Vadge & Guy's Crazy Marriage Contract
Vadge is the most controlling controller whoever controlled, so it shouldn't come to a complete shock that she made Guy Ritchie agree to a marriage contract. The contract was filled with insane rules like how often they should fuck and what words they should using during arguments. I'm guessing "fuck you cunt" wasn't one of the allowed phrases?
According to The Sun, the document was posted around the house and whenever he was a bad slave and broke the rules, she would say, "Contract, Guy, contract." I bet he had to sign it with the blood from his ripped out nutsack.
Here's just some of the rules on Vadge's "I OWN YOU" contract:
Guy must work to enrich his wife’s emotional and spiritual wellbeing.Guy must devote several hours a week to reading Kabbalah texts with Madge.
Guy must only use certain words during arguments to resolve conflicts in a constructive way.
Guy must never shout and instead say, “I understand that my actions have upset you, please work with me to resolve this."
Guy must devote time to sex sessions and not use sex as a stick to beat one another.
They couldn't beat each other with their sex sticks?! No wonder Vadge always looks like she has blue balls. All she needed to do was to beat Guy with her "sex stick." And trust me, she has one of those. It's just usually stuck up her ass.
I totally believe Vadge has contracts and rules for everything. The hulk-lady is crazy. She probably even schedules her bowel movements down to the second. If one of her butt nuggets is even a millisecond late, she yells at her asshole and writes up her intestines.
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Submitted by Sheeps on October 29, 2008 - 7:29pm.
Submitted by Pearl_Necklace on October 29, 2008 - 7:28pm.
*dorky grammar high five*
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Spelling Bee Geek kiss 'n' happy dance :D
Something made this man sign a pact with the devil. Im not quite sure what it is.... For this reason I cannot feel sorry for him. He knew he was hooking up with satan. Maybe she promised him a lucrative film career???
蜘龍====================龍蜘
(\__/)
(='.'=)
(")_(")
Submitted by TheStraightMan on October 29, 2008 - 7:28pm.
...If my instincts are right (and most always are) Guy is going to go on a humping spree that may become legendary.
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hmmmm...I loooove that visual.
Submitted by Sheeps on October 29, 2008 - 7:24pm.
Forget the contract: that's the worst comma splice I've ever seen.
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Could be the basis of a contest. Oop, MK might have put that in "by accident"... as my nephew says when he shoots squirrels
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Submitted by Pearl_Necklace on October 29, 2008 - 7:28pm.
*dorky grammar high five*
Submitted by Sheeps on October 29, 2008 - 7:24pm.
“I understand that my actions have upset you, please work with me to resolve this."
Forget the contract: that's the worst comma splice I've ever seen.
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Seriously, I'm guilty of criminal comma splicing, but I pray to the internet gods every night to increase the semi-colon's street cred.
E.g., my edit (edited for grammar AND inclusivity):
"We understand that our actions have upset both of us; therefore, let's work together to resolve this issue."
But of course, in Vadge's Baby Jane world, TWO people sharing the joys and pains of marriage does not compute.
If this is their marriage contract (help, I cannot stop rolling my eyes back into my head) can you imagine what the prenup looked like?
If my instincts are right (and most always are) Guy is going to go on a humping spree that may become legendary.
Submitted by M.E. on October 29, 2008 - 7:23pm.
Farrah - two more days hon, two more days.....
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thanks, sweets! uh-oh... i didn't get candy for the TEENS that come around. Fuck the candy, i'll eat it, i'll just give them cigarettes and condoms.
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And i'm on my knees looking for the answer..
are we human, or are we dancers?
Submitted by DUDE on October 29, 2008 - 7:22pm.
He should re-release Snatch and dedicate it to the lovely Madge.
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And change the name to CUNT
Didn't they already have their son before they got married? He probably just went along with whatever for the kid. It couldn't have been for love or lust.
Nope M.E.....no prenup between these two. Strange as that is!
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Beer goggles....they turn BOW into WOW!!!!
Guy deserves to get the Purple Penetrator if he stuck around for one second after reading that shit.
SUCCUBUS!!!
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CROCS are made in the devil's workshop. Yes, they are!
Submitted by M.E. on October 29, 2008 - 7:21pm.
Oh, guarantee, there is a prenup, no way a bitch THIS controlling would enter into a marriage without protecting her fortune.
ITA. I know everyone says there isn't one, but I don't believe it.
Submitted by TheBreakdown on October 29, 2008 - 7:20pm.
7 Year Bitch!
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LOL Good one, Breakdown!
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“I understand that my actions have upset you, please work with me to resolve this."
Forget the contract: that's the worst comma splice I've ever seen.
Farrah - two more days hon, two more days.....
*evil grin*
He should re-release Snatch and dedicate it to the lovely Madge.
the DUDE! abides...
M.E. - Yeah! Guy and Brad, together they still prolly only have about 1/2 a nut between 'em! lol
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Oh, guarantee, there is a prenup, no way a bitch THIS controlling would enter into a marriage without protecting her fortune.
7 Year Bitch!
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The line between sex and society is so fine and blurred... even Amy Winehouse wouldn't snort it.
http://www.myspace.com/triston
Submitted by M.E. on October 29, 2008 - 7:16pm
M.E., i know tis the season, but please bring back the tiger avvie. That one keeps on reminding me i'm cheating on my diet *chews Rolos*
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And i'm on my knees looking for the answer..
are we human, or are we dancers?
Submitted by barelybeagle on October 29, 2008 - 7:16pm.
"Guy must devote time to sex sessions and not use sex as a stick to beat one another."
Maybe Guy was holding out on her and using his refusal to pleasure her as a weapon.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
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"I vant to suck your blood!"
Its funny how a woman who pushed our noses into her crotch for so many years and proclaimed to the masses how sexually provocative she was could be so damn sexless.
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Beer goggles....they turn BOW into WOW!!!!
I detest her *perfect specimen* approach to making babies; As in *can I have your sperm? You're a perfect specimen to make a baby with*. What happened to *I'd like to make a baby with you because I love you and I want a family?*
*adjusting hair net and chewing my Geritol*
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Love's mysteries in souls do grow, But yet the body is his book.
~John Donne
Gawd,
If guy put up with this shit for over 7 years, I'd venture to say he's more than just emotionally retarded.
Hysteria, guy should call up Brad for condolence.
Poor balless men.
except for the sex and the Kabbalah part (replace for Talmud) sounds very much like my relationship with my mother...
*yelling* coooommiiinnnngggg mmmoooooooomm!!!!
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And i'm on my knees looking for the answer..
are we human, or are we dancers?
Submitted by Candy on October 29, 2008 - 7:08pm.
Something made this man sign a pact with the devil. Im not quite sre wha it is.... For this reason I cannot feel sorry for him. He knew he was hooking up with satan. Maybe she promised him a lucrative film career???
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Yeah, I agree with you that he married her at least for the ego and fame-boosting that marrying Madonna brought a decade ago, but I still feel for him I guess because he's paid that karma of dumping his girlfriend for a free media ride like double staying married so long. I think she DID get pregnant when he didn't want a child just yet, AND that he stuck around that long because of Rocco and all the fucked up manipulation after that. PLUS trying to last long enough not to have media laugh at his ass if he ended it quickly.
*munching on hot popcorn, waiting on Vadge's fanboys/girls* mmmm beer...
"Guy must devote time to sex sessions and not use sex as a stick to beat one another."
WTF does that even mean??!!
wow i don't know if its more embarrassing for madonna or for ritchie. this just cements the fact that vadge is a controlling demonic bitch, but guy... who man would sign sometime like this unless he had undescended testicles?
all the characterizations he creates in his films... it all feels so phony now.
Submitted by joe shmoe on October 29, 2008 - 7:12pm.
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I'm guessing something along the lines of "whose is bigger?"
the DUDE! abides...
OMG.
That's fucked.
Guy was probably to distracted by her crappy fake accent to pay attention.
"Going gray is like ejaculating. You know it can happen prematurely, but when it actually does, it's a total shock." MAH BOO!!!
All that and NO PRENUP???
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Beer goggles....they turn BOW into WOW!!!!
she must have sucked his brains out thru his peen
Okay starting to hate them both. Well never liked her that much anyway. But I hate him for agreeing to be owned like a piece of jewlery.
He should have said "Marriage contract? More like fuck off you old gristled up cunt."
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"I vant to suck your blood!"
$25m per nut? Not sure if it was a fair trade? At least not to that succubus.
the DUDE! abides...
Remind me not to marry her. Ever.
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"Her voice sounds like a goat in heat..." - Balenciaga Bitch on Sarah Palin (10/6/08).
You know Vadge prays (to whomever will listen) that she will be granted with a penis. A very largre penis!
I loathe this skank!
Hee hee! I'd like to know what the Paps screamed at them, to make Vadge pull such a sour face.
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Love's mysteries in souls do grow, But yet the body is his book.
~John Donne
*throws popcorn sack in the microwave, pops open a cold one, waits for Vadgaloonies to come a-knocking*
because OH YES, who'd a thunk it?! Vadgaloonies exist, THANK YOU, DLISTED, for another great source of entertainment!
and playing hookie from work rocks hardcore :D
I hope he has spent the last few weeks of Vadge-less living being the lad he is. Yelling 'cunt' at the top of his voice, having lager for breakfast and giving the kids Cadbury chocolate by the fist full, sitting on the furniture without pants. Ah, good times.
Cheers, Guy. Cheers.
WHO GIVES A FUCKING SHIT, JUST KEEP THESE CUNTS OVER IN EUROPE!!
That's not a contract. A contract involves two people. It's ownership papers.
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Love's mysteries in souls do grow, But yet the body is his book.
~John Donne
Poor bastard looks shit scared in this picture.
Fear laden eyes pleading for escape.
Come to me Baby - Suze will make it all better.
DEE RAYS in 08!
ok. now this is some interesting Madonna shit. It shouldn't surprise but still surpasses my expectations of her control obsession.
does Guy have ANY balls left?
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I am begining to hate, HATE Vage.
What an egotisticl BITCH!
Marriage isn't a one way street Vage!!!!!!!!!!!
I wonder what marriage is like when you remove all of the human elements...like emotion?
the DUDE! abides...
and he agreed to this fuckery?!?!?!?!?