The Butt Bandit Of Nebraska Busted!
To answer the question you're thinking: no, I am not writing this shit from a jail cell in Nebraska! Okay, now that we've gotten that out of the way. The people of Valentine, Nebraska will sleep well tonight knowing that their windows will be ass grease free in the morning. The infamous Butt Bandit has been captured after making an ass out of himself for more than a year.
It all started in the spring of 2007, when people started noticing ass (and sometimes crotch) imprints on their business, church and school windows. His greatest achievement was leaving his butt print on every window of a hotel. The dude was able to leave his mark by rubbing Vaseline or lotion on his nalgas. He should've used Crisco with just a touch of KY. It picks up every little detail of your ass cheeks. So I've heard...
The Butt Bandit was caught by police early Wednesday morning massaging a window with his jelly covered ass. The cops wouldn't give up his name, but said he's a 35-year-old with an ass that just won't quit.
Unfortunately, there isn't a mug shot. It better be a double mug shot. I want to see both of his lips puckering. I mean, his butt should gets its own mug shot since it got him into this mess.
And when the Butt Bandit is out of jail, he should look into profiting off of his skills. I've seen a few ads on Craigslist looking for naked dudes who do windows. The Butt Bandit's ass does windows, literally.
Thanks Leona
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Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Sat, 11/22/2008 - 4:26pm.
Are buttprints unique like fingerprints?
How will the cops compare his butt with the buttprints left behind?
Will there be a butt line-up?
Enquiring minds want to know!
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hahaha I like your train of thought!! is it possible to know? what if he was just a copycat butt bandit? what if the real guy is still on the loose!! oh no!
"Wada-tah!"
Of course it started in spring: try putting bare skin on glass during a Nebraska winter.
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You want a feminist icon? I give you Lorena Bobbit... (TL)
Well, at least we now know what Asshole Simpson looks like sans makeup.
I see that this guy had nothing better to do then leave butt prints on windows all over town.
All I want for Christmas is you oooh oooh baby... MC
Submitted by EvilShoe on Sat, 11/22/2008 - 4:28pm.
I hope they put this shit on Forensic Files, you just know there is an expert out there in ass cheek impressions!
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Hahahaha! Where does one go to school for that? I'm just juvenile enough to make arse detection my life's work.
"Mickey probably told Miley, 'Billy Ray ain't your father. I AM! I'm your daddy! I say when this game is over! Now go shake that ass and bring home the cheese!'" -MK, 22-09-08
I don't know who that guy is, but he's definitely trying to follow Kim Kardashian's route to fame.
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
Submitted by Candy on Sat, 11/22/2008 - 4:13pm.
Ok. Where the fuck did that photo come from????
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Pudge's personal porn stash
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Can you surry, can you picnic?
I hope they put this shit on Forensic Files, you just know there is an expert out there in ass cheek impressions!
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Dick happens! - MK
OMG this is the best story EVER! I am constantly teased by my friends in NE about Florida being the freakshow state.
*starts a massive email campaign to them laughing*
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Dick happens! - MK
Are buttprints unique like fingerprints?
How will the cops compare his butt with the buttprints left behind?
Will there be a butt line-up?
Enquiring minds want to know!
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Do not mess with live dragons. You are crunchy and taste good with catsup.
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Is a Butt Bandit anything like a Turd Burglar?
Oh! FUCK!...for second there..I thought Coco went commando and was sitting on someone's face!
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That lil' lint bastid will be back within the hour snorting your Borax with a rolled up dollar bill. Trust....TigerLilly 10.24.2008
I saw the guy with his head up his ass and immediately thought it was the guy that keeps hiring Will Ferrell to play exactly the same character.
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
Hahahahaha
Ok. Where the fuck did that photo come from????
蜘龍====================龍蜘
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