Kanye On The Paparazzi (Warning: CAPS Are Involved)
Kanye West pressed the CAPS lock key on his MacBook Air and put his fingers to work today on a blog rant dedicated to the paparazzi and their SQUID BRAINS. His entire post is after the jump, but it's a lot to take in. When I start to read a Kanye post, I have to massage my temples, give them a pep talk, play some Enya, light some incense and carefully go in. If I don't do all that shit, my eyes will have seizures and my one working brain cell will start burping uncontrollably.
Since I'm learning to read fluent Kanye CAPS Rant (it's a new language), let me break it down for you. Kanye explains his arrest in the UK on Friday. Basically, he was coming out of a club and one pap was getting up in his life. So Kanye put his hand up to cover up the dude's camera lens and in all the chaos, the camera accidentially hit the pap's nose. Kanye left, but the police came to get his ass at his hotel later on. They told him that they had to arrest him, because a complaint had been filed, but they're pretty sure it's just some dumb publicity stunt. No charges were filed and he was released, but Kanye thinks the damage is done, because every media outlet only focused on him getting arrested.
He believes that a law should be passed, forcing the a pap to get permission from their subject before taking a picture. Basically.
Oh, Kanye. I just want to take him into my kitchen, search my cupboard for that old box of Peeps I have from last Easter and give him half. Even old Peeps make everything okay. Especially if you dip that shit in fucking vodka. I'm not joking.
Anyranty, Kanye's entire post is after the jump. You might feel like he's yelling at your ass and you have to go stand in the corner for a time out after reading it. JUMP!!!!
Rant begins:
WHO'S WINNING, ME OR THE MEDIA?
REGARDLESS OF HOW MUCH LIGHT I PUT OUT, THERE ARE PEOPLE WORKING JUST AS HARD TO ONLY DELIVER DARKNESS. IF YOU LISTEN TO MY MUSIC, HOW COULD I DELIVER SO MANY POSITIVE UPLIFTING MESSAGES AND BE THE MONSTER THAT THE MEDIA PAINTS. PAPARAZZI GIVE REAL PHOTOGRAPHERS A BAD NAME. A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS, THEIRS ARE WORTH A THOUSAND DOLLARS...
LET US NOT FORGET THE PAPS KILLED PRINCESS DIANA. WHEN WILL THERE BE A LAW PASSED THAT SIMPLY ENFORCES THAT SOMEONE HAS TO ASK TO TAKE A PHOTOGRAPH OF YOU. THAT WOULD SEEM LIKE COMMON COURTESY. RIGHT NOW THE PAPS ARE ABOVE THE LAW AND THE PEOPLE THEY SHOOT ARE BELOW IT. WHAT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL IS PICTURES TAKEN WITH THE INTENT TO SELL....LIKE DRUGS WITH THE INTENT TO SELL... OR CROSSING CUSTOMS WITH ENOUGH MERCHANDISE TO HAVE THE INTENT TO SELL. THE EXPLOITATION OF MY IMAGE IS THE PROBLEM. IT PRODUCES A "BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY" BEHAVIOR THAT CAUSE THE PAPS TO DRIVE RECKLESSLY ON FREEWAYS, JUMP OVER FENCES AND INVADE PRIVACY ALL IN AN EFFORT TO GET THAT "MONEY SHOT." YOU SHOULDN'T BE ABLE TO SELL A PICTURE OF ME WITHOUT MY PERMISSION. AFTER THIS LAW IS PASSED, WHEN YOU ENTER A PUBLIC PLACE LIKE A BASKETBALL ARENA ETC., THERE WILL BE A SIGN THAT READS..."ALL PHOTOS TAKEN HERE ARE PUBLIC DOMAIN AND CAN BE USED AT THE PHOTOGRAPHERS DISCRETION." OBVIOUSLY RED CARPET EVENTS WHERE PEOPLE SHOW UP TO BE PHOTOGRAPHED WILL ALSO APPLY. THE PERSONAL PROBLEM I HAVE WITH THE PAPS IS WHEN THEY TRY TO CATCH YOU BEING A REGULAR PERSON. I AM NOT A CELEBRITY. I'M A NORMAL PERSON THAT'S JUST FAMOUS. I REFUSE TO SNEAK IN AND OUT OF BACK DOORS AND KITCHENS OF HOTELS ETC....
I AM PROTECTING MY PERSONAL SPACE SINCE THERE ARE NO LAWS TO PROTECT THAT FOR ME.
I PUT MY HAND UP TO THE CAMERA IN SELF DEFENSE!
HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED...WHEN I LEFT THE CLUB, I WAS ENCOUNTERED BY A THIRSTY PAPARAZZI AS USUAL. HE FELT HE HAD MORE RIGHTS TO MY SPACE THAN ME, SO I PUT MY HAND UP TO PREVENT HIM FROM TAKING MY IMAGE. I DIDN'T ASSAULT HIM BUT MERELY PUTTING MY HAND UP TO COVER HIS LENS. MY SECURITY YELLED, "GET THE CAMERA OFF HIM." I GUESS IN ALL THE COMMOTION THE CAMERA SCRAPED HIS NOSE.
THREE HOURS LATER I GET A KNOCK AT MY HOTEL DOOR. THERE WERE FIVE POLICE OFFICERS IN FRONT OF MY ROOM AND I HAD NO IDEA WHY. I HAD MY SECURITY GO SPEAK WITH THEM. THE COPS WERE VERY CORDIAL BUT TOLD ME THEY HAD TO ARREST ME BECAUSE A COMPLAINT WAS FILED. THAT WAS THE BOGUS PART. THEY PLACED ME IN HANDCUFFS AND DROVE ME TO THE STATION. THEY SPOKE ABOUT HOW THIS WAS OBVIOUSLY A PUBLICITY STUNT BY THE PHOTOGRAPHER BUT THEY STILL HAD TO GO THOUGH THE MOTIONS. WHEN I GOT BACK TO THE HOTEL THERE WERE PAPARAZZI HANGING OVER THE BRIDGE ABOVE THE HOTEL TRYING TO GET A SHOT OF ME GETTING OUT THE POLICE VAN. EVEN THOUGH I WASN'T CHARGED, THE DAMAGE WAS DONE. SURE ENOUGH THE NEXT MORNING, PLASTERED ACROSS EVERY MEDIA OUTLET... KANYE GETS ARRESTED. IT DIDN'T MATTER THAT I WASN'T CHARGED OR THE FACT THAT I HADN'T ASSAULTED ANYONE. ALL THAT MATTERED WAS THAT I WAS ARRESTED.
SIDEBAR, THEY QUOTED ME AS SAYING..."GET THE CAMERA OFF HIM!" LIKE I WAS TALKING IN THIRD PERSON. HE TRIED TO MAKE ME SOUND LIKE A CRAZY PERSON AND PEOPLE BELIEVED HIM. WHAT MERIT DOES THIS GUY HAVE THAT HE CAN SAY SOMETHING ABOUT ME AND PEOPLE TAKE IT AS LAW? THE FACT THAT HE COULD GET ME ARRESTED OFF A MERE COMPLAINT BUT I CAN'T ASK HIM TO STOP TAKING PICTURES OF ME IS VERY LOPSIDED.
WHO'S WINNING, ME OR THE MEDIA?
End of rant
Hey, it's Michael again. Are your eyes still working after reading that? Just making sure.....
ShareThis
My favorite song by Gnarls Barkey song. (Danger Mouse is sitting right next to Kanye Douche.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NvANnZX2t40
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Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! ~Homer Simpson
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on Sun, 11/16/2008 - 1:12am.
Shizer wizer I am le tired. Let's have some Photoshop fun tomorrow!!!
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You're on foxysox. I have tomorrow off work :)
Night to all who are off...squeeze your goodies later!
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Guess what. I got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell.
Night night Nitty! *smooches*
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Guess what. I got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell.
Smoochies moonpie. I lurves ya!
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Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! ~Homer Simpson
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP
OMG LCT!!!! Whoregalina! *clapps* You is getting good very fast! Did you put her name on her stomach or was that already on the bod? That is v. cool!
BTW I haven't tried P/shop. It might be easier but I don't know.
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Guess what. I got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell.
Nite, Nitty
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
I'm off to bed to.
Night NitWitty, night all!!
Thanks for the warm welcome NitWitty, I started working full time 3 months ago and just read the posts. But can do it on the weekends!!
:)
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"Hahaha....you are eating my caca and paying for it. Meeeeow." No gracias. MK
Submitted by DeeDee on Sun, 11/16/2008 - 1:09am.
NITTY: YOU ARE A WINE BOX LOVING WHORE!
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You say that like it's a bad thing, DeeDee! hahaha
Night, mah lil' kolache. G'night TITS and M2C and Sheeps and TV and any other good for nothing but laughing with hookers!
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Vampire Bill is mine! But don't tell Viggo I said that.
Shizer wizer I am le tired. Let's have some Photoshop fun tomorrow!!!
Submitted by Paquita on Sun, 11/16/2008 - 1:05am.
In all seriousness....(or SERIOUSNESS???) I fucking hate Kanye, expect for the fool he makes of himself and gives us all this entertainment.
Its incredible what some fools achieve...and to think he will go down in history as the voice of my generation....in his SQUID BRAIN DREAMS!!!
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Trust me, that will only be in the HISTORY OF KANYE WEST'S VERSION OF HISTORY. I don't think he speaks for anyone that has more than 2 functioning brain cells.
And with that, I'm off to bed as well. Good to see ya back around :)
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Vampire Bill is mine! But don't tell Viggo I said that.
NITTY: YOU ARE A WINE BOX LOVING WHORE!
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Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! ~Homer Simpson
Submitted by TITS on Sun, 11/16/2008 - 1:04am.
LCT search in youtube for tutorials. if there aren't much for fireworks search on photoshop. same principals.
why the heck did you get fireworks and not pshop anyway?
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Cause MTC said it was good, and I trust her judgement :P I just did a nice lil Whoregelina.
In all seriousness....(or SERIOUSNESS???) I fucking hate Kanye, expect for the fool he makes of himself and gives us all this entertainment.
Its incredible what some fools achieve...and to think he will go down in history as the voice of my generation....in his SQUID BRAIN DREAMS!!!
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"Hahaha....you are eating my caca and paying for it. Meeeeow." No gracias. MK
LCT search in youtube for tutorials. if there aren't much for fireworks search on photoshop. same principals.
why the heck did you get fireworks and not pshop anyway?
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"I'd have sex with a number of the Muppets. I just don't talk about it publicly." - Mandy Patinkin
LCT try the blur or fingershaped tool. to blend betwixt head and neck.
I use pshop, but fworks must be similar.
If you like it and want a free copy let me know, and i'll teach you some hood rat shit.
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"I'd have sex with a number of the Muppets. I just don't talk about it publicly." - Mandy Patinkin
Submitted by Paquita on Sun, 11/16/2008 - 12:53am.
I hear you NitWitty.
I am thinking of filling out my work evaluation all in caps and be like "THIS IS WHAT MY GENERATION DOES!! I JUST FOLLOW THE VOICE OF MY GENERATION"
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I say you go with that, hon! Then you can just sit here and snark with us on Dlisted all day! You could even write IN ALL CAPS!!! I see the plan is coming along swimmingly. Mwhahahaha
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Vampire Bill is mine! But don't tell Viggo I said that.
Submitted by MyTwoCents on Sun, 11/16/2008 - 12:57am.
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP
Edited out my past post. RE: colour. Go to Filters (at top) to adjust colour > hue/saturation. Have fun with it. The more you play the more you learn.
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Do I do that to the head I want to paste on first, or does the hue/saturation fix the whole thing AFTER the tampering?
Submitted by MyTwoCents on Sun, 11/16/2008 - 12:52am.
I cannot wait to see what you can produce! angel_i said she'd make a celebrity-crotchfruit youtube of our avi's, so get to work gal!
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I started off with slapping Gordon Ramsay on a naked dude's body which made me LOL but actually turned out quite well... Harvey, not so much. There's a colour match feature right?
LCT!
And they're off!!! Harveylicious!
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Guess what. I got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell.
I hear you NitWitty.
I am thinking of filling out my work evaluation all in caps and be like "THIS IS WHAT MY GENERATION DOES!! I JUST FOLLOW THE VOICE OF MY GENERATION"
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"Hahaha....you are eating my caca and paying for it. Meeeeow." No gracias. MK
I cannot wait to see what you can produce! angel_i said she'd make a celebrity-crotchfruit youtube of our avi's, so get to work gal!
Oh yeah, TITS had a helpful suggestion. Many online tutorials if you need more indepth help.
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Guess what. I got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell.
Thanks MTC! I just pasted Harvey Price's head onto a very sexy half-nekkie man.
I definitely need to work on the colour match.
Submitted by TITS on Sun, 11/16/2008 - 12:44am.
LCT there are a number of really good online tutorials too!
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Are you talking about the ones on the Adobe site? I was trying to find out which one was the 'head onto body' one but there wasn't anything specific hahahaha I don't want to watch ALL of them.
Goodnight Paquita! I miss your funnay ass! have a good nights sleep. ♥
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Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! ~Homer Simpson
LCT there are a number of really good online tutorials too!
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"I'd have sex with a number of the Muppets. I just don't talk about it publicly." - Mandy Patinkin
Submitted by Paquita on Sun, 11/16/2008 - 12:38am.
Night all!
I couldn't finish reading, serariously??
Can you imagine his tantrums as a child???!!?
Did he write notes to his classmates all in CAPS?!!?
Did he ask his crush to go to the dance with him in caps!?
WANT TO COME WITH ME TO THE DANCE?!?!
If she refuses he send another note saying SQUID BRAINS!!!
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G'night, Paquita. Don't forget your blu-ray sun blockers. KANYE WEARS THEM TO BED, so they must be needed for your generation!
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Vampire Bill is mine! But don't tell Viggo I said that.
Night all!
I couldn't finish reading, serariously??
Can you imagine his tantrums as a child???!!?
Did he write notes to his classmates all in CAPS?!!?
Did he ask his crush to go to the dance with him in caps!?
WANT TO COME WITH ME TO THE DANCE?!?!
If she refuses he send another note saying SQUID BRAINS!!!
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"Hahaha....you are eating my caca and paying for it. Meeeeow." No gracias. MK
i'm not reading that shit...
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he doesn't know anything, he didn't do anything, and he doesn't give a shit...
I'd like to see the days of studio execs not allowing any of these blowhards out without a mouthpiece and a handler. The smut we'd invent would be tame compared to their supreme douchiness behavior.
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Vampire Bill is mine! But don't tell Viggo I said that.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 11:57pm.
lol, I hope there's some kind of law against touching Kanye's equipment. We don't need any little Kanyes.
*
I can't imagine it would be easy to wrassle it away from his constant grip.
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"I'd have sex with a number of the Muppets. I just don't talk about it publicly." - Mandy Patinkin
Douche antidote.
The puppehs are getting to be HUGE! I think their coats are getting darker too.
http://www.ustream.tv/channel/shiba-inu-puppy-cam
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"I'd have sex with a number of the Muppets. I just don't talk about it publicly." - Mandy Patinkin
MTC - it's installed! How would I go about putting someone's head on someone else's body?
10. Blaaaaaaaaake
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Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! ~Homer Simpson
Submitted by islandgirl on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 11:56pm.
9. Prince von Anhalt, aka Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband
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You beat me to it. I couldn't remember this old fogies name.
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Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! ~Homer Simpson
I think women make poorer douches, but what Courtenay Semel just said was off the douche-o-meter.
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 11:45pm.
Submitted by christine the hoff on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 11:42pm.
you are the master, I bow to you.
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"I'm pretty sure I asked you to pick up some Pecan Sandies."
Submitted by islandgirl on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 11:56pm.
Just to cause a frisson, any of the Baldwins but specially Alec and Stephen.
Submitted by Bondagebarbie on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 11:54pm.
lol, I hope there's some kind of law against touching Kanye's equipment. We don't need any little Kanyes.
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
9. Prince von Anhalt, aka Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband.
10. Donald Trump
Submitted by Biel-zee-bub on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 11:50pm.
True. Andy has the peeing in common with Kanye. I think Mischa tokes so much she's not sure where she is or what she's wearing at any moment.
Fame whores like Shitney, Wonky McValtrex, AnorexNicole, Hohan, The big-tittied frog, the Emo Couple, and many others are known to call the paps to come and cause a frenzy wherever they go. If anything, Kanye should be mad at them.
Submitted by Sheeps on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 11:49pm.
Definitely no age limit. :)
8. Raffaello Follieri
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Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! ~Homer Simpson
I have to agree with Kayne,they are assholes and if you watch the vids n TMZ,they are annoying as fuck.The paps try to make chit chat and bug the celebs.Now I guess there is a law or something that prevents people fom touching their equipment.I understand if you are famous and choose to be a celeb you should deal with it as it comes with the territory but they do cross the line.
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
Submitted by TITS on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 11:42pm.
my2c - bird crap: http://www.noahsanimalfigurines.com/catalog/plush-animals-plush-birds-c-...
the songs are quite good quality. you squeeze them to make them sing.
i might have... a few.
cough.
whipbird is my fav.
go here to hear the songs - no aus birds though oddly enough.
http://www.wildrepublic.com/brands-audubon.html
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AAWWWW!! Dey's beautiful! We has budgies here. And they has GALAHS too! And DUCKS! I WAN'EM!
REGARDLESS OF HOW MUCH DARKNESS THE WORLD PUTS OUT, THERE ARE PEOPLE WORKING JUST AS HARD TO ONLY DELIVER LIGHT. *Kanye style*
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Guess what. I got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell.
Submitted by Sheeps on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 11:45pm.
Andy Dick still thinks he's cool enough to piss anywhere in public and grope underage girls.
Mischa Barton thinks she's cool enough to keep showing up to events to collect her swag bags. Not to mention the fashion events in the outfits she wears.
Have a purpose in life--be a bad example
Submitted by DeeDee on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 11:48pm.
7. Michael Lohan
Excellent. No age limit, then?
7. Michael Lohan
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Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! ~Homer Simpson
Submitted by christine the hoff on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 11:42pm.
WE haz to name them.
altiod
altazard
amen
bastard.
bitch.
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acorn
burnbubble
croikey
debil
peanut
ferty
goliath
It seems essential for true douchiness to think you're cool (when you're not). So Andy Dick and Mischa Barton, to me, would not be douches. It has to be like the Emperor's New Clothes to qualify.
Submitted by sienna miller on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 11:40pm.
beelzbub, nice theory but iF that was true, I'd have nailed Clooney and not that married loser who only destroyed my career.
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AH-HA! So you're the reason Clooney swore off marriage.
Have a purpose in life--be a bad example