Blame It On A Shitty Cupboard
A faulty cupboard is to blame for Kelly Osbourne's jacked up eye. Kelly was at home with a "stomach bug" (aka mega diarrhea) when she went to grab a glass from her kitchen cupboard. The bitch must be strong because the entire cabinet came crashing down on her, cutting her temple and busting up her eye. I fucking bet you that cupboard came from Ikea and Ozzy Osbourne installed it. Either that or the cabinet was sick of hearing her bitching and moaning.
Kelly's spokeswhore said, "She was suffering from a stomach upset all weekend, which meant she couldn't go out anywhere, and then this happened. She is fine now, though."
And if suffering from a raccoon eye and shitty ass wasn't bad enough, Kelly has also learned that her show "Project Catwalk" (the UK version of Project Runway) has been canned!
Oh well! Kelly, hold your shitty asshole and drown your sorrows in a big bottle of Jack Daniels! It's the cure for everything.