The Church Harlot!!!
When I grow up I want to be the church harlot! This 49-year-old from Jacksonville, FLA is living my dream. Rebecca HanCOCK was ran out of her local church because she's screwing a man she's not married to. Members of Grace Community Church kept harassing her for being a sinful harlot, so she finally left the church. That didn't stop things though! Rebecca received a letter from the pastor of the church, Dr. Christmas, that if she doesn't stop doing the "straight to hell mambo" with her boyfriend, her sins will be announced to the whole church! This sounds like my idea of a good time!
Rebecca said that Dr. Christmas' letter states that on "January 4, my sins will be told to the church, publicly, with my children sitting in the church and my friends." Everybody meet at Grace Church in Jacksonville on January 4th! Sins will be told. I'll provide the holywatertinis.
Rebecca is planning to send a letter to Dr. Christmas to let him know that she is no longer a member of his fun-hating-church. Oh and she should also mention to Dr. Christmas that she just told a local news station that she's blowing her boyfriend (can't you tell from her jaw), so she kind of beat him to the punch.
Real talk: Dr. Christmas asked Rebecca if she'd like to suck on his candy cane and she totally turned him down, so he's sentencing her to hell! I mean, his name is Dr. Christmas. Of course she's going to turn him down.
P.S. - If Rebecca doesn't have business cards printed up with "The Church Harlot" on it, then I'm going to be so mad at her.
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Cheeky LiL Ape but you have The Happiest Place on Earth! ;P
****************************1/20/09
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
I CAN HAZ LOLO!?!?!? :(
Submitted by TT99 on Tue, 12/23/2008 - 2:45pm.
I'm thinking of joining this church for sheer entertainment value. They must have the gossip on everyone in the whole town. I imagine every Sunday the preacher totally reads out loud what everyone did on Saturday night. That's fucking awesome.
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What a brillz idea. How much fun would it be to go into a confessional and say, "Forgive me Father for I have sinned. It's been 14 minutes since my last confession. In that time, I've managed to fuck a donkey and my brother. How many Hail Marys?"
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Own it like a strap-on.
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on Tue, 12/23/2008 - 2:31pm.
no kidding about judgemental JWs! My grandmother is one...total nightmare.
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In heaven, all the interesting people are missing.
seriously why do all the retards live here in Florida?! we already have to deal with the old asshole snow birds, the rednecks, and the crazy 20 years olds killing their kids so they can "party"...i cant wait to leave this shit-hole state..
So the dude she's Angelina-ing is not a member of the Church.
Is his name Brad by chance?
"Going gray is like ejaculating. You know it can happen prematurely, but when it actually does, it's a total shock." MAH BOO!!!
Submitted by joe shmoe on Tue, 12/23/2008 - 2:43pm.
Hahahahahaha! LCT you are going straight to hell! And your Hell will have no POO!!! And no talk of poo :0
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AHA! You didn't say diarrhea! Still good!
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Own it like a strap-on.
Maybe she should get an "A" tattoo on her forehead in homage to The Scarlett Letter! That sounds like something the church would be into...OLD SKOOL!
http://ginarivera.typepad.com/ginasrant/
Submitted by snowpiece on Tue, 12/23/2008 - 2:43pm.
Private Thanksgiving, reporting for duty, SIR!
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STAND UP STRAIGHT, PRIVATE THANKSGIVING, and refer to me as Sergeant Chanukah! Tie up that shoelace!
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Own it like a strap-on.
I'm thinking of joining this church for sheer entertainment value. They must have the gossip on everyone in the whole town. I imagine every Sunday the preacher totally reads out loud what everyone did on Saturday night. That's fucking awesome.
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"You're a whore, and your mother was a whore, and her mother, and your father used to turn tricks at a gas station, cause he was a whore too."
- Don Self
Submitted by Sheeps on Tue, 12/23/2008 - 2:41pm.
Grace Community Church
GraceJAX.org
10938 Hood Rd South
Jacksonville, Fl 32257
904-268-8854
office@gracejax.org
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Harsh, dude. If this info gets around, crazies(people) could write in all kinds of stuff to these people(crazies) about the way they're acting!
PS. I learned that parenthesis stuff from a loon! =)
♥ ThreadKilla!
A DListed YouTube Gallery
Wow. This is bringing back memories. My church going mother was also asked to leave the church many years ago when some bitches were gossiping about her having an affair with our pastor - which wasn't true. (She was dating a big Navy choco bear at the time.)
This is the same church that did nothing when I had a necklace ripped off my skin by a boy whose family brought a lot of money into the church and the same lady who took over my Mom's vacation bible school because she said she wasn't Christian enough to do so.
Now, I am not one to judge anyone who goes to church, but when churches and its congregation pull shit like this, I feel it necessary to point out their BS.
The bible is one of the most hypocritical pieces of literature out there, and this is a prime example of that.
That and the fact that one cannot "love" another without being judged - yet, that's the universal message of the book.
I hope this church loses all credibility and that its members realize that talking about someone's sex life - or their life in general - is not very Christian, but a form of gossip which is, in fact, looked down in the bible.
*steps off her soapbox*
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"Her voice sounds like a goat in heat..." - Balenciaga Bitch on Sarah Palin (10/6/08).
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on Tue, 12/23/2008 - 2:42pm.
It's in the vid at 0:16.
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Hilton said that, initially, she was afraid to be in the house after the break-in, but she has since "upped the security majorly."
Thus the reason I hate this city.
"I'm the whoriest whore whoever whored and I still wouldn't get with that." ~ MK
Holy Watertinis!? You've saved my life again MK.
Now I have a respectable drink to waltz around my family gathering this season. I'm thinking 1 part lime, 1 part Holy Water, and 2 parts Stoli, shaken with ice and poured/strained into a sugar rimmed martini glass. Trimmed with a Eucharist Host on the rim....Now my bible thumping abuelita can't say shit about me getting Krunked as Fuck Xmas morning!
"Don we now our Gay Apparel!" Shoo!
"Come on Gloria..."
-Hank Azaria "The Birdcage"
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on Tue, 12/23/2008 - 2:39pm.
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Hahahahahaha! LCT you are going straight to hell! And your Hell will have no POO!!! And no talk of poo :0
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Chocolat
xoxoxox
Private Thanksgiving, reporting for duty, SIR!
****************************1/20/09
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
I CAN HAZ LOLO!?!?!? :(
Holy shit Sheeps, AWESOME.
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Own it like a strap-on.
Submitted by kdracofan on Tue, 12/23/2008 - 2:41pm.
LCT: cranky pants, i 'edited' so it could be below so you didn't have to scroll down. Your welcome
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You say that like I asked you to...
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Own it like a strap-on.
Grace Community Church
GraceJAX.org
10938 Hood Rd South
Jacksonville, Fl 32257
904-268-8854
office@gracejax.org
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Hilton said that, initially, she was afraid to be in the house after the break-in, but she has since "upped the security majorly."
LCT: cranky pants, i 'edited' so it could be below so you didn't have to scroll down. Your welcome
Wait wait wait..... Dr. Christmas?
Corporal Halloween, reporting for duty!
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Own it like a strap-on.
If I havent already said this in a post this week, Happy Chanukah!
Thanks to all of you that voted for me.. now it's "wait and see" as to who the winner is!
Thanks again!!!
Submitted by angel_i on Tue, 12/23/2008 - 2:38pm.
These Holy Watertinis are pretty good...but are they supposed to burn like this...? SPICEAY!
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It's just the Jesus sperm in the Holy Watertini burning up the debil. It's good. Embrace it.
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Own it like a strap-on.
Submitted by Clarisse on Tue, 12/23/2008 - 2:35pm.
SHE'S NOT A CHRIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSTIIIIIIIANNNNNNNNN!!!!!
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SHE'S DORK SAAAADDDEEEEEEDDDDDD-DAH!
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Own it like a strap-on.
These Holy Watertinis are pretty good...but are they supposed to burn like this...? SPICEAY!
♥ ThreadKilla!
A DListed YouTube Gallery
Submitted by kdracofan on Tue, 12/23/2008 - 2:33pm.
LCT: yes silly, they believe in Jesus just not in the Holy Trinity - did you read my comment below?
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Uh, no, because you posted your comment about 5 minutes after I posted mine.
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Own it like a strap-on.
Submitted by Clarisse on Tue, 12/23/2008 - 2:35pm.
CLARISSE!! LET'S BE PRAYER WARRIORS TOGETHER!!!
CHRRIIISSSSSTTTIIIIANNNNNS!! *dies from laughter*
&&&
"I'm going to count to three, there will not be a four. Give me... the code." Hans Gruber, Die Hard
I need a new pair of panties just thinking about this.
Submitted by Sugaroo on Tue, 12/23/2008 - 2:29pm.
Hold up. True Christians do not act like this.
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If by 'True Christian' you mean going by the word of the Bible as in hating gay people and stoning those who don't follow the word of the Lord, then yes, this is exactly what 'True Christians' do.
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Own it like a strap-on.
Are there gonna be illustrations? A power point presentation? Pie graph? heheheh, "pie".
*sips holywatertini, thinks MK is a genius*
Submitted by LOVE CARROTTOP on Tue, 12/23/2008 - 2:35pm.
I'm going to pour my Holy Watertini all over the erect genitals of my unwed manslave.
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HWAT!
♥ ThreadKilla!
A DListed YouTube Gallery
SHE'S NOT A CHRIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSTIIIIIIIANNNNNNNNN!!!!!
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Ein Minuten, bitte. Ich habe einen kleinen Problemo avec diese Religione.
I'm going to pour my Holy Watertini all over the erect genitals of my unwed manslave.
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Own it like a strap-on.
Everybody meet at Grace Church in Jacksonville on January 4th! Sins will be told. I'll provide the holywatertinis.
After-party at MY house.
And no one likes to label people "true" and "false" believers quite like Christians...
Just sayin'.
Submitted by BelleBelle on Tue, 12/23/2008 - 2:32pm.
She seems like a really nice person.
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Totally.
People, in general, scare me.
Especially in mobs.
♥ ThreadKilla!
A DListed YouTube Gallery
Submitted by snowpiece on Tue, 12/23/2008 - 2:16pm.
HELL YEAH LET'S STONE THE HARLOT!
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AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I totally heard that out loud in my head and it was awesome. Special emphasis on the 't' in harlot.
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Own it like a strap-on.
IV/LCT,
Born Agains got all ya'll beat when it comes to judging people.
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Ein Minuten, bitte. Ich habe einen kleinen Problemo avec diese Religione.
LCT: yes silly, they believe in Jesus just not in the Holy Trinity - did you read my comment below?
Are you sure the are not JW's? Because they do the same - they either expel you (nobody can talk to you) or 'censor' you publicly (you can’t participate in the congregation’s functions but your brother’s and sister’s can talk to you)
hi my name is kdraco and i am A SINNER...now: where's holywatertini?
She seems like a really nice person.
Submitted by Sugaroo on Tue, 12/23/2008 - 2:29pm.
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on Tue, 12/23/2008 - 2:23pm.
Nobody judges with more outraged righteousness than "Christians."
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Hold up. True Christians do not act like this.
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Not in my experience.
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You better watch out, you better not cry.
Um, can't she sue for defamation and stress or something? Take all those tax-free dollars and raise those traumatized children somewhere tolerant?
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on Tue, 12/23/2008 - 2:23pm.
Nobody judges with more outraged righteousness than "Christians."
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Are Jehovah's Witnesses Christians, because they sure take the cake as far as judging goes.
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Own it like a strap-on.
And this is why I loveeee being a catholic... a Cafeteria Catholic that is.
Submitted by angel_i on Tue, 12/23/2008 - 2:24pm.
Btw, can we ALL tell our sins?!? SUCH FUN! Then we can get drunk and reenact them! YAY!
I second that! LoL
Submitted by ImpertinentVixen on Tue, 12/23/2008 - 2:23pm.
Nobody judges with more outraged righteousness than "Christians."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Hold up. True Christians do not act like this.
Clarisse on Tue, 12/23/2008 - 2:27pm.
Dlisters + holywatertinis + church = Orgy!
then blasted on Dlisted! lmao
They scare me too. When I went back to work last year the FIRST question out of everyone's mouths was "What church do you attend?"
Silly me. I thought Jesus died for our sins.
I guess it is one strike and your out.
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You'll be doin' all right, with your Christmas of white
But I'll have a blue, blue, blue, blue Christmas
Fanatics & loonies scare me!