Hef's Teen Sons Talk About Monkeys
Hugh Hefner's sons Marston, 18, and Cooper, 17, gave an interview to Playboy about everything from having multiple girlfriends to taking over the family business to monkeys. Marston and Cooper's mother is former Playboy Playmate Kimberly Conrad. They live with their mommy in a house on the grounds of the Playboy estate.
Before we get into that shit, why do they look like the broken condom babies of Hef and Shaggy from Scooby Doo? They are like sooooo long. I wonder if they are long down....forget it. Chris Hansen won't get me! And my abuelita is probably fucking pissed because Marston is wearing her favorite Christmas party outfit. That's seriously a memaw party ensemble.
Anyway, here are there thoughts on a bunch of shit. You can just skip on down to the part about monkeys if your eyes don't feel like glazing over all this crap. The monkey bit sums it all up for me:
On dating multiple hos at the same time:Marston: "I'm not going to have multiple girlfriends -- not at the same time."
Cooper: "I can imagine doing that. I don't think it's an odd thing to do. You date around to try to find a connection with some girl."On running the family business:
Cooper: "If I were to take over the company or have a say in what's going on, I'd want the girls to be presented more as they were in the pictorials back in the 1950s and 1960s -— kind of artsy, classy. I would like to bring back that retro-class feel."
On growing up in the Playboy mansion:
Cooper: "They don’t get it when you say, 'There's nothing to do there.'But when you live here and come here every single day, you see the same things. Anybody else would be like, 'Let's go see monkeys!' But I don't want to see monkeys. I'd rather go bowling than play with monkeys."
Um. I'd rather go bowling WITH my pet monkey. Okay, I don't know that that means exactly, but it sounds kind of sexy. And I'm sure Cooper isn't really talking about real monkeys or bowling. He's talking about some dirty sex shit.
And it's a good thing Hef's spermies have retired, because if he had another son, he'd name it Mr. Belvedere or some shit. With Marston and Cooper, he's already proven that he likes to give his kids butler names.
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Shit, these two don't look aaaanything like their parents or each other or their half sister. Me thinks Hef was too old...two words...artifical insemination.
Someone needs to feed that kid on the right a steak.
What a couple of ugly motherfuckers.
They LOOK like monkeys. Is that what they were talking about?
Nothing about these two looks like either of the parents. Let's face it, even 18 years ago, Hef was still old and scary looking. I think the baby momma had a boy friend and Hef should get a dna test.
I read that shit this weekend when my husbands issue came.
All I have to say, is thank GOD Hef's daughter is the one running the company.
These two window lickers probably can't even find their way out of a wet paper bag.
Thank god they are rich, because there is no way they would be having "multiple girlfriends" if they would be a Joe the Plumber.
I call douche (times two).
showing some pic love by catherin from =======SUGARBABbymeEt.com=========
But I in no way agree with that, i'm biblical when it comes to that. But I have to pretend to be kinda open minded lol It's better than a cheater though, an unhonest cheater.
You gotta admit that hef is the nicest polygamist around.
Believe it or not they sound civilized to me to have lived the life they do. On the other hand, Hef treats his women with respect except for the fact he has several. Which in my opinion is wrong, unless both agree, but I also believe the women should have several men then. It makes it sexist what hef does. But, regardless, at least he doesn't act like rappers pretend to be. LIke ho this and ho that. he is really sweet to his women and I used to hate him until I realized at least he was kind to them. So I give him that.
They look like Michael Phelps long lost brothers!
Butta!
Are they really big?
Live NYC shows on RealityBedroom
www.realitybedroom.com
I'll bet these 2 have HUGE dicks. It's always the lanky guys.
Submitted by Cuntylicious LeScrew on Mon, 12/15/2008 - 2:35am.
Anything can go to an extreme... and at this point, i think that the extreme that it has gone too is off the charts nasty.
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Cunty, I wholeheartedly agree. I personally feel that we [the world] have become so numbed and dumbed down by skankitude that it's just not shocking any more. Hell, people get MORE popular now when their *cough* 'private' *cough* 'sex tapes' show up. Yeah, these douchebags get reality shows! The reward system is fucking backwards... Nudity can be beautiful when it is reserved for the privacy of two people in love...when nudity becomes a COMMODITY it is no longer beautiful...it becomes a SELLOUT...a shameful embarrassment, a bravado of shamelessness to the umpteenth degree...
Can you imagine one of our grandchildren whacking off to an old nude photo of one of us? Gross.
I'm not a prude [obviously] but I have to draw the line SOMEWHERE and some folks have NO line at all!
Rant Off/
Submitted by . on Mon, 12/15/2008 - 2:12am.
Cartoon Boobies,
Anything can go to an extreme... and at this point, i think that the extreme that it has gone too is off the charts nasty.
Submitted by Cuntylicious LeScrew on Mon, 12/15/2008 - 2:18am.
Here's how I look at it:
Men pay for sex
Men pay to look at simulated sex
Men pay to look at naked women they could NEVER get IRL
Men are st00pid. Not ALL but MOST.
There wouldn't be a 'sex industry' if it weren't for stupid MEN. Yes, there are the fringe 'women' out there but the majority of sexy-times-for-pay are MEN.
The male species is threatened now. Female hormones are causing a disproportionate amount of feminization in male human babies. Male babies are now being born with smaller, more feminized genitals. Times be a changing. lol
yeah, hefner was really a pioneer because now its like you are only two clicks away on the internets from seeing some chick taking it from all sides from five dudes giving it to each other all at once.
is that progress?
maybe it is kinda interesting that women who tried to play the same kind of game as Hugh Heffner were sent to jail for being Madames...prostitution ringleaders. As if that is any different from what this pee paw pimp does. I know I know, playboy magazine has really enlightening inspirational articles written by statesmen and stuff or something...yeah right whatever with a capital W.
Submitted by Cuntylicious LeScrew on Mon, 12/15/2008 - 2:08am.
Cunty, the fuckery that is the "Hefner Legacy" is one step away from child-touchery. This glorified pimp, crotchety old muthafucka being 'made' by the greenbacks of MEN just about sums up how I feel about 99.9% of American MALES. Disgusting. Pathetic. MINDLESS.
What is sad is when your grandfather is a dirty old pee paw who now has his filthy hands on a set of twin girls who are almost the same age as his grandsons. If that old fart wasn't living in a big mansion...there would be no way in hell...but that's stating the obvious.
Btw, with Hugh Hefner being in what his 80s now, his daughter by his first marriage who is in the business could easily be in her late 50's or 60s. that would make sense in their warped reality because his daughter was easily twice the age of the mother of these boys.
Submitted by Bondagebarbie on Mon, 12/15/2008 - 1:38am.
"Those boys are seriously ugly and being related to Hef is lucky for them because they would have a serious problem getting laid if they were not rich.They have super long arms too,freaks!"
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LMAO! I seriously spewed on my monitor when I read that. hahahaha
Fucking AWESOME!
ROTFL!
Those boys are seriously ugly and being related to Hef is lucky for them because they would have a serious problem getting laid if they were not rich.They have super long arms too,freaks!
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
http://www.myspace.com/384080529
Two poster boyz for abortion.
Yeah.
I went there.
OK.. sorry, Cooper is more fug, both still HIDEOUS!!
Marston is a fucking beast!! Cooper is right there behind him but he looks more human.
Hef is not a bad looking guy. Here is the bummer, their mother must have had a shit load of plastic surgery. That is why you can't trust those bunny whores..
Again, these boys are straight up fug!
They could refuse to take over something that 'exploits women', blahblahblah...
If it were me, I would not say no either though, because as far as I'm concerned, these women put themselves at the mercy of exploitation with their own consent anyway, so f*ck it.
We'll see what happens with these two. Wonder how long now until Hugh meets his maker.
Also, when is their older sister planning on retiring? She's perhaps in her 40's now? I am guessing these two will not take the helmet for at least a decade now or that the transition will be slow?
Submitted by Sibsi on Mon, 12/15/2008 - 12:04am.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Sun, 12/14/2008 - 11:56pm.
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Didn't sound bitchy at all to me, but I <3 you, so what do I know?
You're so right about these two being considered gorgeous if their father were someone who's admired.
To me, they just look a bit old in the toof and they're so young for that, yaknow?
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No, I mean, fire away at their looks, I don't care, but I don't think these kids are either ugly or attractive...ok, they's leanin' a lil' fug here, but I think a lot of people HATE Hef because they blame him for pornography when he didn't invent it. If anything he made it CIVILIZED. Marilyn Monroe, Betty Paige ring a bell?
But don't take anything out on the kids. I don't think his daughter was anything other than a saavy business woman. She took over the helm of a very profitable empire. Good for her. So, his sons do the same thing. Why not? Look, if my family owned an empire and said "here Tigerlilly, take over". Am I gonna say, "Yeah, no, I'd rather work at The Gap?" I mean, no.....
I dunno let the lil' bastids' behavior in the future speak for itself. For now, I'm neutral.
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Sun, 12/14/2008 - 11:56pm.
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Didn't sound bitchy at all to me, but I <3 you, so what do I know?
You're so right about these two being considered gorgeous if their father were someone who's admired.
To me, they just look a bit old in the toof and they're so young for that, yaknow?
Oh and I didn't mean for my previous post to sound as bitchy as it did. Sorry Hwores...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by Tubereuse on Sun, 12/14/2008 - 10:51pm.
(I get a Mulligan on this post--'splain later...) I meant that even if Hef doesn't have a prenup, Cali family law would give Kimbo 1/2 of whatever they got during the 10-year marriage. I don't watch no Housewives so I can't comment on that. *thunk*
Submitted by Sibsi on Sun, 12/14/2008 - 11:37pm.
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No, I hear you...I don't know that they are NOT douchebags, nor do I know that they won't BECOME douchebags, I just think it's SO unfair that just because peeps don't like Hugh Hefner, and for no other reason, they slam his sons. Yeah, Ok, these kids aren't the best looking kids I've ever seen, but I think if they were the children of someone far less controversial, people wouldn't be so critical of their looks. In fact, I will bet a million dollars if these lil' bastids were the sons of Paul Newman, they would be automatically GORGEOUS, even though they are clearly not.
Let these lil' fucks prove themselves worthy of scorn OR praise before either is bestowed upon them is all I'm sayin. So far, we don't have enough to go on, and frankly, this interview as staged and fake as it may be, is a point in their favor.
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Sun, 12/14/2008 - 11:33pm.
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Oh, they definitely do not sound like douchebags from reading that interview.
I did not really mean to make such a connection between growing up there and being an asshole automatically.
Just that someone several posts ago mentioned Hugh being into gay porn and I've read several accounts of that being true, fo' sure.
Submitted by Sibsi on Sun, 12/14/2008 - 11:14pm
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What goes on there is a lot of sex and drugs...I mean, it's nothing new.
I just don't think these kids are necessarily "screwed up" or whatever just because of who their father was. I'm not saying they aren't, but they didn't ask to be born into this, and there are people that came from a FAR MORE fucked up background than these two kids did that came out to be good peeps, so...I'll reserve judgment on these little bastids for now....Just cuz they saw tits sooner than most kids did doesn't make them monsters. One of them even said he's not a fan of fake tits...That should make you all happy, no?
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
those be some homely mu'erfuckers
Hef used to be okay looking like 50 years ago. Those 2 monkeys are fugly X 100! What kind of shit clothes are those? I wouldn't wear them for a $1,000,000.
Ok, I found this article:
http://www.citypages.com/2005-04-13/books/blows-against-the-empire
It features the woman who wrote an e-book about what really goes down there.
I'm not inclined to go find the book, but I recommend that those interested search it!
Make sure you've eaten before reading that sh*t though.
jajaj yes they looks like shaggy!!!
Submitted by Sheeps on Sun, 12/14/2008 - 9:07pm.
I'll bet one gazillion dollars some art director had them dress in silk PJs. So we should be careful reading too much into their douchey attire.
You're probably right but Marston's waist is a little high. I don't know what that means but it don't look right, not at all.
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Submitted by Sheeps on Sun, 12/14/2008 - 4:24pm.
Submitted by Tubereuse on Sun, 12/14/2008 - 4:09pm.
The money they'll inherit is hot-looking.
hahahahaha. True. I saw that their parents separated after 10 years, but aren't divorced. Hef strikes me as the kind of guy to have a prenup. Even if not, Kimberley just gets half of what they both earned or acquired from 1989-99. If she doesn't piss it away, the kids split that--maybe.
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Thanks :). The parents aren't divorced? Gag! Anyway, I agree, Hefner would have a prenup; but even with one, Kimberley gets half of what he's earned and acquired since their marriage? Wow. And she's earned every bit of it, too, from putting up with him (and worse). I wouldn't hit it. He's awful and so his is magazine. I only hope he's "Big Poppa" from Real Housewives of Atlanta. That would be fitting.
these are some "special" looking young men...
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he doesn't know anything, he didn't do anything, and he doesn't give a shit...
Submitted by Sibsi on Sun, 12/14/2008 - 10:27pm.
Izabella St. James....
She wrote a book and said there was no gay porn (no dude on dude) during sexy times while she was there. Lesbonic shit went down, though... Her book is called "Bunny Tales". Sexay times with Hef was pretty gross, though according to what she wrote, lots of baby oil, skanks and NO CONDOMNS...NAST! She said to this day the smell of baby oil makes her gag...hehehehe!
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
/pant/pant/pant~
Anyone hear about this before? Or am I imagining things?
I am about to venture into the Twop thread where I once found it. Wish me luck, 'cause that sh*t should be a thousand pages long by now~
Submitted by aquarius on Sun, 12/14/2008 - 9:14pm.
I wouldn't be surprised if one of them is gay, either... didn't one of the former bunnies say that Hef only watched gay porn while they had their weekly orgies? Are gay parents more likely to spawn gay children than straight parents? I honestly have no idea.
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I don't have the inclination - yet, after all I just woke up - to go look for this, but I was once directed to a link on the TWOP forums' thread about The Girls Next Door which had an account of what the Playboy lifestyle is all about.
It was written by this bitter failed Hef Girlfriend I believe. I really wish I remembered her name now, b/c the thing would be a treat around here I am sure.
She basically tells you what an 'orgy' with Hef entails. Yes, tons of Viagra, Gay Porn and wannabe girlfriends taking a turn riding him, or something along those lines.
They have a lot of monkeys at the playboy mansion. They used to have a chimp tied to a metal stake on the lawn. This was in the 80's. They still have the little monkeys in a cage. All they do is masturbate all day, kid you not. I'm sure that's why Hef has them.
If you went to the mansion every day, you would be bored. Game room, grotto, tennis court, pool, tv room. It's only good for parties.
Submitted by roxie on Sun, 12/14/2008 - 9:12pm.
There has never been a Playgirl mansion with a female equivalent of Hef. The thought of an 80 something year old woman doing what he does is interesting.
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Ursala Andress isn't dead yet is she?
There's still hope.
+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+
Ok, ok, ok, she's here. Eddy, great news!
-She's dead?
No. She's blind!
Submitted by aquarius on Sun, 12/14/2008 - 9:14pm.
I wouldn't be surprised if one of them is gay, either... didn't one of the former bunnies say that Hef only watched gay porn while they had their weekly orgies? Are gay parents more likely to spawn gay children than straight parents? I honestly have no idea.
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Dunno, but I read the "tell-all" by one of his exes (back when she was one of eight), and she discounted that rumor, saying there was just regular porn playing, no gay porn, but playmates would be having fauxmosexual sex with each other while he was being serviced by whatever ho was on duty or some such.
Then again, there was a juicy blind item allegedly about Hef that he's into "boys and toys"...I can't really see it, but who knows?
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Sun, 12/14/2008 - 9:29pm.
Change is good, non? (I am a taddy bit pished. Maybe I should hold on for any avie changes.)
MK sums it up accurately when he tags this post as "Playboy Crap."
My sentiments exactly.
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Bloomberg says that in Arab culture, throwing shoes is a sign of disrespect. Before being taken away, the shoe thrower shouted, “This is a farewell kiss, dog.” --Michael K