They Won't Be Screaming This Year
Oprah's Favorite Things episode is my favorite of the year, because you get to watch bitches spontaneously combust over and over again. I have a feeling that this year's episode will be filled with groans instead of screams of joy. Oprah has announced that since the economy is fucked up, she's going to do a welfare version of her annual Favorite Things list. Yup, the Big O is getting down with the poor folk.
This statement was released: "They're some of Oprah's favorite things, but this time there's a twist...they cost next to nothing."
So her audience gets a flower pot made from old yogurt containers and Oprah gets to go home to her solid gold toilet?
The statement goes on to say that some dumb whore comes on the show to teach everyone how to make "a one-of-a-kind treasure that comes straight from the heart." What if you don't have one of those? Does she teach you how to make a one-of-a-kind treasure that comes straight from the genitals?
At the end of the show, Oprah presents her audience with a very special holiday gift that doesn't cost one cent.
I'm still going to watch this shit, because the audience will still lose their tits when Oprah announces it's the Favorite Things episode. And then you will slowly see their smiles turn to frowns when she starts to bring shit out like flowers made from construction paper and homemade plaster handprint plaques. Basically, it's going to be all the shit we made in elementary school for our parents.
Every year, I wish I could go on the Favorite things shows. If I had a ticket for this year & was told I got nothing....let's just say you would've seen it on the news
I love how my greek friend says beach sounds like bitch. it's so cute and funny.
it's so witty like us beaches.
haha Look what I started with www.poopreport.com it is sooooo mad.
Here's a good one: Deja Poo.
I guess if I signed up over there I could be IncontinentVixen.
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Sweet barbecued Jesus with a side of cole slaw, I'm this close to just rolling down the subway stairs and out onto the third rail. - Jan_In_The_Pan
Dig the user names on Poopreport.com:
The Shit Volcano
GottaGoGirl
The Dumpster
Logjam
prarie doggin
The Big Wiper
Bilgepump
DungDaddy
Poonurse
Fart Poopie
Bunga Din
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Sweet barbecued Jesus with a side of cole slaw, I'm this close to just rolling down the subway stairs and out onto the third rail. - Jan_In_The_Pan
Submitted by idiots drive me loco on Fri, 11/21/2008 - 3:29pm.
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Actually, I think one time she DID fill the audience with teachers who got all of the free stuff. I felt the teachers were deserving, considering how much shit they put up with and how little they are paid (in general).
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
http://www.poopreport.com/Doctor/Knowledgebase/floaters.html lol that was funny Mel-Tang thanx.;)
@ Mr. P---
Submitted by Mr. Peterson on Fri, 11/21/2008 - 3:51pm.
Yes!! I loved Rudy. He totally gave great face in that movie. Bring back Rudy and Bill Murray for another go round.
In my dreams Rudy grew up to be a hair stylist.
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Don't look at his fromagerie area. It will cause your eyes to go into seizures and your brain will start asking a million questions.-MK
Thanks for the vid---I need an insulin shot now before I go into a sugar coma.
Someone poetic around here needs to re-lyric that song for our DListed favorite things.
Anyone?
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on Fri, 11/21/2008 - 4:02pm.
Submitted by Pearl_Necklace on Fri, 11/21/2008 - 3:54pm.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KdqC-4UxTw
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Don't look at his fromagerie area. It will cause your eyes to go into seizures and your brain will start asking a million questions.-MK
If Oprah said she took a big shit and placed it in a bag and it was under everyone's chair they would still go apeshit over it. I think that bitch pumps something in her studio's air to make the audience behave that way.
The cult of Oprah is bad...
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http://scarletwordsandthoughts.blogspot.com/
A place for book lovers
Paper clip chain...I made my mom one when I was little.
If Orca uses that as an idea, I want a royalty check in the mail.
@ Mrs. Kravitz:
LOL! That childhood association with 'favorite things' was forever corrupted by the big O.
Submitted by Pearl_Necklace on Fri, 11/21/2008 - 3:54pm.
Every time I read "Oprah's favorite things" this burns across my brain:
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not this???
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KdqC-4UxTw
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Can you surry, can you picnic?
I bet she showered her vayajay (pun intended) with presents but not the poor people that really need it.
Hate Oprah! HATE HER!
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"Hahaha....you are eating my caca and paying for it. Meeeeow." No gracias. MK
Every time I read "Oprah's favorite things" this burns across my brain:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_AXaDIKBDQ4
@jiggywiddit: just got back on the net---you were correct---it's rudy.
he needs to come out of retirement and be on dancing with the stars or
something.
Oprah is a fucking douche bag - acting like a fucking queen doling shit out to the peons. Fuck her and the horse she rode in on. There was once a day when I would watch her show on occasion - no more, she needs to take her fucking money and go away to one of hundred mansions she owns around the fucking world!
It always pissed me off that upper middle class housewives got things they could afford for the most part. Why not fill the audience with teachers, cops, fireman, etc.,...people who are underpaid for their invaluable service to the community. Or people who volunteer at shelters? Or fuck, why not donate a ton of things to shelters? Food banks in Denver are forgoing the holiday meals this year because there is such a demand for food aid.
Or better yet, why not help out some of the good people turned upside down over their loans and pay a month or two of people's morgages?
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Interviewer: You're playing one of the most famous characters in movie history. How come we don't see you in all the tabloids?
Daniel Craig: Because I don't want to be in them.
I was home sick from work one year and had the gross misfortune of stumbling on this episode. A studio full of frumpy housewives losing their minds over a bunch of crap Oprah hasn't doled out a cent for. You'd think they had never received a flippin' present in their lives. Horrible...
Oprah should be giving MORE expensive crap to people since the economy is in the effing potty.
Give the po' folk something we can sell on eBay for some jack.
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Don't look at his fromagerie area. It will cause your eyes to go into seizures and your brain will start asking a million questions.-MK
Submitted by Mel-Tang on Fri, 11/21/2008 - 2:10pm.
Aliens in my poop (not verified) -- 10.15.2007
Oh my god I dont have time/nor patience to read all the comments but that story scared me to death and I have no freakin Idea what it relates too..im so grossed out
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I love him ♥
haha Sugaroo!
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Take that dick off your shoulder and put it in your mouf. Drink the evidence and hide the dick behind your head! The police is comin!
Submitted by oklahoma on Fri, 11/21/2008 - 2:34pm.
Sugaroo!! Fuck! I was sick for like 4 days, and had some help, Now my husband is sick too, and the dog thinks he's sick, and the way they WHINE is fucking sick! Yes, Slave is the word for it alright.. Even wanting me to give the time.. WTF??
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My husband is not a whiner but my son is. He's prone on the couch in the sitting room doing nothing but watching TV and he asked me to change the channel for him because he was too sick to reach for the remote. I picked it up off the coffee table one foot from his face and took it with me into the kitchen. NOW he's really fucked!
Seriously fuck Oprah.
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"I'm going to count to three, there will not be a four. Give me... the code." Hans Gruber, Die Hard
I need a new pair of panties just thinking about this.
Give me a break! Oprah probably never paid for any of the stuff she gifted in the past. I would wager that they were freebies given to HER so they could get some free advertising. Companies probably used to wet themselves trying to get her to "endorse" something of theirs.
Im not an Oprah lover.
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"Im totally cereal!"
Sugaroo!! Fuck! I was sick for like 4 days, and had some help, Now my husband is sick too, and the dog thinks he's sick, and the way they WHINE is fucking sick! Yes, Slave is the word for it alright.. Even wanting me to give the time.. WTF??
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Take that dick off your shoulder and put it in your mouf. Drink the evidence and hide the dick behind your head! The police is comin!
Submitted by oklahoma on Fri, 11/21/2008 - 2:29pm.
Thanks you, my darling Okie. Now if only I could click my heels together and go back to...............well, anywhere but here. My son, my husband and my dog are all sick. I am their slave, apparently.
Sugaroo!! Oh no! I'm sorry your head hurts! *hands over 2 fukitols, 4 Vicodin, 1 tylenol* You know if you take extra strength tylenol w/ you Hydro's\Vic's it will enhance the effect.. Feel better! *kisses your cheek*
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Take that dick off your shoulder and put it in your mouf. Drink the evidence and hide the dick behind your head! The police is comin!
Mel-tang- maybe I should get on there and talk about my Calico poopies. A few days ago I had some fun multi-brown-colored sinkers. Those were kind of interesting.
Stoney...I've totally had cobras that stick their head out of the water and everything.
Rich and famous people suck.
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I've totally had an eight inch floater. It wrapped around the bowl. You amateurs just can't compete.
Submitted by oklahoma on Fri, 11/21/2008 - 2:15pm.
Okie, may I have one of your avvies, please? I have a helluva headache and wish I was anywhere but here!
Don't forget the pipe made out of a used pop can. I love it when rich peeps give out gifts like a macrame kleenex box cover they found at a flea market - and haggled over. It still has the price tag on it - 25 cents.
LMAO Slutsville! I had never seen that. Thanks for the link!
Rich and famous people suck.
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No way in hell.. I don't believe that in the end of the show, she will still give out a fuckign car or some shit!! If she don't, well, hell. I will Ok??
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Take that dick off your shoulder and put it in your mouf. Drink the evidence and hide the dick behind your head! The police is comin!
So one of the richest women on earth is going to do a show on 'Gift Ideas for the Poor'. How helpful. What's next, 'How to be poor and look fabulous'? Or maybe 'How I learned to Love Ramen Noodles. The $1.00 a Day Oprah Diet'.
Ahhhh, yes I forgot about the video of the audience making panty pudding and heads exploding in this Oprah spoof.
http://s93.photobucket.com/albums/l53/MrBrightSide1980/videos/?action=vi...
Aliens in my poop (not verified) -- 10.15.2007
"I have had the "runs" for about two months off and on. Some mucus and dark green. THIS MORNING--I SWEAR TO GOD I had an alien. It looked like a light brown capsule floating--I needed to know what it was so i scooped it out of the toilet and it was slick--then I finally squished it and this white cottage cheese stuff was inside--then of course I disinfected my hands--"WHAT THE HE** WAS THAT???????"
Rich and famous people suck.
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Egg Carton Caterpillars for everyone!!!!
Tissue Flowers too!
"Going gray is like ejaculating. You know it can happen prematurely, but when it actually does, it's a total shock." MAH BOO!!!
"Poop size is a critical factor too. Often I have one continuous turd - 4,6, 8 or more inches. Such long, solid and continous doo-doo-franks are always sinkers; small pellets on the other end are more likely to be floaters. The larger issue here is our personal habits of observing our poop. Poop reporters are clearly in the gotta-look-at-my-poop segment of the population. But let me assure you that many people think it gross to always examine your poop production. This is a sad reflection of course on our society. Shameful shitters are probably in the majority. Perhaps they need a video instruction CD teaching them the many benefits of inspecting their poop, just like looking on your skin for cancer or women feeling for lumps. Shit inspection is a potentially potent social issue."
These people are brilliant.
Rich and famous people suck.
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Mel-tang
That was so hilarious!!"Poop reflects life changes" Oh Shit! literally
LMAO
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"I want to fuck my way to the garden,
cause everyone needs a mother fucker!" SOAD
Okra Windbag makes me gag. Hey! A Friday rhyme!
sexy, here's a good one:
http://www.poopreport.com/Doctor/Knowledgebase/floaters.html
Rich and famous people suck.
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sexy, OMG I know what you mean! I was in tears reading that stuff! I couldn't breathe.
Rich and famous people suck.
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fuck oprah
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Catch hot babes, rich and sexy singles@MEET RICH. COM for hotter love, more pleasure, and more fantasy.
Welcs MissPriss haha the peoples comments are hilarious http://www.poopreport.com/!
OK I will Mel-Tang this is too funny!
Sexy! Thanks for the link. I need more Poop reports in my life! LMAO!!!!
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"I want to fuck my way to the garden,
cause everyone needs a mother fucker!" SOAD
peaches I know! And I LOATHE when the 'strategists' come on tv and tell us all to "pump money back into the economy by buying stuff." Fuck them! If I had the money, don't they think I would be buying stuff?
Rich and famous people suck.
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RIMADYL KILLS