks ass some company paid money for that shit!
XXOO
They have the wrong retard for this advertisement. That's hard to take seriously. I would be afraid if I drank that beer I would become a retard like her! LOL!
She has the same look on her face as my 50-year-old special cousin. Srsly.
60 rolls of film and THIS was the best shot...
ΨΨΨΨΨΨΨΨΨΨΨΨΨΨΨΨΨΨΨΨΨΨΨΨΨΨΨΨΨΨΨΨΨΨΨΨΨΨΨΨΨΨΨΨΨΨΨΨ
Skanky whores always think that looking sexy means looking like you're getting double-penetrated. -Michael K
Now in addition to being completely incapable of posing without a gaped open cakehole, she is pushing her TONGUE to the front? What. the. fuck.
I actually think Jessica used to be pretty, NATURALLY (or at least without makeup, who knows what surgeries she had) when Newlyweds first came out. She has gradually evolved into looking like a transsexual porn star with lockjaw from one too many rough bukkake parties.
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http://www.myspace.com/rainbowsrule
The Hollywood machine loves a happy homewrecker. In fact, they worship them. They even give them $14 million for pictures of their chosen ones. - Our beloved MK
What is she doing?! Now she is going around posing for beer (I don't know this brand) wearing a straw hat with bales of hay in the background. What's next Papa Joe?
Darth Vader wore a raspberry beret
Submitted by LunaChick: "Who would look at this picture and think it's "sexy" which, I assume, it's supposed to be?"
Maybe some guys think that retarded (or drunk) women are more likely be manipulated into *ahem* unconventional sex acts.
And the tongue makes her look even more Down-y. The protruding tongue is a characteristic.
WTF is with this picture? She looks one of those high-class Russian call girls who are no more than 19 and whored out by the mafia. Doesn't even look like her.
I saw this in my local news today. I often find myself embarrassed for her. Just when you think her career isn't going to sink any lower...
She'll fuck this up like she did her Princy pants line.
She looks so wasted in the pic ... like she's spent the night giving bjs and she can't close her swollen lips.
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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So this looks alot like anna nicole smith. To me anyway. Maybe she's had some work done that didn't agree with her? How old shd she be now? Bitch looks like she snorted a shit ton of some oxycontin. Its the same face I make before I drool. Ha. She shd consider playing drugged up white girl drug fiend prostitue in like a lil wayne vid or something. New crowd that would love her(and enable her to receive a paycheck). Everyone knows hip hop is the new country.
Portfolio?
Oh come on, she has a couple of Manilla folders at best.
Hurry Up Jess, TIME TO GET PREGNANT!
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Madolyn: What do you expect coming in here?
Billy Costigan: I have to come here.
Madolyn: I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want?
Billy Costigan: You want the truth? Valium.
Submitted by wednesday on August 20, 2008 - 3:59pm.
Mmmmm...Shiner Bock.
What is with that ho's face? Is that her "sexy" look? She looks like a blowup doll. I guess her mouth really never closes.
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"Oh lord, please help our athletes bring home the gold, enough gold so we can melt it down and buy back our economy from the Chinese". - Stephen Colbert
Did they give her a load OxyContin with that beer before the shoot? Fuck, she looks off her tree.
Oh God, why is this bitch still relevant?
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Jay: So why the long face, Horse? Banky on the rag?
Holden: I'm just, ahh, I'm just havin' a little girl trouble.
Jay: Bitch pressin' charges? I get that a lot.
Trying to sell a new beer in Lone Star Beer and Shiner Bock territory is teetering on Texan Alcoholic treason. Bitch better watch her back...
Chestica... that grain-belt beer hussy
What the whaaa? That looks nothing like her! I guess it really is Tranny in a Bottle.
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We Care A Lot
that pic perfectly captures her DSL's. and i dont mean digital subscriber lines.
It's apparent she's desperate to be in the public eye.
Her father is a former Baptist minister. Guess he will look the other way (as usual) for money.
Carrie Underwood does an ad for Vitamin Water. Jessica responds with real girls drink Vitamin Beer.
Her mouth is slightly open and you can see a little of her tongue. It's her subtle way of saying to the peeps who count (average joe beercan), "Stick something in here. I'll suck on it." Actually, this doesn't even look like chestica. I thought it was some other twit.
She looks pretty damn hot to me!!! I would do her but stuff one of the those leather ball masks on her face so she couldn't talk....
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"Money is the magic wand that turns many a frog into a prince" - ChubbyWubby
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Additional:
I'm not into country music, but I highly doubt people that like that kind of music would buy this idiot's crappy ass shit.
everybody can see this is a bad picture, but the question is :why did they chose it? is there some subliminal message? i bet the guys love it
edit to add she looks drunk... i think it's what they wanted her to look
Submitted by parissucksliterally on August 20, 2008 - 3:08pm.
IG, your avie is making me think of "The Doll" episode on "Curb Your Enthusiasm" (one of my favs)!
Anyone else?
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"The Doll" is, hands down, one of the funniest and smartest episodes of any TV show ever. IG's avie TOTALLY looks like Judy!
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"F*ck you Tyra Banks, Oprah, Magic Johnson, Tiger Woods, Rockefeller. F*ck you." - La Pequena Hillary Clinton, 6/17/08
*Chuckle* Nick Lachey is laughing his ass off right now.
The best joke would be to send Chestica a case of this shit.
Submitted by LunaChick on August 20, 2008 - 4:42pm.
She seriously looks like she has mild mental retardation
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Mild? Hell, I don't think she could say 'peanut butter' for a nickle.
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Yes, ees gud. Now, if you pees shut mouf, we say nice prayer to God.
I can't tell the difference between the hair and the hay.....she looks like she already had a 12 pack.
www.stampedebeer.com
They are calling her an international superstar icon. And the music playing on the website is hardly country.
lol.
i decided her expression says "Huh? Do whut?"
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"Blame it on the London air!"
The Botox lips, stupid pout, shitty extensions, and the prop cowboy hat. This woman doesn't have a brain in her head. Asslee is looking like the smart one. Maybe because daddy isn't obsessed with HER tits.
Maybe she should stop supporting her parents and their lifestyle. Cut them off now.
Chestica, call Playboy NOW, and take the 500 bucks they offer to pose nude. Because you have officially flushed your what's left of your pathetic career down the toilet. The only way anybody is buying this beer is if it's ON SALE.
Somewhere, Nick Lachey is thinking "I dodged a bullet".
She seriously looks like she has mild mental retardation, and I should know - I was a case worker in the dept. of mental health/mental retardation.
Who would look at this picture and think it's "sexy" which, I assume, it's supposed to be?
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"...We don't exist for the beautiful people of the world...We're there for the oddball, the rebel, the outcast, the geek!"
Maybe it's becuz on her "giving up" looks like the the equivalent of finally deciding to marry some old executive and settle down on a ranch somewhere in Memphis, pop out three kids, never lose the weight, and a lifetime of pity performances at a few obscure annual events that allow her to relive the "glory days".
♥ ThreadKilla! / Lean Like a Chola / She's a Lady.
I can only find pictures of the girl twin.
She thinks by selling beer and sitting in the back of a pickup truck with a hay bale and dressed like a two dollar country hooker she will sell more country records.
Please make this dimwitted nontalented whore go away!
She looks like she just smelled her own fart in this ad.
Submitted by Oxygen: "...I didn't recognize her especially with her light as light eyes. I thought they were dark brown."
Aha! That's what threw me. The eyes.
She is an idiot.
Vitamins in beer? The thing is vitamins taste bitter and especially hoppy beers taste a little bitter as well, so it might work with beers that have stronger presence. But lite beers are just mostly water, the vitamins will taste really strong and bitter hence the beer will be nasty. Why make things that are not good for you in the first place, healthy? It won't sell more because it tastes bad.
Your face!