Put It Away, Chestica
Jessica Simpson and her titty balls made their Grand Ole Opry debut on Saturday night and some of the audience members were not pleased with the fact that her rack was out in full display.
One bitch told People: "I think she should have put some clothes on." I think she should have put a muzzle on.
Another ho also complained about Chestica's chest: "I loved that new girl, Crystal [Shawanda] – and she was dressed appropriately." Crystal Shawanda?! I have no idea who that chick is, but she's already my favorite country star of all time. I think the angels gave her that name.
After watching her "performance," I'm more offended by her strained frog warble than what she's wearing. She sounds like a raccoon getting a 5-finger anal exam.
Jessica belongs on a pick-up truck dashboard, not on the stage of the Grand Ole' Opry.
She summed it up herself by saying: "I can't believe I am here!" Somewhere in heaven, Hank Williams is screaming, "ME NEITHER!"
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Her back-up singers look like they're completely over it.
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I'm countin' on Jesus at this point.
Submitted by sabrina on September 8, 2008 - 1:18pm.
I hate that I find that song catchy.
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Soothe yourself with the fact that she likely only wrote half of the words and that's it.
Songwriters rock the house the way they make these puppets seem viable.
♥ ThreadKilla!/Lean Like a Chola/She's a Lady.
"You sicken everyone! Even Michael Jackson!" overheardinnewyork
I hate that I find that song catchy.
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Annelle, honey, what do you say we talk some trash.
I made it 1:23. She is ruining the Opry! It's the Grand Ole Opry..not the Sad New Sloppy.
wow, i really didnt expect her singing to be THAT bad, but it really really was terrible.... hope she saved her money during those years she was doing well!
See you, cadebra - have a great day:)
♥ ThreadKilla!/Lean Like a Chola/She's a Lady.
"You sicken everyone! Even Michael Jackson!" overheardinnewyork
Submitted by QueenCharisma on September 8, 2008 - 1:11pm.
Submitted by cadebra1961 on September 8, 2008 - 1:07pm.
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Fuck a birthday party - bitch ain't fit to sing in the shower! Where's a muzzle when you need one?
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LOL! I dunno - my dog could make noises through that...how about some duct tape?
♥ ThreadKilla!/Lean Like a Chola/She's a Lady.
"You sicken everyone! Even Michael Jackson!" overheardinnewyork
Queen C - I guess Chestica believes that she can just squeak by with her 'ravishing, wholesome looks'. She just another delusional, talentless nobody.
OK my fair sluts, on that note, I have a lawn to mow, dishes to wash etc. I shall check in with you all real soon. Have a sparkling and shining day, dudes! xoxoxo
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→←...When you come to a fork in the road, take it...◘•♣♣ Yogi Bera →←
----She is my favorite. Just saw her on milllionaire personals site """""C e l e b C u p i d.c o m"""""" last week. I am wondering what kind of relationship she is looking for on that site.Is she single again now?-☆☆☆☆---------
Just because you can sing country doesn't mean you are talented.
And no, there was only ONE Dolly Parton. And we excuse her titties cause they are gorgeous.
Go fuck a goat, Chestica.
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"Writing that made my eyeballs fart." MK
http://www.fotolog.com/justmemyselfandi
Thank GAWD for her back up singers and that lame-ass solo for not showing her up. Now THAT is classy. You know - we never really get to know the names of the classy - it's sad.
♥ ThreadKilla!/Lean Like a Chola/She's a Lady.
"You sicken everyone! Even Michael Jackson!" overheardinnewyork
Worst magic show ever….no amount of boobage will detract from that crappy singing.
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The long hot summer just passed me by.
Seriously? *Haughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*
How is it she and her sister were led to believe they could sing? This just makes me wonder what is allowing them to get away with this fuckery? Who's buying these tickets or CD's? For the love of all that's holy, shouldn't there be a hearing test involved?!
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Did you say, "he was E-moaning?!"
LCT, yes, I have noticed it too. But hey, she's taken quite a beating (well deserved, IMO) over the past few years. Between her movies and CDs flopping, and being on the cover of tabloids ("DUMPED!"), it has to have taken a toll on her self esteem. the only one things like that doesn't affect is Paris....she is an indestructible cockroach.
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Oooooh child, things are gonna get easier
Oooooh child, things will get brighter
Submitted by purevodka on September 8, 2008 - 1:13pm.
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Cause Dolly's got the goods to back it up
How can you have some nasty ol' muff like Dolly Parton waggle around her rock-hard boobies but complain about Jessica Simpson? Those country folk are too diagonally upside down for me to understand....
Hey angel i! Yeah, like the delusional twats that try to audition for AGT or AI. Better to be laughed off at a small gathering than to totally humiliate yourself on national t.v. :)
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→←...When you come to a fork in the road, take it...◘•♣♣ Yogi Bera →←
Submitted by cadebra1961 on September 8, 2008 - 1:07pm.
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Fuck a birthday party - bitch ain't fit to sing in the shower! Where's a muzzle when you need one?
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The love of my life, Ed Westwick, being deliciously sleazy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9SgPZsJ9j0
bobble-head, blonde Bimbo, trying to be the Country Sex Symbol, that's her. She's trying too hard and it's making her look desperate.
i love that she thinks she's "cuntry"
since doing the dukes of hazzard.
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"I love fast and I love hard."-MK
Patsy Cline she aint.
Submitted by cadebra1961 on September 8, 2008 - 1:07pm.
JS isn't fit to sing at a kid's b-day party.
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PSA. Please hire people who CAN sing for your kid's bday parties! It helps them to reject this shit when they are older!
♥ ThreadKilla!/Lean Like a Chola/She's a Lady.
"You sicken everyone! Even Michael Jackson!" overheardinnewyork
lovecarrottop
I dunno, I can see her playing the clown at a ghetto circus, that would be good.
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"what're you still doing here? Didn't I tell you to go home and fuck your mother?"
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on September 8, 2008 - 1:06pm.
Has anyone noticed the drastic dive her self-confidence has taken in the last little while? She looks like a meek little 8 year old at a recital when she sings.
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I TOTALLY just noticed that. And did they call it her cuntry debut? Din't she used to be a cunt before she went to pop?
PS. Nothing finer than a singer that gets her first note wrong. Klassy.
♥ ThreadKilla!/Lean Like a Chola/She's a Lady.
"You sicken everyone! Even Michael Jackson!" overheardinnewyork
Willie was just recently in another MOvie with Chestica, 'dumbest blond movie ever or something like that?? Major Dumb Blond, damn can't remember but when I saw him playing her daddy in that shit I knew he'd been hypnotized by the big tittied frog for sure..........
Life's a b!tch and so am I.
Submitted by QueenCharisma on September 8, 2008 - 1:03pm.
Submitted by cadebra1961 on September 8, 2008 - 1:01pm.
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I wouldn't doubt it, lol. That's the only thing that can explain why people continue to let her ear rape them with her "music" that sounds more like a cat being throttled.
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QC, ahahaha! Agreed. Corporate Country music just keeps getting worse by the day. JS isn't fit to sing at a kid's b-day party. She truly sucks mooseballs!! ;>
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→←...When you come to a fork in the road, take it...◘•♣♣ Yogi Bera →←
Has anyone noticed the drastic dive her self-confidence has taken in the last little while? She looks like a meek little 8 year old at a recital when she sings. What the fuck happened? Did her ego deflate enough to register that when people told her she sucked they were telling the truth?
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YOUR JUST JEALUS OKAY YOU CAN'T MAKE THE SKIDMARK WITH BLOW TOOT TIMES SHE HAS THE BUTT BURN CHOCOLATE TACO OKAY WOW!
She can't sing for shit. And what the hell kind of an entrance was that? Christ, at least make the crowd believe they spent the last of their monthly social security check for a good reason.
Oh, dear God in Heaven. You bitches finally wore me down w/ the comments, so I clicked "play." I only made thru the 1st minute. How can someone who's been an entertainer for so long have so little stage presence? That was hideous.
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"I'm intellectual & stuff." "You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue & stuff."
http://www.myspace.com/dramaqueen365247
Submitted by christine the hoff on September 8, 2008 - 12:55pm.
good lord, it's too monday for this shit. she's such a fucking tool, what's next, opera?
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SSHHHHHHHHHH! You don't want to go filling her empty head with IDEAS now do you?
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YOUR JUST JEALUS OKAY YOU CAN'T MAKE THE SKIDMARK WITH BLOW TOOT TIMES SHE HAS THE BUTT BURN CHOCOLATE TACO OKAY WOW!
----She is my favorite. Just saw her on milllionaire personals site """""C e l e b C u p i d.c o m"""""" last week. I am wondering what kind of relationship she is looking for on that site.Is she single again now?-☆☆☆☆---------
Submitted by cadebra1961 on September 8, 2008 - 1:01pm.
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I wouldn't doubt it, lol. That's the only thing that can explain why people continue to let her ear rape them with her "music" that sounds more like a cat being throttled.
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The love of my life, Ed Westwick, being deliciously sleazy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9SgPZsJ9j0
I was watching the Browns / Cowboys game yesterday and they introduced Tony Romo "Of Jessica Simpson fame"...
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Maybe there's a God above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya
Was her voice always so deep?
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The future Mrs. Jensen Ackles.
Willie likes the big tittied frog ONLY because of her big tittys.
surrsley Willie is a HUGE skirt chaser.
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Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke
a message from the Church of the SubGenius
Submitted by TobyDog on September 8, 2008 - 12:55pm.
From what I heard Willie is the one who encouraged her to "go country" Me thinks he should lay off the weed and shrooms for a while --- on shrooms though I guess a big tittied frog is probly pretty cool
Submitted by QueenCharisma on September 8, 2008 - 12:55pm.
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Willie Nelson's a Jessica fan. He worked on her album as did Dolly Parton.
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No fucking way! Really, Willie, you better lay off the Snoop-Dog-grade weed. Maybe when they did that awful 'Dukes of Hazzard' movie, Chestica whored herself out to the old man. I'm sure Joe Simpson encouraged that hook-up, haha!
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→←...When you come to a fork in the road, take it...◘•♣♣ Yogi Bera →←
WTF? Is the backup singer blowing the cameraman?
Who ever said "bobble head" got it right the first time.
Submitted by LOVE ANDERSON on September 8, 2008 - 11:54am.
First of all, may I say how strange it is to see an LA who's witty & intelligent?
Secondly (& OT), she's such a cliche. Big, fluffy, stupid blonde exhaling her way thru songs instead of actually singing. I can't stand this woman!
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"I'm intellectual & stuff." "You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue & stuff."
http://www.myspace.com/dramaqueen365247
I didn't listen to half of the shitty song, but it was the worst song I've ever heard come outta that fugly twat. And that's saying a lot.
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McCain's brain:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qUVQDmLf7s&feature=related
Cyrstal is an aboriginal country singer from Ontario, Canada.
Oh GOD.
Jess, stop humiliating yourself, and torturing us.
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Oooooh child, things are gonna get easier
Oooooh child, things will get brighter
Only Dolly can call herself a Dumb Blond.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9m_OvYkoyeE
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I used to be a swinger
Til you wrapped me
Round your finger,
Just like a yo-yo
Just like a yo-yo
From what I heard Willie is the one who encouraged her to "go country" Me thinks he should lay off the weed and shrooms for a while --- on shrooms though I guess a big tittied frog is probly pretty cool
Life's a b!tch and so am I.
good lord, it's too monday for this shit. she's such a fucking tool, what's next, opera?
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"what're you still doing here? Didn't I tell you to go home and fuck your mother?"
Submitted by cadebra1961 on September 8, 2008 - 12:52pm.
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Willie Nelson's a Jessica fan. He worked on her album as did Dolly Parton.
***********************************
The love of my life, Ed Westwick, being deliciously sleazy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9SgPZsJ9j0
Wonder what is next for this one? Maybe her daddy will pawn her off on Diddy (or whatever he calls hisself these days) as a hip hop performer.
Oh yeah, I forgot to add: if Chestica was on AMG, all three judges would sure to buzz her talentless ho-ass off the stage lickety-split, hahahaha!!
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→←...When you come to a fork in the road, take it...◘•♣♣ Yogi Bera →←
Oh my gosh, she totally sucked. Wow, that was pitiful.
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People Suck!
*forcibly stabbing pencil in ear*
Jesus Christ. Can anyone actually fucking SING these days?
*goes looking for a recording contract*