Better Late Than Never, I Guess
Ultimate drunktard Tara Reid is now working her way up the 12 steps to staying relevant by checking herself into a little known rehab facility known as Promises Malibu. I guess Celebrity Rehab was all booked up?
Her spokeswhore told People, "Tara Reid has checked herself into Promises Treatment Center. We appreciate your respect to her and her family's privacy at this time."
The spokeswhore wouldn't say what she's being treated for. That's probably because the list is endless and nobody really has that kind of time. The better question would be, "What isn't the bitch addicted to?"
While she's in there, she should also have a contractor, Ty Pennington, a few set decorators, the bomb squad and Bob the Builder come in to look at her war zone tummy. While she's detoxing, she might as well fix the monster on her belly.
And because Tara's in the tank, the booze industry is going to take a big hit, so we need to do our part! This weekend, for every 1 cocktail you drink, drink 6 more for Tara!
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Submitted by lizardbits1 on Sat, 12/13/2008 - 9:14am.
Your recipe is bloody funny!!! My son is thinking I am a mad woman I was larfin so much.
Submitted by lizardbits1 on Sat, 12/13/2008 - 9:12am.
Dot, where the FUCK do I get a Santa outfit in 15 minutes? I think black panther elf is as close as I'm going to get! (wait I only have 15 minutes!?!?!?!? *siiiigh* maybe next year... bookmarked!)
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Is it utterly, inconceivably wrong that I find the idea of you dressed up as a black panther elf sexay?
P.S. Surely you can find a scintillating Santa suit at the same place Tommy Girl went to find his lezbo in drag outfit in "Eyes wide shut"...? Isn't there a freak-mart near you? "Hunded dolla ta maka ya holla."
Fucking computer!
I'm the Christmas cheer spreader this morning! (I sound like I need to be on Lifetime and about three years old and broke ass poor with a single mother who has a boyfriend who beats her and molests me)
Special Holiday Fruitcake Recipe
Ingredients
1 cup unsalted butter; softened
3/4 cup all purpose flour
1 cup granulated sugar
2 cups of dried fruit
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 cup lukewarm water
4 large eggs
1 tsp lemon juice
1 tsp baking soda
1 750 ml bottle dark rum
1 tsp salt
1/2 cup chopped walnuts
Directions
Sample the rum to check for quality. Take a large bowl and add butter. Check the rum again.
To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer, beat butter and sugar together in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of salt and beat again.
Make sure the rum is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried
fruit. Mix on the turner.
If the fried fruit gets stuck in the beater pry it loose with a screwdriver.
Sample the rum to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares?
Check the rum again. Now sift the lemon juice. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease the
oven.
Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat the turner. Throw the bowl out the window, check the rum again and go to bed.
**Christmas needs to be OVER!!!**
Nicole K. looks like a duck-billed platy now. WTF? She was FINE! FINE!
haha and ol' tommy gal looked like a dick with his half permed hair and huge honker.
I have a 12 year old black lab who is half blind and has major flea allergies, poor 'Boof', haven't had a kitteh for years after my last one was baited-fucked up neighbors!!
Dot, where the FUCK do I get a Santa outfit in 15 minutes? I think black panther elf is as close as I'm going to get! (wait I only have 15 minutes!?!?!?!? *siiiigh* maybe next year... bookmarked!)
**Christmas needs to be OVER!!!**
Submitted by miffed_33 on Sat, 12/13/2008 - 9:04am.
morning guys. I am in Oz watching "Days of Thunder", my god Nic K looked so much better all natural! I might be a prude but I have a rule that I will never date a guy I can't look straight into his eyes without bending down. On topic....mmmm.... ummmm.....Tara....arrrr..... mmmm nothing.lol
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Mornin' back atchya, hon! Agreed. Nicole K. looks like a duck-billed platy now. WTF? She was FINE! FINE!
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Liz as a black panther elf? *dies laffin'*
Submitted by lizardbits1 on Sat, 12/13/2008 - 9:02am.
tee hee (I'm almost back in the spirit again)
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Holy, sober fuckballs with fur! I think you managed to get *ME* in the 'spirit' again too! *smooooooooooch* <--yes, I meant every slobbery bit of that!
North pole goin' southhhhhhhh! hehe
Dot! I could go as an elf! I got da tights, da boots, da short but not too revealing dress, and I GOTTA have a fucking hat around here somewhere!
Do you think they'd allow a black-clad elf? It's a modified black cat costume.
**Christmas needs to be OVER!!!**
morning guys. I am in Oz watching "Days of Thunder", my god Nic K looked so much better all natural! I might be a prude but I have a rule that I will never date a guy I can't look straight into his eyes without bending down. On topic....mmmm.... ummmm.....Tara....arrrr..... mmmm nothing.lol
"Don't be "that" Santa.
Your friends want to have fun, not scrape the puke outta your beard or prevent your wasted ass from wandering into traffic."
ROTFLLLLLL
tee hee (I'm almost back in the spirit again)
Top Ten Santa Pick-Up Lines
1. Hey babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?
2. Wanna see my 12-inch elf?
3. I've got something special in the sack for you!
4. Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip?
5. I know when you've been bad or good - so let’s skip the small talk, sister!
6. Some of my best toys run on batteries... (wink, wink)
7. Interested in seeing the "North Pole"? (Well, that's what the Mrs. calls it ...)
8. I see you when you're sleeping - and you don't wear any underwear, do you?
9. Screw the "nice" list--I`ve got you on my "naughty" list!
10. Wanna join the "Mile High" club?
Top Ten Elf Pickup Lines
1. I'm down here.
2. Just because I've got bells on my shoes doesn't mean I'm a sissy.
3. I was once a lawn ornament for John Bon Jovi.
4. I can get you off the naughty list.
5. I have certain needs that can't be satisfied by working on toys.
6. I'm a magical being. Take off your bra.
7. No, no. I don't bake cookies. You're thinking of those dorks over at Keebler.
8. I get a thimbleful of tequila in me and I turn into a wild man.
9. You'd look great in a Raggedy Ann wig.
10. I can eat my weight in cocktail wieners.
**Christmas needs to be OVER!!!**
Liz, that's a gem!
"You better watch out!
The Santa plague will descend upon
West 33rd St. between 6th and 7th Aves at 10AM
(and don't forget the can of food for the NYC Food Bank).
We will infest 3 drinking establishments.
Stout, Hickey's, and the ultra basic Blarney Rock."
LOL!
I wanna do this!!!
http://nycsantacon.com/
but no santa suit! What do I do???? *whimper*
**Christmas needs to be OVER!!!**
Submitted by Raven on Sat, 12/13/2008 - 8:42am.
this one is also really good:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8aprCNnecU
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LMFAO! I seriously have to find a way to upload a vid of my daughter when she was three when I told her to say "Sorry" with a straight face and she looked at me all serious into the camera and said, "Sorry with a straight face." hehe!
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Liz, mean kitty is hwat! So is mean kitteh's ownah! Mmmmmmmmm. Sexay times thawts.
Submitted by . on Sat, 12/13/2008 - 8:36am.
hmmm... nudge away... I have friends who know friends who know people who may help me out..............
Ever see mean kitty?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qit3ALTelOo
Beware the fauxhawk!
*envisions MK stumble out of bed, blindly go to the pisser, come out, squint at his computer, scratch his side, gives the computer the finger, goes back to bed*
**Christmas needs to be OVER!!!**
this one is also really good:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8aprCNnecU
Submitted by . on Sat, 12/13/2008 - 7:29am.
Here's one that makes me giggle when I'm feeling sad:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5P6UU6m3cqk
______
one of the best. vids. ever.
Submitted by lizardbits1 on Sat, 12/13/2008 - 8:31am.
lol! "Stalker cat" song would blow "Smelly Cat" outta da water!
Would it be wrong of me to *nudge* you into it? *nudge, nudge, nudge*
MK is on haitus. His evil 'alts' are in control now. bwahahahahaha! Pfft.
I still wonder why nobody came up with roid_cream as their username? Sheesh. No frickin' creativity!
Submitted by . on Sat, 12/13/2008 - 8:25am.
Michael K., wake up you cunting whore! *said with love*
No human is willingly up this early on a Saturday. I'm not awake this early by choice. And MK, well, hopefully, he'll wake up with a killer headache from what he did last night and come to us by 10.
And you're right, I need to make a video about my kitties... they creep me out, or would if I didn't know them. Stalker cats!
**Christmas needs to be OVER!!!**
Michael K., wake up you cunting, lesbionic, sexay times, no-no/yes-yes hole whore! *said with love*
Gahhhhhh. Chlorine eyes. Bitch always has Chlorine eyes.
Submitted by lizardbits1 on Sat, 12/13/2008 - 8:19am.
Nah... Name's Serling. I thought he had an infection or something serious, but nope! Just kitty herp! Which the other kitty has shots for, so this poor thing gets the sneezes really bad every once in awhile. Vet instructed me to lock him in the bathroom with me when I shower. No hard task, damn thing likes to watch me... creep.
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That has VIRAL VIDEO written alllllll ovah it! bwahahahah. *sorry* NOT that I'd watch it. Uh huh. *chokes back giggles*
Submitted by . on Sat, 12/13/2008 - 8:12am.
Submitted by lizardbits1 on Sat, 12/13/2008 - 8:08am.
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Kitteh Herp? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Why come I did not know that? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Good grievances and Jumpin' Je-hosey-fat! YIkes!
Liz, don't name any of your bebe kittehs "Paris"...EVAH!
Nah... Name's Serling. I thought he had an infection or something serious, but nope! Just kitty herp! Which the other kitty has shots for, so this poor thing gets the sneezes really bad every once in awhile. Vet instructed me to lock him in the bathroom with me when I shower. No hard task, damn thing likes to watch me... creep.
**Christmas needs to be OVER!!!**
Submitted by lizardbits1 on Sat, 12/13/2008 - 8:08am.
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Kitteh Herp? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Why come I did not know that? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Good grievances and Jumpin' Je-hosey-fat! YIkes!
Liz, don't name any of your bebe kittehs "Paris"...EVAH!
Submitted by . on Sat, 12/13/2008 - 8:02am.
I know the feeling! My bitch of a cat is rather old and so eccentric. Every once in awhile my mother tells me that she's dead and my heart skips a beat thinking that she's serious. Nah, damn thing dropped her tail into the bathtub and promptly sat on mi mums work clothes. Or she got lost at one in the morning and woke everybody up at one in the morning, or she beat up a dog (who rightly deserves beating!)
But my New York street tough kitties are young and everything, although one has kitty herpes which is almost funny because he sneezes a lot. Poor thing. I wuvs my kitties.
I am completely sympathetic.
**Christmas needs to be OVER!!!**
Submitted by lizardbits1 on Sat, 12/13/2008 - 7:58am.
Dot: need a handbag?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSOh34982Vo
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LMFAO!
What? No litter critters?
Submitted by lizardbits1 on Sat, 12/13/2008 - 7:49am.
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My two eldest kittehs are 12 years young. *sniff* My baby chile kitteh is 8 years young. *double-sniff* I got dealt a hand of kitteh katastrophes. We have paid so many vet bills for our boys that most people would have never even thought twice about. We have easily sank 30,000 bux into cat health care when all is said and done. We have been in and out of debt for our fur babies. I still need ancient fillings replaced in my mouth that I've put off FOREVER but I'll keep my kitteh's healthy. lol *triple sniff*
I've oft joked that when my youngest kitteh goes, I go but honestly, he's muh bebe and when I wake up in the morning with him lying on my back and purring in my ear...well, how can I not love that critter to the ends of the earth?
Dot: need a handbag?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSOh34982Vo
**Christmas needs to be OVER!!!**
Submitted by . on Sat, 12/13/2008 - 7:43am.
This vid just traumatizes me:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DBuk91phkI
...and then I laugh and puke at the same time.
Possible?
Who knew?
Who needs a cup and two chicks? Give this monkey a career! (have you seen that? I haven't and refuse to... do not need to see chicks eating crap thankyewverymuch)
**Christmas needs to be OVER!!!**
Dot: it is rather full! Perfect for a romantic evening (said the crazy cat lady)
Your boobs are hypnotizing. I'm sorry, they just are...
And it's damn hard to type around a purring kitten... I'm glad my kitties are young. Although my mother has the cats that I've had forEVAH (like 14 years) and my kitty is getting senile. Siiiigh. She's always been off though, I mean who gets lost in their own house? My cat. Walks through and meows looking for somebody. Been doing it for the last ten years, however I hear she's getting lost more frequently.
**Christmas needs to be OVER!!!**
This vid just traumatizes me:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DBuk91phkI
...and then I laugh and puke at the same time.
Possible?
Who knew?
Submitted by lizardbits1 on Sat, 12/13/2008 - 7:37am.
I've seen that clip. It's sooooo cute!
Although I've been known to giggle like that (unaided from substances). Giggle switch. Put me and a good mood, walk up to me, and say "coochy choochy coo!" while making tickle movements (contact not necessary) and I'm on the floor laughing so hard my stomach hurts.
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You must have tickle bits made of steel! Humor is my nemesis, my Kryptonite, my 'oops I crapped my pants' needing an adult diaper type of thingie.
Fuck. It really is a full moon!
Submitted by . on Sat, 12/13/2008 - 7:29am.
I've seen that clip. It's sooooo cute!
Although I've been known to giggle like that (unaided from substances). Giggle switch. Put me and a good mood, walk up to me, and say "coochy choochy coo!" while making tickle movements (contact not necessary) and I'm on the floor laughing so hard my stomach hurts.
**Christmas needs to be OVER!!!**
Submitted by lizardbits1 on Sat, 12/13/2008 - 7:19am.
And at least you're not abusing your snatch.
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YET.
love the 'tubes! lol
Here's one that makes me giggle when I'm feeling sad:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5P6UU6m3cqk
Here Dot, have some youtube clips. A friend of mine made them and they're rather cheery.
Christmas clip:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z9fz2kD92_U
The goofy stop motion clip:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gIXMLPD2Es&feature=channel
**Christmas needs to be OVER!!!**
Promises is the Biggest Joke in the Rehab/Recov Industry. It is run by a father and son snake oil salesmen who are vehemently anti AA and claim they can 'Cure' alcoholism and drug addiction thru hiring their 'life coaches'.
Only in Malibu and hollywood would people be delussional enough to fall for this bs.
Reid is the perfect fool for these sheisters.
Submitted by . on Sat, 12/13/2008 - 7:11am.
I'm sorry to hear that. I typed you a long thing being sympathetic, but the kitty erased it. *grump*
What's wrong with your kitties? Old cat syndrome?
And at least you're not abusing your snatch.
**Christmas needs to be OVER!!!**
Submitted by lizardbits1 on Sat, 12/13/2008 - 7:06am.
*yawn* Good morning... Why the fuck am I awake?
And, yup, Tara is still ugly, Pam still has a funky crotch, and Tommy's still in the closet.
Good morning Dot. You don't sound happy with life.
**Christmas needs to be OVER!!!**
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Mornin' back, hon! You got me there. 1,000 dollar truck repair bill [spark plugs and shit], 500+ vet bill for my two eldest cats who are going downhill fast. Merry fuckin' Xmas. So far, I'm the healthiest bitch in the pack? Go fugger that 'un out! My back hurts though but my huge knockers are real and don't fall down to my knees. That count? lol
*yawn* Good morning... Why the fuck am I awake?
And, yup, Tara is still ugly, Pam still has a funky crotch, and Tommy's still in the closet.
Good morning Dot. You don't sound happy with life.
**Christmas needs to be OVER!!!**
Gooooood early morning, sluts!
Does anybody other than Tara Reid herself, her gargantuan, delusional ego, and her hapless publicist really give a crap that she's dragged her used up, drunken carcass to rehab?
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WISH GRANTED! >:)
hope she emerges as a winner
http://www.howlegit.com/help/main?section=what_is
pfft... quitter
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"We play the game,
with the bravery of being out of range."
Oh fuck. I can't get my ass off the computer because I'm too busy watching Scarlet fall in slow motion. The thunder sounds are seriously going to make me shit my pants.
Night hotstuffs :)
I'm out too. geez it's only 11.30 on the wet coast.
odd. there are usually some aussies up and aboot now.
+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+
What's the soup today?
Cream of bullshit.
Nite LCT! Catch you another snark!
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Hey LCT! I just got in from working in the wonderful hospitality industry. The hub's passed out, the cats are fed, and here I am! I LOVED that viral video compilation! Oh, and the chick falling off the table...
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Aaaaand I'm done. Night kids!
BOOBS! It's so nice to see people still awake in the world.
Deb! What's happening?