Valkyrie Is A Comedy!
Tommy Girl gives the comedic performance of the year in "Valkyrie" according to some hos who have already seen it. The movie has already been pushed back a few times, but now it's set to come out the day after Christmas. Merry Christmas! Let's watch some shit show about Nazis starring the last bitch I want to spend the holidays with.
A few people who have seen the movie told MSNBC's The Scoop that everyone in the theater uncomfortably laughed at Tommy Girl's performance. Once scene features Tommy Girl trying to do the Heil Hitler salute. “It’s an unsettling scene but you almost start to laugh. His character is resisting it but you never forget it’s Tom Cruise saying ‘Heil Hitler.’ It’s funny and shocking at the same time.” You know while Tommy was trying to do the salute, he had to clench his hungry hole so that his other hand didn't come up to complete the "A" in Y.M.C.A.
Another ho said that Tommy only does a German accent at the beginning of the movie, “The film just isn’t a thriller at all. It’s a bunch of white guys in Nazi uniforms. It’s too bad. And Tom doesn’t speak with a German accent — though they did add a voiceover of him speaking German to the beginning of the film. Still, it’s as if he could say ‘I complete you’ at any time. This is not his Oscar moment.” I'm surprised that Tommy didn't do a German accent. I hear he does a FIERCE Marlene Dietrich impersonation!
Johnny Travolta better start lubing up his hand, because he's going to need to give Tommy Girl a consoling fist fuck when this movie fails in an epic way at the box office.
I saw a preview for this and it looks horrible-a real bomb. There were German accents spoken but Tom had an American accent-ridiculous, I feel sorry for him.
"It kind of looks like a little girl and her memaw bonding during karaoke hour at Shady Pines."
Submitted by Ford_Prefect on Wed, 11/19/2008 - 12:14pm.
Why do the studios still keep tossing money at that short mutant? I can't even remember the last good movie Cruise was in.
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OH I just thought of one! I loved "Rainman", but that was because Dustin Hoffman's acting was superb. LOL! No thanks to Tommy Girl! ;-)
Submitted by BrownHankyWithW... on Wed, 11/19/2008 - 3:47pm.
Why oh WHY didn't they make this movie a musical?
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Spring time for Tom Cruise and Hollywood.
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Simply put, fawning over celebrities and their picturesque families may be just the sort of distraction people need
Dan Ackroyd said it best in Blues Brothers, " I hate Illinois Nazis".
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I don't wanna be buried in a pet cemetary
I don't wanna live my life aga-uh-in...
This pile of shit's been filming since forever and he didn't bother with an accent or German coach? What a fucktard cultie gnome.
Christmas and Tom Cruise is bad.
Christmas and Nazis are worse.
BUT ...
Hanukkah and Nazis is disgusting!!!!!!!!
You know while Tommy was trying to do the salute, he had to clench his hungry hole so that his other hand didn't come up to complete the "A" in Y.M.C.A.
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LMFAO. I have never said "LMFAO" before, but it is true here... Tears are streaming down my face!
NovaNightly wrote :"... Tom sucks."
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Yeah, he sucks dicks!
Why oh WHY didn't they make this movie a musical?
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"Oh you little bitch troll from hell!" -- Patsy Stone
the two-armed hitler salute would be the "Y" in YMCA.
"Johnny Travolta better start lubing up his hand, because he's going to need to give Tommy Girl a consoling fist fuck when this movie fails in an epic way at the box office."
Ok, thanks for putting those images in my head MK.
:P
Submitted by xerquina on Wed, 11/19/2008 - 2:03pm.
who the fuck watches Nazi films during the holidays? that's just macabre.
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You have point there. Releasing a Nazi war story during X-Mas is just not a good idea. Most of us prefer something sweet. Nazis don't scream X-Mas cheer.
But that will Tommy-Girl's excuse for the movie bombing.
Christmas and Nazis?! It's madness!
I won't watch this trash and I'll pretty much watch anything. Give it up Tommy.
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Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! ~Homer Simpson
Do we have another "Showgirls" on our hands in these fictitious times we live in ?
Just in time for Crimma? God, its been YEARS since we've had a "so bad its genius" film , its long overdue and what a better sight than Lady Cruise Control storming around in eyepatch Nazi drag for the "most wonderful time of the year?"
Fingers crossed this one is a campy stinker I need it so desperately in my unemployed life right now ..
" I dont keep up with The Joneses , I AM the Joneses!"- NeNe Real Housewives of ATL
who the fuck watches Nazi films during the holidays? that's just macabre.
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Like there's actually a need for Greenland.you can get ice at 7-Eleven!
We LOVE your review, Miss OP!
But why do you think Tammy is hot for Miss T? We thought Tammy likes hot in-shape young meat, or at least not ancient, fatandflabby meat.
So ridiculous that they put this movie out with no German accents!! Could you imagine that new movie Australia without Australian accents....i dont think so. This movie is just a HUGE fail and they need to face it!! Tom sucks.
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All we are....is dust in the wind, dude.
-Ted "Theodore" Logan
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on Wed, 11/19/2008 - stick a fork in him
Dear Mrs K.
I do not deign to stick my tines in that ball of fuckery.
xoxox
A Fork
Straight to DVD in um, Antarctica. Yep, that's my vote.
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"Michael Phelps - No. The body is sexy, but the face didn't get the memo."--MK
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
HEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEE!
HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!
Did I mention I find this hilarious?
Asshat.
I have to admit the scieno homophobe was excellent as the portly, megalomaniacal, balding producer in Ben Stiller's recent comedy. He will have to settle for playing those kind of bombastic, depraved side characters, the superstar gig is up.
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"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires."
- Susan B. Anthony
Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 11/19/2008 - 1:17pm.
Jeffro11 what movie is that???
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The Warriors
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When you can't lie to yourself, that's depressing.
Submitted by Deb on Wed, 11/19/2008 - 12:51pm.
He's done.
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stick a fork in him
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When you can't lie to yourself, that's depressing.
Jeffro11 what movie is that???
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
I miss the days when we didn't know that Tom Cruise and Mel Gibson were bad shit crazy. These are two guys that I love the shit out of nearly every movie they touch. I'm gonna see this and try to pretend it's the good old days.
Submitted by Deb on Wed, 11/19/2008 - 12:51pm.
Agreed, I had no feelings about him until all the couch jumping started and the more I see of CO$ the more it worries me. There are very few actors I just can't watch but he is one of them. The Brange are another two, ditto Woody Allen. For different reasons but once someone makes you shudder, that's it, no ticket sales from me.
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Atheism is a non-prophet organisation
i still wanna see it. he´s a great actor, actually, but scientology and crazy antics got in the way...
he´s still hot, though.
**whatever**
Tom will never recover his reputation from 5 or 10 years ago. He's just "Tom Cruise, the crazy scientologist, in a costume".
Though he is still handsome.
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Catch hot babes, rich and sexy singles@MEET RICH. COM for hotter love, more pleasure, and more fantasy.
The simple fact is that people are so wierded out by the real Tom that they can no longer suspend disbelief while watching him act. He's done.
"This ain't rock n roll. This is genocide!"
no interest in seeing this.
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"Waaaarrrrrriiiorsss, come out to pla-ay!"
*clink clink clink*
I doubt I will see this- I just can't handle him anymore. He went off the deep end and I just don't see him recovering from that. There is a reason celebs *try* to keep their personal life, personal. It's because of this. He had a great career. Though, I can't say all of his films were stellar, but I did enjoy watching some of his old flicks (Top Gun, Jerry McGuire, Interview with a VAmpire, Cocktail-yes, I like that movie, shut-it). Now they are all tainted by his stupidness and I can't stand watching him. It really sucks when I think about it!
I am so excited.
I think this one is gonna be up there with Showgirls!!!!!
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When you can't lie to yourself, that's depressing.
Tom Cruise has gone so batshit crazy and is so crappy now that you can't experience even his old good work without feeling weird,same with Michael Jackson.He def needs to take a break on acting or at least take roles that don't make him look even more ridiculous than people think he is.
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
http://www.myspace.com/384080529
Poor Katie. Expect to hear about another "baby" soon.
Wow I was actually looking foward to this. Meh I never listen to critics anyway.
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WE'LL DO IT LIVE! FUCK IT!!
I will admit that before Dlisted, I did not know what astroglide was.
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"Johnny Travolta better start lubing up his hand, because he's going to need to give Tommy Girl a consoling fist fuck"
Now THERE'S a mental image I don't need right before lunch. Thanks a lot, MK!
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President Obama - Get used to it! :)
LOVE ANDERSON on Wed, 11/19/2008 - 12:23pm.
- He could do a hair part and it would still be better than the Elfin Fuckery of Tommygirl.
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You are one funny lady. :D
Tommy Girl should just quit acting-period. He's made enough money to keep himself and his rent boys in enough buttplugs and Astroglide for all of enternity which is not bad considering the man has zero acting ability.
Seriously, Tommy, save and invest your money. Stop throwing it away on beards and creepy robot children. The public isn't fooled and no one would care if you finally came out of the closet.
@ lizardbits1, the rest of the cast rules! I hate to see them drown in Tommy-Girls wake of crazy.
@ Clarisse, yep, down with the acting royalty. I've seen Kenneth Branaugh's "Hamlet" several times. Definitely rules.
I'll bet Tommy Girl wishes he could cast a spell over all of us glib earthlings to make us buy movie tickets.
zomay on Wed, 11/19/2008 - 12:20pm.
Jon Hamm could of done this part.
- He could do a hair part and it would still be better than the Elfin Fuckery of Tommygirl.
"Going gray is like ejaculating. You know it can happen prematurely, but when it actually does, it's a total shock." MAH BOO!!!
From the trailer he doesn't seem to measure up to Brad Davis' take on this role. Cruise cannot pull off the accent or the fact that this was a highly cultured and refined person.
Jon Hamm could of done this part.
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Submitted by joe shmoe on Wed, 11/19/2008 - 12:17pm.
I find that hard to believe. Can't they study Tapes or something?
I'm so embarassed that I can't wait to see this pic! And I *never* go pay to see Cruise in anything!
Ford_Prefect, This is the first and only film from Tom Cruise's own studio. A part of Paramount, I think, Cruise and another douche bought it up and sunk all their money into this one movie. The other douche has since sold his half and took off.
So nobody will fund him anymore. He's funding himself.
**Anne Marie Lucas needs to DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH**
GIG,
I will see it. Outside of Tommy Girl, the cast is Acting Royalty.
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"Well, it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile."
"Yeah, you know it takes more energy to point that out than it does to leave me the fuck alone?"
Submitted by Sheeps on Wed, 11/19/2008 - 12:02pm
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I agree! There are some horrendous French accents around here, where I live.
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Il n'ya plus que la Patagonie, la Patagonie, qui convienne à mon immense tristesse..~Blaise Cendrars
Green is Good, I want to see it too! I love the rest of the cast. I just wish they found somebody else to play the lead. Siiiigh.
Kenneth Branagh is the shit.
**Anne Marie Lucas needs to DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH**