Dear CZJ, Your Make-Up Artist Screwed You Over!

Catherine Zeta-Jones showed up to the Global Leadership Awards Gala in NYC last night looking like she put on her own make-up using a jumbo piece of sandpaper. All that bronze caca on her mug makes it look like we can go rock climbing on her face.

When your face looks like Tommy Girl's ass after a 4-hour spanking party, it's time chop off the fingers of your make-up artist and stop getting Drano peels. And I'm sure looking at Michael Douglas' withering worm every day doesn't help.