I Guarantee It Doesn't Smell Like Roses
John Law is my favorite person of the day! He reviewed Jessica Simpson's performance at the Avalon Ballroom in Ontario,Canada on Wednesday and he basically tore her a new one. Papa Joe, that's just a saying. Jessica doesn't actually have a new hole. You can break your boner now.
John writes in the Niagara Falls Review that the big-tittied frog talked too fucking much and explained what every song meant to her stupid ass. John writes, "Simpson needs to explain in exhausting detail what every single song is about, and the endless banter kills any momentum. She’s still living in a reality show, convinced everyone is so fascinated with her personal life, they’d rather hear her talk than sing." I'd rather she get her jaw wired shut like Tammy did on "The Real World: Los Angeles." Oh shit. Tammy was fucking crazy. I digress.
Throughout the nauseating night, Jessica said she was pregnant with an alien and also had a message from God about one of her songs. Of course, she blabbed about Tony Romo and slammed Nick Lachey for being a "cheater." Same Jessica shit, different day.
Jessica even admitted she has a farting problem: "I do pass gas a lot. I guarantee it smells like roses.” Every time she opens her mouth, a fart comes out. And I guarantee you that it doesn't smell like roses. It smells like Papa Joe slime, Ken Paves boogers, boiled beef and desperation.
Is it wrong of me to dislike someone so much that I have never met?
I really, really, really just wish this bitch would go away.
HAHA!!!!
I personally know John and I know a few ppl who went to the Jessica Simpson show.... TOTAL SHIT!!!
I think our city's IQ went down 30 points...
i think jessica is beautiful. She just isnt right for country music but you dont have to knock her...she is pretty and a cool down to earth chick
HE was so whooped on her I highly doubt he cheated......first anyways. WTF..HOW IS SHE STILL FAMOUS?? How are any of these slut buckets(paris, Kim, Lindsay,Asslee, Solgrunge) famous?? I dont get it
Ride the spiral to the end you may just go where no ones been
Who in the hell went to this shitfest "performance"?
***~~~~***~~~~***~~~~***~~~~***
wtf is wrong with her
Just go away, you no-talent ditch pig.
First she makes the stupid no-no hole with her mouth, then she sticks out her tongue. Then she looks HUGE in the dress...my god, she was really trying to ruin it for everybody...but it's their own damn fault for buying tickets to the show! Those are the ones who are keeping her dreams alive. We need to stamp this tranny clown out already. And her stupid cover on People about the love of her life. I hope Tony Romo dumps her after this...for reals...
Your face!
I think Ken Paves is just friends with her so he can motorboat her titties.
She looks beautiful and sexy. I saw her profile on milllionaire&celeb personals site """"C e l e b C u p i d.c o m""""""last week. It is said she is dating young billionaire on that site.
She is an ignorant, dumb, self absorbed TWAT! That is ALL.
A pair of DD's for men to oogle at, just don't open your mouth Jess, the smart ones RUN!
*props to Nick for leaving her ass*
As long as this twat doesn't show her venus fly trap I can go on living.
That would be far too traumatic for me.
Considering the amount of things wrong with this tranny clown this is gonna sound lame, but she has truly the most repulsive arms I have ever seen on a person. Ever.
Sweet Jesus, is there a picnic tablecloth left in the South this no-talent twat hasn't made a dress out of? Honey, wearing gingham is just so wrong for you.
"Rhoda, we're all aware that you're an adroit liar"
Is she going batshit like Britney?
Submitted by KA on August 29, 2008 - 2:42pm
Oooh, sorry... I kinda already gave it Yourmomatethe... I'll trade you my light saber if you decide to kick her ass anyway?
_________________________________________________
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits"- Albert Einstein
"What's Walmart? Is that where they sell Walls?"- The Plague upon this earth, aka Pussy Hole Hilton
What a dumb slut, seriously. I mean look at that picture... no comments. Yeah because she's cuntry now, so she burps, farts and drinks beer.
by the way, DRINK BLEACH AND DIE JESSUCKA!
Submitted by MONKEYPOX on August 29, 2008 - 10:04am.
Does someone here want to undertake the unpleasant task of stapling Chestica Dumbson's mouth shut? I'll give you 20 bucks and a Storm trooper Helmet w/ voice changer. Anyone?
-----------------------------------------------
You can keep that $20 but I'll be taking the helmet, thanks. Got my stapler ready!
I assume the tickets were free. I can't imagine people paying money to be tortured like that.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Surfing the apocalypse.
Wow!
What a Sad, Sorry little HO...
I thought it was this bitch who cheated on Nick with that Knoxville guy? Did I lose the memo?
I saw her being interviewed and she makes the stupidist faces with her mouth. Seriously. Next time you see her being interviewed, watch how she moves her mouth. She makes her eyes VERY dark too.
She is one of those people that look great in stills.
Submitted by Anonymous Q on August 29, 2008 - 8:10am.
Since when is Nick the Cheater? Wasn't she the one fucking 3 guys before they were even divorced? Stupid skank needs to shut her pie hole.
---------------
EXACTLY. I was just telling my husband that usually when a couple divorces, the one who stays quiet and acts dignified did nothing wrong (Nick still won't say a bad word about Jessica) and the one who constantly mudslings and bitches is the one who DID do something wrong (Jessica - we all know she cheated on Nick). What a bitch. And to publicly make accusations about him and he is not even there to defend himself shows a severe lack of class on her part.
--------------------------------
"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
Miss Priss:
My most sincere condolences on the loss of your beloved poochie. *hugs* *offers shoulder to cry on*
Please remember your poochie waits for you at the Rainbow Bridge with tail wagging and barking with joy.
************************************************
I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
************************************************
Submitted by Two Drink Min on August 29, 2008 - 10:41am
LOL, that isn't all. She also shoved a coke bottle up her vag in front if of the Maroon 5 guys, and definitely sucked Adam Levine off. From Scotty Crowe's mouth to my ears...
_________________________________________________
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits"- Albert Einstein
"What's Walmart? Is that where they sell Walls?"- The Plague upon this earth, aka Pussy Hole Hilton
two drink
Hi!! Didn't they get married? Bam and that chick?
Ha ha ha! Chesty is stress eating. That's why she looks like a chunky little CUNTry heffer!
Nick Lachey is thanking Dog this stupid twat divorced him.
Miss Priss
I just got the chills! I'm so sorry
So sorry Miss Priss. They are truly family members for whom we grieve.
Both her sister and her are annoying talentless twats. She might have a smidge of talent compared to Asshole but nearly nil.
Talk about a Catch-22: listen to her sing or listen to her talk.
************************************************
I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
************************************************
Um, please tell me that the last two paragraphs are a joke....Nick cheated on her???? Farts roses? WHA???
I used to live in Philly as did Bam's old GF at the time when their trist went down. Jen found about it (Bam is from a little West of me, and she was his girl at the time) went on Q102 and told all about emails and such about the two.
Simpson was still married and apparently did it with Knoxville too. Slut.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1172613656
wow... I try to be a fan of hers but holy shit. Her picture should be next to 'verbal diarrhea' in the dictionary. It is a sad state of affairs when I like Lohan better than Simpson.
Oh shit, I LOVED Tammy! Favorite all-time person on that show. Loved. Her.
Remember when she whooped that guys ass with a can of hairspray? Loved her.
One of the grossest chicks ever,she should retire
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
Submitted by Your Mom Ate th... on August 29, 2008 - 10:08am.
I'll see if I can find one on the interwebs and you've got a deal!
_________________________________________________
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits"- Albert Einstein
"What's Walmart? Is that where they sell Walls?"- The Plague upon this earth, aka Pussy Hole Hilton
Submitted by MONKEYPOX on August 29, 2008 - 10:04am.
Does someone here want to undertake the unpleasant task of stapling Chestica Dumbson's mouth shut? I'll give you 20 bucks and a Storm trooper Helmet w/ voice changer. Anyone?
-----------------------
Hmmm....if you can make it a Darth Helmet instead of a storm trooper one I'm in. You can even keep the $20.
☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
"If Mr. McMurphy doesn't want to take his medication orally, I'm sure we can arrange that he can have it some other way. But I don't think that he would like it."
Also, I can divulge with good confidence that when I worked at Aware (the independent label/ branch of Sony, who are responsible for making John Mayer famous, sorry!) I heard from Scott Crow (tour manager for JM) himself that when Maroon 5 were touring with JM, they said Chestica had done some very perverse things involving a coke bottle and her vajayjay for the guys, while being married to Nick Lachey. And she did definitely sleep with Bam Margera, and Johnny Knoxville, even though Bam later took the story back. All true... so who's the cheater? You decide...
_________________________________________________
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits"- Albert Einstein
"What's Walmart? Is that where they sell Walls?"- The Plague upon this earth, aka Pussy Hole Hilton
Does someone here want to undertake the unpleasant task of stapling Chestica Dumbson's mouth shut? I'll give you 20 bucks and a Storm trooper Helmet w/ voice changer. Anyone?
_________________________________________________
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits"- Albert Einstein
"What's Walmart? Is that where they sell Walls?"- The Plague upon this earth, aka Pussy Hole Hilton
Completely delusional... No one cares about you, Jessica. And is she just one nasty piece of shit or what?
Submitted by Miss Priss on August 29, 2008 - 8:55am.
I am so sorry to hear that! I was devastated when my cat ran away... >hug< I wish there was something I could do to help you feeel better!
_________________________________________________
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits"- Albert Einstein
"What's Walmart? Is that where they sell Walls?"- The Plague upon this earth, aka Pussy Hole Hilton
I just read....I'm really truly sorry Miss Priss. How terrible. :(
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a women's separation; this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation. -ERIC CARTMAN
She's a walking brain fart!!
I love to loathe her! :P
Happy Friday all...
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a women's separation; this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation. -ERIC CARTMAN
Submitted by maDalice on August 29, 2008 - 9:45am.
The whole article is a riot.
"“I do pass gas a lot,” she said. “I guarantee it smells like roses.”
Seventy bucks a ticket, folks. "
"This ain't rock n roll. This is genocide!"
Miss Priss..
I am so sad to hear that about the tragic loss of your beloved companion.
I would be devastated if it were my dog..
My thought are with you.
Miss Priss
I am so sorry for your loss.My Lord Byron was hit and it took months of healing.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Who was that guy last night,he left the seat up damn!
From article:
Frankly, it’s hard to take her serious when she declares how much she loves “Destiny” Springfield, and then performs a version of “Son of a Preacher Man” so devoid of soul, Dusty would disown it.
Bwahaha.
Submitted by Miss Priss on August 29, 2008 - 9:55am.
Awww you guys!!
I just got a call...my DOG JUST GOT HIT BY A CAR!!! HE'S DEAD!!!!I'm going to scream....
^^^^
Sorry to hear. I'm sad for you (((hugs))
I am so, so, so sorry Miss Priss :( (((hugs)))
OT: This is the best I've seen this slut look, and that isn't saying much.
He should have also mentioned the fact that her performances are lip-synched and fake.