Kanye On The Paparazzi (Warning: CAPS Are Involved)
Kanye West pressed the CAPS lock key on his MacBook Air and put his fingers to work today on a blog rant dedicated to the paparazzi and their SQUID BRAINS. His entire post is after the jump, but it's a lot to take in. When I start to read a Kanye post, I have to massage my temples, give them a pep talk, play some Enya, light some incense and carefully go in. If I don't do all that shit, my eyes will have seizures and my one working brain cell will start burping uncontrollably.
Since I'm learning to read fluent Kanye CAPS Rant (it's a new language), let me break it down for you. Kanye explains his arrest in the UK on Friday. Basically, he was coming out of a club and one pap was getting up in his life. So Kanye put his hand up to cover up the dude's camera lens and in all the chaos, the camera accidentially hit the pap's nose. Kanye left, but the police came to get his ass at his hotel later on. They told him that they had to arrest him, because a complaint had been filed, but they're pretty sure it's just some dumb publicity stunt. No charges were filed and he was released, but Kanye thinks the damage is done, because every media outlet only focused on him getting arrested.
He believes that a law should be passed, forcing the a pap to get permission from their subject before taking a picture. Basically.
Oh, Kanye. I just want to take him into my kitchen, search my cupboard for that old box of Peeps I have from last Easter and give him half. Even old Peeps make everything okay. Especially if you dip that shit in fucking vodka. I'm not joking.
Anyranty, Kanye's entire post is after the jump. You might feel like he's yelling at your ass and you have to go stand in the corner for a time out after reading it. JUMP!!!!
Rant begins:
WHO'S WINNING, ME OR THE MEDIA?
REGARDLESS OF HOW MUCH LIGHT I PUT OUT, THERE ARE PEOPLE WORKING JUST AS HARD TO ONLY DELIVER DARKNESS. IF YOU LISTEN TO MY MUSIC, HOW COULD I DELIVER SO MANY POSITIVE UPLIFTING MESSAGES AND BE THE MONSTER THAT THE MEDIA PAINTS. PAPARAZZI GIVE REAL PHOTOGRAPHERS A BAD NAME. A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS, THEIRS ARE WORTH A THOUSAND DOLLARS...
LET US NOT FORGET THE PAPS KILLED PRINCESS DIANA. WHEN WILL THERE BE A LAW PASSED THAT SIMPLY ENFORCES THAT SOMEONE HAS TO ASK TO TAKE A PHOTOGRAPH OF YOU. THAT WOULD SEEM LIKE COMMON COURTESY. RIGHT NOW THE PAPS ARE ABOVE THE LAW AND THE PEOPLE THEY SHOOT ARE BELOW IT. WHAT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL IS PICTURES TAKEN WITH THE INTENT TO SELL....LIKE DRUGS WITH THE INTENT TO SELL... OR CROSSING CUSTOMS WITH ENOUGH MERCHANDISE TO HAVE THE INTENT TO SELL. THE EXPLOITATION OF MY IMAGE IS THE PROBLEM. IT PRODUCES A "BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY" BEHAVIOR THAT CAUSE THE PAPS TO DRIVE RECKLESSLY ON FREEWAYS, JUMP OVER FENCES AND INVADE PRIVACY ALL IN AN EFFORT TO GET THAT "MONEY SHOT." YOU SHOULDN'T BE ABLE TO SELL A PICTURE OF ME WITHOUT MY PERMISSION. AFTER THIS LAW IS PASSED, WHEN YOU ENTER A PUBLIC PLACE LIKE A BASKETBALL ARENA ETC., THERE WILL BE A SIGN THAT READS..."ALL PHOTOS TAKEN HERE ARE PUBLIC DOMAIN AND CAN BE USED AT THE PHOTOGRAPHERS DISCRETION." OBVIOUSLY RED CARPET EVENTS WHERE PEOPLE SHOW UP TO BE PHOTOGRAPHED WILL ALSO APPLY. THE PERSONAL PROBLEM I HAVE WITH THE PAPS IS WHEN THEY TRY TO CATCH YOU BEING A REGULAR PERSON. I AM NOT A CELEBRITY. I'M A NORMAL PERSON THAT'S JUST FAMOUS. I REFUSE TO SNEAK IN AND OUT OF BACK DOORS AND KITCHENS OF HOTELS ETC....
I AM PROTECTING MY PERSONAL SPACE SINCE THERE ARE NO LAWS TO PROTECT THAT FOR ME.
I PUT MY HAND UP TO THE CAMERA IN SELF DEFENSE!
HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED...WHEN I LEFT THE CLUB, I WAS ENCOUNTERED BY A THIRSTY PAPARAZZI AS USUAL. HE FELT HE HAD MORE RIGHTS TO MY SPACE THAN ME, SO I PUT MY HAND UP TO PREVENT HIM FROM TAKING MY IMAGE. I DIDN'T ASSAULT HIM BUT MERELY PUTTING MY HAND UP TO COVER HIS LENS. MY SECURITY YELLED, "GET THE CAMERA OFF HIM." I GUESS IN ALL THE COMMOTION THE CAMERA SCRAPED HIS NOSE.
THREE HOURS LATER I GET A KNOCK AT MY HOTEL DOOR. THERE WERE FIVE POLICE OFFICERS IN FRONT OF MY ROOM AND I HAD NO IDEA WHY. I HAD MY SECURITY GO SPEAK WITH THEM. THE COPS WERE VERY CORDIAL BUT TOLD ME THEY HAD TO ARREST ME BECAUSE A COMPLAINT WAS FILED. THAT WAS THE BOGUS PART. THEY PLACED ME IN HANDCUFFS AND DROVE ME TO THE STATION. THEY SPOKE ABOUT HOW THIS WAS OBVIOUSLY A PUBLICITY STUNT BY THE PHOTOGRAPHER BUT THEY STILL HAD TO GO THOUGH THE MOTIONS. WHEN I GOT BACK TO THE HOTEL THERE WERE PAPARAZZI HANGING OVER THE BRIDGE ABOVE THE HOTEL TRYING TO GET A SHOT OF ME GETTING OUT THE POLICE VAN. EVEN THOUGH I WASN'T CHARGED, THE DAMAGE WAS DONE. SURE ENOUGH THE NEXT MORNING, PLASTERED ACROSS EVERY MEDIA OUTLET... KANYE GETS ARRESTED. IT DIDN'T MATTER THAT I WASN'T CHARGED OR THE FACT THAT I HADN'T ASSAULTED ANYONE. ALL THAT MATTERED WAS THAT I WAS ARRESTED.
SIDEBAR, THEY QUOTED ME AS SAYING..."GET THE CAMERA OFF HIM!" LIKE I WAS TALKING IN THIRD PERSON. HE TRIED TO MAKE ME SOUND LIKE A CRAZY PERSON AND PEOPLE BELIEVED HIM. WHAT MERIT DOES THIS GUY HAVE THAT HE CAN SAY SOMETHING ABOUT ME AND PEOPLE TAKE IT AS LAW? THE FACT THAT HE COULD GET ME ARRESTED OFF A MERE COMPLAINT BUT I CAN'T ASK HIM TO STOP TAKING PICTURES OF ME IS VERY LOPSIDED.
WHO'S WINNING, ME OR THE MEDIA?
End of rant
Hey, it's Michael again. Are your eyes still working after reading that? Just making sure.....
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Nighty night Slitty McSlutterson ♥♥
☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼
Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! ~Homer Simpson
Submitted by Sandbitch on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 9:40pm.
==>Have you dudes had a hit of the Cadbury Gorilla yet?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=TnzFRV1LwIo
..........
*drools* As often as possible. They made this special coffee block, but I can't get it anywhere anymore. Sad times.
That ad is kinda creepy though. For why does the gorilla like Genesis? Why not the Monkeys?
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Guess what. I got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell.
Thanks to NitWitty, Sheeps, DeeDee, IG, and PSL for playing "Let's Keep Slutty Entertained"; you know I wuvs you peoples, but the "Wizard of Oz" is on, and my daughter is holding my Dorothy costume, waiting for me to watch it with her.
Later, folks.
Submitted by MyTwoCents on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 8:52pm.
TITS! You'd be surprised, you have to read Sandbitches story about her galah incident this morning! In the Prop 8 post:
*
snort. drunk birds are a hoot.
mind you I'd be as mad as a wet hen if I had to wear a gob of candy floss on my head too.
+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+
"I'd have sex with a number of the Muppets. I just don't talk about it publicly." - Mandy Patinkin
@My2C: What?! I SAID I was addicted!
♥ ThreadKilla!
A DListed Chola Diary , Lean Like a Chola
Ice Baby Hands
Hilarious video Sandbitch!
☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼
Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! ~Homer Simpson
Submitted by Sheeps on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 9:20pm.
The researchers are not sure, though, whether unhappiness leads to more television-watching or more viewing leads to unhappiness
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Now, I'm not a rocket scientist (shut up), but I'm banking on all these douches that watch too much T.V. expecting to go to bed with big boobed, brainless women who tell them how fabulous they are. And don't even get me started on Vampire Bill...I'm just teasing, you don't have to get me started, I'm already there..isn't every man supposed to be chiseled in stone?
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I was just sitting here minding my own business...
Submitted by MyTwoCents on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 9:28pm.
Submitted by angel_i on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 9:24pm.
@Sheeps:
Well, I've got a thesis for you: we all watch too much damn TV! We have screen addiction. In fact, that's the only real addiction I have.
.........
*cough*DL*cough*posting*cough*
===>Have you dudes had a hit of the Cadbury Gorilla yet?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=TnzFRV1LwIo
Does Kanye and Norwood Young share the same hairdresser? At least Norwood's hairline is straight as an arrow, Kanye could sue for getting that lopsided mess. Maybe THAT'S why he doesn't want his pic taken.
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Guess what. I got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell.
Submitted by Sheeps on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 9:20pm.
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Is this the prophecy by Wiki or Google?
Submitted by NitWitty on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 9:26pm.
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giggles
Submitted by angel_i on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 9:24pm.
@Sheeps:
Well, I've got a thesis for you: we all watch too much damn TV! We have screen addiction. In fact, that's the only real addiction I have.
.........
*cough*DL*cough*posting*cough*
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Guess what. I got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 9:16pm.
Awesome.
Free tiger = 1
Zoo keepers = 0
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Guess what. I got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell.
I get his point but I really want him to GROW the FcUK up and GET OVER HIMSELF...
~Live your life, not mines~
Kanye has an oddly shaped head- narrow forehead (to house his tiny brain), chipmunk cheeks and small chin. In this pic he looks like a circus clown with those big sunglasses and that bib hanging out of his shirt. He should be flattered that anyone would want to take a pic of his ugly mug. IMO he's a total waste of skin.
Submitted by Sluttsville on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 9:15pm.
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OMG! I just checked and you were right. Although, I did notice that someone with the screen name "Sheeps," just bid twenty-six thousand, seventy-six hundred, thirty-three dollars and 29 cents!
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I was just sitting here minding my own business...
@Sheeps:
Well, I've got a thesis for you: we all watch too much damn TV! We have screen addiction. In fact, that's the only real addiction I have. And chocolate. I have some SERIOUS issues with chocolate. It's ok. One day at a time:)Meditation rocks the house. Or rather - it stills the house.
♥ ThreadKilla!
A DListed Chola Diary , Lean Like a Chola
Ice Baby Hands
While happy people reported watching an average of 19 hours of television per week, unhappy people reported 25 hours a week. The results held even after taking into account education, income, age and marital status.
In addition, happy individuals were more socially active, attended more religious services, voted more and read a newspaper more often than their less-chipper counterparts.
The researchers are not sure, though, whether unhappiness leads to more television-watching or more viewing leads to unhappiness.
*giggles@Tigerlilly*
♥ ThreadKilla!
A DListed Chola Diary , Lean Like a Chola
Ice Baby Hands
WHO'S WINNING, ZOO OFFICIALS OR ME?
IF YOU READ MY DLISTED POSTS, HOW COULD I DELIVER SUCH POSITIVE UPLIFTING MESSAGES AND BE THE MONSTER THAT ZOO OFFICIALS PAINT?
LET US NOT FORGET THAT ZOO OFFICIALS KILLED TATIANNA, THAT HOT BITCH TIGER THAT MAULED TO DEATH THOSE TEENAGERS WHO WERE ASKIN' FOR IT...
uhoh, zoo officials approaching...Continuing Kayne tiger rant later...GOTTA DASH!
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by NitWitty on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 9:04pm.
P.S. Slutty. Just ask IG, my box is never empty. It's only missing the cherry that it came with.
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Nitty, it's on Ebay, your old high school football team is selling it along with the backseat of a 1975 AMC Pacer where they first found it. Good news is that for $23.95, both can be yours...again. If you just want just the backseat, it will cost you $21.95.
Submitted by lizardbits1 on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 9:01pm.
My dear, you'll have to go back 10 years and ask our dear friend Bill Clinton that question. I, frankly, have no idea.
Mr. Sim did not have sex with that woman--that unidentified woman from Essex.
Submitted by Sheeps on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 9:04pm.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRxoC994QmU
Hey, hard economic times--you do what ya gotta do.
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Yes, but weren't you doing that on your paper route?
OMG Performing an act? When did that happen?! I can't read it all! I go blind!
♥ ThreadKilla!
A DListed Chola Diary , Lean Like a Chola
Ice Baby Hands
SLUTTY! BWAHAHAAHAHAHA!
P.S. Slutty. Just ask IG, my box is never empty. It's only missing the cherry that it came with.
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I was just sitting here minding my own business...
Submitted by Sheeps on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 9:01pm.
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We all know that NitWitty's lips are permanently sealed from sucking on the straws in the wine boxes.
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I have learned so much from the Dlisted men!! They tell you things that men trying to get your pants off would never tell you!!- Clarisse 11/14/2008
Submitted by Sluttsville on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 8:58pm.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRxoC994QmU
Hey, hard economic times--you do what ya gotta do.
Submitted by Sluttsville on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 8:58pm.
If anybody's interested, my GPS spy satellite receiver was watching Sheeps on his Saturday afternoon routine. That poor elderly next door gets so tired of telling him "no" week after week.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRxoC994QmU
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WOOT! WOOT! Sheepsie! Shake it!
Those MILFy types were all into him tho!
♥ ThreadKilla!
A DListed Chola Diary , Lean Like a Chola
Ice Baby Hands
Submitted by Sluttsville on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 8:58pm.
If anybody's interested, my GPS spy satellite receiver was watching Sheeps on his Saturday afternoon routine. That poor elderly next door gets so tired of telling him "no" week after week.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRxoC994QmU
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I feel so bad now, Slutty. I thought that dude was a trick or treater and I slammed his johnson in the door!!
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I was just sitting here minding my own business...
Submitted by Sheeps on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 8:57pm.
There are so many great things about that story. Who knew Virgin had trains? Pink trains? Is "unacceptable behaviour" now a crime in the UK? Are you sure there are enough prisons, then? And if she was "performing an act" on him, is that technically "having sex"?
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Mother of Pearl Sheeps, has it really been that long for you?
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I have learned so much from the Dlisted men!! They tell you things that men trying to get your pants off would never tell you!!- Clarisse 11/14/2008
Submitted by Sheeps on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 8:57pm
And if she was "performing an act" on him, is that technically "having sex"?
My dear, you'll have to go back 10 years and ask our dear friend Bill Clinton that question. I, frankly, have no idea.
**Anne Marie Lucas needs to DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH**
Submitted by Sluttsville on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 8:38pm.
Nitty.....you weren't out of town recently were you?
What a mug shot. Instead of "prune," she's about to yak.
Submitted by NitWitty on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 8:59pm.
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How do you think I'm paying for that trip!
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I have learned so much from the Dlisted men!! They tell you things that men trying to get your pants off would never tell you!!- Clarisse 11/14/2008
Submitted by james12 on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 8:49pm.
i don't think it's cool
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Or, as Stewie Griffen says: That's un-ka-hool.
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I was just sitting here minding my own business...
Submitted by DeeDee on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 8:55pm.
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I'm sorry Dee, did you say something?
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I have learned so much from the Dlisted men!! They tell you things that men trying to get your pants off would never tell you!!- Clarisse 11/14/2008
Submitted by Sluttsville on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 8:48pm.
If I were a gambling smoking baby, I would bet that Nitty's box of wine is pretty much empty right now, and HBO isn't showing rerun of "True Blood" tonight.
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What do you mean, *if*? We all know you are. ;p'''
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I was just sitting here minding my own business...
If anybody's interested, my GPS spy satellite receiver was watching Sheeps on his Saturday afternoon routine. That poor elderly next door gets so tired of telling him "no" week after week.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRxoC994QmU
_____________________________________________
I have learned so much from the Dlisted men!! They tell you things that men trying to get your pants off would never tell you!!- Clarisse 11/14/2008
Submitted by lizardbits1 on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 8:18pm.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1084723/Couple-arrested-having-s...
There are so many great things about that story. Who knew Virgin had trains? Pink trains? Is "unacceptable behaviour" now a crime in the UK? Are you sure there are enough prisons, then? And if she was "performing an act" on him, is that technically "having sex"?
Submitted by madam s. on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 8:52pm.
Should I have stated my feelings on the subject in all caps?
Now I'll never be taken seriously.
_____________________
Hahahahaaha!
Should I have stated my feelings on the subject in all caps?
Now I'll never be taken seriously.
Submitted by TITS on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 8:40pm.
HAHA!! No he's got a point (to a point). Paps are aggressive. They're like hopped-up galahs!
*
LOL
more like gang gang cockatoos I would have thought! more destructive and annoying. hee!
...........
TITS! You'd be surprised, you have to read Sandbitches story about her galah incident this morning! In the Prop 8 post:
http://www.dlisted.com/node/29308#comments
Scroll down. Hysterical!
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Guess what. I got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell.
As much as I think Kanye is a raging delusional tool, I will say one thing in empathy with that mouth-breather... I think the paparazzi and the media are out of control and grotesquely intrusive. It's gone much too far. There SHOULD be stricter laws, and there should be much greater repercussions for their aggressive behavior. There are only a handful of "celebrities" who clearly thrive on the media overload treatment, and other entertainers (and politicians and random citizens) should be allowed privacy and the right to exist in public areas without harassment and constant documentation.
i don't think it's cool
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Live NYC shows on RealityBedroom
www.realitybedroom.com
Submitted by NitWitty on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 8:45pm.
If my memory serves me correctly, Slutty, that was the night you asked me to fly to Idaho and bail out your sister, who went on a naked, drunken bender. But being that she's actually your cousin and your mother, I can understand why you'd lose track of things.
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If I were a gambling smoking baby, I would bet that Nitty's box of wine is pretty much empty right now, and HBO isn't showing rerun of "True Blood" tonight.
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I have learned so much from the Dlisted men!! They tell you things that men trying to get your pants off would never tell you!!- Clarisse 11/14/2008
Sluttsville,
Even worse... I think those pants are "salmon" colored.
Me too Slutty! I can't wait to steal my loved one's stuff, er I mean, bond with my friends. :P
Submitted by madam s. on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 8:42pm.
I think all those giant oversized letters are overcompensation for something... if you get my drift.
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I thought that was why he was wearing the red pants.
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I have learned so much from the Dlisted men!! They tell you things that men trying to get your pants off would never tell you!!- Clarisse 11/14/2008
Submitted by Sluttsville on Sat, 11/15/2008 - 8:38pm.
Nitty.....you weren't out of town recently were you?
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If my memory serves me correctly, Slutty, that was the night you asked me to fly to Idaho and bail out your sister, who went on a naked, drunken bender. But being that she's actually your cousin and your mother, I can understand why you'd lose track of things.
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I was just sitting here minding my own business...
Paps are worse than NYC roaches and rats....beyond aggressive, breed like crazy and spread shit. I can't love on the paps in any situation.
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I smacked a bitch and I liked it.