A Potato In The Ass
A vicar waddled into an emergency room at a hospital in Sheffield, UK complaining about a potato in his ass. (Note: The spud pictured is not the dildo tater in question even though it looks like it has butt bits on it.) The vicar used the oldest excuse in the butt fucking manual: he fell on it.
The clergyman said he was hanging up some curtains in the nude when he accidentally fell on a potato lying on the kitchen table behind him. That damn potato! It was just laying there, in his way, all lubed up and ready to go!
One of the nurses told The Sun that he insisted he wasn't doing butt sex with the potato. The potato doesn't swing that way. The vicar kept telling the hospital that he was simply decorating his windows while naked. Being nekkid probably brings out the Martha Stewart in him.
I don't know why he had to go to the hospital for this shit. If he was doing his daily sphincter exercises, like everyone should, he could have easily mashed that potato with his ass. Then he would've had a delicious side dish of mashed taters and ass gravy!
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I knew this girl who had a bean stuck up her nose.
Shame on you when you step up to... Brooklyn Zoo
Halloween was soooo last night.
Hey SB, been busy I'll explain later. Thought I'd tell my sad tale of fucking potatoes.:
So a couple of months ago, I ran into an old friend who is always knee deep in cheap floozie women. I decided to ask what his secret for reeling in all these skanks is. I mean this dude is always dripping in cheap women and probably other things too.
He said that before he goes out, he shoves a potato down his pants and the women see that bulge and come running! I thanked him for dropping his secret and told him I would try try potato trick my next time out.
So next week, I called up my friend and told him I was going to try out the trick. He wished me luck and said to have fun. So I shoved the tater down there and headed out to the bar. When I got there, the women and everyone else just pointed at me a laughed! Just laughter and pointing! No one came up to me! No women! No love! No floozies! Nothing! Not even my friends would approach! So in a thick miasma of humiliation, I left and vowed to track my buddy down and give him a few choice words!
So I ran into him later and told him what a dick he was for messing up my trolling action. He used to work there as a bar tender, so I suspected that he called the bar up and told them to laugh at me! I asked him what the deal was and he told me that every time he stuck a potato down the front of his pants, the women would come running! I screamed in bloody murder at him "The front? The Front!!! You motherfucking asshole piece of crap, why didn't you tell me it was the front of my pants!!!!"
Fucking taters!!!!
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Nature abhors a moron.-H.L. Mencken
I once got a plum stuck up my no no hole.
-☮'---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
As they say in Hollywood "he has brought my vision to life"
@Leona- A pepper pot is a British thing, I think. HeHe, bang himself literally! I am still laughing. No wonder men like to shoot blanks!
I heard of a case (no names) about a guy who told ER staff he had a cucumber up his bum. He was honest and said it was a foreplay incident and that the lubed cucumber just popped right up there and out of reach.
They had to open this guy up. His harmless cucumber was in fact a 33cm butternut squash. I shit you not. LIE TELLER! And he will never shit through his own arsehole again. He's probably talking dirty to his colostomy bag as we type.
Medicine is a fascinating subject but it's a shit of a job.
Oh - there was also the guy with a lit battery torch. Very helpful patient.
@ Queenie--suicide by methane gas, if ya know whaddamean.
Uh-oh. Scuse me for a few minutes. I gotta go
tend to the goblins.
*rolls eyes*
It's still halloween.
Pfötchenstellung!
You know, christians and catholics and the like should drop the celibacy crap. Humans are sexual animals, so they should let priests and vicars and whatnot marry or have partners. Celibacy is NOT natural. Also, they should drop the "homosexuals are evil" bullshit while they are at it.
Anyway, I feel sorry for this dude. Why use a damn potato when he can use a dildo?. Is he that poor or what?. Maybe he was experimenting? and wouldn't the potato be pushed out with the poop or what?.
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-"I am not about to deal with unstable people" - HEART ANGELINA.
Submitted by TITS on October 31, 2008 - 6:39pm.
you know... if you tilt your head to the right and look at that pic it seems like the tater is smiling.
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OMG! I just looked at my flabby, cottage cheese, crooked ass in the mirror sideways and sure enough...my moon is smiling too! This is like some sorta revelation or maybe conspiracy or maybe crack.
Submitted by devilgirl on October 31, 2008 - 6:42pm.
I liked someone with the live ammo shoved inside, that would make for some explosive diarreah later on. The pepper pot was also interesting.
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Yeah, for reals. Live ammo man liked to bang himself literally.
What do you think a pepper pot actually is? Is that an aussie thing? British?
I know what it is on my block, but we wouldn't waste it by shoving it up da butt...not unless the popo was coming.
Pfötchenstellung!
Submitted by Leona on October 31, 2008 - 6:42pm.
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That damn gerbil was so scarred, he committed suicide once the ER doctors took him out the hole :(
True story.
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"Tact is just not saying true stuff - I'll pass" - Cordelia Chase, Buffy
I love JRM!!!!
Submitted by TITS on October 31, 2008 - 6:40pm.
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But was he a hair trigger?
Pfötchenstellung!
Submitted by QueenCharisma on October 31, 2008 - 6:38pm.
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You know it, sista. If PETA wants to protest something, it should be gerbil abuse.
Those little bastards are cute.
Pfötchenstellung!
I liked someone with the live ammo shoved inside, that would make for some explosive diarreah later on. The pepper pot was also interesting.
EWWWWWW!!
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NO I'M NOT HISPANIC I'M JUST A CRAZY CHICK HENCE CHICA LOCA ANYWAY TO THE IDIOTS IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT I SAY BOO HOO SCROLL DOWN TO THE NEXT COMMENT & TO THE PROFESSORS THAT LIKE TO TELL US WE CAN'T SPELL KISS OUR....
Submitted by devilgirl on October 31, 2008 - 6:36pm.
I can't resist telling this story- I have a friend who is an ER nurse in Kansas City. He told me that this guy came in one night with a hose fron the sink lodged in his ass. His boyfriend told the nurses that it went in ok, but out was a different story. The trigger was preventing it from coming out, they pulled and pulled and knew something was very wrong when a portion of his intestine came out. The guy had to have several feet of his intestine removed as a result and had to get a colastomy bag.
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Holy cow. That was the end of his love life. A crap bag is not hot.
Poor bastard.
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Pfötchenstellung!
I don't know why he felt that he had to give a reason how that thing got up his ass. Of course the medical peeps always ask what happened, but that doesn't mean you have to explain. I mean damn, any explanation you give is going to be fucked up. I'd just tell them to do their job and get it out of my ass. If they persist, then tell them space aliens placed it there, or hey it's a miracle, the potato grew there spontaneously, it's a Jesus potato!
Submitted by devilgirl on October 31, 2008 - 6:36pm.
and that man was forever known as 'Trigger'.
+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+
I hated her instantly. With all my guts: George
Dead Like Me - Halloween Episode
dot - save the 'root' comments until the aussies wake up.
you know... if you tilt your head to the right and look at that pic it seems like the tater is smiling.
+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+
I hated her instantly. With all my guts: George
Dead Like Me - Halloween Episode
Submitted by devilgirl on October 31, 2008 - 6:36pm.
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OH MY G-
WTF is wrong with people? That right there is boredom personified (that or desperation...take yer pick). FUCK! GROSS!
lol
Submitted by . on October 31, 2008 - 6:34pm.
* spit take*
For cryin out loud, Dot. Now I gotta go scrub the potato juice off my screen.
I forgots how funny you are. LOL.
Pfötchenstellung!
Submitted by Leona on October 31, 2008 - 6:33pm.
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That's so wrong, lol. And the stuff about the animals....why? What the hell did this innocent gerbil do to deserve this kind of fuckery?
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"Tact is just not saying true stuff - I'll pass" - Cordelia Chase, Buffy
I love JRM!!!!
I don't see why he couldn't just leave it in there, and let Lemmiwinks chew his way out.
end of problem. and no em-bare-ass-ing trip to the emergency room with that cock-and-bull story.
Submitted by Leona on October 31, 2008 - 6:25pm.
Thanks for the link. Damn just reading that makes my asshole hurt, I'm dreading even having a bowl movement.
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2008 World Series Champions
#1 Philadelphia Phillies!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdCrZfTkG1c&feature=related
Submitted by TITS on October 31, 2008 - 6:31pm.
I'm more of a parsnip girl myself.
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Ha! Where is LTC to give her opinion on root vegetables? :)
I can't resist telling this story- I have a friend who is an ER nurse in Kansas City. He told me that this guy came in one night with a hose fron the sink lodged in his ass. His boyfriend told the nurses that it went in ok, but out was a different story. The trigger was preventing it from coming out, they pulled and pulled and knew something was very wrong when a portion of his intestine came out. The guy had to have several feet of his intestine removed as a result and had to get a colastomy bag.
Submitted by chin chin on October 31, 2008 - 6:18pm.
i thought shit like this was supposed to be private in the medical community?
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Not if I'm your caregiver. You got something funky going on, I'll be straight to Mk with it.
Trust.
*waits poised at keyboard*
What ya wanna tell me, chin chin?
Pfötchenstellung!
Submitted by Leona on October 31, 2008 - 6:28pm.
If I want to feel constipated, I'll eat a whole pizza, thanks.
Jussayin.
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lol! I prefer a big loaf of ripe cheese to constipate me. -Nuttin' like eatin' a loaf and trying to grunt out a loaf to make you feel alive.
-But yeah, exit only woman here tyvm. My sister used to brag about her horse-dicked bf giving it to her in the ass and I almost passed out from her descriptives. I'm not weak in the knees by any stretch of the sphincter but holy fuck...no spanky yous.
So spring onions would be considered love beads in this household...
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I'm more concerned bout bin laid off than Bin Laden
Submitted by justice on October 31, 2008 - 6:01pm.
"he would've had a delicious side dish of mashed taters and ass gravy"
MK, there is something rotten going on in your mind for you to even consider typing that!! I fucking love mashed potato and you've killed that dish for me.
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OMG. I've had a top round going in the crock pot for 7 hours and baked potatoes in the oven and corn on the cob. Shred off some pieces of that delicious and tender beef, top it with mashed potatoes and corn, and then some beef gravy, all on a piece of buttered Italian bread. Go bitches!
Submitted by QueenCharisma on October 31, 2008 - 6:29pm.
Thanks for the link, Leona!
I'm reading this list and am baffled. Why would you put a condom on a plantain
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Well, we wouldn't little half-breed plaintains running around would we? LOL.
My personal fave was the x-ray of the anally lodged DENTURES.
Talk about an overbite. Dang.
Pfötchenstellung!
That vicar don't fool me. The funkiest part of the tater deal was having the doctor digging it out, on the NHS even.
I'm more of a parsnip girl myself.
+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+
I hated her instantly. With all my guts: George
Dead Like Me - Halloween Episode
Submitted by Thornhill on October 31, 2008 - 6:22pm.
So hanging shelves naked, with a bowl of corn cobs on the kitchen table is an orgy or an occupational hazzard...?
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That's why we yanks have OSHA.
Pfötchenstellung!
When visiting this man of the cloth, be sure to refuse a refreshing glass of freshly squeezed orange juice..
_________________ ☮ ___________________
I'm more concerned bout bin laid off than Bin Laden
Thanks for the link, Leona!
I'm reading this list and am baffled. Why would you put a condom on a plantain and stick it up your poop shoot? Do vegetables have STD's we don't know about? And salami? That's just wrong. That's perfectly good meat gone to waste....
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"Tact is just not saying true stuff - I'll pass" - Cordelia Chase, Buffy
I love JRM!!!!
Submitted by . on October 31, 2008 - 6:23pm.
I told my first husband (and all husbands since):
nothing goes in through the out door.
If I want to feel constipated, I'll eat a whole pizza, thanks.
Jussayin.
PS That wiki definition was gross. Girl.
Pfötchenstellung!
Submitted by SCLizard on October 31, 2008 - 6:23pm.
Vicar in a Tutu...
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Reminds me of "The Ruling Class" (1972)
'Cept he wasn't a vicar, he was an earl.
But his friends all called him Speedo.
-☮'---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
As they say in Hollywood "he has brought my vision to life"
@ devilgirl
@ Queen
MK gave me the heads up (not the bottoms up) on this sick site of eyewitness medical accounts of rectal foreign bodies. My favorite was the frozen fish inserted rectally, whose removal was impossible after the dorsal fin thawed out. Ouch!
http://www.well.com/~cynsa/newbutt.html
If you are easily offended, do NOT click on that link!!
Also: there is no confidentiality in the medical community if you are "creative."
Pfötchenstellung!
Fingerling potatoes are great for ass...I mean, maybe he used these
-☮'---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
As they say in Hollywood "he has brought my vision to life"
Vicar in a Tutu...
he's not strange, he just wants to live his life this way
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The sanest days are mad
Submitted by Leona on October 31, 2008 - 6:19pm.
Submitted by . on October 31, 2008 - 5:57pm.
What an amateur. The best root vege for ass play is a SWEET tater
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So baby Dot likes sweet potato cASSerole? Mmmmm.
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Hell to da naw. Only guys can get by with that kind of whacky ass play. Women end up with rectoceles. Not purdy.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rectocele
It's amazing what people will shove up their asses though. I never understood and care not to ever try to. Just NO.
I bet that potato is running around now thinking he is a big spud or something.
So hanging shelves naked, with a bowl of corn cobs on the kitchen table is an orgy or an occupational hazzard...?
_________________ ☮ ___________________
I'm more concerned bout bin laid off than Bin Laden
He should have buttered it first.
@Queen-Yeah, I guess it's good to be prepared that way, and as long as it is approved and recommended by 4 out of 5 doctors.
Potato in the ass a Shepherd's Pie doesn't make.
Perhaps he should've ordered the Ploughman's lunch?
the DUDE! abides...
Submitted by . on October 31, 2008 - 5:57pm.
What an amateur. The best root vege for ass play is a SWEET tater
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So baby Dot likes sweet potato cASSerole? Mmmmm.
Pfötchenstellung!
@ Leona: LOL! Damn straight
@ devilgirl: They just had the deodorant up there to stop the sweating which would stop the anal itching. PoopReport.com will tell you all about it - it's medically approved!
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"Tact is just not saying true stuff - I'll pass" - Cordelia Chase, Buffy
I love JRM!!!!
i thought shit like this was supposed to be private in the medical community?
-=meow hiss purr=-