Blame It On A Shitty Cupboard
A faulty cupboard is to blame for Kelly Osbourne's jacked up eye. Kelly was at home with a "stomach bug" (aka mega diarrhea) when she went to grab a glass from her kitchen cupboard. The bitch must be strong because the entire cabinet came crashing down on her, cutting her temple and busting up her eye. I fucking bet you that cupboard came from Ikea and Ozzy Osbourne installed it. Either that or the cabinet was sick of hearing her bitching and moaning.
Kelly's spokeswhore said, "She was suffering from a stomach upset all weekend, which meant she couldn't go out anywhere, and then this happened. She is fine now, though."
And if suffering from a raccoon eye and shitty ass wasn't bad enough, Kelly has also learned that her show "Project Catwalk" (the UK version of Project Runway) has been canned!
Oh well! Kelly, hold your shitty asshole and drown your sorrows in a big bottle of Jack Daniels! It's the cure for everything.
• 
"What happened to her?"
She tried to steal Christian Bale's sandwich.
What happened to her?
Looks like she got beat upside the head with a crackpipe!
Society & Sex, Intertwined
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Is it me or did she put some of her weight back on? She was soooo skinny a few months ago :s
Submitted by snowpiece on August 27, 2008 - 12:31pm.
The C word LOL once I walked into a door, drunk (I really did) and my roomate told everyone I got it that way, the toilet seat came down on my head while puking, what a friend she was! ;)****************************
LOL - it is a good story though!
(sorry for late reply; work strikes again!)
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Screws fall out all the time, the world's an imperfect place.
Is she morphing into Lily Allen?
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
If you look at Kelly's other eye it too also looks a bit bruised, at least in these photos. That seems odd to me. Maybe I'm just suspicious because you should see MY eyes right now, apres a little laser work. If I had a publicist I'd get her to put out some story about an allergic reaction. Luckily, as long as I have a body temperature of 98.6, my cats still love me.
The C word LOL once I walked into a door, drunk (I really did) and my roomate told everyone I got it that way, the toilet seat came down on my head while puking, what a friend she was! ;)****************************1/20/09
"TEDDY'S BACK!"
How fucking old is this chick? Those arms look like my 75 year old grandmothers arms. Put them up over your head Kelley and a stiff wind will lift you off the ground. Fucking ugly spooge!
BS, someone kicked her in the face
Running out of codeine always gives me a serious case of stomach upset too.
I call BS on this one. I actually did have a cupboard fall on me (dishes were raining down on my freakin' head and crashing all around me) I ended up with a few bruises - but nothing even close to this.
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"...We don't exist for the beautiful people of the world...We're there for the oddball, the rebel, the outcast, the geek!"
I believe her. Sometimes when I don't make enough money from a night's work my cupboard will slap me in the eye and call me a lying b**ch, then he'll force me into his 1964 China hutch so that he can drive me to a different corner where he can keep a better eye on me, and hopefully where more Johns will need furniture assembled because their wives are only interested in sex.
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"Whenever you feel like criticizing anyone," he told me, "always remember that not everyone has had the same advantages in life that you've had."
www.myspace.com/dreamhypnotique
Poor Kelly, I can surely sympathize. Just last week my end table jumped out and tripped me. I think my lamp has it in for me too - without any provocation, it flew off the table and missed me by inches! Whew, close one!
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→←...When you come to a fork in the road, take it...◘•♣♣ Yogi Bera →←
Umm...it was a cupboard...yeah, that's it...
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"How much is that doggie in the window?"
She is my favorite. I love her. I saw her profile on milllionaire personals site""""C e l e b C u p i d.c o m""""""" yesterday. It is said she is in relationship with a young handsome guy on that site now. Is she single again?
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sneaky little bastards!
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Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke
a message from the Church of the SubGenius
Missy!
Yeh! They always wait till you have knocked back a few and you are feeling chill, then WHAM!
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Blah...blah...blah...jack me off and pour me some lemonade. -Michael K
Bullshit. Some guy tried to punch the mealy-mouthedness out of her. Let's see if it took.
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if your firme with me, im firme with you simple as that.
Submitted by missy on August 27, 2008 - 9:22am.
mornin slutty!!♥ mornin clarisse! c-word! all!♥♥
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Hi missy!
Toilet seats can be dangerous too...I posted this on the 'beat up Kelly' thread from yesterday:
I know someone who went out partying one night and the next day, he had an enormous shiner.
Thinking he had gotten into a fight while out with the boys, I said “Uh oh, what did you do?”
His response was, “I got hammered….. and the toilet seat came down on my head when I was puking.”
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Screws fall out all the time, the world's an imperfect place.
mornin slutty!!♥ mornin clarisse! c-word! all!♥♥
yeah, Ive had some problems with agressive furniture before. A real mean hotel dresser punched me in the mouth and chipped my toof once. One time the sidewalk even got cheeky with me! Damn sidewalk slapped me right upside the head!
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Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke
a message from the Church of the SubGenius
A cupboard can have a mean right hook ya know.
Morning Missy.
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She's not kidding. I'm gonna whip ya silly and I'm gonna fuck ya stupid.
The C word,
Thanks! I caught his bio on A & E again last night. Classy guy.
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Blah...blah...blah...jack me off and pour me some lemonade. -Michael K
Submitted by Clarisse on August 27, 2008 - 9:04am.
Well, huh. Next.
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Love the new avie, Clarisse! :)
Used to love watching his celebrity roasts...
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Screws fall out all the time, the world's an imperfect place.
Well, huh. Next.
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Blah...blah...blah...jack me off and pour me some lemonade. -Michael K
amy hit her.
that hair has to go>>>>
it does nothing for her.
(Hmmm...I think not.)
Hi Missy!
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Yur sketti...I will haz it.
This is bull; I saw Kelly and her boyfriend at the Reading Festival on Friday... she looked normal then. Maybe she only went for the one day, but she was defo not home sick battling her cabinet then. And she had a weekend pass...
Maybe she got her ass kicked in the Rage mosh pit...
I wonder how many times she'd cursed out that cabinet before it got revenge.
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Screws fall out all the time, the world's an imperfect place.
(I had that Avatar first.) Does Kelly Osbourne really have a spokesperson? Guess she's a low budget one because that story sounds rather suspect. Unless "kitchen cupboard" is a code name for Lindsay Lohan. Then it all makes sense.
who is she kidding? she totally got a beat down...hhmmm...doesnt she have a new boyfriend? she better be careful with that candy or she will eat through all the liposuction.
Boo-hoo
Who gives a crap.
Oh WTF ever! She got her A@@ beat down!!!
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"Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot".
Sluttsville, exactly!
Those cupboards should be outlawed. You could put an eye out.
I can't help but picture Oz trying to do handy work around the house after MK's comment.
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When tryin' to untangle
The Jingle from the Jangle
It's easy if you listen with your heart.
Sing Me, Sing Me, Sing Me...
kelly must've have used her mighty hulk powers to pull down an entire cupbaord just to grab a glass...
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the world is great big old place for all of us to fuck up in it...
that cupboard has a mean right hook!
hi sluttsv and Imp V!
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Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke
a message from the Church of the SubGenius
She is my favorite. I love her. I saw her profile on milllionaire personals site""""C e l e b C u p i d.c o m""""""" yesterday. It is said she is in relationship with a young handsome guy on that site now. Is she single again?
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The cabinet was done wore out from her constant opening of it to get food.
Actually, a similar thing once happened to me. I just had oral surgery and stood too close to the cabinet door while opening it and smacked myself in the sore mouth. Doh!
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Yur sketti...I will haz it.
Yes, after a night of brawling....I always go into work and say that the cupboard fell on me. Who hasn't had a cupboard to fall on them once or twice a year?
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She's not kidding. I'm gonna whip ya silly and I'm gonna fuck ya stupid.