John Mayer Hates Jennifer Aniston's Dog Friends
Most dog owners have a rule that if you don't become BFFs with their dog(s), then the fuck party must come to an end. It doesn't look like Jennifer Aniston is one of those dog owners. Gatecrasher says that Jenny did not bring her dogs, Norman and Dolly, to NYC while she promotes Marley & Me, because John Mayer would probably strangle or curse them out. He apparently hates hates haaaates them. So Jenny left them in Los Angeles, probably because she's dickmatized. And when you're dickmatized, the dick rules all.
A source said that John even hated Jessica's Simpson's angel of a dog Daisy. There's a special place in the toilet closet in hell for people who hate Daisy Simpson.
Jenny's spokeswhore said the story is made of a million lies, but I believe it. John Mayer probably farts at anything that takes the attention anyway from him. When Jennifer brushes her teeth, he totally yells at her fucking toothbrush. He's gross.
As a dog owner, I've never met a dude who didn't like my dog. It's mostly been the other way around. They like my dog better than they like me. They come over to hang out with my dog and leave me in the fucking corner like I'm a damn fern. My dog knows it too. He gives me looks like "Yeah, bitch. I got yo man!"
I honestly don't think I'd ever find a dude who liked me but didn't like my dog. I mean, my dog and me are so much alike. We both are stupid lazy sluts who love bacon and are easily amused by rubber toys. If you don't like him, you don't like me.
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Clarisseeeeee, I ♥ you, you know that, right?
*Sniff sniff*. Thanks.
*Goin' upstairs for dinner*
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Jimmy Mack, when are you coming back?
That's right, in kitty heaven yer ballz grow back!!!!
LOL
♥♥♥♥♥
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Jimmy Mack, when are you coming back?
Mrs Kravitz,
From me, to you...
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....
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Submitted by mahaatma on Mon, 12/22/2008 - 10:51pm.
...so very sorry Mrs. Kravitz....he was lucky to have you though....
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Thanks.
he was a real man's man
♥
I still have my crazy mutt, Minch, and the Diva Kitty.
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Jimmy Mack, when are you coming back?
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on Mon, 12/22/2008 - 10:43pm.
MrsK you makin me teary times. Your Godfather was a handsome and regal devil. I'm sure he's chasing balls of wool getting some girlykitteh ass in Kitteh heaven right now.
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Submitted by shut the smurf up on Mon, 12/22/2008 - 10:46pm.
I know, wasn't he?!?!?!
I had a friend who found him, um, sexually attractive. Hence the moniker.
Sexy Beast.
Listen kids, there is no love without loss, and as sad as I am, I am trying to be philosophical about it.
He came into my life by chance, I loved him, spoiled him rotten, and I bet anything right now he is in kitty heaven doing his best Clint Eastwood imitation...
"You've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya punk?"
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Jimmy Mack, when are you coming back?
...so very sorry Mrs. Kravitz....he was lucky to have you though....
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...how can I miss you when you won't go away?....
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on Mon, 12/22/2008 - 10:43pm.
He was gorgeous! RIP:(
MRS. K.
UGH... I'm so sorry to hear that about your kitteh. Not fair.
As morbid as it might sound I hope I am able to have my guys go in my arm when their time comes. Nobody deserves to die alone except for the most evil cretins which thankfully are few.
My two big kittehs are on some new drugs and they seem to be responding so far...they aren't that old [12 or around there]...
I send you hugs and kind wishes for a happy holiday in spite of your grief.
Thank you Sock Monkey and MyTwoCents and DeeDee.
I hated to let him go, but I had no choice. He lived a good full life and he was the king of this castle. NOBODY made a move without his permission.
LOL.
Yeah, he was a character.
*shaking head*
http://pets.webshots.com/photo/2882850420059684344FXFlZB?vhost=pets
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Jimmy Mack, when are you coming back?
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on Mon, 12/22/2008 - 10:26pm.
I'm so sorry Mrs. K. *big cyber hugs ♥ *
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Eyes so transparent that through them the soul is seen. ~Theophile Gautier
Santa Clause and His Old Lady
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on Mon, 12/22/2008 - 10:26pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Mon, 12/22/2008 - 10:23pm.
Sad kitteh news.
My darling Sexy Beast, or *Godfather* as he liked to be called, "kicked back a clot" on Saturday night and Pudge and I had to put him to sleep. He was in pain for a short time but he died in my arms.
He was a good boy.
RIP
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NO! NO! Whhhhhhhyyyyyyyy????? Yeah, when the tiger cub kicks it, Ima gonna be a basket case.
:-(. What I'ma gonna do without my lil' pussy?????
Oh sadness, but you soothed his pain, and he was a good lil' soldier whilst on duty....RIP li'l pussy....
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by Sheeps on Mon, 12/22/2008 - 10:25pm.
hahahaha. Always the ladee monkee.
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I may slide down bannisters and swing from chandeliers, but I never forget to turn my back or excuse myself when I feel the urge to hoik.
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That lil' lint bastid will be back within the hour snorting your Borax with a rolled up dollar bill. Trust....TigerLilly 10.24.2008
Well here's more ammunition for looney loo's.
How do you not like dogs?
His Douche Status just went Platinum.
"Going gray is like ejaculating. You know it can happen prematurely, but when it actually does, it's a total shock." MAH BOO!!!
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on Mon, 12/22/2008 - 10:26pm.
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Sad. *wrapping little sock monkey arms around your neck* *soft kiss on cheek* Me sowwy. Me loves you, Mrs. K.
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That lil' lint bastid will be back within the hour snorting your Borax with a rolled up dollar bill. Trust....TigerLilly 10.24.2008
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on Mon, 12/22/2008 - 10:26pm.
I'm sorry to hear that MrsK. My condolences :(
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i didn't grow up with dogs, so i had no use for them until i moved to phoenix and my roommate had a dog..i fell in love him immediately...then i had another roommate that had to rotties and i adored them too...i love most doggies...except chihuahuas...that's my story..
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did you sleep with charlie the tuna last night or did you just forget to douche?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hrJAgdMLsMI&feature=related
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Mon, 12/22/2008 - 10:23pm.
Sad kitteh news.
My darling Sexy Beast, or *Godfather* as he liked to be called, "kicked back a clot" on Saturday night and Pudge and I had to put him to sleep. He was in pain for a short time but he died in my arms.
He was a good boy.
RIP
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I think your MySpace page has enough pictures of you displaying dismembered penises in your mouth.
Submitted by Sock-Monkey on Mon, 12/22/2008 - 10:04pm.
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Mon, 12/22/2008 - 9:55pm.
*hands Sockie a lavender-scented barf bag*
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*politely turning back on Dlisted guests* *hoik* *discreetly rinsing mouth with vanilla scented liquid softener*
hahahaha. Always the ladee monkee.
MRS.K IN DA HOUSE!
Go Kravie, go Kravie, it's yo' birfday...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by Clarisse on Mon, 12/22/2008 - 8:26pm.
Deb,
Off topic, but I have to tell this story!!
I stopped at Borders tonight and I was wearing a "Germany Deutscher Fussballvebrband" sweatshirt...I am getting in my car as this fat fucker and his S.O. are getting out of their car...The fat fuck side eyes me and says "Uh, you're in America"....I looked at them and said "UH, fat fuck, you're driving a Toyota."
^^^
I would have kicked him in the nutz...but that's just me.
Eli's comin better hide your heart, girl
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I think your MySpace page has enough pictures of you displaying dismembered penises in your mouth.
angel,
"making a guard dog."
=(
Dogs will protect the 'pack'. Guard dog does not mean blood and kill.
People suck. (well, most of em.)
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Learn to swim, I'll see you down in Arizona bay.
Submitted by roxie on Mon, 12/22/2008 - 10:01pm.
I bet he only likes cats.
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He likes pussies.
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My avatar is my 27-pound Maine Coon furkid named Mozart. Lying next to him is a standard-sized cat.
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Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Mon, 12/22/2008 - 9:55pm.
*hands Sockie a lavender-scented barf bag*
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*politely turning back on Dlisted guests* *hoik* *discreetly rinsing mouth with vanilla scented liquid softener* *facing forward* Thank you. I feel better!
ON T: Hoik!
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That lil' lint bastid will be back within the hour snorting your Borax with a rolled up dollar bill. Trust....TigerLilly 10.24.2008
I bet he only likes cats.
*hands Sockie a lavender-scented barf bag*
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My avatar is my 27-pound Maine Coon furkid named Mozart. Lying next to him is a standard-sized cat.
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Submitted by Clarisse on Mon, 12/22/2008 - 9:42pm.
Diego,
Pit's are nature vs. nuture. They are bred to be fighters. If you socialize and socialize them, they are lovely. You teach the blood sport, they are still perfect with people, but other animals...no.
Bad people...no bad dogs.
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My baby LOVED to fight. But it was just play, really. He never wanted to fetch a ball; he'd just wrestle and run with me all the live-long day if I ever let him... and he hated to see anyone get hurt. The one thing I noticed (I had him from 8 weeks) was that he was really sensitive. He didn't handle rejection very well (he was great with the BIG HEAVY SIGH!), he needed a lot of snuggling and babying....I think lots of times people see big huge pit and forget there's a heart under there, you know?
I took him from this guy who'd kept his dad in a cage at all times and refused to let anyone socialize with him. He thought he was cool - he was making a guard dog. I got that dog removed too but I'm pretty sure it was too late:( His mom was cool tho.
♥ ThreadKilla!
A DListed YouTube Gallery
Oh Diego!
The Rott smile. I still remember once when I took my 5 year old nephew and their pet Rott to the local pet store. An older woman came over (cuz my nephie is a cupie doll!) to say hi, then saw Jazzie sitting there, with her nubbin wavin, lip curled and ran the other way. *sigh*
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Learn to swim, I'll see you down in Arizona bay.
PS@Diego:
I forgot to say: O poor little boo boo. Thank you for taking care of her:) I mean, it's just nice to know that those in need can get the things they need.
♥ ThreadKilla!
A DListed YouTube Gallery
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Mon, 12/22/2008 - 9:40pm.
I shudder to ask what the "prize" might be. LOL. ;)
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Ha! Ha! No prize, just "poo" trumps "pee." I'm starting to gag. I'll stop! Hoik!
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That lil' lint bastid will be back within the hour snorting your Borax with a rolled up dollar bill. Trust....TigerLilly 10.24.2008
LOL@Diego:
*gigglygiggly*
One time my doggie JIZZED. in his. POHNTS! HAHA!
But he don't gots pants so it was all over my kitchen floor. It was my fault. I invited 4 unfixed pit bitches over for a party=)
DISCLAIMER: I bred one litter with him ONLY because him and his chosen bitch were SO lovely. They had four which were all homed in farms near Vancouver:) Also, I convinced that crazy ho to fix her doggies, eventually. Crazy punk rock hillbilly! (true story:);p
♥ ThreadKilla!
A DListed YouTube Gallery
Diego,
Pit's are nature vs. nuture. They are bred to be fighters. If you socialize and socialize them, they are lovely. You teach the blood sport, they are still perfect with people, but other animals...no.
Bad people...no bad dogs.
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Learn to swim, I'll see you down in Arizona bay.
Submitted by Sock-Monkey on Mon, 12/22/2008 - 9:33pm.
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Mon, 12/22/2008 - 9:26pm.
More likely that she wipes his no-no hole after he poos.
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Uh...ew! And here I was holding back my remark of her shaking "it" before slipping it back in his pants! You win!! LOL!
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I shudder to ask what the "prize" might be. LOL. ;)
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My avatar is my 27-pound Maine Coon furkid named Mozart. Lying next to him is a standard-sized cat.
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Submitted by James Haven on Mon, 12/22/2008 - 9:22pm.
Submitted by MyTwoCents on Mon, 12/22/2008 - 8:43pm.
2cents! James Haven would love to share an egg nog with you! SmOOcccchhh!
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*deep sigh* Egg nog sounds nice but MyTwoCents would like to share something with James Haven that involves a hotel room, champagne and chocolate sauce.
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Submitted by . on Mon, 12/22/2008 - 9:29pm.
Yes Dotty! SmOOches
James Haven has alot of Italian friends!
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See James Haven in an Oscar winning performance!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w9cKFiCrSU
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.....so, let's see....she's 40ish...she was just nekid on some magazine cover....she's dating someone who hates her dogs.....she keeps saying how "she'd love to have a family", but doesn't......ya, I'd say she's pathetically desperate.....
...thank god Brad escaped with his looks....
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Mon, 12/22/2008 - 9:26pm.
More likely that she wipes his no-no hole after he poos.
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Uh...ew! And here I was holding back my remark of her shaking "it" before slipping it back in his pants! You win!! LOL!
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That lil' lint bastid will be back within the hour snorting your Borax with a rolled up dollar bill. Trust....TigerLilly 10.24.2008
Submitted by angel_i on Mon, 12/22/2008 - 9:20pm.
My latest addition, Lilly, is a little chihuahua mix of some sort. She's about 4 pounds and she has a huge open soft spot on her head and possible liver or kidney issues so I do coddle her. She was just going to be a foster, but with all her problems and how traumatized she was I decided to keep her. She has bonded with Sophie like . . . I can't even describe it. She follows her everywhere, they sleep pushed against each other, and Sophie is so patient. I'm always amazed when I watch them. All that crap about pitties being vicious killers who eat other dogs could be put to rest by twenty minutes with them. But I kinda like those bull in a China shop pitties too. They're so silly and fun.
Submitted by Clarisse on Mon, 12/22/2008 - 9:22pm.
I love seeing any happy dog. We had one in rescue a few years ago and I swear he tried to smile like a human. Every time he got excited he'd flare his chops up and it looked almost like he was growling, but he wasn't. He'd just show his top teeth and wag his tail so hard he peed on himself. It was fucking adorable in a really neurotic way. And somewhere I'm almost positive there are guys who know exactly what it's like to wake up to Leto.
"I love my tail in these jeans!"
Submitted by Clarisse on Mon, 12/22/2008 - 9:22pm.
Diego,
Rottie smiles are sweet too! I see people who take five steps back when a Rottie smiles at em. A pit smile though is like sunshine! Like Leto's ass!
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Yes! Yes!
I had a fun experience with a Rottie once who liked to nap in the middle of his quiet side street road. I thought I might have to save him and considered if I really wanted to be alone with my pittie on a leash (leash times make for psycho times) and stray Rottie....hmmmm? Not really.
Did Angel want the dog? NO! The dog wants Angel! LOL!He must have smelled us man, or something. He woke up - confidently strolled across the main road while cars screeched to a halt to let him pass (he seriously looked like a bear) and straight up to us. I said: "No! Gwan! Git! Go home, puppay!" (at this point my doggie is drooling with anticipation!) And he gave me the SWEETEST look EVAR! and turned around and went back the way he came. *huge sigh*
But if he hadn't I prolly would have been ok - it wouldn't have been the first time. People can be SO irresponsible with their dogs, man!
Dog stories! SoR-RaY! I only gots five or six thousand tho! ;p
♥ ThreadKilla!
A DListed YouTube Gallery
Submitted by James Haven on Mon, 12/22/2008 - 9:26pm.
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Mayo has cronic agita.
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Agita? As in heart-burn? James, you never fail to surprise me (in a good way). haha! My Italian In-laws use that term for heartburn all the time. :)
He probably hates everything that belongs to this nastiness.She has crazy eyes and is leading him in the pic,yuck.He looks like he wants to be anywhere than with her fugliness.
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
http://www.myspace.com/384080529
Submitted by Sock-Monkey on Mon, 12/22/2008 - 9:20pm.
Looks like they're coming out of the loo (see restroom sign in background). Please don't tell me Jen is desperate enough and willing enough to hold his pee-pee-peener when he takes a tinkle?
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More likely that she wipes his no-no hole after he poos.
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My avatar is my 27-pound Maine Coon furkid named Mozart. Lying next to him is a standard-sized cat.
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Submitted by kupkake on Mon, 12/22/2008 - 9:23pm.
Is it just me or does John Mayer ALWAYAS look more than a little depressed/suicidal when he's with Jennifer???
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That's just his puss, kupkake. Mayo has cronic agita. But James Haven guesses that having to look at Jennifer's unslightly blemishes may add to his problem.
******************************************************************
See James Haven in an Oscar winning performance!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w9cKFiCrSU
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...James!.....it is a great night!.....wet canine smooches to you, my friend!....
Submitted by mahaatma on Mon, 12/22/2008 - 8:43pm.
mahaatma!! Long time no see - this is a great night in Dlisted so many of James Haven's favorite snarkers here at the same time!
******************************************************************
See James Haven in an Oscar winning performance!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w9cKFiCrSU
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Is it just me or does John Mayer ALWAYAS look more than a little depressed/suicidal when he's with Jennifer???
Diego,
Rottie smiles are sweet too! I see people who take five steps back when a Rottie smiles at em. A pit smile though is like sunshine! Like Leto's ass! Maybe not...
Thorny,
Likes dogs and gives awesome blow jobs...I am GOLDEN!
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Learn to swim, I'll see you down in Arizona bay.
Submitted by MyTwoCents on Mon, 12/22/2008 - 8:43pm.
2cents! James Haven would love to share an egg nog with you! SmOOcccchhh!
******************************************************************
See James Haven in an Oscar winning performance!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w9cKFiCrSU
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@Diego: Yeah - he'd hold them down cuz he din't want to fight them. He had SUCH a strong instinct to fight but also a SUPER strong instinct to protect small animal. They'd bite him and make him bleed and he'd want to fight, right? But they were so little - so he'd just try to hold them down...
But he was a huge ass testosterone filled male. I love those calmer, gentler pits. They're extra sweet:) I had a bull-in-a-china-shop pit LOL!
We used to live with this other big Alpha male and a HUGE Alpha bitch. It was cool cuz they were starting to sometimes get into it and really for real start to hurt each other (but, really, it was sport - just 'tough guy' sport) but she was the Boss Lady, hands down, she'd put an end to that shit in a heartbeat. And after an episode she'd monitor their play and park herself between them all the time just to make sure they knew what the rules were...I loved that doggie lots.
♥ ThreadKilla!
A DListed YouTube Gallery
Submitted by Madam Pince on Mon, 12/22/2008 - 8:47pm.
Madam! Double SmOOches good to see you!
Yes, Mrs. Seinfeld missed the "Good Looks" bus. But she managed hop on the "Get Rich Quick" Express!
******************************************************************
See James Haven in an Oscar winning performance!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2w9cKFiCrSU
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