Monday, November 3rd 2008

What Else Is She Good For?

When the biggest skeezer in the entire universe, Wonky McValtrex, first meets a dude, instead of shaking his hand, she shakes his dick....with her pussy. This is why the skank shouldn't be surprised that humans with peens only see her as a jizz bank and an ATM.

Wonky cried fake tears out of her one good eye and told the News of the World: “Every other guy I’ve been out with has used me for money or sex - but in most cases they just want fame. It made it hard to trust people. After a while I had to start questioning exactly why somebody wanted to be with me."

The sad part is that she's barely even good for sex! I've seen her sex tape and the bitch lays there like a salamander on Ambien.

Wonky is barely figuring out what we've all known for years. When a dude has you listed as "cum bag" in his cell phone, maybe you should pry open your wonk eye with your skank hand and get a clue.

Posted by: Michael K


Albatross's picture

MK, this is one of the funniest posts I've ever read! "Wonky cried fake tears out of her one good eye" - LMAO!

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If you ain't got no money, take your broke ass home!

NitWitty's picture

Bwhahaha..Loozer and Stoney!!! Silvara, funny shat. I am so burning in hell. You guys are making me laugh like a loon!
Patricia Morgan..Just saw yours too! LOLOL But could be true!

*******************
"Nice to meetcha' gosh darnit. I'm Jane Winebox, and this is my hubby, Joe Sixpack."

TITS's picture

re her sex film - my favourite part was when she stopped to either take a call or text on her cell phone. I don't think she truly understands just WHY that tape was so famous.

Poor benji. I was hoping they were broken up.

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JordanBratman's picture

Submitted by P.T.Bull on November 3, 2008 - 2:17pm.
Boy, gays sure can hate on beautiful women--good humor though.

Paris is beautful? Try saying that when you've actually meet her. She looks better in pics than she does in real life.

Blessed for everything you've given me,
Blessed for all the tenderness you show,
Do my best with every breath that's in me,
Blessed to make sure you never go.

snowpiece's picture

Paris Hilton is so full of cum that she's being explored as an alternative energy sourse
****************************1/20/09
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i

TITS's picture

SILVERA! gasp. that was awesome.

+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+

Stoney's picture

Paris is so full of cum she could start her own brand of protein shakes.

__________________________________________

"that is not a common looking vagina right?"

Silvara0428's picture

What do you call Paris with a runny nose?

FULL
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“When a thing is funny search for a hidden truth.”

loozer's picture

I'll take a stab at it.
Paris is so full of cum that she has more seamen than the US Navy.

*************************************************
Sitting it out, spinning the dial
Thinking about the chump I've been
I have to smile,didn't I know Easy Come, Easy Go!

JordanBratman's picture

Paris' first question when she met the Prince's in London "Are horny?" followed by "how big are they?"(said while looking at their crotches) Fact.

Blessed for everything you've given me,
Blessed for all the tenderness you show,
Do my best with every breath that's in me,
Blessed to make sure you never go.

NitWitty's picture

LMAO, Your Mom!!!!!
hahaha
I know, I'm juvinile but this is cracking me up for some reason!

*******************
"Nice to meetcha' gosh darnit. I'm Jane Winebox, and this is my hubby, Joe Sixpack."

snowpiece's picture

OMG your mom your mom your mom! LMAO! and Nitty too, poor Benji!
****************************1/20/09
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i

NitWitty's picture

Paris Hilton is SO full of cum that Benji Madden now squirts the cum of three hundred and eleven other men.

*******************
"Nice to meetcha' gosh darnit. I'm Jane Winebox, and this is my hubby, Joe Sixpack."

Your Mom Ate the Taco's picture

Paris is SO full of cum that she could bake a cheesecake in her uterus when it's hot outside.

☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
"I got a rock." -- Charlie Brown

P.T.Bull's picture

Submitted by missy on November 3, 2008 - 1:47pm.
hahaa is she really all "salamander-on-ambien" in her sex tape? anyone seen it?

Yeah, I saw it, and truth be told, I would have been glad to be receiving what she was giving. OTOH, I have been with more enthusiastic partners--at least in the early days of relationship...

At my age, the money would be the more attractive part. ;)

I think it was family guy that had the daughter wearing a "sperm dumpster" t-shirt or something like that.

NitWitty's picture

@Missy, LOL @ spermacide. Would there be a sewer big enough to swallow that mess?

*******************
"Nice to meetcha' gosh darnit. I'm Jane Winebox, and this is my hubby, Joe Sixpack."

QueenCharisma's picture

@ PT: Paris is a beautiful woman?! BWAHAHAHAHAA! Funniest post of the day right there!

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"Tact is just not saying true stuff - I'll pass" - Cordelia Chase, Buffy

I love JRM!!!!

angel_i's picture

Paris Hilton is SO full of cum she's not allowed to swim at the Roosevelt without a body condom.

♥ ThreadKilla!
A DListed Chola Diary , Lean Like a Chola
HAPPYBMDAY!

Your Mom Ate the Taco's picture

Paris is SO full of cum that she could start her own successful sperm bank.

☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
"I got a rock." -- Charlie Brown

snowpiece's picture

ahhhhhhhh this pic is scaring me!
I feel like this giant bird of prey is going to swoop down and snag me with it's enormous beak!
****************************1/20/09
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i

NovaNightly's picture

Nice fake lashes and fake contacts and fake hair ....FAKE FAKE FAKE!!

^<>^<>^<>^<>^<>^<>^<>^<>^<>^<>^<>^<>^<>^<>^<>^
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

Your Mom Ate the Taco's picture

LOL, Nitwitty! It also mixes well with her frosted flakes.

☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
"I got a rock." -- Charlie Brown

NitWitty's picture

Paris Hilton is so full of cum that she only has to burp to relive her last fast shot.

*******************
"Nice to meetcha' gosh darnit. I'm Jane Winebox, and this is my hubby, Joe Sixpack."

NovaNightly's picture

Does she actually think she looks like a respectable girl??? You have to EARN respect Paris...

I like CUM-WASTE-BASKET!! CUM-RECEPTICLE!! CUM-PUDDLE!! They all fit. :D

^<>^<>^<>^<>^<>^<>^<>^<>^<>^<>^<>^<>^<>^<>^<>^
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

Your Mom Ate the Taco's picture

Snowy! I can't prevent what Wonky does--I can only report it.

☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
"I got a rock." -- Charlie Brown

P.T.Bull's picture

Boy, gays sure can hate on beautiful women--good humor though. It is a good question on why it has taken paris so long to figure out she is getting used--but that is the intevitable result of the rough trade she had been indulging in.

I think this is the reason the rich and famous stick to dating the rich and famous--they don't have to worry so much about gold-diggers.

Maybe she really is as dumb as she seems--kind of appeals to my exploitive side, but the only way I have a shot with her is if she has an overweight ugly father complex (I have found a surprising number who do). ;)

Much like brit brit, it looks like she has begun a program of personal growth and sort of left the tabloids behind. Their gain is our loss.

missy's picture

best comment from NOTW:

Why would she need a man to exploit her, when she does such a fabulous job of that on her own??

haha YUP!

_____________________________________________

Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke

a message from the Church of the SubGenius

NitWitty's picture

LOL, Your Mom, she just squirts a few tears into her Count Choculas :}

*******************
"Nice to meetcha' gosh darnit. I'm Jane Winebox, and this is my hubby, Joe Sixpack."

missy's picture

Paris is so full of cum, she would disappear if you hosed her down with spermacide.
_____________________________________________

Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke

a message from the Church of the SubGenius

snowpiece's picture

your Mom ewwwwwwwwwwwwww!
****************************1/20/09
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i

QueenCharisma's picture

I can't muster up enough enthusiasm to insult her. She's that boring.

************************************************

"Tact is just not saying true stuff - I'll pass" - Cordelia Chase, Buffy

I love JRM!!!!

Your Mom Ate the Taco's picture

Paris is SO full of cum that when she eats cereal she doesn't even need milk.

☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
"I got a rock." -- Charlie Brown

DUDE's picture

snowpiece-You're calling my Olan Mills glamour shot a Halloweenie costume?

Well, I never... ;)

the DUDE! abides...

NitWitty's picture

@Snowy..lmaooo

Paris Hilton is so full of cum that when she sneezes she blows cum bubbles.

*******************
"Nice to meetcha' gosh darnit. I'm Jane Winebox, and this is my hubby, Joe Sixpack."

snowpiece's picture

Dude: is that your Halloweenie costume? ****************************1/20/09
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i

DUDE's picture

I guess the decision of coming in her or an old gym sock would depend on my blood alcohol content.

To go boldly where every man has gone before. The question for the ages.

the DUDE! abides...

snowpiece's picture

Paris Hilton is so full of cum she could be Jodie Marsh's sperm donor.
****************************1/20/09
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i

angel_i's picture

Submitted by rotten_egg on November 3, 2008 - 1:59pm.

Parisite is SLOW
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For reals. She's almost THIRTY and she's just figuring out, now, that guys are using her? *eyeroll*

♥ ThreadKilla!
A DListed Chola Diary , Lean Like a Chola
HAPPYBMDAY!

loozer's picture

Paris-Huh, Good God Y'all, What is she good for? absolutely nothing-say it, say it again!

*************************************************
Sitting it out, spinning the dial
Thinking about the chump I've been
I have to smile,didn't I know Easy Come, Easy Go!

Suzie Dirtypillows's picture

Ugh, Paris, with all that money buy a clue and maybe some platic surgery to fix that fug mess you call your face. You should be glad ANYONE wants to sleep with you. Plus when you present yourself as the brainless cum bag ATM that you are, you should expect men to treat you as such.

Go cry into a wad of money, you pathetic whore.

I've avoided her the best I could, but I saw a preview for it, and how bloody lame is it that all the people on her show are 12? And how pathetic is it that no one in the real world can stand your dumb ass, so you have to hold a reality show looking for reality tv sluts to pretend to like you.

Patricia Morgan's picture

Submitted by NitWitty on November 3, 2008 - 1:55pm.
How full of cum is Paris Hilton?

(Fill in the blank)

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So full she can provide enough protein for every starving 3rd world country.

angel_i's picture

Paris Hilton is SO filled with cum when she farts people say: Get a room!

♥ ThreadKilla!
A DListed Chola Diary , Lean Like a Chola
HAPPYBMDAY!

missy's picture

I heard that Paris has no soul.

_____________________________________________

Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take A Joke

a message from the Church of the SubGenius

Patricia Morgan's picture

Submitted by Knuckles_Johnson on November 3, 2008 - 1:44pm.

Not sure if I would call her a cum bag. Cum bucket seems more appropriate.
________________________________________________

I prefer CUM-DUMPSTER myself.

Your Mom Ate the Taco's picture

God, that face, too. I've seen more emotion and expression in the faces of store window mannequins.

☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☻☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
"I got a rock." -- Charlie Brown

rotten_egg's picture

Parisite is SLOW. That's all I have to say. Or she's delusional too. Whatever. She's not relevant at all for me to deepen into her stupid dilemmas.

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-"I am not about to deal with unstable people" - HEART ANGELINA.

miso-horny's picture

Submitted by KD on November 3, 2008 - 1:54pm.

I thought she sais she's really only had sex with like 5 of her boyfriends. Lie teller!

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No.no she meant 5 of her boyfriends that DAY!

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VROOM VROOM

I'm a squirrel and that feels greaaaat!!

her entry in most phones: dial-a-fuck

Newportjoey's picture

MK! STOP!! I will even beg for PP. She must be doing some sort of political work today? Paris just makes me have to wash my nibbly bits with Lysol.

"If Drinks Aren't Involved, Then Neither Am I."

NitWitty's picture

How full of cum is Paris Hilton?

(Fill in the blank)

*******************
"Nice to meetcha' gosh darnit. I'm Jane Winebox, and this is my hubby, Joe Sixpack."