Smell Yo Dick Gone Wrong
The next time you decide to smell yo man's dick, because you think he's fucking around on you, come prepared with a helmet on your head and a taser gun in your hand. Smelling yo man's dick could be dangerous.
A chick in Port St. Lucie, FL suspected her husband of getting it on with another lady, so naturally, she asked to smell his dick area for strange pussy juice odors. The 37-year-old woman followed her husband to the bathroom and told him to whip his dick out "so that she can smell it."
Her 25-year-old husband was not amused, because when she went down to get a whiff, he punched her in the mouth and kicked at her body. After the bastard beat at her, he left the house. Police are currently searching his ass.
Um. I haven't personally smelled this asshole's dick, but I can guarantee you that he's cheating on her! If you ask to smell dick and he fists you in the mouth, he's guilty and no further tests are required.
And if the police really want to find this dumb bitch, they should just send out a few trained sniffer dogs to search for dried up snatch jelly and crusty jizz.
P.S. - If you want a less dangerous way of finding out if your man is effing up on you, just smell his dirty panties when he's in the shower. If they smell like DIAL (the trusted soap of most mistresses) or random genital juices, then you know the truth!
Source: TCPalm
(Thanks Melissa)
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Mrs. G
Im glad im not the only one with the problem!
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Rivers says Merry Christmas! And I say Merry Xmas! HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wqgN0T6f1kg
Bwahahaha you ladies give the perfect advice!
OK, Mrs. K I'll try that.
KD, hahahahahahahaha maybe my jaw's just rusty.
HappyHour, I guess practice makes perfect. True that...damn, why am I dreading to start practicing?
Clarisse: hahaha I am SURE the doc would get my attention. Ewww! LMAO
iHeart...hhaa how is ya! LOL
I don't make him do it to me...so we're even, right?
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Rivers says Merry Christmas! And I say Merry Xmas! HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wqgN0T6f1kg
Miss Priss... it obviously takes too long. You need to learn some tricks so the skeet skeets happen after a minute and a half.
other wise....the girl singing the hook is Sexy as all Hell....dammmmmmmmmmmmn
you rang?
Miss Priss,
Maybe you have TMJ or the jaw hinge is off.
Go to your doctor and say "Doc, when I give oral sex, my jaw locks." He will give you his full attention!
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I think god had 7 kids. Aesus, Besus, Cesus, Desus, Eesus, Fesus and Jesus.
Miss Priss- Get out the WD-40 and oil that thing up! Your jaw, too!
Submitted by Miss Priss on Thu, 12/18/2008 - 5:15pm.
you guys...im bad. I can't give BJ because my jaw starts to hurt after like half a minute and then it locks which means I can't chew gum the next day or even eat! Is there some kinda jaw sexercise I can do?
Sincerely,
Mah jaw hurts when i suck it.
HAHAHAHA that used to happen to me the only way It stopped was by doing it more lol practice makes perfect ...just do those mouth exercises singers/actors do lol
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Happy Holidays
Oh shit I just caught that part--
"Sincerely,
Mah jaw hurts when i suck it."
*falls off chair laffin*
(¯`'•.¸(¯`'•.¸♥¸.•'´¯)¸.•'´¯)
2007~It was a truly magical time in Shitneyland.
"jim is our Dollar Store version of commingback." -christine the hoff 12/04/2008
Sounds like an awesome excuse MissP!!! I gotta try that one LMAO Seriously though, maybe try taking some motrin a while before the deed & stick a heating pad on your jaw.
(¯`'•.¸(¯`'•.¸♥¸.•'´¯)¸.•'´¯)
2007~It was a truly magical time in Shitneyland.
"jim is our Dollar Store version of commingback." -christine the hoff 12/04/2008
Carrottop!
I don't know if that would work, but it would be funny as hell to watch!!!
Deb,
Really? I like my men like I like my coffee too. Covered in beeeeeeeeeeeeees!
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I think god had 7 kids. Aesus, Besus, Cesus, Desus, Eesus, Fesus and Jesus.
snowpiece, I plan on needing a vajajay plasty by New Years Eve!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by Miss Priss on Thu, 12/18/2008 - 5:15pm.
you guys...im bad. I can't give BJ because my jaw starts to hurt after like half a minute and then it locks which means I can't chew gum the next day or even eat! Is there some kinda jaw sexercise I can do?
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Be grateful that you have an easy out of not giving bjs. Kiiidddiiiinnnggg.
What if you did mouth opening exercises? Like, open it as wide as you can in sets, sort of like pushups. I don't know if that would actually work, but it might.
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Own it like a strap-on.
you guys...im bad. I can't give BJ because my jaw starts to hurt after like half a minute and then it locks which means I can't chew gum the next day or even eat! Is there some kinda jaw sexercise I can do?
Sincerely,
Mah jaw hurts when i suck it.
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Rivers says Merry Christmas! And I say Merry Xmas! HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wqgN0T6f1kg
Submitted by Clarisse on Thu, 12/18/2008 - 4:48pm.
LOL! Because I like my men hot and dark and with a spoon in them!
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Submitted by Clarisse on Thu, 12/18/2008 - 4:47pm.
You just can't argue with that kind of logic. And all you age bitches, my boy wins. He's 15 years older than me.
"I love my tail in these jeans!"
If you guys want something to entertain you for hours, go to elfyourself.jibjab.com.
I almost shit my legs off. You can put heads of people you know on little elf bodies who do jigs. Ho. Lee. Shit.
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Own it like a strap-on.
Submitted by KD on Thu, 12/18/2008 - 4:58pm.
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Dang! If my man ever tries that shit, be sure he will get bitten in his meat stick by this angry bitch!!! So far, he just pulls his pants down, he looks at me and then he looks at it to see if I take the hint. LOL. Now that I think of it, I dunno which is worse! :(
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Let me dirty up your mind.
Resist the Pesci!
with all this talk of bj's I gotta get outta here before someone gets hurt!
everyone have a great night and ME, don't wear that chocha out this holiday season, you need it for 2009!
****************************1/20/09
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
Ah yes the Pesci, so named the Pesci after all the times he grabs Sharon Stone in "Casino". No man has ever Pescied me nor will they ever! If one were to ever attempt to they will get punched in the crotch.
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http://hesterprinesworld.blogspot.com/
A place for book lovers and free thinkers.
Submitted by snowpiece on Thu, 12/18/2008 - 5:00pm.
he's gonna make copies, trust!
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Haha, so true, but maybe you don't know men. As soon as he's done readin' it, it will be right back in your hand and his pants will be down.
Seriously, the funniest thing I've heard today. I mean what did she expect? She's in a relationship where she has to even ask to do that...what the hell did she expect?
http://www.mattieologie.com
Submitted by chefcammi on Thu, 12/18/2008 - 4:43pm.
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Yo Chefcammi! I've bombed yer ass like 4 times today! If you win, I want my pound of flesh k? thnx...
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Let me dirty up your mind.
"This Certificate Entitles the Bearer to One (1) Blow Job"
he's gonna make copies, trust!
****************************1/20/09
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
Submitted by snowpiece on Thu, 12/18/2008 - 4:51pm.
LCT: not yet....we all have BJ breath!!!!!
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SHIT! I missed willy swishing? Is there anyone left to suck off?
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Own it like a strap-on.
Submitted by KD on Thu, 12/18/2008 - 4:58pm.
Submitted by Lory on Thu, 12/18/2008 - 4:44pm.
And yeah, what is the dreaded head pull?
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Well, it is kind of a pull and a push. He grabs you innocently in the nape of your neck and you think maybe he's goin' in for a smooch, but he pulls you then shoves your face into his lap, against your will.
Ah ha!! I am familiar with that. Do they teach them this at man school?
"If I wasnt terrified of jail I wouldve pushed her ass down on the ground and cut her long, flowing Starbucks-then-treadmill ponytail right off her damn head!"--chefcammi
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RIMADYL KILLS
I don't know if I want to work it out, but I'm gonna "go down" fighting!!!!
Do men or gayelles have to smell the snatch? Because I don't know how one gets past the smell of the ocean.
"If I wasnt terrified of jail I wouldve pushed her ass down on the ground and cut her long, flowing Starbucks-then-treadmill ponytail right off her damn head!"--chefcammi
<3-------------------------------<3
RIMADYL KILLS
Submitted by Lory on Thu, 12/18/2008 - 4:44pm.
And yeah, what is the dreaded head pull?
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Well, it is kind of a pull and a push. He grabs you innocently in the nape of your neck and you think maybe he's goin' in for a smooch, but he pulls you then shoves your face into his lap, against your will.
BJ gift card!!! Brilliant!!
Submitted by Stoney on Thu, 12/18/2008 - 4:44pm.
I'm sorry to hear that Stoney, I hope you two can work it out.
Remember ladies, to give a great blow job don't forget to tickle the balls and massage the balls!
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http://hesterprinesworld.blogspot.com/
A place for book lovers and free thinkers.
Dam you guys suck..I am stuck at work till 5 and then school till ten....that means that I aint getting any anytime soon!
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Happy Holidays
Ooo, I have an idea! You can make a cute little BJ gift certificate, give it to him and tell him it's only valid today.
Great, another sex thread.
I'm going to end up wearing my cooter out.
I've had more sex in the last week than usual.
*makes note buy more AA batteries at store*
I'm sure my husband gonna tell me no tonight.
Snowballs!!! LCT is first!!! Commere you!!
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I think god had 7 kids. Aesus, Besus, Cesus, Desus, Eesus, Fesus and Jesus.
LCT: not yet....we all have BJ breath!!!!!****************************1/20/09
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
OMG
I was just telling my boss about this song!
Submitted by snowpiece on Thu, 12/18/2008 - 4:13pm.
if my bf is 4 years younger than I am does that make me a fucking cougar? LOL I think it makes me a the freaking BOMB!, ;P
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Oh YEAH?? Well I'm 7 years older, so I'm a bigger bomb!
Submitted by Lory on Thu, 12/18/2008 - 4:44pm.
And yeah, what is the dreaded head pull
lol I don't know what the 'head pull' is, but the 'head push' is when they push yo head down farther than it wants to go while doing the deed. You start gagging, gasping for air, and start to see little tiny stars before you. It's not fun.
"If I wasnt terrified of jail I wouldve pushed her ass down on the ground and cut her long, flowing Starbucks-then-treadmill ponytail right off her damn head!"--chefcammi
<3-------------------------------<3
RIMADYL KILLS
I want to tongue kiss all of you for being such hot sloots.
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Own it like a strap-on.
Submitted by Clarisse on Thu, 12/18/2008 - 4:47pm.
A great man once said, men cannot resist blow jobs ever, for any reason "because they combine the two activities that the average guy never gets tired of. One: Sex. Two: Not moving AT ALL."
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I'm surprised he didn't mention the 3rd reason....that we aren't TALKING.
hahahahhaa
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Just one look, and I fell so hard, hard, hard
In love, with you......
Deb!
LMAO!
Harvey's Bristol Cream = BJ
Coffee = Shag
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I think god had 7 kids. Aesus, Besus, Cesus, Desus, Eesus, Fesus and Jesus.
xxyxz - LMAO! MEN!
A great man once said, men cannot resist blow jobs ever, for any reason "because they combine the two activities that the average guy never gets tired of. One: Sex. Two: Not moving AT ALL."
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I think god had 7 kids. Aesus, Besus, Cesus, Desus, Eesus, Fesus and Jesus.
Submitted by Inflatuated on Thu, 12/18/2008 - 4:36pm.
I have a question for you hags in here:
How does a lady offer a blow job?
I think if you invite a man in for some Harvey's Bristol Cream, the offer is implied.
"JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON."
Charles Manson
Submitted by chefcammi on Thu, 12/18/2008 - 4:43pm.
Submitted by Mel-Tang on Thu, 12/18/2008 - 4:28pm
I feel so... honored for being in your siggie
tee hee... I feel honored honoring you! lol I LOOVE that siggie...funny as hell. I was looking for you about a week ago to ask your permission, but couldn't find you! :(
"If I wasnt terrified of jail I wouldve pushed her ass down on the ground and cut her long, flowing Starbucks-then-treadmill ponytail right off her damn head!"--chefcammi
<3-------------------------------<3
RIMADYL KILLS
Stank, I don't know. We're going through a draught. Fighty times. Asshole times. Wanna kick you out times.
*hangs head*
And yeah, what is the dreaded head pull?
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Let me dirty up your mind.
Just tell them beforehand not to ask you questions while you are doing it. How annoying.
"If I wasnt terrified of jail I wouldve pushed her ass down on the ground and cut her long, flowing Starbucks-then-treadmill ponytail right off her damn head!"--chefcammi
<3-------------------------------<3
RIMADYL KILLS
Submitted by Mel-Tang on Thu, 12/18/2008 - 4:28pm
I feel so... honored for being in your siggie!
On how to ask?
Wouldnt that come naturally (no pun!) when making out/foreplay is initiated? UNless you just want to suck a dick, then you can just come out and say it...
Never knew a girl/guy that just wanted a dick in their mouth... unless they were trying to stop smoking, of course =)
I'm about to lose my 1st place standing =(
Vote for my WORST Fashion Moment PLEASE!! @ http://www.pronto.com/87060-WM?successMsg=true The contest ends tomorrow!
Yeah, Stoney, I'm sure you don't need to ask. It's probably his dream come true.
M.e
that's hilarious! My husband tries to stick it in anytime he can ... With my pants on!
He has a very healthy sex drive
I wish I had the same