Jennifer Aniston might as well tattoo the word "uncool" on her ass because it's going to follow her wherever she goes for the rest of her life. Every reporter will ask her about that whole "uncool" thing she said. Entertainment Weekly did and Jenny answered it by basically saying it was very uncool of Vogue to focus on that comment, "I was just surprised that Vogue would go so tabloid. I was bummed. But you almost expect it. Big deal. Done. Next." Anna Wintour is so the new Bonnie Fuller.

Jenny also addresses those rumors that she has two fetuses living in her womb. "Oh my God, it's hysterical. It's almost going to take away the fun from actually being able to say one day, 'I'm pregnant!' Stop stealing my thunder, motherfuckers!"

Jenny finds it so hysterical that she laughs until she realizes that the rumors aren't true and then she cries so hard that she has to laugh again to keep from crying. It's a vicious cycle.

I'll admit that reading Jen say the word "motherfuckers," made me like for two quick seconds. Cursing is the way to my heart. Yup, it's that easy. Say the word "motherfucker" or "cunt" around me and I'll be yours forever.

And since there's a puppy in these pictures, you must click here! Your screen is looking a little dirty.

Ever since Mother's Cookie Company shut down, I've been mourning the loss of their delicious Circus Animal Cookies. Many of you felt my pain and sent me bags upon bags so that I could get my fix. I seriously have like 20 bags stuffed in my closet and freezer. I was hoping my stash would last me at least until the end of the year, but now I don't have to worry!

Kellogg Company has bought all of Mother's recipes and plan to reintroduce their cookies sometime soon. The deal will be finalized today. Hallelujah!

This means that I can open up all my bags and spread them all over the bed. I can roll around in them and kiss their frosted face without guilt, because new shipments are coming in! Unless, Kellogg commits a crime against humanity and changes the recipe. Seriously, they better not alter one thing. That recipe is GOLD. I'm going to be checking to make sure the shade of pink is perfect and the sprinkles are the exact size of the originals. If even one little thing is different, Tony the Tiger better grab his shank, because it's going to be war.

Source: CNN

Thanks Patricia

It must have taken dozens of airbrush artists hundreds of hours to make Vadge's skin look like a freshly peeled and scrubbed piece of Jicama. Vadge stood over them with a whip and shouted, "We're not done until my skin looks like the inner thigh of a newborn baby! No, the inner thigh of a fetus!" The Photoshoppers probably finally gave up and just copy and pasted a photo of Vadge's face from the 80s.

The photo shoot itself was also pretty dangerous. When Vadge opened her legs, 4 or 5 crew members were sucked into her crotch. You can faintly hear their screams when she walks.

And let's be real for a second. If Louis Vuitton wanted someone flexible, they should've called up the Sheena from America's Next Top Model. That bitch really knows how to sell a bag with her legs in the air. Real talk.

P.S. - I'm so proud of myself for not making an "old bag" or "leathery vagina" joke!

NeNe Leakes says the gossip going around that she's been kicked out of her rented house is 100% wrong. The rumor was that NeNe was put out on the sidewalk after her family failed to pay around $6k in past due rent. There was even some official-looking document going around stating she was indeed evicted. NeNe says it's all just lie-telling! I'm close to believing her, because do you remember that document that said Kim was in fact 30? That shit was doctored! There's no way in wig hell that shit was real. Fraudulent!

NeNe wrote a little statement to Bravo swearing she's not a low budget bitch:

"The recent rumors alleging that my family faced an eviction are a huge misunderstanding and grossly inaccurate. I am truly blessed to enjoy a wonderful life and lifestyle. We have indeed moved to another home, but we did so on our own free will. We live in an absolutely beautiful home and we are fortunate to be able to live in the place of our choice. Unfortunately, there are many families who are facing real foreclosures and real evictions. That is not and never was the case with us. I know where we live and how we live, and for those blessings I am humbly thankful. It is disappointing that many members of the media have chosen to report gossip instead of news. Without wasting time on the details, the only thing I will say is that we were NOT evicted. Everybody knows that I like to be honest, real and upfront. If something was wrong, I would tell you! Thank you for your well wishes. However, please know that my family continues to be abundantly blessed, and that Miss NeNe has not skipped a beat!"

In my dreams, Mah Boo Anderson Cooper swooped down from his silver plane, ran his sexy fingers through his heavenly mop, giggled twinkle dust and made everything okay. Afterwards, NeNe thanked Mah Boo by letting him snuggle on her chichis for a few minutes.

But the truth is that raggedy ass Kim is probably behind this!

The plot for Haispray 2 is full of FAIL (but thankfully John Travolta is not included) - EW.com

"Happy Accident" would still have been a better name than Bronx Mowgli - Celebitchy

Kelly Ripa and Mark Conseulos actually made the cover of a tabloid - I'm Not Obsessed

Heidi Montag's mom is in on the charade - Mollygood

Kim KardASSian is full of caca - Socialite Life

Asshole Simpson fell in love Pete Wentz's clitoris first - Celebslam

95% of the Top Male Nekkid Scenes of 2008 are so not hot - The Frisky

Kiki Dunst's new man looks like he bathes semi-regularly, so that makes him an upgrade - ICYDK

Hockey player and former Vogue intern Sean Avery was put on hold by the NHL on Tuesday for calling Elisha Cuthbert his "sloppy seconds" because she's dating a player on a rival team. Sean will show up to a hearing today with the hockey league's commissioner to talk about his indefinite suspension.

Sean put together an official apology for the comment that came out of his mouth: "I should not have made those comments and I recognize that they were inappropriate. It was a bad attempt to build excitement for the game, but I am now acutely aware of how hurtful my actions were. I apologize for offending the great fans of the NHL, the commissioner, my teammates, my coaching staff and the Dallas Stars management and ownership. As many of you know, I like to mix it up on and off the ice from time to time, but understand that this time I took it too far."

The only thing Sean is truly sorry for is not calling Elisha something worse than "sloppy seconds." If you're going to go down, you might as well go down big. Sloppy seconds is almost a compliment where I come from. Shit.

The douchedick also forgot to say "I'm so sowwy" to the only person he probably offended: his ex-girlfriend. A simple "And I apologize to my sloppy seconds" would have been good enough.

Blaaaake rushed over to Wino's hospital bed when he found out that he had to go back to the chokey after he got an F- on his drug test. In addition to begging her for forgiveness, he also put his crackpipe into her crackhouse. Basically, The Sun says they fucked on her hospital bed. Did you feel a shaking down below? That was just your genitals running off to the bathroom to wash themselves off with antibacterial soap. Don't worry, they'll be back when the coast is clear.

A source said that when Blaaake got there, he asked her entourage if they could give them some privacy. He then told Wino how sexy she looked in her hospital gown while strapped to an IV with drool probably come down her mouth and crack boogers in her eyes. After that, they did it. The source went on to say, “It was obvious what went on.”

It was obvious because the room smelled like boiled roach shit and the walls were covered with dead fleas.

You know, I don't think Wino and Blaaake bump crack rocks because they want to get off in a sexy way. I think it's a quick and simple high for them. After they finished jizzing, they gather their sex smegma from the bed sheets, cook it up on a hot plate, chop it down and then snort it up. Voila! I mean, they both bust the pure shit.

Kathy Griffin recorded her comedy album For Your Consideration just so she could get a Grammy and her dream is very close to coming true. Memaw Maggie's daughter was nominated for a Grammy for Best Comedy Album last night along with Flight of the Conchords, George Carlin, Lewis Black and Harry Shearer. Hooray! This bitch better win just so she can offend the uptight dumbasses of America again.

The nominations were announced last night during a Grammy nomination concert. They had a fucking concert to announce the nominations and they showed that shit on TV. What's next? A televised concert to announce the nomination concert? And another televised concert to announce that Mimi's shit is banana-shaped?

Lil Wayne received the most nominations with 8. Coldplay got 7 nominations. Jay-Z, Ne-Yo and Kanye got 6 nominations each. Here's just a few of the top categories. Click here to see the full long ass list.

Album of the Year
Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends, Coldplay (Chris Martin must be stopped)
Tha Carter III, Lil Wayne
Year of the Gentleman, Ne-Yo
Raising Sand, Robert Plant & Alison Krauss
In Rainbows, Radiohead

Record of the Year
"Chasing Pavements," Adele
"Viva la Vida," Coldplay
"Bleeding Love," Leona Lewis
"Paper Planes," M.I.A.
"Please Read the Letter," Robert Plant & Alison Krauss

Song of the Year (for the songwriter)
"American Boy," performed by Estelle featuring Kanye West
"Chasing Pavements," performed by Adele
"I'm Yours," performed by Jason Mraz
"Love Song," performed by Sara Bareilles
"Viva La Vida," performed by Coldplay

Best New Artist
Adele
Duffy
Jonas Brothers
Lady Antebellum
Jazmine Sullivan

Um. I think they're going to need to do a recount. This list doesn't seem right. I mean, where's It's So Cold in the D and Smell Yo Dick? Mistakes have been made. Those two masterpieces should have the most nominations.

And I expect Spaghetti Cat (I Weep For You) and Kim Zolciak's Tightrope to sweeeeeeeep next year's nominations.

Stephen Colbert called upon America to help him take down Kanye West and his mission is complete! As of 8:40am today, Stephen's Christmas album is #3 on iTunes, one spot above Kanye! SQUID BRAINS! Stephen wanted the #1 spot, but he's no match for Our Lady of Cheetos! He'll try to deal with her next week.

I did my part by handing over $7.99 for Colbert's soon-to-be Christmas classic! I haven't listened to it yet, because I need to pace myself when it comes to holiday-themed shit. I mean, radio stations started playing holiday music the day before Thanksgiving. That's cheating! There should be some law that radio stations, TV shows, stores, etc. can't start playing that shit until two weeks before the actual day. Hearing holiday music wherever I go makes me hate Christmas.

Now we can declare that The Colbert has won this battle against Kanye! Those of us that forked over our lube money, can pat ourselves on the genitals for helping Colbert reach this goal. I'm sure there will be many more battles against Kanye. Now, I can't say that I'll fight for Colbert every single time, because I do have a soft spot on my CAPS LOCK key for Kanye. But for now....

Viva Colbert!!!

Tricia Walsh-Smith is back on YouTube and she's traded slagging off her husband for singing in a dominatrix costume. I understand if that last part immediately made you click off this site and go to the Live Feed Puppies!! It's a little too early to deal with this shit, but deal with it I did!

Crazy Eyes' new single is called "Bonkers" and the video just shows her running around London like a madwoman on the run. The footage probably wasn't even for the video. That's how Crazy Eyes acts on a daily basis. The other part of the video shows Crazy Eyes as a dominatrix in some homemade dungeon. Her dungeon sort of looks like the Chinese restaurant down the street from me. Hmmm...

My favorite part is at the 1:38 mark when Crazy Eyes is just standing there, having a moment of clarity and thinking, "WTF is my life?!"

And her eyes still burn past my soul through the wall behind me and into my neighbor's apartment. My neighbor probably feels the uneasy feeling of someone watching him. It's Crazy Eyes!

Thanks Janey