Mark Ronson Is Single

Mark Ronson and his toddler girlfriend are no more. Okay, she's not a toddler. She's like 19 or some shit. The Daily Mail reports that the two ended it after a fight in NYC four days ago. Friends say that the 14-year age difference between Mark and Daisy Lowe is to blame.

I'm going to blame Gavin Rossdale, Daisy's sperm donor daddy who doesn't want anything to do with her. Just blame him for everything from now on.

Daisy wants to focus on her modeling career (hah) and isn't ready to settle down. The friend said: "Despite his party-boy image, Mark’s quite serious and just wants to meet the right girl and settle down. That was an issue for Daisy, who is still quite young at heart. They’re in different places at the moment and they both need some time and space to think about things. Mark’s at the top of his game. He’s very self-assured and confident and he knows what he wants. Daisy still has quite a lot of growing up to do."

"A lot of growing up to do" basically means she wants to slut around and I don't blame her. That's what your late teens and 20 were made for. It's when your genitals are at the top of their game.

Mark will be fine. I'm sure he's already found another young thing to mend his broken heart. You know, there was a time when I would get all hot in the groin for Mark, but those days are over. Now I get this creepy "Pee Wee Herman" vibe about him. I mean, he looks like he loves playing with his stuffed animals way too much if I ain't being too subtle. He probably hugs his teddy bear while doing sexy times. And he always has this smirk on his face like he farts diamonds and dandelions.

That being said, I'd still hit it on his collection of stuffed animals.