Tara Reid Is Not Engaged

Yesterday, I posted some story about Tara Reid getting engaged to a French fashion executive dude named Julien Jarmoune. Well, Tara's rep told UsWeekly: “It’s just a rumor, not true."

You know what else isn't true? Tara's dude is not blind! During my post yesterday, I got all jokey and said Julien must be legally blind because I couldn't figure out why he would marry that bag of saggy plastic. It was a dumb stupid joke and some people took it as fact! The dude is not blind. However, he should have his eyes checked just in case. I'm sure it's not healthy on the eyeballs to look at Tara's melted Saran Wrap belly on a daily basis.

There you have it! Tara is not engaged, Julien is not blind and I really need a jelly donut. Seriously, my stomach is crying out for one, but I'm too lazy to walk across the street. I'll just put a little Smuckers on a piece of white bread, roll it up, sprinkle sugar on it and then microwave it for like a minute. Voila! Instant jelly donut.