The SeX Files
David Duchovny has checked into rehab because he loves to do ze sexy times way too much. Like WAY too much. Like he's addicted to fucking. I guess that's a bad thing? David issued this statement to People:
"I have voluntarily entered a facility for the treatment of sex addiction. I ask for respect and privacy for my wife and children as we deal with this situation as a family."
48-year-old David has been married to Tea Leoni for over 10 years. They have two kiddies together. David currently plays a shameless man whore on the show "Californication." Maybe this shit is research?
The first thing I thought when I read this was, "I'll be your enabler. Use your addiction on me! My no-no hole can take it. It's made of iron. You're Wino and I'm your crack pipe. Now smooooke me."
Then I thought that some scandalous shit must be on its way. I mean, when a celebrity bitch gets a DUI, they automatically check into rehab. David must have been caught with his chonies down. I just hope that shit was caught on high-definition!
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Submitted by Britneys cheap ... on August 28, 2008 - 10:29pm.
HEY SUCIAS!!
Of course he has a problem, I mean his fucking a mug in that picture well atleast his not fucking a tea cup that would be sad...no guys penis should fit in a tea cup.
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OOOOOH NOW I GET IT! He tried to fuck a TEA cup, as Sandbitch pointed out, but he was like "I'M BIG, I'M TOO BIG FOR "TEA" cup so let me fuck a mug...See what i did there...my wife=Tea, teacup=small, mug=bigger teacup/big dick, ...hehe hehe hehe"
That's how he usually stirs his coffee.
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Hey sexy wanna come over and play Guitar Hero?
Submitted by dead-actress on August 28, 2008 - 10:01pm.
Looks like he managed to get his frank and beans into that cup.
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LOL
I could add nothing more after that
Submitted by Mel-Tang on August 28, 2008 - 8:57pm.
What does it mean when you have a coffee mug over your dick with your right pinky sticking out?
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He is respecting the gay aspect of his dick in a mug by being polite with it...
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Tell me with the rapture and the
reverent in the right - right. You vitriolic, patriotic, slam, fight, brightlight, feeling pretty psyched.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.
cup'o beanie weenie
not surprised david penis is busy...tea should hide his viagra...
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the world is great big old place for all of us to fuck up in it...
Looks like he managed to get his frank and beans into that cup.
It's a code??? He gently pinky f'd a cow?
psl......LMFAO. That's what I thought. :)
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RIMADYL KILLS
Submitted by Mel-Tang on August 28, 2008 - 9:57pm.
What does it mean when you have a coffee mug over your dick with your right pinky sticking out?
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It means he refused to release the pictures where he substituted a shotglass.
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Peter: Whoa, Lois, look at you, you look like Britney Spears. Except you're not a fat guy.
HEY SUCIAS!!
Of course he has a problem, I mean his fucking a mug in that picture well atleast his not fucking a tea cup that would be sad...no guys penis should fit in a tea cup.
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Hey sexy wanna come over and play Guitar Hero?
Mel-Tang, he's dainty?
I was trying somehow squeeze taint in there somehow- couldn't make it work......
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Be kind to me, or treat me mean
I'll make the most of it, I'm an extraordinary machine
- Fiona Apple
He shouldn't check into rehab, he should check into Brit's house. That'll cure his sex addiction in no time!
Me, I just imagine Tea Leoni's voice and I'm practically a eunuch.
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Peter: Whoa, Lois, look at you, you look like Britney Spears. Except you're not a fat guy.
It might just be a poor quality photo, but it looks like he's about ready to cry in the pic. Maybe he's sad his junk can so easily be concealed. I dunno.
Dave probably has a juicy curled up chicken cutlet inside that tea cup/coffee mug/vessel - body temperature, naturally.
What does it mean when you have a coffee mug over your dick with your right pinky sticking out?
<3-------------------------------<3
RIMADYL KILLS
I already knew there was speculation that he was cheating on his wife. And I knew it because I'm pretty sure I read it here, on Dlisted.
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
OMG hahahahaha
well hello TV!
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Be kind to me, or treat me mean
I'll make the most of it, I'm an extraordinary machine
- Fiona Apple
Submitted by Sandbitch on August 28, 2008 - 10:20pm.
Submitted by Gonnaburn... on August 29, 2008 - 11:38am.
And who the fuck would take a picture with his junk inside a coffee mug?
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Not wanting to repeat myself, but methinks it's a TEA cup, not a coffee mug. Duchovny is attempting to be a deep cryptic cunt.
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More like a deep cryptic dumb cunt cause that looks like a coffee mug to me. Now I'm wondering what is I.Q. is
He realized he had a problem when his right hand filed rape charges. No means no, David, even in sign language.
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Peter: Whoa, Lois, look at you, you look like Britney Spears. Except you're not a fat guy.
But MANI!
I have lost a little weight following their plan...
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Tell me with the rapture and the
reverent in the right - right. You vitriolic, patriotic, slam, fight, brightlight, feeling pretty psyched.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.
Submitted by Gonnaburn... on August 29, 2008 - 11:38am.
And who the fuck would take a picture with his junk inside a coffee mug?
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Not wanting to repeat myself, but methinks it's a TEA cup, not a coffee mug. Duchovny is attempting to be a deep cryptic cunt.
Slutts, I don't know- I haven't tried to put them through my ears!
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Be kind to me, or treat me mean
I'll make the most of it, I'm an extraordinary machine
- Fiona Apple
Dang you guys a funnnnnnnny tonight! I can't dish, but no surprises, really.
Meanwhile, this kind of thing didn't hurt Bill Clinton, so unless it is the tennis coach thing, DD'll be ok.
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Don't dream it... BE it!
There's a lot worse things to be addicted to.
I can't seem to stay away from Dlisted for too long.(...not that it's a bad thing)
The only thing bad about this site are the horrifying ads on the right of the screen. Hairy armpits and sad, not even remotely pretty fat ladies.
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Submitted by kacky on August 28, 2008 - 10:03pm.
My honey went to Yale with him. I promised I wouldn't repeat what he told me.
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Damn kacky, that's cold girl. TELLLLLLLLLLLLL a lil sumthin??
I mean he is the star of Showtime's Californication...
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"This is all rather 'may-jah'..."
~Posh-esque
This is sort of old news, he released a statement that he was a sex addict about the time he married Tea. I am surprised they have stayed married that long because usually sex addicts have multiple multiple affairs.
“The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook”
Submitted by Sluttsville on August 28, 2008 - 9:36pm.
*laughs and hides behind speakit*
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I don't mind the hiding, but did I say you could put your finger there? I don't think so.
And who the fuck would take a picture with his junk inside a coffee mug? I wonder if it was dirty. The MUG you gutter whores!
Submitted by Michael K on August 28, 2008 - 8:27pm.
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Vaccuum power! Of course! That's what we're missing. Dang gays takin all our men
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Don't dream it... BE it!
OK, I managed to rescue my keyboard with tampons. I'm definitely going to send that tip to Martha Stewart. Tampons are a very handy item to keep in one's car also. Tampons will clean up spilt beer in the gear stick console a real treat. Likewise nosebleeds.
Submitted by parissucksliterally on August 28, 2008 - 9:33pm.
Ah, don't worry Deb, I could still shove earrings through my holes if I really wanted to...and I haven't worn earrings since my 19th b-day....
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Yes, but can you still shove them through your pierced ear holes.
*laughs and hides behind speakit*
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She's not kidding. I'm gonna whip ya silly and I'm gonna fuck ya stupid.
Yeah- Recently there was a blind item that said, "a married, former tv star whose summer blockbuster tanked was f-ing his tennis instructor."
Submitted by Sluttsville on August 28, 2008 - 9:29pm.
Pictures are for sale on Ebay.
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The ones where I'm grabbing my ankles and 'holding' the eggplant are not my best moment. I forgot to powder my nose.
I just remembered that he attended the X-files premiere alone and haggard looking. I forgot about that.
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She's not kidding. I'm gonna whip ya silly and I'm gonna fuck ya stupid.
My honey went to Yale with him. I promised I wouldn't repeat what he told me.
Issuing a press release while asking for privacy is a tad disingenuous.
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Don't dream it... BE it!
Aaaaw. Kacky, spill the beans!
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Tell me with the rapture and the
reverent in the right - right. You vitriolic, patriotic, slam, fight, brightlight, feeling pretty psyched.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.
Ah, don't worry Deb, I could still shove earrings through my holes if I really wanted to...and I haven't worn earrings since my 19th b-day....
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Be kind to me, or treat me mean
I'll make the most of it, I'm an extraordinary machine
- Fiona Apple
There have been rumors for years that he has been cheating on his wife. Me thinks he got caught and is claiming this is an 'addiction' so Tea won't divorce him.
Submitted by speakit on August 28, 2008 - 9:30pm.
LOL! {{putting earring in pussy}}
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speakit.....you are too fast and too funny. I'm jelluz.
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She's not kidding. I'm gonna whip ya silly and I'm gonna fuck ya stupid.
Submitted by Sluttsville on August 28, 2008 - 9:28pm.
Submitted by DebFrmHell on August 28, 2008 - 9:23pm.
I haven't slept with a guy in tens years!
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10 years, dang, all I'm gonna say about that is that I went 6 months without wearing earrings and the holes closed up.
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LOL! {{putting earring in pussy}}
I am thinking about going down to a freeway intersection with a cardboard sign that says "RUSTED SHUT PLEASE HELP A GAL OUT!"
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Tell me with the rapture and the
reverent in the right - right. You vitriolic, patriotic, slam, fight, brightlight, feeling pretty psyched.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.
Submitted by speakit on August 28, 2008 - 9:25pm.
I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night. While I was there, I had a V8.
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Cheesus, speakit...remember I was there...you gave me your SS# and credit card. Pictures are for sale on Ebay.
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She's not kidding. I'm gonna whip ya silly and I'm gonna fuck ya stupid.
Submitted by DebFrmHell on August 28, 2008 - 9:23pm.
I haven't slept with a guy in tens years!
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10 years, dang, all I'm gonna say about that is that I went 6 months without wearing earrings and the holes closed up.
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She's not kidding. I'm gonna whip ya silly and I'm gonna fuck ya stupid.
Submitted by DebFrmHell on August 29, 2008 - 11:23am.
I haven't slept with a guy in tens years! I need to find me a man=ho like Duchovny. Methinks he is not too particular...
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Fuck you funny ho - i jus spat my margarita into my laptop keyboard. If you don't hear from me for a while....
Submitted by Sandbitch on August 28, 2008 - 9:15pm.
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LOL, it's funny that you say that about Jada. My mom was one of the first people I knew who commented on her lack of femininity. She actually thinks Jada's a lesbian and only hooked up with Will for the fame/money. So who knows - maybe it's not too far off base and they have an arrangement worked out?
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"Don't ever let boy kiss you. You do, you can't stop. Then you have baby. You put baby in garbage can. Police find you, put you in jail, then you life over, better just kill yourself." - Daisy Tan
Why I love Mariah
http://fourfour.typepad.com/fourfour/2008/08/mariah-carey-is.html
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on August 28, 2008 - 9:18pm.
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Funny, Tommy Girl always struck me as a bottom....
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"Don't ever let boy kiss you. You do, you can't stop. Then you have baby. You put baby in garbage can. Police find you, put you in jail, then you life over, better just kill yourself." - Daisy Tan
Why I love Mariah
http://fourfour.typepad.com/fourfour/2008/08/mariah-carey-is.html
Submitted by Sluttsville on August 28, 2008 - 9:15pm.
Submitted by speakit on August 28, 2008 - 9:00pm.
Doh, I can't believe I didn't think of that first.
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I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night. While I was there, I had a V8.