Saturday, September 6th 2008

Teri Snatcher Gives The Greatest Advice

In the October issue of Britain's Glamour Magazine, Teri Snatcher aka The Botox Grinch has a little advice for her 10-year-old daughter Emerson.

Snatcher said: "Have great sex and eat the chocolate. Don’t sit on public toilet seats and make sure to floss. … Life's too short to stress; you'll be able to get past anything difficult; the sun will rise tomorrow; you are beautiful; you are lovable."

Snatcher must have read Lynne Spears' inspirational parenting book. The pedos of the world are bowing down to her.

And isn't having great sex and eating chocolate the same thing in certain circles? Gross. Snatcher forgot to tell her daughter NOT to ever mix flossing with oral sex. Click here if you have no idea what I'm blabbing about.

Snatcher went on to say that she also keeps a "goal board" with inspirational notes and images on it. She said: "It's basically a collage of images of things you want to achieve in your life – all written, glued or drawn onto a big piece of paper." Some of the messages on the board include "Don't eat after 7 p.m." and "Dance like a teenager."

Has she seen the way teenagers dance nowadays? The last thing I need to see is Snatcher wiggling her snatch like a video ho.

Snatcher's Glamour interview is just further proof that excessive botox use isn't good for the brains.

VIA People

Posted by: Michael K


blueberry's picture

That's what happens when you don't eat, your brain cells get weak and u start talking shit.
Oh, and "The Botox Grinch" is THE perfect nickname for her, I love MK!

cadebra1961's picture

Cadebra's snarkly translation on Snatcher's retarded comments:
Snatcher said: "Have great sex and eat the chocolate.
**Be a fat slut

Don’t sit on public toilet seats and make sure to floss.
** JUST FASTEN YOUR SOCK SLOTS AND FEED THE TOILET BATS

… Life's too short to stress; you'll be able to get past anything difficult; the sun will rise tomorrow; you are beautiful; you are lovable."
**Life's a bitch and then you die.

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→←...When you come to a fork in the road, take it...◘•♣♣ Yogi Bera →←

plain_sliced's picture

wow. what words of wisdom from this douche bag.

Aphid's picture

Submitted by Madam Pince on September 6, 2008 - 9:30am.
This bitch has never had any restraint or sense when talking about sex. In her book, she claimed she knew Emerson was conceived on Valentine's Day of 97 (or maybe 96), because that was the only time she and her then-husband, Jon Tenney, had sex, that year.

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What a fucking freak. She's another one that needs to keep her yap shut at all times.

oklahoma's picture

Submitted by Clarisse on September 6, 2008 - 2:49pm.
oklahoma !
I often say that the worst thing for a kid is his parents!!!!!!

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oh I agree w/ that.. My mom tried to hold my hand in stores even until I was like 16 years old.. WTF, and I was no pocket protector wearing nerd either.

Clarisse's picture

oklahoma !
I often say that the worst thing for a kid is his parents!!!!!!

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Fuck off! I'm the Queen!

ZiggyStardust's picture

I'm not sure that it's prudish to object to a parent telling her child to have lots of great sex wen she grows up. Especially when it's counterbalanced by a commandment not to eat beyond a specific hour.

Not only are these practices best suited bodies, but also to adult minds. These are norms that have sprung from wells of experience.

Wisdom is understanding. To nurture wisdom is to nurture understanding. Understanding is not rooted in meaningless instruction.

Remember, Socrates taught us that knowledge is virtue.

Ten year olds should not be concerning themselves with the social politics of adulthood in my opinion.

There main concern should be that the next door neighbour's Pokemon are tougher than their own.

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Are we sure Xtina has not passed on and her final request was to be embalmed standing up holding a bottle of her nasty perfume?- DivasGone

oklahoma's picture

HAHA Clarisse,, You mean your dad didn't need an inhaler, you just needed some earplugs? Why do parents torture us so. Stuff like that is prob why I don't even see or speak to my mom now. eeewwww

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I DID only have two beers, It was the Liqour that fucked me up!!

Gonnaburn...'s picture

I saw a UK gameshow once where they brought a teen boy in and surprised him that he was a constetant. His parents were on stage; he came down and had to guess the anwsers to questions that his parents had previously answered like, What is your mom's fav. position: 69, missionary or doggie style? The kid looked horrified and then guessed missionary, to which his mom giggled, "No love, 69." I'd have had an anuresym on the spot.

oklahoma's picture

PSL. Ew, My parents seperated, and I still lived w/ my mom, So my dad would visit my mom to just have sex.OMG,like ruin me, please. But I mean, come on, atleast spray something, so the house does NOT smell like Old people sex. *rocks in corner crying*..
Yeah, Pretty Baby, that was a good movie. I felt odd watching it due to the context but whatever.

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I DID only have two beers, It was the Liqour that fucked me up!!

Clarisse's picture

I watch a lot of BBC and we Americans are, for the most part very prudish! There was a TV series over there called Metropolis that would have had a hard time playing on cable, let alone free TV.

Okie!
I still remember the horror of the moment i realized my dad WASN'T having a hard time breathing, he was boffin me mom! ARRRRGH!

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Fuck off! I'm the Queen!

ZiggyStardust's picture

Submitted by CeeCee on September 6, 2008 - 6:32pm.

Heehee, what a cute story!

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Are we sure Xtina has not passed on and her final request was to be embalmed standing up holding a bottle of her nasty perfume?- DivasGone

parissucksliterally's picture

okie, now you are talking about "Pretty Baby", with Brooke Shields.

My parents had sex with their door open all the time- thank GOD I sleep like the dead, and only heard them once in HS....my poor sister heard them a lot more.

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I ask myself, is all hope lost? Is there only pain and hatred, and misery? And each time I feel like this inside, there's one thing I want to know- what's so funny 'bout peace love and understanding?

oklahoma's picture

Yeah, I'm american, i'm 28 and am still very creeped out when sex or anything close comes on tv or a movie when I would b in the romm w/ my mom and especially my dad.. *shuders* Makes me uncomfortable, Mabye cause I always heard them doing it, and they never respected us children to be quiet. Freaks! haha,,

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I DID only have two beers, It was the Liqour that fucked me up!!

CeeCee's picture

Me and my 11 year old daugther have an understanding. "Only sluts have sex." And if it comes up on the TV, we say "ew" and change the channel. We're very American.

She's telling her 10-year-old to have sex? And she says "don't stress" after talking about toilet seats, which is the biggest nonsensical fear of terminal OCD patents?

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Don't dream it... BE it!

girl_cheese's picture

As a 10yo kid, when your mom's telling you, "... have great sex ...," your first thought, after wtf, would be, "Is there bad sex?" You'd have to have sex more than once a year to know, otherwise it's all good. How'd Hatcher get in the position in the first place where peeps are asking her what she THINKS??

oklahoma's picture

DAE You are right, this is like that one movie w/ a young Brooke Shields who lives at a brothel w/ her mother, Susan Sarandon, and when Susan has a dick coming over, she invites Brooke to come into the room w/ her. tsk tsk.. Such a shame! This child should enjoy barbies, sand castles, sleep overs (w/ friends lol) and kid stuff. Not hickeys, and drive-in movies..

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I DID only have two beers, It was the Liqour that fucked me up!!

DreamyAguileraEyes's picture

Are you fucking kidding me? She's telling her 10 year old daughter to have "great sex2? No, just no.

Jesus Christ. Does this woman have ANY cluye what she's doing to her daughter? There aree MUCH more important things that she should be teaching her daughter. Sex is just a bonus in life.

People like this SHOULD NOT be having kids!!!

~♥~Christina Aguilera just Keeps Getting Better ~ 22/9/08~♥~
Somedays I'm A Super BITCH! ~ Xtina, Keeps Getting Better
THE NEW SINGLE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-O9G3JB8FG4

i thought that it was jacko as i was scrolling down the page...

Madam Pince's picture

This bitch has never had any restraint or sense when talking about sex. In her book, she claimed she knew Emerson was conceived on Valentine's Day of 97 (or maybe 96), because that was the only time she and her then-husband, Jon Tenney, had sex, that year.

When questioned, he responded with a great deal of class, refusing to discuss anything involving his daughter.

I've always assumed they divorced because he had enough of her batshit craziness. I can see why he'd only be able to stomach sex with her once a year.

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"This isn't going to involve children or hiking, is it?"

FatMartha's picture

Something about her daugheter's face makes her look about 10 years older than Ali Lohan. It's bothering me.

Morning okie!
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Keep on keepin' on.
For all you haters, it's....Bible In a Minute!

radio siren's picture

I agree with the other posters here. It's symbolic of this generation's parenting and priorities that the VERY FIRST bit of advice she gives her young daughter is about sex, with no qualifications. Nothing about being safe, nothing about respecting her body, nothing about the self-damage of skanking off like the other Hollywood sluts. Very telling.

________________________
Dlisted's a hellava drug.

"Paris is fucking lame. She's more offensive to me than anything. She's a total, raging, disgusting, rich, lazy party slut. I pray that my daughter will not turn out like her." - Dave Grohl

Pernicious's picture

I grew up in Sweden, so we had sex ed in schol when I was 10, we even had to sit through a proper film about giving birth, from the "falling in love" to the sex to the baby coming out. Scared the shit out of half the girls in the class...

The most confusing part is why she has to tell the girl to eat chocolate. At 10, fuck it even now, you don't have to tell me to eat it. It'll be gone before you even open your mouth.

TheBreakdown's picture

oklahoma!

You're right. That also applies.

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The line between sex and society is so fine and blurred... even Amy Winehouse wouldn't snort it.

http://societysex.blogspot.com/

madam s.'s picture

Ew. The sex comment is nasty, and if I didn't know Hatcher is an idiot, I would suggest that that is some sort of reverse psychology because if your own mother tells you in some sort of cheesy self-help tone at ten yrs. old to "have great sex", I think your psyche would be so irreversibly damaged that you would choose to remain abstinent for the rest of your life.

And the rest of her advice is just trite and nauseating. I hope this little girl has a reasonable, intelligent father someplace.

oklahoma's picture

ThBreakdown. LMAO I read that as Many Morons ago.. haha still fits!

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I DID only have two beers, It was the Liqour that fucked me up!!

TheBreakdown's picture

many moons ago, Teri was hot.

MANY moons ago!

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The line between sex and society is so fine and blurred... even Amy Winehouse wouldn't snort it.

http://societysex.blogspot.com/

oklahoma's picture

Well she's going to give her kiddo a bad complex w/ weight, and tht stuff stays w/ you. And teri is a weird stick figure.. I hated her Radio Shack commercials..

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I DID only have two beers, It was the Liqour that fucked me up!!

angel_i's picture

D'oh. My finger clicked before I could stop it!

♥ ThreadKilla!/Lean Like a Chola/She's a Lady.
"You sicken everyone! Even Michael Jackson!" overheardinnewyork

Always Sunny's picture

Submitted by Mr. President on September 6, 2008 - 12:56pm.

So bearding for Ryan Seacrest makes you an expert on sex and relationships?

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lol! Don't forget desperately chasing after George Clooney!

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

angel_i's picture

Submitted by ZiggyStardust on September 6, 2008 - 1:10pm.

I find it astonishing how stupid people can be.

Don't eat after 7 PM?

Somebody needs to tell Teri that she's gotten Ramadan all mixed up.
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That's a Cosmo trick that I learned in HS lol.

It's a good rule for late night bingers (teens!) to stay thin. And not a terrible rule for life cuz it gives your body time to process before you sleep. I would never tell my kid that tho - let her read it in Cosmo just like I did;p

♥ ThreadKilla!/Lean Like a Chola/She's a Lady.
"You sicken everyone! Even Michael Jackson!" overheardinnewyork

girl_cheese's picture

Sounds like someone's been in therapy. The goal board's a dead giveaway. I'm guessing for eating issues. Maybe next she should go in for thinking before giving sex advice to a 10 year old.

luckycharms's picture

She has over bleached her teeth. They have that gray transparent look.

parissucksliterally's picture

I don't necessarily disagree with not eating after 7, if she goes to bed at 10 or so, but to put those kind of food restrictions on a little girl- that is just training her to be a nutcase when it comes to food/weight.

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I ask myself, is all hope lost? Is there only pain and hatred, and misery? And each time I feel like this inside, there's one thing I want to know- what's so funny 'bout peace love and understanding?

angel_i's picture

Seriously, my 10 year old flees the room if we even say the word "sex" to each other. We have talked, gingerly, about her crushes (which she barely admits to), the mechanics of sex and her bodily rights. I'm pretty sure she's gonna figure out she wants her sex to be great all by herself. Interestingly enough, I'm more concerned about her remembering that there is WAY more to life than sex over the next 10 years.

♥ ThreadKilla!/Lean Like a Chola/She's a Lady.
"You sicken everyone! Even Michael Jackson!" overheardinnewyork

EvilShoe's picture

Submitted by EK on September 6, 2008 - 1:10pm.

What's the link of? I know better than to click on any link that MK provides us but I am still curious.
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From the link, we get educated on flossing and oral sex:

Is it safe to floss before oral sex?

Experts say various things about oral sex and flossing, but agree flossing is not recommended before engaging in oral sex. The advice varies anywhere from 30 minutes to 4 hours, regarding how long to wait. It takes 4 hours for membranes around your gums to heal.

The risk of contracting HIV from oral sex is relatively low, but other STIs can be transmitted through mouth to genital contact. If you have sores or cuts in your mouth or gums or an inflammation from an infection in your throat or mouth, you are at greater risk for contracting an infection or HIV.

Oral sex is a common sexual behavior. People enjoy various combinations of positions and techniques when engaging in cunnilingus and fellatio, but it is the mouth and tongue that provide the pleasure in all cases.

EvilShoe's picture

Dlisted is awesome, you get to snark & MK gives us lessons.

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Dick happens! - MK

ZiggyStardust's picture

I find it astonishing how stupid people can be.

Don't eat after 7 PM?

Somebody needs to tell Teri that she's gotten Ramadan all mixed up.

=========================================

Are we sure Xtina has not passed on and her final request was to be embalmed standing up holding a bottle of her nasty perfume?- DivasGone

EK's picture

What's the link of? I know better than to click on any link that MK provides us but I am still curious.

oklahoma's picture

Haha, Angel_i..

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I DID only have two beers, It was the Liqour that fucked me up!!

Salem13's picture

WTF? I understand the importance of talking to your kids about sex but...10? Who tells their 10 yr old to have great sex?
You know I'm really glad I had the chance to be a KID and dream about going to college, becoming a scientist or astronaut and not worry about "sex".

oklahoma's picture

Oh I guess I didn't read this right, she's telling this to her DAUGHTER?!? Wha???

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I DID only have two beers, It was the Liqour that fucked me up!!

angel_i's picture

Click here if you have no idea what I'm blabbing about.
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Whew! Not a picture. I already know the deets but I thought you may have come across - like THIS!

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v243/verde_pistacho/littleshopofhorror...

PS. They aren't the worst things to tell your kid. But I hardly think you have to counsel anyone to have great sex - let alone a 10 year old!

♥ ThreadKilla!/Lean Like a Chola/She's a Lady.
"You sicken everyone! Even Michael Jackson!" overheardinnewyork

parissucksliterally's picture

Salem13: right? At this age, the only sex she should be talking to her daughter about is inappropriate touching!

fucking idiot.

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I ask myself, is all hope lost? Is there only pain and hatred, and misery? And each time I feel like this inside, there's one thing I want to know- what's so funny 'bout peace love and understanding?

parissucksliterally's picture

I suppose Emerson will get a stripper pole for her 11th b-day?

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If there's a cure for this, I don't want it
If there's a remedy, I'll run from it
-Diana Ross "Love Hangover"

Always Sunny's picture

Her 'goal board' sounds like something a 7th grader would hang up in their room. It's probably not as ugly as her paisley top though.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Mr. President's picture

So bearding for Ryan Seacrest makes you an expert on sex and relationships? Poor girl is going to be knocked up by 17.

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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."

The "goal book" that is like the book "The Secret" they suggest the same thing.