Dane Cook: Full Of Dog Shit
It looks like it's going to be another dog caca-filled week here on Dlisted. That's pretty appropriate, actually. Anyfeces, a judge in Los Angeles has evicted Dane Cook from his apartment, because he won't pick up after his dog's shitty ass even though his neighbor's filed several complaints.
Dane is appealing the judge's decision and claims that if he leaves that apartment, he will suffer emotional distress and his career will tank. You see, Dane said he only lives there, because John Belushi and Steve Martin used to live in the same building. Dane states in the documents, "I know that the presence of those that have lived there before me affects me deeply and provides me with inspiration."
Umm....Dane's career is headed for the dog shit bin regardless if he lives in that apartment or not.
Dane went on to spew, "In the same way that writers can get writer's block, comedians can really easily run out of ideas and 'stories'; I am extremely frightened that this will happen to me if I am forced to move out of my apartment. I've seen it happen to other comics, that something interferes with their connection to their creative muse, and it's destroyed careers."
If he's allowed to stay, Dane will pay $40,000 to the owner of the apartment building for doggy poop damages.
I see what he's doing here. The judge better see through this bitch's fuckery and charge him with being a grade A asshat. That shit is punishable by life in a prison cell filled with dog diarrhea. Dane probably didn't even write that crap himself.
And I don't blame his dog for having the mega shits. Anybody would get a bad case of the runs from being around Dane that much.
Source: TMZ
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Submitted by John D on September 22, 2008 - 2:28pm.
SHUT UP DANE COOK!
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We is tailing jokes in hair twoday!
This is an old story. Dane has already moved out of the apartment and has purchased a home in the Hollywood hills. He blogged about it recently on his site. He said he loves his new home and is very happy there.
P.S. Why all the hate for Dane Cook? He is the the world's top stand-up comic, he sells out major arenas, and all of his CD's are huge sellers as well. So there must be other people out there that like him other then myself. I had the pleasure of meeting him after one of his sold out shows, and he could not have been a nicer guy. He stuck around until every autograph had been signed and every fan that wanted a photo taken with him got one.
No way! I refuse to believe he actually said that lunatic shit to a judge.
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"that is not a common looking vagina right?"
I need to know the name of his dealer please
I never heard of this guy until his name came up on dlisted.
With his creds he should be stalking the paps with the queen of chicken cutlets.
Hollyweird, where every talentless hack thinks they're a star.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Surfing the apocalypse.
Submitted by christine the hoff on September 22, 2008 - 1:37pm.
LCT
stop them dead in thier tracks, tell them you must eat so you can birth a poo baby later on, that will shut them up.
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Brilliant! Hopefully that will disgust them enough to the point where they won't open their mouths for fear of puking. Good thinking, Hoffalina.
caca ...chorro ...coco puffs
Submitted by xxyxz on September 22, 2008 - 12:39pm.
This is starting to look like a poo thread
well, no pun intended ,but shit, you gotta have one a day!!
poo! shit poo!
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"wait! The lord is my shepherd but you're my ride home!"
Note to Dane: Just leave because being "inspired" obviously isn't working for you.
But seriously $40000 in damages? What'd you do, drag your fur coat in it??
Good. He's a giant fucking toolbag!
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I am Mexican and and I do think Michael Bay's "Transformers" is racist.
This is starting to look like a poo thread
*leans back on toilet*
LCT
stop them dead in thier tracks, tell them you must eat so you can birth a poo baby later on, that will shut them up.
on topic, I got nothing.
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"wait! The lord is my shepherd but you're my ride home!"
Comedy Central was airing a special or whatever of his comedy, I don't know how he managed to fill I think it was MSG not sure. That shit was GOD AWAFUL and I'm the same person that doesn't miss a Spongebob episode.
His demographic is basically meatheads with tribal tattoos and chick that appear on girls gone wild.
_Submitted by xxyxz on September 22, 2008 - 2:05pm.
HA HA HA!!!!!
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We is tailing jokes in hair twoday!
What dog? I thought he got rid of Jessica?
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Pearls of Wisdom from JJ - "If ass-holes could fly, you guys would be an airport"
Submitted by LoLo on September 22, 2008 - 11:23am.
Once in 1963 a whore lived in my apartment.
To this day when i get fucker block and have non-inspirational sex i can almost HEAR the old dead whore tell me how Im doing it wrong.
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LMFAO... Oh.. and my mother was NOT a whore!
thankyouverymuch
He was funny and hot for five minutes...and then it's like, it ran out or something.
♥ ThreadKilla!/Lean Like a Chola/She's a Lady.
"You sicken everyone! Even Michael Jackson!" overheardinnewyork
But Missy..
OMG! Don't you think he IS funny? And HWAT?
Don't you? Seriously?
okay... I was kidding. sooo not funny or hot
Submitted by christine the hoff on September 22, 2008 - 1:28pm.
LCT I hate people who talk to me while I'm eating!!
Homer voice'EATING NOW, GO AWAY"
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Yes, as if putting food in your mouth isn't a big enough deterrant for people wanting to talk to you. Do they think you'll enjoy taking a break from your delicious lunch to talk about their dog's latest fungus?
he has one sketch that made me laugh really hard though....when he talks about crying, and feeling like you are going to cry all day.....that one cracked my ass up, I have to say. But did he steal that from someone? I wouldn't doubt it....
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I don't know what you've done to me, but I know this much is true
I wanna do bad things with you
- "Bad Things" - Theme from "True Blood"
He should do a movie with Chevy Chase as his dad. Employee of the month could have been funny. But Simpleson ruined it.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
you fail at life shit face
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We is tailing jokes in hair twoday!
Isn't his 15 minutes over yet?
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I used to be a swinger
Til you wrapped me
Round your finger,
Just like a yo-yo
Just like a yo-yo
LCT I hate people who talk to me while I'm eating!!
Homer voice'EATING NOW, GO AWAY"
On topic, he sucks major asshole.
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"wait! The lord is my shepherd but you're my ride home!"
ha ha LCT! hey all yalls!
My firend lived in an apartment building that a drug dealer was murdered in and when we go to break out the bong the ghost says, "Use the force sluts. Roll an origami joint."
I can honestly say we are more creative based on who lived in our areas. I have also joined a gang....
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We is tailing jokes in hair twoday!
"that something interferes with their connection to their creative muse, and it's destroyed careers."
Yeah, something like an ass-hat stealing your material.
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I live in the weak and the wounded...Doc.
How can you run out of ideas when you steal from other comedians you hacky piece of shit
I have the greatest contempt for people who don't clean up after their dogs. There is NO EXCUSE.
Would these people not pick up the shit if the dog did it on their bedroom floor?
I was just thinking the same thing Madam Pince!
Maybe he doesn't have enough money, and it fell through?
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I don't know what you've done to me, but I know this much is true
I wanna do bad things with you
- "Bad Things" - Theme from "True Blood"
there is the ghost of an old pothead in my apartment, if I was eveicted I might experience smokers block and that really frightens me!****************************1/20/09
"So I've learned to go get bigger thongs just to let people know I am wearing underwear. "
he can NOT be fucking serious.
dude, if youre worried that you wont be funny if you dont live where a comedic legend lived previously, oh, I don't know, maybe...
YOU ARE JUST NOT FUNNY!?!?!?!??!?!?!
I watched about 15 minutes of his stand-up once. FUCKING TORTURE!! His whole audience is underage women with no taste. The type of demographic that just likes what their friends like. A "hot" guy who everyone thinks is so funny, "oh I think hes so funny and hot, dont you think he is?" "oh yeah, hes so cute and so funny, I think so too! Dont you?" "Oh my god totally! he is so funny and hot!"
KILL ME NOW!!!
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Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke
a message from the Church of the SubGenius
"I know that the presence of those that have lived there before me affects me deeply and provides me with inspiration."
DAMN, the person who lived in my place musta been a sick retarded DLister then!
Clean up your dog shit OR sew its ass shut!
Well, easy enough if you NEED to live there - pick up your shit, dude. It's not that hard.
♥ ThreadKilla!/Lean Like a Chola/She's a Lady.
"You sicken everyone! Even Michael Jackson!" overheardinnewyork
What is this dumbass upset about? He just bought a house!
http://realestalker.blogspot.com/2008/09/dane-cooks-new-dog-run.html
And pick up after your dog, asshat! I live in the fuckin' country and I pick up after my dogs!!! On my own fuckin' land!
But why do I expect someone who steals other comics' jokes to act responsibly with his pets?
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Keep your muscles strong
Around your asshole
Keep your muscles strong around your brain
That way too much shit doesn't get out
And stops you sounding insane
Once in 1963 a whore lived in my apartment.
To this day when i get fucker block and have non-inspirational sex i can almost HEAR the old dead whore tell me how Im doing it wrong.
______________________________________________
We is tailing jokes in hair twoday!
he sucks ass.
John Belushi didn't.
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I don't know what you've done to me, but I know this much is true
I wanna do bad things with you
- "Bad Things" - Theme from "True Blood"
I found this story credible up to the part of "...and his career will tank" because he doesn't much of one to start with.
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Beauty's only a light switch away.
Submitted by snowpiece on September 22, 2008 - 1:22pm.
LCT whatcha eating? cuz it sure looka yummy!
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It was pasta salad, with mozzarella cheese shredded on top. WHY that looked disgusting, I'll never know. And thank you for the nice food words! :P
Uh...he steals all of his material. As long as other comedians keep fresh, he's golden.
He owns a min-pin. That shit had to be piling (tee heee) up for quite a while for people to complain.
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I live in the weak and the wounded...Doc.
LOOOOOOOOLOOOOOOOOOOOOO TIIIIIIIIIIMES! I am for wanting many mud huts to be specialed in openness!
LCT whatcha eating? cuz it sure looka yummy! ;)****************************1/20/09
"So I've learned to go get bigger thongs just to let people know I am wearing underwear. "
Steve Martin says clean up your dog shit, Dane.
NO excuse.
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The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
fucking pussy!
You are either good or youre not you stinky bastard.
STEVE MARTIN isnt even dead yet and he does not watch your flicks, fucker!
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We is tailing jokes in hair twoday!
The ass-ensemble should have cleaned up after his damned mut.
"When I die, Satan is going to weep, 'cause that bitch will know he is out of a job."
Well said snowpiece. Well said.
Can someone please explain to me WHY people feel the need to comment on one's food while they're eating? Do they really think the person eating wants to hear "That looks NAAAAAASTY!" about their lunch?
SHUT
THE
FUCK
UP
YOU
GIANT
TOOL
****************************1/20/09
"So I've learned to go get bigger thongs just to let people know I am wearing underwear. "