BABIES! BABIES! BABIES!
It feels like every time I blink, a human baby enters the world to eat my food, drink my water and breathe my oxygen. I was curious about this and so I Googled it, dumb fuck. Apparently, a baby is born every half second. That means like 100 babies popped out of vaginas while I was writing those three sentences. I shouldn't have researched that shit, because now I'm hyperventilating at the thought of gazillions of BABIES crawling the streets, looting the grocery stores for mushed-up carrots and attacking chichis for titty milk. This is the future.
Anyway, Naomi Watts has given birth to the newest member of the child army. Her spokesbitch told E! News that Naomi shot out a baby boy yesterday. This is her second son with Liev Schreiber. Their first kid, Alexander Pete, is a little over a year old.
We don't know the name of their newest kid, but I'm assuming it will be something pretty normal since Liev and Naomi don't strike me as attention whores who will give their kid an effed up name so they can be "oh-so-different" and shit. I know, what kind of celebrities are they?!
Personally, I think the should name him Jet Girl in honor of Naomi Watts' role in her greatest movie of all time: Tank Girl.
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Submitted by Charles Manson on Sun, 12/14/2008 - 10:36pm.
I DONT GIVE A GODDAMN FUCKING SHIT ABOUT BAC LEVELS. FUCKING RETARD BASTARDS. I DONT DRIVE UNLESS MY MOTHERFUCKING BAC IS ZERO AND TAKE NONE OF THOSE FUCKING STUPID AS FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING SHIT DRUGS
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you know what, Charlie? this stuff you just posted is awesome, cause we know you love Smirnoff, but you care more about your life and other's lives. This post and the one from Black Friday are the shit.
You're a really, really cool guy with a heart of gold. Rock on, Charlie!
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I'm in no hurry, you go run and tell your friends i'm losing touch...
Submitted by TITS on Sun, 12/14/2008 - 10:14pm.
Baby names: TV was here last night and a few names came up.
Kilo.
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“This is a farewell kiss, dog.” --ill-mannered Arab shoe thrower
Is it just me or does Ms. Boringcoldoatmeal look happy as a clam, yammering away..."Oh and Liev, we'll need to go to Petit Tresors for the final touches on the new nursery...oh, I'm so excited, they've set some things aside for us...some things even Jennifer Lopez doesn't have..."
While Mr. Boringcoldoatmeal is thinking "How the fuck did this happen to me? I'm pushing a baby stroller for chrissakes when I should be out banging strippers coked up out of my mind! Will this pregnant cow shut her pie hole about Petit Tresors for one fucking nanosecond, so I can formulate and escape plan????"
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by Hekki on Sun, 12/14/2008 - 10:42pm.
Feeling a little defensive about your crotch fruit?
To all the people who say that people having two children are overpopulating the earth, I say fooey. I have a hard time believing that my two (almost three) kids are ruining the earth more than the greedy oil industry and the lazy fuck auto industry and so on. Number one: The need to reproduce is ingrained in every living thing. Number two: Mother Nature has a way of balancing things out. For every baby being born, someone is dying. We're always hearing about thousands killed in natural disasters and there are plenty of epidemics and wars and genocides. There seems to be plenty of infertility in all the women I know, too. So which is it? Are there too many people alive or too many dying?
Blah blah blah. No one is going to make me feel bad about bringing three more humans into this world who will be loved and cherished and taught to contribute to their planet. Shake your finger at someone else.
a perfectly boring couple...and i still haven't decided if liev is hot or not...
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he doesn't know anything, he didn't do anything, and he doesn't give a shit...
I DONT GIVE A GODDAMN FUCKING SHIT ABOUT BAC LEVELS. FUCKING RETARD BASTARDS. I DONT DRIVE UNLESS MY MOTHERFUCKING BAC IS ZERO AND TAKE NONE OF THOSE FUCKING STUPID AS FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING SHIT DRUGS. WANT TO PULL ME OVER. FUCK YOU. YOU SORRY ASS FUCKING POWER TRIPPING FUCKING GUN TOITING FUCKING GODDAMN ASSHOLES.
Oh Sandy! from here to maternity? good grief the title alone is nauseating.
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Ok, ok, ok, she's here. Eddy, great news!
-She's dead?
No. She's blind!
Baby names: TV was here last night and a few names came up.
Mega.
Giga.
oops my brain just failed me. There were more that were funnier...
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Ok, ok, ok, she's here. Eddy, great news!
-She's dead?
No. She's blind!
Personally, I think the should name him Jet Girl in honor of Naomi Watts' role in her greatest movie of all time: Tank Girl.
Posted by: Michael K
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Just for you, MK: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQlsfsypBi8
She was in the ring.....she should be wary of letting her kids around unmarked video tapes....
On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me, a blowjob that wasnt worth a f*ck!
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Sun, 12/14/2008 - 8:59pm.
Who is this whore, other than Nicole Kidman's pal? Ugh.
==I say the same thing about Nicole's sister Antonia. Thank your lucky stars you don't get Antonia Kidman's (I kept my maiden name because my sister got famous) shit reality show "From Here To Maternity". Srsly, instant nausea ++++.
MK, please abandon your habit of leving us with posts about cold oatmeal. I mean, watching paint dry is really more useful than reading anything about Naomi Watts, because I can prove paint exists. Who is this whore, other than Nicole Kidman's pal? Ugh.
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
For the person seeing the new pain doctor. Just be up from about EVERYTHING you injest. Don't lie on the intake form. My drug screen included checking for Tylenol and Benadryl, and a whole host of other stuff that isn't consider "illegal". I personally wouldn't worry about one glass of wine or a beer.
Payday came and with it beer.
~~Rudyard Kipling~~
@Balenciaga:
How long does alcohol stay in your system?
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It depends on your body mass. Generally speaking one beer will detect on a breathalizer 2-4 hours later. With a blood test, up to 12 hours. With a mixed drink you can tack on a couple of hours to the above figures. Alcohol is only elimiated from your body as fast as your liver with metabolize it, and the only exit for alcohol is through your urine, breath and sweat.
I can't quit you babe, so I guess I got to put you down for a while--Led Zeppelin
Submitted by Mr. President on Sun, 12/14/2008 - 8:21pm.
I hate that inbred hillbilly for letting his young daughter date a 21 year old man. What a fucker!
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http://hesterprinesworld.blogspot.com/
A place for book lovers and free thinkers.
Submitted by putsomestankonit on Sun, 12/14/2008 - 8:17pm.
No children are not the answer to your faltering careers
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I guess Billy Ray Cyrus didn't get the memo.
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
Children are not marketing tools
They will not save your faltering career
Children will not make you more likable Ms. Kidman
and Mr. Cruise
Children will not be left in the corner to be raised by themselves or by a nanny
They should be be left to their own devices as teenagers
Then turned into jaded coked up criminals by the age of seventeen
No children are not the answer to your faltering careers
No children are not the answer to your faltering careers
(I'll give anyone a big old Right on and Can you Dig it! If they can tell me what spoken word poem inspired this little poem. And Google doesn't count.)
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http://hesterprinesworld.blogspot.com/
A place for book lovers and free thinkers.
Haha! Funny that.
♥ ThreadKilla!
Wow. Are you guys all on the same team?!
I Know Your Girlfriend Hates Me
Funny I was just thinking of Naomi Watts when I clicked onto the site *^*^^*^*SUGAR b aBYMEEt .c om^*^*^
stop blinkin mother flocker!!!
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Bowie and Bing
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGelQhYY85c
Submitted by Sibsi on Sun, 12/14/2008 - 6:50pm.
Papa Liev has a new X-Men movie coming out soon where he plays Sabertooth.
Coincidence????? Methinks not!
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My avatar is my 27-pound Maine Coon furkid named Mozart. Lying next to him is a standard-sized cat.
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Daddy looks the epitome of nonplussed.
Mommy looks thrilled with her java hand-warmers.
The "Caution" sign is the hot slut! "Caution...water may break! Caution, my career is in the tank! Caution...7 centimeters!"
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Sun, 12/14/2008 - 7:04pm.
*hic*
Hard to tear myself away from the scintillating Balt-Pitts game: 9-3, 4th Q. I've seen higher scoring in soccer.
Submitted by . on Sun, 12/14/2008 - 6:33pm.
I stopped after one crotch fruit.
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Mr. Momus and I decided to never bear crotch fruit.
Instead, we are owned by the furkids.
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My avatar is my 27-pound Maine Coon furkid named Mozart. Lying next to him is a standard-sized cat.
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Submitted by Sheeps on Sun, 12/14/2008 - 6:57pm.
What all that mumbo-jumbo comes down is this: the rate that alcohol leaves your system depends on your height, your weight, your bmi, the amount of alcohol, the concentation of alchol, and food consumption.
In other words, its a crap shoot and you get over it when you get over it.
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My avatar is my 27-pound Maine Coon furkid named Mozart. Lying next to him is a standard-sized cat.
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I didn't even know she was pregnant again..
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Sun, 12/14/2008 - 5:53pm.
the consumption from sober of one standard drink of alcohol (e.g. 14 grams (17.74 ml) ethanol content by U.S. standard) will increase the average person's BAC roughly 0.02% to 0.05% and would return to 0% about 1.5 to 3 hours later (at a dissipation rate of around 0.015% per hour).
I can't relate to all those numbers and long words. How many bottles are we talking about?
I'm back from my jogging, 'cause I am cool and sh*t, beeshes~
I'm scared of overpopulation. Self proclaimed Malthusians usually are! So obviously I am concerned that the cult of motherhood in back in full force for the last couple of years.
To make a quick buck, 'actresses' and other women in the public eye get pregnant these days. There are exceptions, but the majority do get pregnant for pr, for cleaning up their image and even for selling a film.
Hell, the men are in it too. I'm sure it's no coincidence that Tommy was becoming a father when that Mission 19329393 film was released.
So yeah, that's why you turn around the corner and see a hillbilly pregnant with her 10th child and collecting welfare.
F*ck! Is this any different than the average celebrity, who also happens to be showing off her baby bump on a red carpet, and promoting a film/project from which she collected a huge paychek?
Sorry about being all ranty, homies. I don't even think Naomi had children for this reason, but her bff on the other hand...
Submitted by . on Sun, 12/14/2008 - 6:33pm.
I stopped after one crotch fruit.
@ Dot--those are words to live by, Sweet Thang!
;-)
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Bloomberg says that in Arab culture, throwing shoes is a sign of disrespect. Before being taken away, the shoe thrower shouted, “This is a farewell kiss, dog.” --Michael K
@ BB and Sandbitch--
Hiya Sexay Ones! No, I keep my ass covered--literally and figuratively--when I party.
Some little sweet memaw looking thing stood over me at a buffet she had prepared and insisted I try her homemade Oysters Rockefeller. I did try, and that mess was delicious! Turns out later she said she had laced it with the absinthe. ??? Who does that?? And her homemade eggnog was 1000 proof.
This is def not the month to join AA, although I'm thinking hard about it.
xo
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Bloomberg says that in Arab culture, throwing shoes is a sign of disrespect. Before being taken away, the shoe thrower shouted, “This is a farewell kiss, dog.” --Michael K
Funny I was just thinking of Naomi Watts when I clicked onto the site.
I stopped after one crotch fruit.
Thank gwad.
People who breed just to breed have issues.
I stopped after one crotch fruit.
Thank gwad.
People who breed just to breed have issues.
Birds do it...
Bees do it...
Even educated fleas do it...
Let's do it! Let's fall in love!
Oh how I loved Tank Girl. The kangaroo guys kinda turned me on.
Red socks, Green vest, Christmas.
I use to dress my babies in xmas colors too.
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"I'm pretty sure I asked you to pick up some Pecan Sandies."
Submitted by Balenciaga Bitch on Sun, 12/14/2008 - 4:42pm.
Hey whores!
Totally off topic but I need advice and quick...
How long does alcohol stay in your system?
I got poisoned by some absinthe on Friday night
and had to sleep it off. It was imported into the US and it wore me out.
===Did you wake up with a sore arse? Maybe someone spiked your drink.
Submitted by jiggywiddit on Sun, 12/14/2008 - 5:51pm.
Submitted by Sandbitch on Sun, 12/14/2008 - 5:12pm.
Hey Sandy--If you're still hanging around--I have missed you.
You Aussies must be in a way diff time zone, cause I never can catch up with you.
Hope you's okay down there.
xo
===Hey Jiggaaay maaaaate! I've been reading but bin too busy to comment this last coupla weeks. Srsly, I have about 100 unfinished projects to finish in the "dirt" world, i.e. I'm in the middle of tiling mah bathroom. Priorities rule!
BB:
According to Wiki:
The number of drinks consumed is a poor measure of BAC, largely because of variations in weight, sex, and body fat. However, it is generally accepted that the consumption from sober of one standard drink of alcohol (e.g. 14 grams (17.74 ml) ethanol content by U.S. standard) will increase the average person's BAC roughly 0.02% to 0.05% and would return to 0% about 1.5 to 3 hours later (at a dissipation rate of around 0.015% per hour).
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My avatar is my 27-pound Maine Coon furkid named Mozart. Lying next to him is a standard-sized cat.
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Submitted by Sandbitch on Sun, 12/14/2008 - 5:12pm.
Hey Sandy--If you're still hanging around--I have missed you.
You Aussies must be in a way diff time zone, cause I never can catch up with you.
Hope you's okay down there.
xo
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I miss the days when perverts were simple and an inflatable woman was enough.--Diego
Submitted by Balenciaga Bitch on Sun, 12/14/2008 - 4:42pm.
Hey whores!
Totally off topic but I need advice and quick...
How long does alcohol stay in your system?
I got poisoned by some absinthe on Friday night
and had to sleep it off. It was imported into the US and it wore me out.
Just say no.
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I miss the days when perverts were simple and an inflatable woman was enough.--Diego
Submitted by crazyinjapan on Sun, 12/14/2008 - 5:05pm.
@Balenciaga:
How long does alcohol stay in your system?
About one hour per drink, and one drink is a can of beer, a small glass of wine, or a shot of hard liquor, NOT a water goblet of Absolut, which is my usual one drink.
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Ha ha ha!
I prefer my Box O' Wine, with a straw.
Submitted by boomsy on Sun, 12/14/2008 - 4:44pm.
So the pregnant smoker wants you to believe that she has her doctors OK to smoke while pregnant?
She be lie telling bitch. She sounds too damn selfish to be having a baby. I wouldn't want to be her child if she won't even give up smoking for 9 months. And I smoke. Nicotine is highly addictive and the baby is sharing her blood supply. Thanks mommy dearest.
Night Pearl :)
xo
Putsomestankonit, I want to move away to somewhere like that right now...perhaps Figi?
We can get a satelite dish so you can watch Colbert ;)
Oh, and how is little "Watts his name?"
Tank Girl was a great movie.
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@Balenciaga:
How long does alcohol stay in your system?
About one hour per drink, and one drink is a can of beer, a small glass of wine, or a shot of hard liquor, NOT a water goblet of Absolut, which is my usual one drink.
Submitted by angry mom on Sun, 12/14/2008 - 4:55pm.
I have a dream of a planet that is green, wild and lush.
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http://hesterprinesworld.blogspot.com/
A place for book lovers and free thinkers.
I think they should name the baby Hell's Kitchen Simba, whether it's a boy or a girl.
OMG, Angrymom, why'd I catch your post?! A friend lent me a book by that reincarnationist doctor Brian Weiss who claims he did "future" regressions and that the population has gone down drastically due to overpopulation-triggered crises, oy, he may be right, and thanks for the link; I'm afraid they're right.
ETA: so I guess if he's right, humanity survives, but in much more "manageable" numbers. Oh well, later and good night <3
Submitted by angel_i on Sun, 12/14/2008 - 4:53pm
Now that you mention it, I do find it a bit ironic since she said she wanted her tubes tied after her last baby and her dr told her she was too young and here she is pregnant again...hmm...
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Love me or hate me
It's still an obsession
Love me or hate me
That is the question
And if you love me then 'thank you'
And if you hate me then 'f--- you'