Hot Slut Of The Week: Billy Mays
Birthday: July 20, 1958
Age: 50
Birth Name: William D. Mays
Original Date of HS of the Day: September 3, 2008
Claim to Fame: Billy started selling shit right out of high school. He used to sell portable washing machines on the Atlantic City boardwalk. He quickly moved up the ranks and eventually became the main saleswhore for Orange Glo and Oxi Clean.
Where is he now? Probably tightening the rope on his nutsack. That's how he keeps his voice so constipated sounding.
Why is he HS of the Week? Billy is like a part of my family. I see him almost once a day. He screams at me like the angry uncle I never had.
Below is his infomercial for Mighty Putty. I am thisclose to buying this stupid shit. It might keep my asshole in check. I fucking love how Billy tells us it holds up to 350lbs but can pull an 80,000 lb tractor trailer. WTF?! Oh Billy! You don't make sense in the brains, but I believe you.
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ROFLLLL!! BiTCH iS FUNNYy! i ALWAYS WANNA BUY THAT SHiT!
i want this stuff.
Yes, he is strangely charming. I wanted Oxiclean (used to want Hashipour 10 years ago; I think it's just H2o2, hydrogen peroxide), and occasionally have something happen in the house that makes me with I had it on-hand. Ahem--red wine spills; won't tell you how frequent they are...
Professor Nic
hey nudecow, I just ordered his burger maker, is there anything he doesn't make?? I wonder if he is experimenting with hair color because NO way his hair is natural, I should know.
Dear god, I HATE this fucker. His fat gut, his whiny voice, his cheap products - yuck!
It can pull a semi, but somehow my coffee mug keeps losing it's handle. Worked great giving my Real Doll bigger nips though.
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Peter: Whoa, Lois, look at you, you look like Britney Spears. Except you're not a fat guy.
my dumbass bought of that putty shit; it does not work!
Kp: Yes he did. I think it was at the end of July.
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺c
"Work from pithy middle eye out, swimming in language sea." ~Jack Kerouac
Did Mk already do the SHAMWOW guy?
Why does this guy always yell? Nobody gets excited for cleaning products. Unless your Billy Mays.
Has anyone seen his newest product? It makes mini burgers without having to cook them on the grill! It looks awesome!
If Billy Mays told me that swallowing a live barracuda would help me lose weight, I would do it. That man never lies.
Submitted by FatMartha on September 9, 2008 - 7:17am.
Submitted by Sandbitch on September 8, 2008 - 3:37pm.
born Martha Helen Kostyra; August 3, 1941
FatMartha - PLEASE EXPLAIN! You're not playing tricks on the ol' sandbitch are ya?
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Wha... NOOOO I meant that MY real name wasn't Martha! ROFL. You thought I was talking about Martha Stewart. lawl. I feel dumb. It made sense in my head...
Hahahhabwahhhaahaa - How funny is that! Better than finding out that Martha Stewart is really Martha! I think I lost something there in translation. Is Fat Martha famous in your country? LOL
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Some days I'm a super bitch
Up to my old tricks
But it won't last forever
Next day I'm your super girl
Out to save the world
And it keeps getting better
Any relation to Willie Mays?
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Real life on the interwebs, I can't even begin to make that shit up.
I can however exploit it for a laugh at their expense.
Aha ha ha ha Newportjoey, love the comment to the neg you got. Don't worry, I can figure out what happened with that, the seller is shady.
Love your auctions!
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Dick happens! - MK
No! I demand a retraction! Billy Mays is NOT WORTHY. I pray every day he has an oxi-accident, or falls victim in some other way to one of the stupid, crappier than K-Tel shit products he plugs.
Mistress is not pleased.
Gee, I never thought to sell my EBAY crap to you Dlisted sluts....Name is the same on EBAY. Newportjoey......this week featuring Lladro's....Between Ebay and Dlisted it is remarkable I get any work done for my so called employer.....I have my OWN Agenda
"If Drinks Aren't Involved, Then Neither Am I."
But nothing beats the Hawaiian Chair..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BOAO4SX8N3o
Submitted by Sandbitch on September 8, 2008 - 3:37pm.
born Martha Helen Kostyra; August 3, 1941
FatMartha - PLEASE EXPLAIN! You're not playing tricks on the ol' sandbitch are ya?
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Wha... NOOOO I meant that MY real name wasn't Martha! ROFL. You thought I was talking about Martha Stewart. lawl. I feel dumb. It made sense in my head...
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Keep on keepin' on.
For all you haters, it's....Bible In a Minute!
Nad's????? The fully refundable and painless sugar wax treatment for hairy women??? What a load of crap that was. That piece of shit, barely got any hair, and it left my sister, another friend and me with the biggest skin rash, ever!!
I am still wanting for my $20 back Nadine!!!.
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Submitted by Mel-Tang on September 8, 2008 - 3:39pm.
Oh my God, Nad's. I remember all those Australian women saying Nad's and the back hair shot and all that goodness.
Nair Cure Divine stripless wax is my new best friend.
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Momus the Sarcastic ~ I will pay to see that cage fight!
Billy Mays vs. Vince The ShamWow
Don King can put it together.
Submitted by Sandbitch on September 8, 2008 - 1:37pm.
born Martha Helen Kostyra; August 3, 1941
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Martha Stewart's birthname and birthdate.
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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He is my favorite. Just saw his personals ID on millionaires personals site """C e l e b C u p i d.c o m"""""" yesterday. I am wondering what kind of relationship he is looking for on ~that site.☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
born Martha Helen Kostyra; August 3, 1941
FatMartha - PLEASE EXPLAIN! You're not playing tricks on the ol' sandbitch are ya?
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on September 8, 2008 - 4:21pm.
I want to see this schlock throwdown: Billy May v. Vince, the Sham-Wowzer. Ron Popeil must officiate.
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OMG I have to say that I bought a Showtime Set It & Forget It rotisserie when they first came out, I paid top dollar for it and I would do it again! I still have it like 7 years later and I have one that is smaller for my downstairs kitchen.
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Dick happens! - MK
Submitted by Sandbitch on September 8, 2008 - 3:17pm.
Submitted by FatMartha on September 9, 2008 - 6:04am.
Submitted by Sandbitch on September 8, 2008 - 3:01pm.
aaaaaay?? You kidding me? Are you saying that Martha isn't really M.A.R.T.H.A...? Geez.
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Lol... newp! Martha ain't Martha. Sad, isn't it? :(
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Keep on keepin' on.
For all you haters, it's....Bible In a Minute!
I want to see this schlock throwdown: Billy May v. Vince, the Sham-Wowzer. Ron Popeil must officiate.
A match made in crap heaven.
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I didn’t say that it was your fault – I said that I was going to blame you.
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Submitted by FatMartha on September 9, 2008 - 6:04am.
Submitted by Sandbitch on September 8, 2008 - 3:01pm.
Martha Sandbitch??? Oh wait, I get it. *is sad that no one shares her lovely name that isn't really her name but has become a part of her... yeah...*
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aaaaaay?? You kidding me? Are you saying that Martha isn't really M.A.R.T.H.A...? Geez.
Submitted by Clarisse on September 8, 2008 - 4:01pm.
LCT,
Uncomfortable?? P'Shaw! I taped that shit! Mini-Me ain't got nothing on you doll!
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Don't side-eyes me! You can be Mrs. ClarisseCarrotTop. Or you can be Mrs. ClarisseMartha and I can be Mrs. CarrotClarisse.
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YOUR JUST JEALUS OKAY YOU CAN'T MAKE THE SKIDMARK WITH BLOW TOOT TIMES SHE HAS THE BUTT BURN CHOCOLATE TACO OKAY WOW!
I love this guy. I think cause I always thought he was a member of Bearforce1.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twQlpFrm5iM
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"I'll go unlock the kids and make us all breakfast." - Theodore Bagwell
Proudly, I have never purchased anything Billy Mays hocks, but I too fell victim to the Nad's Evil Green Bile Wax slime..
Waxing yourself, no thank you. I pay for that self induced torture.
Bikini Zone however, awesomeness.
...I am aka BRADIFUL BITCH, I SWEAR!!!...
Submitted by Sandbitch on September 8, 2008 - 3:01pm.
Awesome tip, thanks! Borax doesn't have as many tips but its got alot.
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Dick happens! - MK
annoying, but the man can SELL it! I want to BUY BUY BUY. ;)
;) :) :O =) :p :( :\ :D
@Clarisse: Don't worry, we can make you a lovely nest in a refrigerator box with lots of old blankets and rags. You will be so happy there! *cuddles you against her rolls*
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Keep on keepin' on.
For all you haters, it's....Bible In a Minute!
Submitted by Sandbitch on September 8, 2008 - 3:01pm.
Martha Sandbitch??? Oh wait, I get it. *is sad that no one shares her lovely name that isn't really her name but has become a part of her... yeah...*
******************************************
Keep on keepin' on.
For all you haters, it's....Bible In a Minute!
*side eyes FatMartha and LCT*
*taps foot, folds arms*
Hmph.
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Maybe there's a God above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya
Submitted by FatMartha on September 8, 2008 - 3:53pm.
Why certainly. I can also remind you to take your vitamins and drink lots of milk to prevent osteoperosis.
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I'm almost tempted to ask you to be Mrs. FatCarrotTop.
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YOUR JUST JEALUS OKAY YOU CAN'T MAKE THE SKIDMARK WITH BLOW TOOT TIMES SHE HAS THE BUTT BURN CHOCOLATE TACO OKAY WOW!
LCT,
Uncomfortable?? P'Shaw! I taped that shit! Mini-Me ain't got nothing on you doll!
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Maybe there's a God above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya
I swear by baking soda, I use it on just about everything... I clean the floor with it, use it as tooth polish - 'tis brilliant stuff - and CHEAP. Got grease? Half a lemon dipped in baking soda, voila!
Just call me Martha Sandbitch.
MK- you can buy Mighty Putty at Target. I saw it there.
this dude has a new gig selling life insurance on TV. i love him. i also love the baseball card/beanie baby screaming salesman.
maurypovichismylover
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on September 8, 2008 - 2:47pm.
Sure! Can you remember to make me wear a sweater when it's cold out?
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Why certainly. I can also remind you to take your vitamins and drink lots of milk to prevent osteoperosis.
******************************************
Keep on keepin' on.
For all you haters, it's....Bible In a Minute!
Those lightbulb lights that are battery operated suck bigtime. I went through two of those in a little over a week. The bulb blew or something. The tap lights work, but if you hang them by the velcro, they don't stay up for very long. Good idea for a place you don't want to have to pull electricity, etc.
<3-------------------------------<3
RIMADYL KILLS
Submitted by EvilShoe on September 8, 2008 - 3:47pm.
The C Word
I thought MK already did Madge/Palmolive for Hot Slut but I can't find it.
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I thought so too but couldn't find it either....if Madge has already been HSOTD, then I'm going to nominate Rosie the waitress. :)
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The long hot summer just passed me by.
Submitted by Clarisse on September 8, 2008 - 3:43pm.
I camp outside LCT's windows, you can join me there!!!
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I thought you were just a rabbit. Umm, sorry about all those times I got intimate with my cucumbers and you heard. I realize that might make things uncomfortable between us.
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YOUR JUST JEALUS OKAY YOU CAN'T MAKE THE SKIDMARK WITH BLOW TOOT TIMES SHE HAS THE BUTT BURN CHOCOLATE TACO OKAY WOW!
OxiClean is alright. Borax works just as well.
Save your money sluts.
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Dick happens! - MK
Submitted by FatMartha on September 8, 2008 - 3:40pm.
@LCT: If I had been born a guy my parents would have named me Sven.
Can I come camp out in your livingroom now?
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Sure! Can you remember to make me wear a sweater when it's cold out?
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YOUR JUST JEALUS OKAY YOU CAN'T MAKE THE SKIDMARK WITH BLOW TOOT TIMES SHE HAS THE BUTT BURN CHOCOLATE TACO OKAY WOW!
The C Word
I thought MK already did Madge/Palmolive for Hot Slut but I can't find it.
I even checked the original blogspot for Dlisted.
LOL, I found this on it from MK:
Tyra "Alien" Banks' new talk show has been picked up by 19 markets. I give it 4 weeks top!
Submitted by Clarisse on September 8, 2008 - 2:43pm.
FatMartha,
So, if you were a boy you're parents would have named you Sven, but you were a girl, so they named you Fat Martha?!?!? That was not very nice!
I camp outside LCT's windows, you can join me there!!!
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Ahahaha. If LCT had said no, I was gonna say "Then I'll just stay outside your window then." But yous aid it for me!!
Yeah, either Sven or Lars, but noooo, it's FatMartha instead. I think I would have rather been Sven. ._.
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Keep on keepin' on.
For all you haters, it's....Bible In a Minute!
I, too, can vouch for the Hercules Hooks.
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"I'm intellectual & stuff." "You're flunking English. That's your mother tongue & stuff."
http://www.myspace.com/dramaqueen365247