The Best Actress Oscar Race Just Lost A Contender!
Leading whores in Hollyweird are breathing a sigh of relief today after learning that Jessica Simpson's war epic "Major Movie Star" is going straight to DVD, which means she won't be a contender for the Best Actress Oscar anymore.
Even though Jessica's visionary masterpiece was a huge hit in Russia, it won't be released in theaters in North America. Not even the $1 movie theater off the highway is going to show this caca mess. The shit show will also get a name change. You know, because changing the name makes us forget that Jessica has the acting skills of one of your morning butt nuggets.
"Major Movie Star" will now be known as "Private Valentine: Blonde & Dangerous" and will be coming to a dusty Dollar Tree cutout bin near you on February 3rd. I didn't think it was possible, but they made a dumb title even dumber. They should have just changed the name to "SALE 99CENTS," because it will be covered in discount stickers by the end of the first day.
There's hope, though! The movie will premiere in theaters in Bulgaria next month! Chestica is becoming The Hoff of Eastern Europe!
Jessica's last shot at acting "Blonde Ambition" made $1,300 after showing in just 8 theaters in Texas. After that, it went straight to the bins!
Okay, Papa Joe, now that it's been confirmed that Jessica KILLS movies, can we just set fire to that chapter already? Jessica's only working brain cell needs to focus on things she's good at like....um.... err.... um.... errr.... carrying Daisy around?
Source: UsWeekly
She has had the longest 15 minutes EVER!
Well HOO-RAY! This should just about be the nail in the coffin. What studio would ever try to make something profitable ever again with this talentless idiot?
The gives the term "Dumb Blond" a bad name!
THERE IS A GOD!
'Cause if there's one thing that she don't like, it's getting gang-raped and her hair extensions swiped...in the ghetto.
If some fool in a former Soviet block country is forking over their hard-earned money to see this big tittied twat, then by all means, let them.
Maybe she can just move over there and release film after film over THERE.
If Mya is releasing her new album only in Japan, maybe this is the beginning of a new system in Hollywood.
Put the stars where they are bankable and ban them from other parts of the world.
I am all for that. How about you sluts?
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The line between sex and society is so fine and blurred... even Amy Winehouse wouldn't snort it.
http://www.myspace.com/triston
Major Manface. She totally has the rectangle-shaped face of a man.
love how this shit seems to be a hit mostly in countries without a strong film industry of their own. Although I have zero idea why its a hit in Russia...they actually produce and make some decent movies.
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Isn't Putin Grand?
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/4088345.stm
oklahoma on October 31, 2008 - 10:24am.
Kdracofan.. Yes, I'm Slasher Alice, From Wonderland.. Good luck to you.. yes it is cold here too. And i have on really lame pantyhose.. YUCK!
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OOOO very nice!
I found a costume: Angel!
white wig, white gown, white wings and a halo
that would do
Capitanne on October 31, 2008 - 11:39am.
Dear God:
Please grant Tony Romo the strength to end this bimbo booty call before the Cowboys are out of the playoffs.
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Amen.
(PS: going to the game this sunday at Giant's stadium...rocking my #24 jersey)
I'd lick her all over! No doubt about it!
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NoAnjl loves me and i love her, deal with it!
MK WTF does this girl have no legs? that's not really funny... snowpiece 30 Oct
"Private Valentine: Blonde & Dangerous"???
That sounds like a porn movie. Does Jessica do a DP in it???
"Private Valentine: Blonde & Dangerous"
You know...this title could possibly work for her. It could possibly get mistaken for a porno and will fly off the shelves. You know nasty old men and horny college frat boys can't turn down a 99 cent porno featuring a "dangerous blonde"
*****"Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die. Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up, just don't do it, OK, promise? OK, now everybody take some rubbers."*****
Dear God:
Please grant Tony Romo the strength to end this bimbo booty call before the Cowboys are out of the playoffs.
That photo gave me an idea! Why don't we send Chestica to fight in Iraq?
In fact, anyone of draft age who supports the WAR (not the soldiers; I think we ALL support the soldiers) should sign the fuck up.
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This is a world destruction, your life ain't nothin
The human race is becoming a disgrace
-Time Zone "World Destruction"
"Private Valentine: Blonde & Dangerous" sounds like a possibly kick-ass video game or a probably lame porno.
Someone being blonde is not as laugh provoking as Hollywood seems to think it is.
I guess it's the a short way of saying that she's dumb? We get it!
Do you think that the idiots that finance this crap will finally get a clue? Nope, me neither.
Kdracofan.. Yes, I'm Slasher Alice, From Wonderland.. Good luck to you.. yes it is cold here too. And i have on really lame pantyhose.. YUCK!
@MissPriss.. That is sooo cute, that picture.. Sexay thing!!!
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And I'm the one who loves you when You're fucking Dead!
Aww Okie! I like yours too!! I bet you look hawt!
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BRAAAAIIIINNNNNZZZ!
Okie,
Here's mine, except I am at work, so I had to tone it down on the sluttiness...longer skirt, and middriff not showing. Everything else is on point...lol
http://www.buycostumes.com/Addams-Family-Sexy-Wednesday-Adult-Costume/33...
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BRAAAAIIIINNNNNZZZ!
Was this the movie that was supposed to be a remake of "Private Benjmain"? I'm not saying Goldie Hawn is a terrific actress, but in her prime, she was awfully appealing, and she has "it". Jessica not so much. Okay, not at all.
LMAO @ Happy Hour's comment
Oklahoma: are you getting dressed up?
My costume didn't fit correctly so I am going to be a Hindi girl - wish me luck! It's cold in NY today
MissPriss.. OMG that is Brilliant.. So cute!! I wish I could see.. I found other Alice costumes on a website.. But they weren't all killer like. totally boring.. pfft.. But maybe muh boss would have like them better..
http://www.halfpricecostumes.com/cart.php?m=product_detail&p=5598
I must go find a Wednesday costume..
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And I'm the one who loves you when You're fucking Dead!
Kdracofan... you almost gave me a heart attack.. ok. like somebody said before.. back to putting blades in the apples... baawwaaaa...
Congratulations Phillies Fans
Okie
I dressed up as Wednesday Addams!
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BRAAAAIIIINNNNNZZZ!
I think this is a shame. Jessica Simpson is our generation's Laurence Olivier but with silicon airbags.
Booooo Kdracofan..
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And I'm the one who loves you when You're fucking Dead!
Boo!
Submitted by Cooch.Roue on October 31, 2008 - 9:39am.
Well I, for one, am disappointed. I really wanted to see this masterwork of American film!
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ITA, let's flood Papa Joe Productions with letters, phone calls and emails DEMANDING that it be released.
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Once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return ~~~ Leonardo da Vinci
Happy Halloween Sluts!
ha ha ha.. dumb whore I can't stand this girl.
Congratulations Phillies Fans
she is really sexy. seems that she is very hot on ~~((((((-singleparentmate.C o m- ))))~~` that is a free interracial dating club. she must go there to find
someone. i also saw her hot pics and videos on that web. unless you watch it, you won't know how...she is.
Sensimina....YES!!! lol
A site for sore asses!
http://www.poopreport.com/index.html
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RIMADYL KILLS
MissPriss.. Are you dressed up today?? I am Slasher Alice, from Wonderland.. Mua!!!!
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And I'm the one who loves you when You're fucking Dead!
Russians only laughed cuz they're totally wasted from diesel fuel cocktails.
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Happy Halloweenie Okie!!!
And all of you my favorite sluts in the whole wide world!
I've had such a crazy week!! Fittingly, the week from hell!
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BRAAAAIIIINNNNNZZZ!
Dam it! I was sooo looking forward to this..me and my girls had already made plans and were even guna get matching shirts to go watch it!!!
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"Do you even know who I am, fucking idiot?...Google me, you dumb fuck."
poor Jessica, she'll never be as famous as her little sister
Well I, for one, am disappointed. I really wanted to see this masterwork of American film! Jessica Simpson is a pretty and talented girl. She has so much natural charisma, I'm just sure she lit up the screen as Megan Valentine. The duality of a pampered movie star vs. the hardscrabble existence of an army cadet makes for quite a plum role, and I'm sure Jessica Simpson exceeded everyone's wildest expectations. Why it is going straight-to-DVD when it has so much awards season potential is beyond me!
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I’m like an American princess. - Paris Hilton
I have things no heiress has. I've done it all on my own. Like a hustler. - Paris Hilton
Hasn't GW Bush done enough damage to the US's image abroad? Now this?
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Love's mysteries in souls do grow, But yet the body is his book.
~John Donne
MissPriss.. LMAO @ Your Sigggie... *Moans* aaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaa
happy hallowpeen in your hand!!
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And I'm the one who loves you when You're fucking Dead!
Look at the poster for this mess. She looks like a Twatney-brained retard.
Wasn't David Hasselhoff big in Russia too? See kids, THIS is another reason why mating with your sister is a bad idea!
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Pixie, kobold, elf, and sprite,
All are on their rounds tonight;
In the wan moon's silver ray,
Thrives their helter-skelter play.
Ever since Buttface Witherspoon for "Walk the line" and that fat whatshername tv karaoke contestwinner for "dreamgirls" both scored oscars, i became too afraid to joke about whoever talentless wannabe-actress not being oscar material.
Hence - Jessica Simpson getting an oscar? It could happen! Hell already froze over when the two mentioned above won theirs.
I'm embarrassed for her. WOW! This is a new low.
Submitted by Mel-Tang on October 31, 2008 - 9:25am.
I hate this family and their butt chins.
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hahaha...all i can think of when i look at pete and asshole's chins is "either way, the baby is fucked".
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http://www.myspace.com/rainbowsrule
One, two Brit Brit's coming for you
three, four lock your chillun's doors
five, six she needs her Cheetos fix
seven, eight she dropped her Frap bloat weight
nine, ten her weave looks beat again
Oh no! I thought she was going to win the oscar for sure LOL!
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NO I'M NOT HISPANIC I'M JUST A CRAZY CHICK HENCE CHICA LOCA ANYWAY TO THE IDIOTS IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT I SAY BOO HOO SCROLL DOWN TO THE NEXT COMMENT & TO THE PROFESSORS THAT LIKE TO TELL US WE CAN'T SPELL KISS OUR....
I hate this family and their butt chins.
A site for sore asses!
http://www.poopreport.com/index.html
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RIMADYL KILLS
They should play it off and on on the Jumbotron at away Cowboys games.
Yes, lets start exporting all the talentless sluts to Eastern Europe. Pleaseeeeeeee. Just hope she takes her sister with her.
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"Nice to meetcha' gosh darnit. I'm Jane Winebox, and this is my hubby, Joe Sixpack."
It isn't like Russia want this, it was another ploy by the U.S. government to start the Cold War again.