Hef Confirms The Obvious
82-year-old Hugh Hefner has confirmed to E!'s Marc Malkin that his fairytale romance with Holly Madison has ended its run. I'm sure he also confirmed to Marc that he just went doody in his undies, but that's another issue!
Hef said, "If she says it's over, it's over. But like I've said before, she is the love of my life, and I expected to spend the rest of my life with her." Um....so they would have been together for six more months? I kid! Hef is going to live forever. The future of Viagra depends on it.
The Playboy pepaw popped a Werther's Original in his mouth and said the relationship started to go downhill six months ago after they found out he isn't able to father another child. He said, "With my sperm count, it's not possible. I was willing but it was not possible…She'd like to be married and have children, but it's not in the cards here for me."
Yeah, when your sperm count is in the negative digits, you're probably not going to be able to get the job done.
Hef said that his relationship with Kendra will be ending when she moves out of the house by the end of the year. He didn't say anything about Bridget, because let's be honest, she doesn't matter. She probably moved out a while ago and he didn't even notice! Gizmo needs to stay, though.
There are new skanks in the mansion. Hef has moved in 19-year-old orange twins Kristina and Karissa Shannon (above). He said, "They very much want to be girlfriends and now under the present circumstance, they probably will become my girlfriends."
I know these twin whores are the color of Hef's favorite drink, Metamucil, but this is ridiculous. They look like two week-old Halloween pumpkins who really need to be kicked into the middle of the street. If Hef has an orange fetish, he should just stick his shriveled turtle dick into a tangerine. Less hassle.
And there's also one other chick who will be sucking on Hef's dough dick very soon. Amy Leigh Andrews is testing this week and he said she will likely become one of his girlfriends too. "I'm dancing as fast as I can."
When Hef dances, medics have to stand by.
It's the end of an era! Hef's new girlfriends are a little on the old side, though. I guess there weren't any sexy unborn fetuses available.
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Gizmo ROCKS!
I can go to wal-mart on free lard giveway day and find girls that look better than this!
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HAHAHA!
What a cesspool.
he's old as shit and they look like Brooke Hogan...wtf is up with the neon orange skin
Bridget's cat GIZMO should totally have his own show. That growl. That angry face. That cat just out shines all the scenes that Bridget is in. He's the real star out of the pair.
Hef is sick for being with such young chicks, but the chicks are even sicker. What a bunch of whores.
Fuck at his age when he shoots, it's dust!
Hugh Hefner is such an old cheeseball, he needs to just close up shop. His reality show is so pathetic, I don't care what he was in his prime he's an old fossil now and who the hell wants to get in bed with that. It's like elder abuse. You have to be dropping some serious coin to get some cow to handle that shriveled peen. His time is OVER ..... NEXT !!!!!!!!
Sluts are lucky they're twins, because otherwise no one would care.
I already saw them on 'Egotastic' and they're way too doughy. I'm not saying they're fat--they just don't have any breasts or muscle tone and aren't very curvy.
So...Holly waits in the background for years, finally gets to be the #1 girl and then gives it up because she wants a kid? All she had to do was hold out another year or so, but no......lol
damnit, I don't think I can even change my name! Holly is no longer screen name worthy. Waiting that many years playing naughty nurse to that geriatric and then to up and leave during the final hour! He would prolly be senile towards the end - you think you couldn't have finagled a bigger payout through manipulation?!? And to downgrade to criss angel? With he amount of work she put into Hef, she's stupid not to wait it out. Or slowly poison his old man mush, anything, just don't be stupid and give up what you've earned!
I second Original Putas.
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“My shoe is off, my foot is cold, and now my story is all told."
he probably just ran out of sperm ....
May god forgive me, because Im about to say something horrid. Why the fuck is this Man still alive!? I'm over it. He has nothing to contribute, and what he stands for is just so gross and debased.
Die already!
Why are those twin's faces so god damn big and wide.
I would love to carve out their pumpkin faces.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
if they stick around a little longer, they'll be changing his diaper
Is fame worth it?
Sadness for these twins that they want to be associated with HH. I realize they are of legal age, but how disappointed is their family?
I think that if you peeled back the layers of goop, they are probably cute girls just like any other 19 y/o college freshman. They're too young to be hanging at the mansion w/ HH.
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She's flat and that's that!
I thought Hef was the love of Holly's life? So that all changes when you find out the guy has a low sperm count? Hmmm. So maybe she didn't love him after all. Just wanted the kid for the stake in the company?
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
You know when you get a carrot that's actually two carrots but its joined at the stem.
Yeah - they look like a pair of cojoined carrots.
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Wyle E Coyote
omg Clay Aiken is a Lesbian!!!
What the fuck kind of sisters (TWINS, at that) want the same boyfriend (and an 82-year-old man--rich or not, as it shouldn't matter)?! Everyone here is right in saying that these two skanks are nowhere NEAR attractive. They must also have ZERO self-esteem to move in with a guy (again, rich or not) "because of the circumstances." Oh, yeah, it definitely sounds like he cares for you. No one will watch "The Girls Next Door" after these 3 are gone & new infant sluts move in. Good riddance.
@MelTang: IQ testing? Make sure shes dumb enough?? That would be my guess.
kendra was a painted lady at a party. that is how he met her. maybe he has a thing for paint?
When they say she's being "tested," do they mean she's getting a complete medical work-up, a la herpes, aids, etc.? He's elderly. He can't be exposed to illness.
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RIMADYL KILLS
Hugh Hefner, when Playboy first came out in the late 50’s, was certainly a hip vanguard of the sexual revolution, challenging conservative ideas about sexuality, and a rebel against conventional morality and religious hypocrisy. But it would not be long before the “second wave” of feminists in the 60’s and 70’s pointed out that he himself was preserving an equally ancient mythology. Hef reinforced an assumption of male privilege and dominance, the idea of the man as the polyamorous patriarch and the woman as a mere accessory. This is indicated by the nomenclature of Playboy and Playmate itself; Hef could have called both man and woman Playmates, or chosen the terms Playboy and Playgirl.
He is DISGUSTING. I thought pimping was illegal?? How has he avoided jail all of these years? That whole Playboy "bunny" shit continues to demean and objectify women. They all need to drink cool-aid, lay down and die already. Rant over.
go Hef go Puffin go Hef.LOL next????
Are these 2 his new pussy pals? Double the fun and double the STD's.
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http://www.aamyko.com
Oh Lawdy! Rugby Guys!
Submitted by Hekki on October 9, 2008 - 9:39am.
Oh, and here's my anthropological theory on the particular "look" these women and Shauna Sand et al are sporting.
It has nothing to do with actual beauty.
The expanses of naked flesh, the fake tan, the long blonde hair, the heavy makeup is all "code" for "Sure, you can fuck me." When women go through all the effort of looking like this, men know it's for their benefit and find it flattering. That, in turn, renders the women more attractive to them. You won't hear a guy say "She's so pretty, and I'm gonna marry her someday." But he will say "She's hot. I bet I can bang her tonight."
Hmm interesting theory.
Oh Ricki! That was genius. I hope they die too, but there are a million tangerine sluts waiting to replace them so it would be pointless.
Submitted by ricki lake on October 9, 2008 - 9:17am.
I realize that as a homo, this thing really isn't supposed to be for me anyway, but does anyone seriously find fug bitches like this attractive? Orange skin, shitty striped weaves, tons of makeup, and 19-year-old vaginas. Totally sick. Without all the 'acoutrements,' these nasty fug hos wouldn't look out of place working the fryer at Sonic. I hope they die.
"Under the circumstances, they're probably going to be come my girlfriends" HAHAHAHA skanky hos just want their 15 minutes of fame and Hef needs to keep up appearances for Playboy. Hmm, it's entirely possible that Holly was the love of his life...but who knows, maybe she was so desperate to have a kid so as to stake a claim for the money. Damn all these skanks, can't a womanizing 80-something year old be loved??
Submitted by parissucksliterally on October 9, 2008 - 10:33am.
They also look to be about 17.
...I was thinking 37...them bitches look beat!
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Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch to get new comments back?
Submitted by Cindyloo on October 9, 2008 - 10:41am.
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Kimberley lives right next door with their sons Cooper and Marston and, by all accounts, she is STILL Hef's wife. Maybe that's changed, but that's the last I've heard.
And those Orange Twins are hideous and don't even look like Playboy material.
Yuck.
Those twins aren't that great looking.
Whatever happened to his ex-wife, Kimberly?
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"Crocs: They are to your eyes what second-hand smoke is to your lungs."
It will be funny when he dies (which I'm sure will be soon) to see the orange sluts that come out of the woodwork.
These chicks aren't even cute!!!!!
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How can you thank God for a song that the Devil helped you write?
those girls aren't even pretty!
Hef has def lost his mind.
They also look to be about 17.
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You've been bad to me (woman), but it's comin back home to you!
Your time is gonna come....
-Led Zeppelin
Awwwwww lookie! These tarts dont have their fun bags yet! I spy little boobies!!!!
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We is tailing jokes in hair twoday!
Oh so dead sperm made him LESS attractive?
*shudder*
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Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Upon closer insepection, I noticed that the Doublemint Skanktards are wearing body paint. Wonder how the artist got it to stick to their greasy nasty fake tanned skin?
Hasn't anyone ever told him how ridiculous he looks?
Right back atcha, xxyxz!
Clarisse, feeling "Bradbury"? I like it.
In their free time, Kristina is a first viola in the Long Beach Symphony and Karissa is editing her doctoral thesis in the semiotics of reality TV.
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J'espère:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjCJIU6a_u0
He looks already dead inside.....
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"Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot".
"Cake heals all wounds"
I just have to say ICK. That is all.
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A gourmet who thinks of calories is like a tart who looks at her watch.
James Beard
Submitted by TheBreakdown on October 9, 2008 - 9:59am.
These twin bitches look like Brooke Hogan's stunt doubles doused in Tang!
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HA HA HA HA!!!!!
Hugh is said to be actually a FOD.
Nevertheless, the thought of 90 year old Hugh's loose 'n flabby old jelly flesh jiggling up against those young(er) stinkfish.......we just threw up a little in our mouth.
Ugh, I just read the actual article - "They're probably going to become my girlfriends" - no one talks like that! I don't know why anyone would be disgusted with Hef and these whores for any reason beyond how tacky it truly is. There's no way any of those hos have sex with him. He just fills these positions of "girlfriend" to keep up appearances. People his age are thinking about hot Metamucil toddys, not skanky poon.
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http://www.myspace.com/rainbowsrule
I know you're watching over us, Pap. I love you, I miss you already.
These twin bitches look like Brooke Hogan's stunt doubles doused in Tang!
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The line between sex and society is so fine and blurred... even Amy Winehouse wouldn't snort it.
http://www.myspace.com/triston
GIG!
It is indeed Mr. Dark! I was feelin very Bradbury this morning!
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...it was the afternoon of Halloween
& all the houses shut against a cool wind
& the town was full of cold sunlight
But suddenly, the day was gone
Night came out from under each tree & spread
LOL
So Holly is the love of his life but he's not willing to fight to keep her? I know, it's Hugh Hefner and his ho's and reality doesn't exist in his world but...oh nevermind.
Hekki, excellent explanation about men and "painted" women. It makes sense.