I Don't Know How I Feel About This
Have you ever been sitting on the toilet, wishing there was something jiggling your ass? Well, Johnny Henry of Laurel, Mississippi has the shit for you! Johnny is all happy with himself for inventing a vibrating toilet seat. That could be a lot of fun or just a big shitty mess. Johnny invented the buttcheek bouncer because he “wanted to add some life to the otherwise lifeless toilet seat.”
Johnny, who is currently working on getting his novelty product out there, said, “I wanted to create something that is a little unusual. This invention is designed to stimulate. It’s to make you feel good while you are there."
Yeah, I don't know how this would work for you exactly? I mean, it could jiggle the ass cookies out of you faster. And if you put your genitals on the seat, you could add a little cream to your lemonade. On the other hand, it could cause you to spray everywhere. Now if he added a dildo attachment, I'd empty my piggy bank for this shit! Pack it in and then push it out!
Thanks Momus
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Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on Fri, 11/14/2008 - 7:46pm.
The seven types of stool are:
Type 1: Separate hard lumps, like nuts (hard to pass)
Type 2: Sausage-shaped, but lumpy
Type 3: Like a sausage but with cracks on its surface
Type 4: Like a sausage or snake, smooth and soft
Type 5: Soft blobs with clear cut edges (passed easily)
Type 6: Fluffy pieces with ragged edges, a mushy stool
Type 7: Entirely liquid
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Those researchers from the UK obviously never had the pleasure of dining on Taco Bell because there definitely would have been a Type 8: Taco Bell turtles.
the DUDE! abides...
SO, DAE, bubbeleh...tell us about your new job.
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Oh Wont You Come On Over, Stop Making A Fool Out Of Me, Oh Why Don't You Come On Over, Valerie.
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on Fri, 11/14/2008 - 8:06pm.
Submitted by angel_i on Fri, 11/14/2008 - 8:02pm.
@Mrs. K: But what about the fiery hot, square ones???
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I think you might want to ask your internist about those
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Or, stop eating at Taco Bell.
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Do not mess with live dragons. You are crunchy and taste good with catsup.
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DAE: Glad you could join us again ... especially as sucha scintillatingly scatalogical thread.
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Do not mess with live dragons. You are crunchy and taste good with catsup.
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Submitted by angel_i on Fri, 11/14/2008 - 8:02pm.
@Mrs. K: But what about the fiery hot, square ones???
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I think you might want to ask your internist about those
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Oh Wont You Come On Over, Stop Making A Fool Out Of Me, Oh Why Don't You Come On Over, Valerie.
PPPPPPPPPPPPOOOOOOOOOOOO
POOPY TIME TOILET SLAPS!
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"I'm pretty sure I asked you to pick up some Pecan Sandies."
The seven types of stool are:
Type 1: Separate hard lumps, like nuts (hard to pass)
Type 2: Sausage-shaped, but lumpy
Type 3: Like a sausage but with cracks on its surface
Type 4: Like a sausage or snake, smooth and soft
Type 5: Soft blobs with clear cut edges (passed easily)
Type 6: Fluffy pieces with ragged edges, a mushy stool
Type 7: Entirely liquid
_______________________________________
Went through all seven today!
Yuck that was nasty.
Submitted by angel_i on Fri, 11/14/2008 - 8:02pm.
@DAE: Congratulations!
*
Thanks angel! :0)
~♥~My Blog ~ Twisted Rainbow Dreams
http://twistedrainbowdreams.blogspot.com/ ~♥~
Twisted Rainbow Dreams - The Website
http://www.freewebs.com/twistedrainbowdreams/index.htm
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on Fri, 11/14/2008 - 8:00pm.
MAZEL TOV, DAE
go get 'em
show 'em how it's done
*
Aww thank you Mrs. K!! :0)
~♥~My Blog ~ Twisted Rainbow Dreams
http://twistedrainbowdreams.blogspot.com/ ~♥~
Twisted Rainbow Dreams - The Website
http://www.freewebs.com/twistedrainbowdreams/index.htm
@DAE: Congratulations!
@Mrs. K: But what about the fiery hot, square ones???
♥ ThreadKilla!
A DListed Chola Diary , Lean Like a Chola
Ice Baby Hands
And ... what's up the gurgly gagging sound the terlit makes after one makes a generous donation? American terlits are sooooooooo fussy.
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Do not mess with live dragons. You are crunchy and taste good with catsup.
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Submitted by islandgirl on Fri, 11/14/2008 - 7:59pm.
Yay, DAE!! Congratulations, doll! ♥♥
*
Thank you!! :0)
~♥~My Blog ~ Twisted Rainbow Dreams
http://twistedrainbowdreams.blogspot.com/ ~♥~
Twisted Rainbow Dreams - The Website
http://www.freewebs.com/twistedrainbowdreams/index.htm
MAZEL TOV, DAE
go get 'em
show 'em how it's done
-☮'---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
Oh Wont You Come On Over, Stop Making A Fool Out Of Me, Oh Why Don't You Come On Over, Valerie.
And don't forget about the floaters vs the sinkers!!!
Most people in the US, if you looked into their toilets, would have "sinkers rather than floaters!" In other words, if your food and digestion are proper, the stool will float in the toilet water, will be light in color, will be soft, but well-formed (not watery) and will NOT have a foul smell. How many people do you suppose have "proper stool?" The FDA estimate is that 50% of the population, at least, have hemorrhoids -- so that means even more have problems with their stools.
-☮'---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
Oh Wont You Come On Over, Stop Making A Fool Out Of Me, Oh Why Don't You Come On Over, Valerie.
Yay, DAE!! Congratulations, doll! ♥♥
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on Fri, 11/14/2008 - 7:46pm.
The seven types of stool are:
Type 1: Separate hard lumps, like nuts (hard to pass)
Type 2: Sausage-shaped, but lumpy
Type 3: Like a sausage but with cracks on its surface
Type 4: Like a sausage or snake, smooth and soft
Type 5: Soft blobs with clear cut edges (passed easily)
Type 6: Fluffy pieces with ragged edges, a mushy stool
Type 7: Entirely liquid
*
Real life calls and when I finally get back on Dlisted THIS is what a waits me?
Cooooooooool!! lmao
OT: I got a job!! *goes back to partying*
~♥~My Blog ~ Twisted Rainbow Dreams
http://twistedrainbowdreams.blogspot.com/ ~♥~
Twisted Rainbow Dreams - The Website
http://www.freewebs.com/twistedrainbowdreams/index.htm
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Fri, 11/14/2008 - 7:42pm.
TL, I saw a caption about Britney on the cover of last week's "Life & Style." It said, re her "comeback" efforts, "Britney breaks down as she's forced to leave her kids for her career."
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If you can't spell a word, you can't use that word. It's not the law, but it should be. (Jan)
Submitted by Mopa on Fri, 11/14/2008 - 7:48pm.
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on Fri, 11/14/2008 - 7:46pm.
Where the heck are the floating little balls?
^^^^^
Mmmmmmmmmmmm, in my professional opinion that would be Type 1: Separate hard lumps, like nuts (hard to pass)
-☮'---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
Oh Wont You Come On Over, Stop Making A Fool Out Of Me, Oh Why Don't You Come On Over, Valerie.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Fri, 11/14/2008 - 7:53pm.
you know that bastid lil' turdette that inexplicably pops back up after you flushed the terlit?
**
OH, FFS that pisses me off to no end.
The indignity of it all!!
-☮'---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
Oh Wont You Come On Over, Stop Making A Fool Out Of Me, Oh Why Don't You Come On Over, Valerie.
Submitted by angel_i on Fri, 11/14/2008 - 7:51pm.
hey, doll, don't shoot me, I am just the messenger.
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Oh Wont You Come On Over, Stop Making A Fool Out Of Me, Oh Why Don't You Come On Over, Valerie.
@ Mrs. K better the toilet steal your offerings than spit them back up...you know that bastid lil' turdette that inexplicably pops back up after you flushed the terlit? Damn, that's some South Park fuckery right there. Either those lil' bastid turds is gansta, or my terlit think he all that can spit a turd back up at me??? Bitch, you job is to swallow shit! Don't get no attitude wif me!
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
It would only be worth having if it comes with a remote I can control from outside the bathroom. How great would that be at parties? Just randomly fuck people up after they've had a bottle of tequila.
@Mrs. K:
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWW!
YOU NASTY!!!
;p
♥ ThreadKilla!
A DListed Chola Diary , Lean Like a Chola
Ice Baby Hands
Submitted by . on Fri, 11/14/2008 - 7:46pm.
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That's it!! Thanks. And I know, I can't imagine what would posses anyone to put that out there. :P
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on Fri, 11/14/2008 - 7:46pm.
The seven types of stool are:
Type 1: Separate hard lumps, like nuts (hard to pass)
Type 2: Sausage-shaped, but lumpy
Type 3: Like a sausage but with cracks on its surface
Type 4: Like a sausage or snake, smooth and soft
Type 5: Soft blobs with clear cut edges (passed easily)
Type 6: Fluffy pieces with ragged edges, a mushy stool
Type 7: Entirely liquid
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That was hot. Thank you.
Submitted by Sheeps on Fri, 11/14/2008 - 7:31pm.
Mr. Henry should focus instead on a seat that rewards men for lowering it.
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It's sad that men must be rewarded for behaving like civilized humans in order to make it a repeat occurance.
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on Fri, 11/14/2008 - 7:46pm.
Where the heck are the floating little balls?
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cuteness
http://www.zooatlanta.org/animals_panda_cam.php4
Submitted by islandgirl on Fri, 11/14/2008 - 7:30pm.
Someone needs to invent a toilet that doesn't steal your 'offerings'. You know you did something, and it just disappears. Yeah, I look at it. Sue me.
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I agree. Especially the ones you'd really be proud of if they didn't go and hide the second you presented them.
IslandGirl,
You are what you eat?
http://www.channel4.com/entertainment/tv/microsites/Y/yawye/index.html
I watch that show too. It's one thing to discuss your poo with family but...I'll reserve my ten minutes of fame for something other than the amount of roughage in my stool tyvm.
The Bristol Stool Scale or Bristol Stool Chart is a medical aid designed to classify the form of human feces into seven categories. It was developed by Heaton and Lewis at the University of Bristol and was first published in the Scandinavian Journal of Gastroenterology in 1997 The form of the stool depends on the time it spends in the colon.
The seven types of stool are:
Type 1: Separate hard lumps, like nuts (hard to pass)
Type 2: Sausage-shaped, but lumpy
Type 3: Like a sausage but with cracks on its surface
Type 4: Like a sausage or snake, smooth and soft
Type 5: Soft blobs with clear cut edges (passed easily)
Type 6: Fluffy pieces with ragged edges, a mushy stool
Type 7: Entirely liquid
-☮'---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
Oh Wont You Come On Over, Stop Making A Fool Out Of Me, Oh Why Don't You Come On Over, Valerie.
Submitted by Hekki on Fri, 11/14/2008 - 7:39pm.
Really, it may not be a topic of conversation in polite company, ...
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and your point here is...?
Quite frankly, I come here because I get enough of polite company IRL, thank you very much:)
♥ ThreadKilla!
A DListed Chola Diary , Lean Like a Chola
Ice Baby Hands
Submitted by Hekki on Fri, 11/14/2008 - 7:39pm
Please do elaborate. I ignore my husband when he says 'floating little balls' isn't healthy.
I'm trying to say it as nicely as I can. I'll be awaiting your analysis. Thank you in advance.
lol
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cuteness
http://www.zooatlanta.org/animals_panda_cam.php4
*ties string around finger*
Remember to look at the ass cookies before flushing.
Hekki, mine too! Have you ever watched that British show, I forget what it's called, but the host/nutritionist goes into people's homes and puts them on a diet and analyzes their poo? That woman knows her shit from her shinola.
BLACKS! WOW!
I mean, I lurves me my toilet bats...so toilety, so batty, but so vibratey? I dunno...Since Coming Back has abandoned us DListers, I say we contact the next best authority on toilet bats, Xtina's Batboy...Surely, he knows what bats like...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Just think, had shitney not had her epic meltdown, we would be without knowledge of toilet bats, sock slots or sofa batteries.
Where art thou comingback?!?!!??
Submitted by Hekki on Fri, 11/14/2008 - 7:39pm.
When did Dlisters become polite company? ;)
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Do not mess with live dragons. You are crunchy and taste good with catsup.
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Submitted by Tigerlilly on Fri, 11/14/2008 - 7:33pm.
Has there been a consensus of the toilet bats on this? I mean, my concern is the safety and well being of my toilet bats....
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I think that they are busy stealing Mrs. K's and IslandGirl's "offerings" at the porcelain altar.
(Like the harpies in "Jason and the Argonauts" [a truly awesome Harryhausen scene].)
************************************************
Do not mess with live dragons. You are crunchy and taste good with catsup.
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Submitted by islandgirl: "Someone needs to invent a toilet that doesn't steal your 'offerings'. You know you did something, and it just disappears. Yeah, I look at it. Sue me."
LOL! You SHOULD look at it!
Your poo holds clues to your health! Like if it's too something (I forget), it could be a sign of colon cancer. I will not elaborate, but I know a healthy poop and an unhealthy one when I see it. Really, it may not be a topic of conversation in polite company, but it's discussed daily in family.
Well, Mrs. K., then I'm in good company. Because that shit is not right! :-P
Submitted by Stock Broker on Fri, 11/14/2008 - 6:34pm.
"Why are toilet seats round when the everyday chairs that we sit on are square?"
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Same reason manhole covers are round, so you don't fall through, but then again, I guess it all depends on the size of said ass.
Momus-No need for formality, besides, it's my first name.
the DUDE! abides...
Submitted by islandgirl on Fri, 11/14/2008 - 7:30pm.
Someone needs to invent a toilet that doesn't steal your 'offerings'. You know you did something, and it just disappears. Yeah, I look at it. Sue me.
**
OMG
That happens to me all the time; I am like WTF? Did I just imagine that I, ya know..."went?"?
I thought I was going crazy!!!!
-☮'---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮---☮-
Oh Wont You Come On Over, Stop Making A Fool Out Of Me, Oh Why Don't You Come On Over, Valerie.
Has there been a consensus of the toilet bats on this? I mean, my concern is the safety and well being of my toilet bats....
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Needs a high-pressure bidet.
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Do not mess with live dragons. You are crunchy and taste good with catsup.
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The visual in the last paragraph almost made me squirt water through my nose! That is a great idea MK, you better patent that dildo attachement STAT!
Your face!
Mr. Henry should focus instead on a seat that rewards men for lowering it.
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If you can't spell a word, you can't use that word. It's not the law, but it should be. (Jan)
Mrs. Kravitz: Such a classic song.
Mr. Dude: ITA wholeheartedly.
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Do not mess with live dragons. You are crunchy and taste good with catsup.
************************************************
Someone needs to invent a toilet that doesn't steal your 'offerings'. You know you did something, and it just disappears. Yeah, I look at it. Sue me.
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Fri, 11/14/2008 - 7:16pm.
"sets it to Eleven (*nod to Nigel Tufnel*)"
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If it doesn't go to 11 it ain't worth shit.
the DUDE! abides...