They Won't Be Screaming This Year
Oprah's Favorite Things episode is my favorite of the year, because you get to watch bitches spontaneously combust over and over again. I have a feeling that this year's episode will be filled with groans instead of screams of joy. Oprah has announced that since the economy is fucked up, she's going to do a welfare version of her annual Favorite Things list. Yup, the Big O is getting down with the poor folk.
This statement was released: "They're some of Oprah's favorite things, but this time there's a twist...they cost next to nothing."
So her audience gets a flower pot made from old yogurt containers and Oprah gets to go home to her solid gold toilet?
The statement goes on to say that some dumb whore comes on the show to teach everyone how to make "a one-of-a-kind treasure that comes straight from the heart." What if you don't have one of those? Does she teach you how to make a one-of-a-kind treasure that comes straight from the genitals?
At the end of the show, Oprah presents her audience with a very special holiday gift that doesn't cost one cent.
I'm still going to watch this shit, because the audience will still lose their tits when Oprah announces it's the Favorite Things episode. And then you will slowly see their smiles turn to frowns when she starts to bring shit out like flowers made from construction paper and homemade plaster handprint plaques. Basically, it's going to be all the shit we made in elementary school for our parents.
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Submitted by LoLo on Fri, 11/21/2008 - 1:55pm.
THAT is what she should totally teach them how to build. Yessir, that's how to make the world a happier place.
hahaa Mel-Tang http://www.poopreport.com/ lol I just found it a few mins ago and I laughed my ass off literally.
Did you guys see the you-tube of Tyra when she gave everyone in the audience a jar of $100 bedazzled vaseline? Oh man, that was classic. It's her biggest beauty secret and she looks like SHIT with no makeup on, wearing PJ's.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jOR4qekHWlA
LOL, tyra's like Oprah's crazy alter-ego.
Oprah! Make sure you teach the audience how to make a port-a-poty!!! Or at least how to shit in one and then have your posse wipe yo ass
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"I want to fuck my way to the garden,
cause everyone needs a mother fucker!" SOAD
sexy, you have to read the questions people submit for help with their itchy arses. LOL They are priceless.
Rich and famous people suck.
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RIMADYL KILLS
Oprah is my girl...but a BIG WTF? to this BS...I wanna see some hos praising Jesus, hugging each other, crying, fainting, and going into full orgasmic-like vibrations over the fact that Oprah is about to bless them with some good-ass sh**.
*****"Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die. Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up, just don't do it, OK, promise? OK, now everybody take some rubbers."*****
I would build Oprah a sex ramp.
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We is tailing jokes in hair twoday!
Good, those bitches in the audience have about as much money as Oprah does, they don't deserve shit.
Omg toilets were in the above article and I didn't even read it.. haha.. and i just posted the funniest poop site that has funny comments like ours in here.
sexy LMAO! I saw that a few weeks ago. I was looking up itchy asses on the internets (for a friend), and found that site. The stories are mind blowingly funny! hahahaha
Rich and famous people suck.
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MK, this is the funniest thing I've read all day! Your last paragraph had me LMAO!
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"Does she teach you how to make a one-of-a-kind treasure that comes straight from the genitals?"
Well, my Christmas shopping is done.
http://daywithoutagay.org/
So she's going to go from giving out refridgerators and digi-cams to teaching people how to make cheap crap? Someones getting stingy. Scroogeprah.
She may get the shit for free but I'm sure she probably helps come up with/negotiate some of the endorsements.
That is truly fucked up. If Oprah is going to do something like that then the hypocritical bitch should at least go all 'Tyra' and live as a poor person for a week or something.
Making a "a one-of-a-kind treasure that comes straight from the heart." Barf.
http://www.poopreport.com/BMnewswire/69.html
This is weird, this website has all sorts of comments like Dlisted, hot but all about poop..funny people on it too! Funny like US!
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MK is this your second site LOL jk but it's so damn funny!
by mishma on Fri, 11/21/2008 - 1:45pm.
HA HA! I love it.
And peaches don't worry..those celebs won't be bailing anyone out but they're all taking huge paycuts soon as studios cut back too. Everyone is going to be affected. Even those who seemed impervious to money troubles like us mere mortals. Granted they'll still have millions in the bank but the house of cards is falling.
Shit I need to stop reading depressing news/economy stories and just stay in my la la land of Dlisted.
jim LMAO! You crack me up!
Rich and famous people suck.
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Oprah is so rich, she's become completely out-of-touch with us regualr folk.
Hel-lo?!! We already know how to be cheap as hell cause we're all poor and we have no other choice!
Cheap homemade gifts might seem novel to a billionaire but we the (poor) people want the fantasy--- we want the fancy luxurious shit. Fuck the picture frame made out of elbow macoroni and pipe cleaners...Bring on the 100,000 dollar platinum fridge with a built-in BlueRay player, vibrator and robot personal assistant!
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"I'm the normal one and everyone else is crazy. Thank you, next question" -Kathy Griffin
Fuck you Oprah! It's not like the economy is hurting HER
Did anyone see that one time when she gave everyone is the audience a brand new car?? Man, some of those bitches nearly died of excitement
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"I want to fuck my way to the garden,
cause everyone needs a mother fucker!" SOAD
OPRAH IS A FAT CUNT!!
I'm pissed off! I just put her ass in TIVO the other day to catch that stupid "Favorite Things" show so I can laugh at the audience going ape-shit crazeee over everything and now it's going to be all "poor" and shit?
Fuck THAT!
I bet the audience will impress Oprah with the DIY blunt instruments they will craft out of ordinary household objects. Like a wiffle bat full of bleach, or perhaps a shoe rack filed into a shank. In any event it will be the show of the year, for sure
Oprah you scrooge!!!! you have soo much money, you should be helping people!!! Why don't these rich celebrities help the economy, maybe they should provide money for the bail outs instead of our tax dollers!!!!!
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Submitted by Im a Princess on Fri, 11/21/2008 - 1:29pm.
I think most ppl know by now that she gets this shit for free. It's not a secret, they have said it on the show before. They make all that money back, plus tons...just for being on her show. But yeah, I am thinking that's why she isn't doing it...a lot of money for companies to shell out right now
You are EXACTLY right! These companies know they aren't going to make the money back OR the surplus they usually make on these shows. It's a tight Christmas.
Rich and famous people suck.
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RIMADYL KILLS
I bet Orca will give pictures of herself as a gift with the frame made out of tongue depressors.
pipe cleaner bracelets...lanyard key chains...
it'll be fun! just like CAMP!
she's giving out honorary degrees because an education is priceless.
I think with the rapidly declining economy and everyone nervous a lot of things in entertainment will be changing. Story lines and such... conspicuous consumption will be toned the fuck down. People in dire straits and worrying about survival do not want their noses rubbed in it and it'll be interesting to see how things evolve.
I know O magazine with her favorite things lists there ($400 slippers!) annoyed me when i read it at the doctor's office visit i just went to. Fuck.
"I was on oprah 17 years ago and Now I watch ellen"
Is that you Gail? Gale? Gayelle?
youknowhaimsayion YEAH BABY!
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We is tailing jokes in hair twoday!
I think if Oprah hands out the painted macaroni ashtrays on her show Oprah is gonna get offed on her show. WTF. I want the diamond toilet seat cover just like she has. Bitch!
SNL once did a funny skit on this where Maya Rudolph was Oprah and she was giving things out and women's head's exploded.
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Sweet barbecued Jesus with a side of cole slaw, I'm this close to just rolling down the subway stairs and out onto the third rail. - Jan_In_The_Pan
Macaroni necklaces from Oprah.
MK you crack me up. I was on oprah 17 years ago and Now I watch ellen, she is funny as hell and hasn't let fame go to her head. Maybe oprah will do one of those plaster hand prints that the audience will get. And then the audience will get an invite to her house that most people can't fly too anyway.
bwahah
In 2-3 years she'll be handing out cans of soup, and you will see the reaction in your photo.
OMG I WON I WON, OMG I LOVE YOU OPRAH I LOVE YOU..WAIT, WTF IS THIS??? A FUCKING PAINT BY NUMBER VELVET CHEERIO MURAL OF ELVIS? SO WHAT IF IT HAS SPARKLES ON IT. OH BITCH, YOU ARE GONNA BE ONE DEAD GAYELLE.
You know that's whats gonna happen
I think most ppl know by now that she gets this shit for free. It's not a secret, they have said it on the show before. They make all that money back, plus tons...just for being on her show. But yeah, I am thinking that's why she isn't doing it...a lot of money for companies to shell out right now.
I liked it when Orpah was worried about her house burning down. That was good shit.
She was all on the phone with Rob Gross Ass Lowe and ther were all dramatic.
OMG Stuff is on fire.
Yeah and weve got jumpers on fith ave so what?
I was kind of hoping her shit would burn.
I was also kind of hoping she would take her bazillion dollars and rent whirly birds to drop water to those people who died of thirst in New Orleans but nope, she just showed off her new casual look with jeans and a pony tail.
And shes a Sceintologist panty licker.
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We is tailing jokes in hair twoday!
AHAHHAAHAAHHAHAHA! Cheap ass bitch.
"Come, Watson! There's fuckery afoot!."
Submitted by CeeCee on Fri, 11/21/2008 - 1:22pm.
I DON'T get it. I don't watch that show but I've looked up the stuff she gives out and I can't understand losing your shit over it. Looks like last year the best thing she gave out was a $799 camera. I mean, that's cool, but they way they act I thought she has handing out thousands of dollars of valuable stuff to each person, like they won the lottery. It's like soaps and chocolates and shit. Not even stuff you could turn around on eBay for much. Whatever.
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They actually do pretty well...some things are small yes, but she usually gives a few big items too. A 2,000 fridge once, a Apple Laptop and just whetever is cool at the time. So, I would think they get about $2-3K in gifts when all is said and done. Not too shabby, when it's free.
BAHAHAHAHAHAHA....this is just too good, because you know the stupid OprahBots that jockey for her tickets this time of year are just hoping and praying that this will be "THE SHOW." I have to Tivo this shit, because I have to see the faces on those dumb bitches when they find out it's all cheap shit. I plan on watching this when I come home sloshed from happy hour tonight.
Who cares about this sea hag.
The puppies are waking up.
They got a new crate and are chewing on it.
This just proves what a cunt Oprah is. She's a billionaire and yet she won't give a dime of her own to her audience, for once. Now they will realize she only gives them things when she gets them for free, and this year these companies can't afford it. Fuck you Oprah.
"It kind of looks like a little girl and her memaw bonding during karaoke hour at Shady Pines."
Fuck. That.
Where's my car? My refrigerator? My cashmere sweater? My designer driving mocassins?
This may be the first audience ever to riot and beat Oprah's ass. People need handouts more than ever these days.
Now that I am thinking about it, from my last comment...she should just give everyone in the audience a thousand bucks and be done with it. There are what, about 200-250 ppl...$250K for the big O, a drop in the bucket. That's what ppl could use right now, cash to do with whatever they wanted.
Submitted by mishma on Fri, 11/21/2008 - 1:19pm.
Um, when the economy is bad, wouldn't you think the richest bitch in the world would give expensive gifts to people that have otherwise done without? No? I'd rather get Paris' herpes than a fucking flowerpot, right on Oprah.
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UM EXACTLY! Now is probably the time that most people could use a couple of hand me outs. What a whore, I hate oprah. Although it will be funny to watch them jump up and down and then start crying when they realize how jacked up their gifts are going to be.
From what I understand anyway, she gets all these things for free anyway from the merchants. It's like a giant infomercial. I watched one year and because the merchant wouldn't donate the items she said she wasn't even going to mention them.. shitty. So probably with the economy the way it is, maybe the companies couldn't afford to donate the items and told her to get screwed. So she is pretending she thought up this 'great' idea on her own.. when in reality she had nothing to give away anyway. Just a thought :) She probably just didn't want to go on TV and say nobody wanted to give THE Oprah free stuff :)
I DON'T get it. I don't watch that show but I've looked up the stuff she gives out and I can't understand losing your shit over it. Looks like last year the best thing she gave out was a $799 camera. I mean, that's cool, but they way they act I thought she has handing out thousands of dollars of valuable stuff to each person, like they won the lottery. It's like soaps and chocolates and shit. Not even stuff you could turn around on eBay for much. Whatever.
I might have to actually watch this, just to watch people's heads explode when they realize they aren't getting the swag.
Yes, I'm sure Oprah is cutting back in her life, too. She's making Gayle a penguin made out of pinecones. I'm sure she'll treasure it always.