A Potato In The Ass
A vicar waddled into an emergency room at a hospital in Sheffield, UK complaining about a potato in his ass. (Note: The spud pictured is not the dildo tater in question even though it looks like it has butt bits on it.) The vicar used the oldest excuse in the butt fucking manual: he fell on it.
The clergyman said he was hanging up some curtains in the nude when he accidentally fell on a potato lying on the kitchen table behind him. That damn potato! It was just laying there, in his way, all lubed up and ready to go!
One of the nurses told The Sun that he insisted he wasn't doing butt sex with the potato. The potato doesn't swing that way. The vicar kept telling the hospital that he was simply decorating his windows while naked. Being nekkid probably brings out the Martha Stewart in him.
I don't know why he had to go to the hospital for this shit. If he was doing his daily sphincter exercises, like everyone should, he could have easily mashed that potato with his ass. Then he would've had a delicious side dish of mashed taters and ass gravy!
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What's that old expression? A potato in the ass is worth two in the bush?
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I don't wanna be buried in a pet cemetary
I don't wanna live my life aga-uh-in...
Submitted by Tigerlilly on October 31, 2008 - 9:04pm.
What does a tiger dress up as?
Submitted by Sheeps on October 31, 2008 - 8:58pm.
Submitted by islandgirl on October 31, 2008 - 8:52pm.
Try taking down the NAMBLA sign.
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*googles NAMBLA, grows disturbed, pours another lager*
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Some people feel the rain. Others just get wet.
--Bob Dylan
Submitted by jiggywiddit on October 31, 2008 - 8:53pm.
I personally have been assaulted by a zucchini while I was doing laundry...It forced it's hot hard juicy vessel of rage and passion into the core of my personal sweetness --Tigerlilly
@TL--Down, girl. I'm sweating!! ...and scared to do my laundry.
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Oh, that's when those dastardly veggies getcha, when you're doin' laundry...Yeah, you're distracted, bent over, bum up in the air, it's the perfect opportunity, and they take it...over, and over again...and then, over and over again...and then...Well, you get the idea...I mean, eventually you need to go out and buy a new zuc...er, I mean, report the horrible "accident" that happened between you and that randy veggie...
*yo, veggie, call me...*
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
That reminds me of the guy on the SNL sketch "Appalachian Emergency Room" who always slipped on something and got something stuck up his butt
ø¤°º¤ aka Geminat ø¤ºø.
http://geminat.com
Submitted by islandgirl on October 31, 2008 - 8:52pm.
Try taking down the NAMBLA sign.
I personally have been assaulted by a zucchini while I was doing laundry...It forced it's hot hard juicy vessel of rage and passion into the core of my personal sweetness --Tigerlilly
@TL--Down, girl. I'm sweating!! ...and scared to do my laundry.
"It's too much to process."--MK
Submitted by Sheeps on October 31, 2008 - 8:48pm.
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We haven't had one trick or treater. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that we're sitting here, in the dark, wearing nothing but our kerchiefs. And that WAS a euphemism. :-)
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Some people feel the rain. Others just get wet.
--Bob Dylan
All those root vegetables are SLUTS...WHORES...oh, and not only them, what about the SQUASH family???? Huh????...I personally have been assaulted by a zucchini while I was doing laundry...It forced it's hot hard juicy vessel of rage and passion into the core of my personal sweetness and I...
Well, once I was done with it, I took it out, washed it off, I made dinner whilst watching "Entertainment Tonight"...
What? What? That's not sexay enough fer ya? I soaked my feet in epsome salt afterwards...Ok, c'mon that's Ooozing sex...Oh, wait that oozing is coming from some other place...Check ya later....
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by islandgirl on October 31, 2008 - 8:44pm.
Hey IG! *hic* I'm home handing out candy. I put a kerchief on the doggie. (NOT a euphemism.)
Submitted by Sheeps on October 31, 2008 - 8:43pm.
Police grew suspicious of the vicar's story when they found sour cream, bacon bits, and chives on the potato.
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HAHAHAHAHA! *chokes on lager*
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Some people feel the rain. Others just get wet.
--Bob Dylan
Police grew suspicious of the vicar's story when they found sour cream, bacon bits, and chives on the potato.
Can we make the potato Hot Slut of the Week?
My mama always told me, wash your ears good, or potatoes will grow back there.
I would just tell the medical peeps, that I never washed down there real good, and glory be! mama was right !
When we lived in the city kids would come trick-or-treating with 2 or 3 bags and the Mr. and I would lose count how many kids were collecting for their "sick" sibling. Sort of a variation on the grab as much as you can system.
Submitted by paulapoo on October 31, 2008 - 6:40pm.
I don't know why he felt that he had to give a reason how that thing got up his ass. Of course the medical peeps always ask what happened, but that doesn't mean you have to explain. I mean damn, any explanation you give is going to be fucked up. I'd just tell them to do their job and get it out of my ass. If they persist, then tell them space aliens placed it there, or hey it's a miracle, the potato grew there spontaneously, it's a Jesus potato!
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hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
You are blessed my child.
~ You only live once that you remember ~
As much as I am enjoying this, a Happy Halloween everyone, and be careful, there are pumpkins everywhere tonight. One could easily fall, and well I don't want to think of the injury a pumpkin would do.
Submitted by . on October 31, 2008 - 7:37pm.
LMAO
♥
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As they say in Hollywood "he has brought my vision to life"
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on October 31, 2008 - 7:31pm.
Do I have to spell it out for you?
BAGINA!!!!
Happy now?!?!?!
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NO WAY! Really? *says in soft child-like voice*
Well, gosh. That's my "Yes-yes" hole to me! It might creak and leak on occasion but a little wd40 and a few choice episodes of Knotts Landing coupled with my "dick-in-a-box tackle that twat" kit...I git 'er done did.
Ok. I know what a no no hole and a potato are, but what the hell is a vicar?
You've heard of Fuddruckers? Now there's Spudfuckers. This was no-no accident.
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I don't wanna be buried in a pet cemetary
I don't wanna live my life aga-uh-in...
Submitted by madam ex on October 31, 2008 - 7:27pm.
TMI with the jaws of life...I just puked up my Tom Cruise chocolate butt plug.
It was good eats.
xo
Pfötchenstellung!
As I posted this on another thread meant for this one, it gives a whole new meaning to anal retentive.
I pity the fool that ever comes at me with an Anal Buster.
That's why I carry concealed.
Pfötchenstellung!
Submitted by . on October 31, 2008 - 7:28pm.
Not THAT no no hole
The OTHER no no hole.
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Other no no hole? Ear cavity?
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Do I have to spell it out for you?
BAGINA!!!!
Happy now?!?!?!
-☮'---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
As they say in Hollywood "he has brought my vision to life"
Submitted by madam ex on October 31, 2008 - 7:27pm.
I haven't been to rotten.com for ages, the thought of that site makes me want to vomit.
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"I vant to suck your blood!"
@Leona-Something called the anal buster can't be good for the butthole, but then again, neither is a potato.
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on October 31, 2008 - 6:58pm.
Submitted by . on October 31, 2008 - 6:56pm.
Not THAT no no hole
The OTHER no no hole.
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Other no no hole? Ear cavity? My gran always said put nuttin' bigger than your elbow in your ear. Why does the term 'corn-hole' make me laugh when I know it comes from an innocent po-dunk game? lol
Sweetas [wherever you are], I got it! TaterBaters! WHoot!
Let's bow our head in somber silence for poor Mr. Potato head whom I presume is more than likely rolling in his gravy er grave.
Go to Rotten.Com there is an old classic story there w/explicit photos of a guy who stuck a jar of jelly and a potatoe up his asshole. They show it through an xray and they show them taking it out w/something like the jaws of life, LOL, no its like a long prongy thing and then they show it out of his ass w/blood on it. So GROSSSSSSS!!
Submitted by WTFOMGLOL on October 31, 2008 - 7:19pm.
Oh the bagina has such teeth, dear
And she shows them pearly white
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As they say in Hollywood "he has brought my vision to life"
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on October 31, 2008 - 6:52pm.
I once got a plum stuck up my no no hole.
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that's okay, that's what the vagina dentata is there for.
isn't it ? :O
Submitted by Hekki on October 31, 2008 - 7:12pm.
I think "Why, you little pig!" is much more effective.
Don't you?
(OMG I am cracking myself up over here)
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As they say in Hollywood "he has brought my vision to life"
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on October 31, 2008 - 7:11pm.
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I wasn't! LOL
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"Tact is just not saying true stuff - I'll pass" - Cordelia Chase, Buffy
I love JRM!!!!
Mrs. K: I think I will say something next time, like "Leave some for the other kids, now..." I was waiting for the moms to say something, but they didn't. The kids were pretty little (like under 4), but that's almost worse in a way.
Submitted by QueenCharisma on October 31, 2008 - 7:08pm.
LMAO at the way you INSIST you were not one of those kids.
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As they say in Hollywood "he has brought my vision to life"
that's so crazy. Thanks for making me laugh Michael.
Submitted by QueenCharisma on October 31, 2008 - 7:07pm.
Yes! KitKats, Snickers, Almond Joys, Mounds, Hersey's with Almonds, and peanut M&M's right? :D
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or something to that effect...
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As they say in Hollywood "he has brought my vision to life"
Submitted by Hekki on October 31, 2008 - 7:04pm.
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NEVER leave the candy unattended, lol. I once saw this group of kids (that did not include me) go up to a house that had a bowl out front with a sign saying "Take some" and these little brats (not me)dumped the whole bowl in one kid's bag and ran off laughing. I was not one of those kids by the way.
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"Tact is just not saying true stuff - I'll pass" - Cordelia Chase, Buffy
I love JRM!!!!
Maybe he was hanging beef curtains.
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on October 31, 2008 - 7:03pm.
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Yes! KitKats, Snickers, Almond Joys, Mounds, Hersey's with Almonds, and peanut M&M's right? :D
I think I may have a girl crush on you now.
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"Tact is just not saying true stuff - I'll pass" - Cordelia Chase, Buffy
I love JRM!!!!
Submitted by Hekki on October 31, 2008 - 7:04pm.
OK so here's how I do it. I "let" them take what they want from the bowl and if they get too greedy I slap their hand and say something to shame them.
Good times, good times.
I kid.
I love the little buggers.
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As they say in Hollywood "he has brought my vision to life"
The saddest part of the story is after the affronted potato was removed, the Vicar calmly washed it, baked it in the oven, then used his mouth hole to make sweet love to its insides, by slathering the now eagle-spread potato with the finest butter cream and garlic salt available. LOL
"You smell like a baby prostitute." ~ Mean Girls
Oh, I DO love the stories from the ER of the stupid shit people stick up their no-no holes.
OT: I'm the one giving out the candy, and I'm just letting the kids take what they want from the bowl, and I have to say that I am SHOCKED at these kids taking multiple handfuls. I was trained to only take ONE. And that's what I teach MY kids. I know I should just hand out what I want the kids to have but that seems stingy.
Submitted by QueenCharisma on October 31, 2008 - 6:59pm.
LOL @ Leona
Off-topic: I'm really sad I can't trick or treat this year :(
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I have A LOT of candy at my house and it's raining here so I don't think we will get a lot of little rugrats tonight.
Come over tomorrow for a little breakfast, and you can have all the chocolate.
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As they say in Hollywood "he has brought my vision to life"
I had a piece of toast this morning that when turned upside-down looked just like a butt. What a coinkeedeenk!
And hello to all you spooky sluts this glorious Halloween. :)
But hanging curtains naked? That I don't get. I mean who hasn't had various tubers up their ass?
Hey DD - I was wonderin' if the zone zombies had gotten to ya.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
Michael Jackson - Thriller
www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Xs9OQHpwDE
LOL @ Leona
Off-topic: I'm really sad I can't trick or treat this year :(
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"Tact is just not saying true stuff - I'll pass" - Cordelia Chase, Buffy
I love JRM!!!!
Submitted by . on October 31, 2008 - 6:56pm.
Not THAT no no hole
The OTHER no no hole.
-☮'---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
As they say in Hollywood "he has brought my vision to life"
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on October 31, 2008 - 6:52pm.
I once got a plum stuck up my no no hole.
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Thumbs and plums and bums seem to have some sort of affinity. The trifecta of bum-bum play?