JLo Is Crazy
JLo queefs about being knocked up with the Dragon Tales twins in the October issue of Elle magazine. JLo said that she was "selfish" for the first time in her whole fucking life while she was pregnant. Yeah, this shit is going to write itself.
JLo spent the first part of her pregnancy on tour with Skeletor. When the tour ended she was ready to be taken care of. She said: "I said, 'I did the superwoman thing, I finished the tour – now I need you to take care of me. I love doing things for you; if I'm not cooking, then I'm picking out a shirt. But this is the first time in my life where I'm just going to be a little bit selfish. I don’t know if I'm going to have kids again, so I want it to be a beautiful experience. I don't want to have any drama. I want to just be smiling every day.'"
Who wrote that shit for her? Danielle Steele? Seriously, how were these fake words able to pass through her lips? This is straight up fuckery.
She went on to spew even more cheese about the moment she found out about her pregnancy: "I was sitting down doing hair and makeup and I felt a flutter. The weirdest little ... flourish. My makeup artist said 'What’s the matter?' I didn’t say anything, but in my head, I was like, I have life inside me!”
The only thing missing from this shit is a Celine Dion song playing in the background. JLo, stop hitting me in the mouth with your 12-inch dildo! I'm not going to suck it!
And to stop off this queso fiesta, JLo confessed that she had some nude pictures taken of herself two weeks before she gave birth. "I was like, How am I going to rock this moment of my life?... I felt very womanly. Marc was in a dream. He loved it."
Marc was in a nightmare, not a dream. And by the power of Chicken Cutlets, may these nekkid pictures of a knocked up JLo never see the light outside of her boudoir. Never!
Here's a few more pictures of JLo with Michael Kors, Georgina Chapman and Donatella Versace. Donatella kind of looks like Skeletor with a dime store wig.
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@Molotov
::::My suggestion: don't go to his shite. Not telling you what to do, just offering you one easy way not to be disgusted and find yourself rushing to the bathroom with violent rhea whenever you read his site. ::::
Yeah. His site is crap. It's one of those things I check infrequently - like when I'm on "hold" on a call at work. Invariably, his site DOES induce the tummy-churn - the bad kind.
Not sure how or why this simpleminded gimp has as much exposure as he/she/it does. Sickening, really.
LCT - I agree, her stating that it's the first time she had to be selfish made me do a wha wha wha W H A T????? Bitch, you've been selfish your entire LIFE!
And I too just felt a flourish. Luckily, it subsided as soon as I hurled my earlier lunch of chicken salad and fat free crackers. Jenny is clearly off her block and needs to have the dosage on her meds adjusted. Or else I'm gonna need to raid a 747 of it's gag bags.
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"Don't fuck with me fellas. This ain't my first time at the rodeo."
Is this bitch still relevent? I thought her and Skeletor sailed into "Nobody gives a Shitville" years ago?
I do love they way they photoshopped her body into a 20 year old and her nose! Is it made out of clay or did they use a nose from Mr. Potato Head?
Submitted by Thornhill on September 3, 2008 - 3:03pm.
Oh she's just Jenny from the Block. From what block and what planet I'm not exactly sure...
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That bitch is one serendipitous Wayan's Brother blowjob away from really being Jenny from the Corner, trust.
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I'll miss visits with you because I'm too busy crawling out of a K hole - MK
Don't need Perez. Got our own thing going on here so Bollox to Perez..
_________________ ☮ ___________________
Most of what you worry about, never happens..
http://www.myspace.com/akathornhill
Why is she still relevant? I'm confused.
Oh she's just Jenny from the Block. From what block and what planet I'm not exactly sure...
_________________ ☮ ___________________
Most of what you worry about, never happens..
http://www.myspace.com/akathornhill
Submitted by SlanderusHeathen on September 3, 2008 - 2:56pm.
My suggestion: don't go to his shite. Not telling you what to do, just offering you one easy way not to be disgusted and find yourself rushing to the bathroom with violent rhea whenever you read his site.
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I'll miss visits with you because I'm too busy crawling out of a K hole - MK
She's gonna need a cape if she's gonna be a supermom...
_________________ ☮ ___________________
Most of what you worry about, never happens..
http://www.myspace.com/akathornhill
Submitted by SlanderusHeathen on September 3, 2008 - 5:56pm.
Perez is a giant skidmark on the underwear of life ..
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Could not have said it better myself.
Terribly convenient that he looks, and probably smells, just like a skidmark too.
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YOUR JUST JEALUS OKAY YOU CAN'T MAKE THE SKIDMARK WITH BLOW TOOT TIMES SHE HAS THE BUTT BURN CHOCOLATE TACO OKAY WOW!
you other moms
word!
evil, my other child was born august 20, nuff said. lol.
and yeah, Jlo would just lay down and die if she had to work ONE day preggers.
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"what're you still doing here? Didn't I tell you to go home and fuck your mother?"
Submitted by Molotov Cocktease on September 3, 2008 - 5:57pm.
Amen
Submitted by Athina on September 4, 2008 - 7:51am.
Are they kidding with that cover shot? What the flying fuck happened to the other half of her nose? We need to schedule an intervention with Oprah's makeup artist and the bitch that did the makeup for this cover. The nose shading is out of control.
...
Looks like they forgot to finish it.
Submitted by christine the hoff on September 3, 2008 - 2:53pm.
HEY jenny you fucking bitch supermom is going to work pregnant til you are ready to drop the kid, in the winter no less.
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that and going back to work 2 weeks later because supermom has gotta put some superfood on the supertable. STFU biotch.
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I'll miss visits with you because I'm too busy crawling out of a K hole - MK
Submitted by Thornhill on September 3, 2008 - 5:54pm.
"I don't to have any drama" I lost it at that line.
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Excuse me, the breath emanating from your mouth was not white, nor was it the temperature JLo would want it. Please stop creating drama by not meeting her demands.
PS. Do you have any toast?
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YOUR JUST JEALUS OKAY YOU CAN'T MAKE THE SKIDMARK WITH BLOW TOOT TIMES SHE HAS THE BUTT BURN CHOCOLATE TACO OKAY WOW!
I can't believe she thinks anyone is going to buy that those actual words ever came out of her mouth. She's fucking delusional!
Submitted by christine the hoff on September 3, 2008 - 5:53pm.
HEY jenny you fucking bitch supermom is going to work pregnant til you are ready to drop the kid, in the winter no less.
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Or in late July in the Florida heat/humidity!
This bitch didn't lift a finger when pregnant. I am little, had a 10 pound baby and worked up until 3 days before my son was born. I was a retail manager and on my feet 11 hours a day.
This bitch would've died on the first day of that.
Riddle me this:
Disclaimer: The only reason I chose this post to rant, is because MK used the word "fuckery" in it ...
Why does that syphilictic cumbubble also known as Perez Hilton "borrow" all of the colloquialisms that MK uses on his blog? There's a current post on Pigez that uses the word "fuckery" ... to the best of my knowledge, MK is/was the only one that has used that word on his/her blogs. Unoriginal, pandering, mealymouthed lil assgoblin. Perez is a giant skidmark on the underwear of life ..
Submitted by M.E. on September 3, 2008 - 5:50pm.
I have to concur with every single part of this post.
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I'm still fucking bug-eyed over her saying "I had to be selfish for the first time in my life."
I don't think I've ever been so GD confused in all my life. If she doesn't think she's regularly selfish, what the hell else would she call it? Pro-active?
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YOUR JUST JEALUS OKAY YOU CAN'T MAKE THE SKIDMARK WITH BLOW TOOT TIMES SHE HAS THE BUTT BURN CHOCOLATE TACO OKAY WOW!
Submitted by StickaCockinWoo... on September 3, 2008 - 5:52pm.
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JLo don't give a fuck about Marc's other kids! When have you ever seen this bitch with them or talking about them! She's probably the fucking step-mom from hell.
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The love of my life, Ed Westwick, being deliciously sleazy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9SgPZsJ9j0
"I don't to have any drama" I lost it at that line.
_________________ ☮ ___________________
Most of what you worry about, never happens..
http://www.myspace.com/akathornhill
She's more delusional than Phoebe Price.
When I read that she was being a little bit selfish for the first time in her life, I almost spit out my Spaghettio's! Bitch, please.
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Dick happens! - MK
HEY jenny you fucking bitch supermom is going to work pregnant til you are ready to drop the kid, in the winter no less.
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"what're you still doing here? Didn't I tell you to go home and fuck your mother?"
Sorry, Jennifer Lopez will never look as good when she had that makeup artist going to the press with her secrets. She need's to suck to him big time to him and make him sign an agreement that every time he tell's he owes her money.
Also, that's very disrespectful to the first set of kids to say Marc anthony was in a dream when she was pregnant. Were the first set nightmares?
Please Mr. Francis Ford Coppola, make a Godfather part 4 with Talia Shire as the Godfather and Kay finally with the program.
I wonder how much money she's bummed off of Donatella.
Faker than my grandpa's set of choppers.
Are they kidding with that cover shot? What the flying fuck happened to the other half of her nose? We need to schedule an intervention with Oprah's makeup artist and the bitch that did the makeup for this cover. The nose shading is out of control.
When is this bitch running a marathon? I hope she loses control of her bowels.
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on September 3, 2008 - 1:47pm.
There is so much wrong with everything she said.
1) She has to pick out his shirts for him?
2) A little bit selfish?
3) For the first time in her life?
4) Doesn't know she'll have more kids (please, they're already fertilizing more embryos as we speak)
5) Superwoman? Get over yourself.
6) Don't want drama? 74 degree Evian, please. And the bottle better be fucking white or someone's going to die.
7) Rock the moment of being more pregnant than an elephant at the end of its gestation by posing nude for Skeletor and apparently he liked it. Sure, and Matthew McConaughey hates bongs.
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I have to concur with every single part of this post.
"JLo confessed that she had some nude pictures taken of herself two weeks before she gave birth."
Puleeze, all they had to do was take a close up picture of some day old lumpy buttered up mashed potatoes and no one would have known the difference.
*****"Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die. Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up, just don't do it, OK, promise? OK, now everybody take some rubbers."*****
ugh...jlo is one of those delusional broads that thinks she did something amazing because she gave birth...and let the nannies raise them...
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so pretty. so fat. so sad!!!
There is so much wrong with everything she said.
1) She has to pick out his shirts for him?
2) A little bit selfish?
3) For the first time in her life?
4) Doesn't know she'll have more kids (please, they're already fertilizing more embryos as we speak)
5) Superwoman? Get over yourself.
6) Don't want drama? 74 degree Evian, please. And the bottle better be fucking white or someone's going to die.
7) Rock the moment of being more pregnant than an elephant at the end of its gestation by posing nude for Skeletor and apparently he liked it. Sure, and Matthew McConaughey hates bongs.
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YOUR JUST JEALUS OKAY YOU CAN'T MAKE THE SKIDMARK WITH BLOW TOOT TIMES SHE HAS THE BUTT BURN CHOCOLATE TACO OKAY WOW!
she looks good
Michael, you crack me up!!!!! :D
JLo wasn't sitting with make-up artist but at the sperm bank and what she felt was not a flourish, it was the IVF turkey blaster.
How disrespectful is it to say you're doing nothing just because you're knocked up??? How do pregnant women feel who have to work until they are almost ready to give birth just so they can provide for their baby?
Errghh...now I dislike her even more!
* SAVE THE FORESTS, EAT MORE BEAVERS!!!*
Baahahahahahahaaa! I don't even know where to start.
Baaahhahahahaaaa!
"Cucumbers are for lightweights! Buttered up butternut squash is the way to go!"--MK 6/4/08
I wonder what these "stars" would look like had there been no photoshop like the old hollywood days when you actually had to be naturally beautiful.
Submitted by TITS on September 3, 2008 - 5:26pm.
"Sharpie eyebrows and lipliner with no lipstick would look good on her."
Don't forget the tattood eyeliner......
Did she ask the photoshop dude to add some Catherine Zeta Jones feature to her face?
Pffffft.
Self indulgent piece of shit.
Submitted by Fucking_Classy on September 3, 2008 - 4:37pm.
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It's actually a Yul Brynner shot from the Ten Commandments. Rudy was also a full order of sex.
Bobblehead! Bobblebobblebobblebobble....
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FOUR PAWS, INC. KILLS ANIMALS. BOYCOTT THEIR PRODUCTS.
http://thechaistory.blogspot.com/
Gotta love photoshop.
At first I thought this was a shitty picture of Eva Mendez.
Oh bitch please, she's never been that skinny, EVER.
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"what're you still doing here? Didn't I tell you to go home and fuck your mother?"
Wow, if they're going to use shading they should at least try blending a bit. I swear I just don't get how Mally Roncal became a make up artist because she sucks. Also, ha ha ha ha ha! J-to-the-dumb-Ho, how stupid do you think we are. You don't cook, clean, or so much as wipe your own ass, and you're pretty much always selfish. And that little flutter you felt? It's called GAS... if I was pregnant every time I felt "a flutter or flourish", I'd be cobered head to toe in babies...
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"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits"- Albert Einstein
"What's Walmart? Is that where they sell Walls?"- The Plague upon this earth, aka Pussy Hole Hilton
Submitted by Dr. Dick on September 4, 2008 - 5:31am.
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Oh, and Dr. Dick: love your avvie. Rodolfo Valentino was the hotness.
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" That which does not kill me only postpones the inevitable."
JLo better offer one of the Dragon Tale Twins as a sacrifice to the Photoshop Gods.
She's a pile of medical waste.
"I was sitting down doing hair and makeup and I felt a flutter. The weirdest little ... flourish. My makeup artist said 'What’s the matter?' I didn’t say anything, but in my head, I was like, I have life inside me!”
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If THAT was the moment she found out she was pregnant then that bitch is dumb, because that means she was at LEAST 14 weeks if not FARTHER along. No way this selfish twat didn't know she was pregnant for FOUR fucking months.
Bitch got her nose majorly photoshopped.
Oh and JLo, if you're gonna lie to a magazine, at least have the decency to make up something REMOTELY believable.
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" That which does not kill me only postpones the inevitable."
@this is the first time in my life where I'm just going to be a little bit selfish.
That's a multi layer cake of funny right thar. I didn't know she was doing stand up these days. I nearly lost my spleen at the Cooking line..
_________________ ☮ ___________________
Most of what you worry about, never happens..
http://www.myspace.com/akathornhill
I thought this pic was Eva Longwhoria with some injected lips...for serious!
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"Peachy with a side of keen, that would be me"