Blow Job!
Have you ever stared at a car wash vacuum cleaner and thought to yourself, "Damn. I want to stick that hose on my genitals and ride it like the dirty slut it is"? Yeah, me neither. But some 29-year-old dude from Michigan felt the urge to purge.....his load into a car wash vacuum hose.
Last Thursday, at around 6:45 in the morning, the police received a call about some suspicious nasty shit going down at a car wash in Thomas Township, Michigan. When officers drove up, they found a dude "receiving sexual favors from a vacuum." Basically, the dude's peen was down the hose's throat.
Maybe he was just cleaning the dick cheese off? It's a good thing the officers showed up when they did. I bet the dude was about to let the hose toss his salad. Bitch would've had had an orgasm, but he also would have lost an organ too.
The dude was arrested and is currently being held in the Saginaw County Jail. The dude's name hasn't been released. Wait. Was David Duchovny in Michigan recently?
You know, this is what pisses me off about some people. You think that you can just pop a quarter in a bitch and then have your way with it for 3-minutes? Have some decency! Do you think that car wash vacuum hose is your own personal whore? No, it's not. At least take that bitch to a fancy dinner at Red Lobster. Conversate with it a little. Get to know it better. Then take it back to your place, give it some sexy Victoria's Secret lingerie to wear, light some candles, play some Barry White, put a fresh bag in it and then seduce it to like a real gentleman should. Make it feel like the sensual dirt sucker it is.
I swear, some people have no class.
Thanks BLB
• 
Ha. When I was 15, my bf at the time had totally tried this before I met him - his best friend had caught him and told me.
KaosAndMe
which end of the paint brush was sticking out? brush or handle?
any paint residue?
do you guys crack jokes about this stuff at work to kill the stress?
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BOO!
Submitted by KaosAndMe on October 20, 2008 - 12:29pm.
TITS,
I have seen...
large plastic Coke bottles ( the 550 ml size)
paintbrushes
Corn cobs ( and other vegetables)
lightbulbs
numerous vibrators ( one's battery was still going!)
and this is just a fraction of the list.
*
I hope you're paid well.
+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+
BOO!
oh wow I should have read this thread way earlier!
Submitted by LoLo on October 20, 2008 - 2:00pm.
You forgot to add Benji Madden
hooo haaaaaaaa! LMAO
****************************1/20/09
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
Submitted by TITS on October 20, 2008 - 10:44am.
Submitted by Mel-Tang on October 20, 2008 - 10:04am.
no way. i cannot believe that anyone, no matter how horny, would... or COULD get a small rodent to force it's way up their anus.
I mean... helloooo! Teeth! Who wants a rat chewing on the inside of your anal canal.
*****************************
YES, they CAN get them in there. They freeze-usually gerbils-and then put them in their no-no holes in a cryogenic state. They cut off their paws so as they reanimate they don't damage anything. The squirming as they defrost and suffocate is the thrill. I used to work with someone who prosecuted these cases. You all know how I feel about animal abuse, so please, don't ask me anything else because it will just send me over the edge.
**************************************************************************"My mouth is watering, but only to lubricate my throat for the upcoming vomit."
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on October 20, 2008 - 1:58pm.
More proof (as if any more were needed) that men will stick their dicks in anything. Picnic tables, bicycles, Jenna Jameson, pool drains, car wash vacuums.
You forgot to add Benji Madden
______________________________________________
We is tailing jokes in hair twoday!
More proof (as if any more were needed) that men will stick their dicks in anything. Picnic tables, bicycles, Jenna Jameson, pool drains, car wash vacuums.
I'm going to go ahead and guess and say that he was caucasian.
This sounds like a dare after drinking all night. I'm sure some of us have had friends like this and let me tell you, they're bastards. I can almost hear em giggling, running off into the night as soon as they hear the sirens. They'll call you Mon. a.m., trying not to laugh, "Hey, dude! What'd the cops say when they got there?" Today my avie is dedicated to "friends."
Wait! I think that's the same carwash where I threw my ShamWows in the trash.
TITS,
I have seen...
large plastic Coke bottles ( the 550 ml size)
paintbrushes
Corn cobs ( and other vegetables)
lightbulbs
numerous vibrators ( one's battery was still going!)
and this is just a fraction of the list.
Mel Tang JERRY PENTACOLI! I remember that rumor from growing up in Philly days! WOW! that's funny
****************************1/20/09
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
Submitted by Mel-Tang on October 20, 2008 - 10:04am.
no way. i cannot believe that anyone, no matter how horny, would... or COULD get a small rodent to force it's way up their anus.
I mean... helloooo! Teeth! Who wants a rat chewing on the inside of your anal canal.
Good Morning everyone!
+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+
BOO!
KaosAndMe, I believe it. I knew someone who worked in a hospital yrs. ago, and she said Jerry Penacoli came in with a rat stuck up his arse (from playing the rat/ass game). She said it took a while to lure the rat out! EWWWWW!
<3-------------------------------<3
RIMADYL KILLS
In germany, vacuum cleaners at the fuel station are for free! So that guy should just move here, it'd be paradise for him =)
Das Leben ist ne Nutte fickt gerne Herzen...
Submitted by KaosAndMe on October 20, 2008 - 9:06am.
I work in an Emergency Department..
If I could only post a few of the XRAYs I have seen..
people do some messed up stuff with all kinds of appliances...
*
Pulls up chair, chin in hand looking you intently in the eyes
Yes Yes, tell us more!
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BOO!
I work in an Emergency Department..
If I could only post a few of the XRAYs I have seen..
people do some messed up stuff with all kinds of appliances...
Submitted by lindsayk70 on October 20, 2008 - 8:02am.
She is my favorite. Just saw her on milllionaire personals site ..I am wondering what kind of relationship she is looking for on that site.Is she single again now?
............
Ha year that ho's. The sucker is movin up in the world! No more street hooking. It's all champagne and caviar for this tin tramp.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Life is ne slut fucks like heart -- opiumtraum
She is my favorite. Just saw her on milllionaire personals site """""W e a l t h y R o m a n c e. co m"""""" last week. I am wondering what kind of relationship she is looking for on that site.Is she single again now?
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
When officers drove up, they found a dude "receiving sexual favors from a vacuum."
**********************************
Policemen say the darndest things!
Like this (taken from police car video footage):
"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."
"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
"Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
"Warning? You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not: Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey DOO."
"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven"
"No, sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
"Just how big were those two beers?"
"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC (National Crime Information Center)."
"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours at least you know someone who can post your bail."
"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't!
♥ ThreadKilla!
A DListed Chola Diary , Lean Like a Chola
CaptionThisOct16
Submitted by SkyBitch on October 20, 2008 - 12:58am.
LMAO at your avie, fuckin hilarious!
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Dick happens! - MK
Doesn't beat the Chinese man who had sex with a park bench a month back. All the men on the planet fantasized about this one and half of them have tried it.
****************************************************"My mouth is watering, but only to lubricate my throat for the upcoming vomit."
A living legend has passed away! RIP Mr. Blackwell!!
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081020/ap_en_ot/obit_mr_blackwell
~*~*~*~*
http://pornstarbabylon.wordpress.com/
this site is hilarious!
MR BLACKWELL IS DEAD. www.myspace.com/davi_tv
Submitted by SkyBitch on October 20, 2008 - 12:58am.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
haaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa @ step #4=sitt on it!!!
LMfffAo!
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
"You don't become a stripper after a lifetime of approval"...filthy cute
Submitted by SkyBitch on October 19, 2008 - 11:23pm.
OK, ONE more post, just so I can sport my new avatar and siggy. :)
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This is good, but I was partial to the candy corn anal plug and dildo myself.
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BOO!
Submitted by forever.now on October 19, 2008 - 11:38pm.
!
I see a connection between two of our posts today. cast your mind back to the xfiles tv series...
agent mulder: mom, did dad ever buy you a vaccuum cleaner?
(he did!)
it was a princess model!! haha
*
I am SO impressed. Are you a xtreme fan or do you just have a freaky deaky memory?
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BOO!
Submitted by SkyBitch on October 20, 2008 - 12:58am.
You're the sweetest! :)
-
Hey now, woman. Watch that sweet talk...spooks and gouls and vamps are watching. *eyes scroll left to right quick like*
Wanna do nasty things with Mr. Vac? I'm thinking of routering out a punkin' head with his suck nozzle thingy.
***Submitted by . on October 20, 2008 - 12:55am.
Sky, your avatar is all kinds of wrong. lmao
***
Awwwwww! That's the nicest thing anyone has said to be in a looooong time. *sniff sniff*
You're the sweetest! :)
☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠
Happy Halloween, Dlisted-Hookers!
***October is the Official Month for Pumpkin Sexy Times!***
http://www.homemade-sex-toys.com/halloween/
Submitted by SkyBitch on October 20, 2008 - 12:49am.
PERIOD!!!!!!! WTF have you been???
-
Skybeeeeeesh ((HUGS & ***MUAHS***))
Hey, baby girl. How have you been, gorgeous? I've been scarce for a coupla months. This weekend was my coming back party [not to be confused with 'comingback']. lol
I miss you, presh. *dabs eyes with shirt sleeve*
Sky, your avatar is all kinds of wrong. lmao
PERIOD!!!!!!! WTF have you been???
☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠☠
Happy Halloween, Dlisted-Hookers!
***October is the Official Month for Pumpkin Sexy Times!***
http://www.homemade-sex-toys.com/halloween/
Have you ever stared at a car wash vacuum cleaner and thought to yourself, "Damn. I want to stick that hose on my genitals and ride it like the dirty slut it is"?
Michael, I wanted to answer "no" but after you made me think of it I thought it which means I can't say I haven't thought of it now. Damn you. Damn you to hell, you evil, evil man you.
I keed of course. This is why I love you. You can make me think icky thoughts I wouldn't normally have thunk without your loving, twisted guidance and supervision.
Oh great, vacuum sex. What a pervert...staring at my trusty electrosux vac...nah.
-----------------------------------
On the economy: Have you ever felt like a member of the band on the Titanic?
!
I see a connection between two of our posts today. cast your mind back to the xfiles tv series...
agent mulder: mom, did dad ever buy you a vaccuum cleaner?
(he did!)
it was a princess model!! haha
I have an intimate relationship with a household fire extinguisher. DON'T JUDGE OUR LUV!!
If this idiot got drunk one night I'd hate to see what he'd do with a curling iron. Buddy, that isn't your wife's little helper (though something tells me he's single).
OK, ONE more post, just so I can sport my new avatar and siggy. :)
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Happy Halloween, Dlisted-Hookers!
October is the Official Month for Pumpkin Sexy Times!
http://www.homemade-sex-toys.com/halloween/
Submitted by Hekki on October 19, 2008 - 10:48pm.
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Yeah yeah yeah, I'd agree with you except I found out once why this woman was so enamored with baking and her hand held mixer with the rubber tipped beater blades. The fact that she said she liked to bake wearing nothing except an apron should have given me a clue.
Good thing I still had to shut off this puter upstairs otherwise, Slutty would be in for a good tongue lashing..as it is..she only gets my finger('s on the keyboard) Nite right back, gone now for rizzle....Dee still has another 75 cent credit on the hose so it'll be on autopilot after this. *spray wax thrown in for free*
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"Nice to meetcha' gosh darnit. I'm Jane Winebox, and this is my hubby, Joe Sixpack."
i hope that vacuum got dinner and drinks before sucking this guy off...
_____________________________________________
your hatred energizes me. bring it on and watch me radiate!...(nicole julian)
Nite nite McSlitty. ♥
☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼
Okay, I clicked on the Homemade Sex Toys page. Wow. I find the men's things SO much creepier than the women's. Who would spend so much time constructing that shit? Men.
Women have too much to do to create elaborate mechanisms for getting off. Find something that vibrates and/or goes in your punani and you're done. Nothing incriminating involved. I almost feel sorry for the menfolk.
Almost.
I suppose that the water hose on the other side is for those that are incontinent, but still want to pretend they can give the vacuum a golden shower.
Nite all you guys and hoses! Several times tonight you all rendered me speechless....and by that Nitty, I mean I couldn't talk, not that my volume control needed adjustment.
I've never looked down the tube of one of these devices...and so glad I didn't.
~*~*~*~*A gentleman is simply a patient wolf....Lana Turner*~*~*~*~
I have to go to bed and get up at 4 to drive to Houston. Niteys to all.
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Shadow was the best doggie boy ever...10/08/08
mk, your posts are my dirty pleasure
"Push your dick through the ring and into the tube until the mouth of the tube is firmly up against your body. Now begin pumping just a little bit at a time. Take it slowly at first. Very slowly. Over-pumping can cause serious problems. You can rupture veins and bruise the penis shaft as well as inflict permanent damage. It may just sound funny like a dick hickey, but you should always be careful and know your own limits. A burst blood vessel in your dick will be painful, and just plain ugly."
That bitch has a second job. Simple hard working vac by day, a whore mongering penis pump by night...Her life really sucks.
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Shadow was the best doggie boy ever...10/08/08
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