Disney is known for producing whores, but maybe that's become too much work for them, so they've decided to hire already established whores instead. Page Six says that Wonky McValtrex is lobbying to play the title role in the live-action version of Tinkerbell. And by "lobbying" I mean sucking as many dicks as possible to get the role. Even the night janitors at Disneyland!

Some source said that Disney is actually considering it. "Paris has worked on her acting chops lately and showed some comedy prowess in her YouTube spoof of running for president. Disney suits saw it and think she may be developing some comedic-actress potential."

If they want Walt Disney to rise from the dead to shut down the company for eternity, then they should cast Wonky. Although, I think it's more appropriate if they cast this skank in the pee pee porn version called TINKLEbell.

Crunk + Disorderly, one of my favorite blogs in the history of the internets, posted these amazing pictures of what's going to be my next birthday cake. I can't wait to take these pictures down to my local Food Emporium's bakery department to request that they recreate this masterpiece. I want double frosting, though.

The NSFWish pictures are after the jump. The chick holding the birthday girl's hair is a true friend. Only real friends will hold back your hair while you're sucking on cake dick. JUMP!!!

The daughter of God and half-sister of Jesus, Celestia (aka Anne Heche), is knocked up with James Tupper's baby. It's their first child together. The crazy fauxmosexual already has a 6-year-old son named Homer with her ex-husband, Coley Laffoon.

Anne and James met on the set of Men in Trees when they were both still married. Sluts! Their spokesbitch issued this extremely wordy statement to People: "They are really thrilled."

Anne better name her kid God Jr. or Lil' Celestia. She won't, though. Since the kid will be Homer's sibling, she'll probably name it something predictable like Marge or Illiad.

P.S. - Anne got that dress at the Flavor of Love stoop sale. She forgot to read the label that clearly states the dress should only be worn by bitch's with plastic titty sacks.

Kim Zolciak of The Real Housewives of Atlanta barely beat out Toby and his wormy ass to win November's Hot Slut of the Month! This is funny since Kim's wig might be made out of the hair that Toby's leave on the carpet when he scoots his ass against it. Thanks to all who voted!

Below is our reigning Hot Slut of the Month on The Bonnie Hunt show a couple of weeks ago. I want my very own authentic Kim Zolciak wig! I can probably get one from the swap meet.

Crackho! Felicity looking like she just spent the day with Wino in Details Magazine - Egotastic!

Xtina is the tranny porn star version of Cristina Saralegui - Hollywood Tuna

Heidi & Spencer should do a staged sex tape already and get it over with - Popsugar

Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson totally just hot boxed before these pictures were taken - IDLYITW

More useless goop from Fishsticks - Lainey Gossip

Sasha Fierce can fuck with anything she wants! Even Ave Maria - Just Jared

Bode Miller naked in NYC - Towleroad

Whitney Port can bore a bitch like a pro, but she can't dress worth shit (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Beverly Hills Chihuahua should not be on this list - Hollywood Rag

Julia Roberts is married to a crazy person - Cityrag

Source

Little Britain's Matt Lucas officially divorced his husband of 18-months back in October and it looks like he's dried all his tears and gotten back on the horse hung.

39-year-old Matt was out shopping in L.A. yesterday with 21-year-old model Kevin Gould. The love tarts met on the set of Little Britain USA. Kevin obviously instantly fell madly in love with Matt's vivacious personality, infectious sense of humor and his love for life. Kevin has my permission to use that line during interviews when he's asked if he's giving head to get ahead.

And Matt immediately fell in love with....well....with Kevin's body. Kevin is the hotness, but that bitch needs to lose that fugly thick chain. I'm like a kitten, so when I see something shiny it catches my eye and distracts me from finding out important information like how big the peen is.

Jennifer Aniston might as well tattoo the word "uncool" on her ass because it's going to follow her wherever she goes for the rest of her life. Every reporter will ask her about that whole "uncool" thing she said. Entertainment Weekly did and Jenny answered it by basically saying it was very uncool of Vogue to focus on that comment, "I was just surprised that Vogue would go so tabloid. I was bummed. But you almost expect it. Big deal. Done. Next." Anna Wintour is so the new Bonnie Fuller.

Jenny also addresses those rumors that she has two fetuses living in her womb. "Oh my God, it's hysterical. It's almost going to take away the fun from actually being able to say one day, 'I'm pregnant!' Stop stealing my thunder, motherfuckers!"

Jenny finds it so hysterical that she laughs until she realizes that the rumors aren't true and then she cries so hard that she has to laugh again to keep from crying. It's a vicious cycle.

I'll admit that reading Jen say the word "motherfuckers," made me like for two quick seconds. Cursing is the way to my heart. Yup, it's that easy. Say the word "motherfucker" or "cunt" around me and I'll be yours forever.

And since there's a puppy in these pictures, you must click here! Your screen is looking a little dirty.

Ever since Mother's Cookie Company shut down, I've been mourning the loss of their delicious Circus Animal Cookies. Many of you felt my pain and sent me bags upon bags so that I could get my fix. I seriously have like 20 bags stuffed in my closet and freezer. I was hoping my stash would last me at least until the end of the year, but now I don't have to worry!

Kellogg Company has bought all of Mother's recipes and plan to reintroduce their cookies sometime soon. The deal will be finalized today. Hallelujah!

This means that I can open up all my bags and spread them all over the bed. I can roll around in them and kiss their frosted face without guilt, because new shipments are coming in! Unless, Kellogg commits a crime against humanity and changes the recipe. Seriously, they better not alter one thing. That recipe is GOLD. I'm going to be checking to make sure the shade of pink is perfect and the sprinkles are the exact size of the originals. If even one little thing is different, Tony the Tiger better grab his shank, because it's going to be war.

Source: CNN

Thanks Patricia

It must have taken dozens of airbrush artists hundreds of hours to make Vadge's skin look like a freshly peeled and scrubbed piece of Jicama. Vadge stood over them with a whip and shouted, "We're not done until my skin looks like the inner thigh of a newborn baby! No, the inner thigh of a fetus!" The Photoshoppers probably finally gave up and just copy and pasted a photo of Vadge's face from the 80s.

The photo shoot itself was also pretty dangerous. When Vadge opened her legs, 4 or 5 crew members were sucked into her crotch. You can faintly hear their screams when she walks.

And let's be real for a second. If Louis Vuitton wanted someone flexible, they should've called up the Sheena from America's Next Top Model. That bitch really knows how to sell a bag with her legs in the air. Real talk.

P.S. - I'm so proud of myself for not making an "old bag" or "leathery vagina" joke!