Suri Cruise Is Famous
Suri Cruise is really famous. Even more famous than her raggedy ass parents. She has the fan mail to prove it! Creepy? Yes.
Star Magazine says that the world famous superstar known as Suri gets around 100 pieces of fan mail a day from around the planet earth. If the Postal Service delivered shit from other planets, she'd probably get alien lovers from around the damn universe writing her.
A source tells Star, "She's even more popular than her superfamous parents. She has such a huge following that I'm surprised there isn't a Web site dedicated to her yet."
Apparently, most of the dumb dumbs writing Suri want to know where she gets her clothes. Do these crazies realize that she can't read? Suri probably will never learn how to read. All she has to do is wear hot clothes, flip off the paps and get carried around. Why bother learning how to read, write or walk?
I don't even want to know what the other letters say. That other shit probably has the PedoBear stamp of approval on it.
Tommy Girl definitely queefs over all the fan mail Suri gets. He probably replies to every single one with an autographed picture of Suri. Gross. Suri is seriously effed. She is better off running away and joining the circus.
Below is the world's most famous celebrity being carried by her bitch in NYC last night and this morning.
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crazyinjapan's picture
Submitted by crazyinjapan on Tue, 12/23/2008 - 11:05pm.
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Girl, I agree with you.
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Chocolat
xoxoxox
I can't wait until she shanks Shilo or Zahara and then the apocolypse of brangeloonies vs. Scientology freaks will rain down up on us all.
Sure there will be collateral damage, but there will be less scientologists and less brangeloonies. Everyone wins.
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
Interviewer: You're playing one of the most famous characters in movie history. How come we don't see you in all the tabloids?
Daniel Craig: Because I don't want to be in them.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Tue, 12/23/2008 - 11:02pm.
I think we DListers need to write Suri...I'll start...
Dear Suri,
Since you are a young dumpling, I'd very much like to provide you with some role models...Lizzy Borden, the Menendez brothers, Ronald DeFeo, just to name a few...Learn, love and live...
Kisses,
Tigerlilly
Ps. I'll help you "clean up"...Know what I mean? *tying tiger bib on*....
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Not to worry, I've not only written to Suri, but of course, as per usual, I'm working on her biography screenplay, either for Lifetime or Nickelodeon.
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"She's a slippery little bitch, isn't she?" - Gretchen Morgan
Submitted by M.E. on Tue, 12/23/2008 - 11:03pm.
Tigerlilly - I think your little letter sums it the fuck up.
But due to CO$ sheltering her ass, we may need to send her some video of said hero's to aspire for 411 knowledge.
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You speakin' some DListed gospel troof right there sista!
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
*praying to Jebus that I'm alive when Suri's tell all hits the bookshelves*
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Knot Comes Loose
Suri is not wearing socks...
That seems abusive to me in this weather!
Submitted by crazyinjapan on Tue, 12/23/2008 - 11:05pm.
You people always hatin' on Suri: What did that little girl ever do to you???? Leak her diaper on your lap? NO. Throw a tantrum in a restaurant where you were having your anniversary dinner? NO. Steal one of your cookies? NO. Hatin' on her is as weird as writing her letters. She's a little kid, for crying out loud!
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I don't hate the kid. I actually feel sorry for her for having to grow up with those crazy-ass parents in that fucked up cult. Just never thought she was a cute child much less the ravishing beauty the press goes on about. Frankly, I think she's a funny-looking kid. May not be PC but if I were, then I sure as hell wouldn't be posting here!
This isn't the first famous baby and I doubt this will be the last. Of course all this attention could seriously screw her up or she could learn to deal with it and become a good person. So far I only know of one person that grew up like that and became a good down to earth person, the rest became egotistical premadonnas.
Submitted by crazyinjapan on Tue, 12/23/2008 - 11:05pm.
You people always hatin' on Suri: What did that little girl ever do to you???? Leak her diaper on your lap? NO. Throw a tantrum in a restaurant where you were having your anniversary dinner? NO. Steal one of your cookies? NO. Hatin' on her is as weird as writing her letters. She's a little kid, for crying out loud!
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THANK YOU and AMEN!
You people always hatin' on Suri: What did that little girl ever do to you???? Leak her diaper on your lap? NO. Throw a tantrum in a restaurant where you were having your anniversary dinner? NO. Steal one of your cookies? NO. Hatin' on her is as weird as writing her letters. She's a little kid, for crying out loud!
Tigerlilly - I think your little letter sums it the fuck up.
But due to CO$ sheltering her ass, we may need to send her some video of said hero's to aspire for 411 knowledge.
Submitted by pizza on Tue, 12/23/2008 - 10:58pm.
why cant I have an avitar?? why is my access always denied? I've been here a year and a half! my new avitar is a NON avitar! fuckin shit
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Welllllllll your history speaks otherwise:
History
Member for
16 weeks 6 days
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-And, people who use anon surfing websites can't upload images.
I think we DListers need to write Suri...I'll start...
Dear Suri,
Since you are a young dumpling, I'd very much like to provide you with some role models...Lizzy Borden, the Menendez brothers, Ronald DeFeo, just to name a few...Learn, love and live...
Kisses,
Tigerlilly
Ps. I'll help you "clean up"...Know what I mean? *tying tiger bib on*....
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
You whores still all up in Suri's cheerios!?!?!?!?
why cant I have an avitar?? why is my access always denied? I've been here a year and a half! my new avitar is a NON avitar! fuckin shit
"Submitted by madam s. on Tue, 12/23/2008 - 9:11pm.
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I always thought she was funny-looking. She's going to have a ginormous nose when she gets older. Yikes!
"Submitted by madam s. on Tue, 12/23/2008 - 9:11pm.
Sorry, but I just think that kid is homely as hell and I don't understand where people are seeing cuteness."
THANK YOU, Madam S!!! I've always thought she looked like the north end of a southbound cow.
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"The other night, I was so wasted and I decided to play this video in several browser windows at the same time. Don't do that. It's like opening up the portal to the dark world."
All those letters are just offering to teach her to walk, she'll obviously never learn if left alone.
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
Submitted by EatYourVeggies on Tue, 12/23/2008 - 10:11pm.
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Not in my humble opinion... and I do like Gwen...
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Let me dirty up your mind.
Gwen Stefani's son is cuter.
Oh, but if it is my favorite mega bitch in the making! I can't but heart Suri. She's gonna be the meanest bitch in Hollyweird... Somehow that melts my nonexistent heart...
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Let me dirty up your mind.
Submitted by luscious_t on Tue, 12/23/2008 - 9:40pm.
I'm more of a Violet Affleck kinda girl.
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Violet always looks happy. I love that kid.
I'm off to Karate- see y'all later!
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And I love you best, you're not like the rest
You're there when I need you , you're there when I need - I'm gonna need you
- Little River Band "Lady"
Submitted by Stacy on Tue, 12/23/2008 - 9:50pm.
Am I the only one who thinks that Suri looks a bit "slow"?
And is there a single photo of that kid with her forehead exposed? I want to know what her alien family is hiding under those bangs.
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A 666 birthmark...I'm telling you, that kid has ALWAYS reminded me of the kid who played Damien in the original Omen (and played that part a bit too well. Apparently he was hell on wheels on the set from what I read. The director said he'd never work with him again...HA!). I don't believe in god and the devil and shit, but freaky lookin' kids creep me out and Suri, while she can look somewhat cute, can look SUPER creepy. Plus, she's going to grow up to be such a bitch...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Am I the only one who thinks that Suri looks a bit "slow"?
And is there a single photo of that kid with her forehead exposed? I want to know what her alien family is hiding under those bangs.
I'm more of a Violet Affleck kinda girl.
*****
~~not quite a Britaloonie~~
http://www.myspace.com/luscious_t_999
"YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE MY NUTS."-ShamWow Vince
I find it quite interesting that Katie also wears no coat so it doesn't look as bad. Now there's a parenting technique I didnt think of!
My younger son refused to wear a coat at that age. I stuffed him in it anyway and carried him out to the car. He couldn't walk himself because he was laying on the floor screaming bloody murder, kicking his feet and pretending his arms were too heavy to lift now that this beastly coat was on them. I didnt have a bunch of paps waiting outside my house though.
Tigerlilly: ma' bad yo!
(you are right about her attitude as an adult)
Does anyone else think the kid DOES look like Tommy Girl?
Shudder. I think she might be his. The more time goes by, the more I think it. He seems like the type to pull an "I'm straight" just long enough to get some poor girl pregnant. I've known guys like this...
I think the reason Katie H. gradually started looking so shitty and vacant is that every single day she realizes more and more that it's all just a lie, he's gay, he's a weirdo, he's a scientolobot, and he loves johnny revolta. She seems sad. She's just gradually realizing all of this, and to what an extent it is to.
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"You can get it doggy-style or you can get it laying on your side. Those are your only choices. This is my house and I get the say."
Submitted by Emeriesan on Tue, 12/23/2008 - 9:16pm.
Is it wrong that I find Suri really hot?
If you're in pre-school, No.
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Hilton said that, initially, she was afraid to be in the house after the break-in, but she has since "upped the security majorly."
Submitted by kdracofan on Tue, 12/23/2008 - 9:21pm.
Hmm it was 20 degrees in NY last night and this morning...nice to see she doesn't have a coat on *rolling eyes*
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Um, you seem to forget that Suri is a "strong woman" and "strong women" can take the cold...and when they can't then mommy and daddy simply have to carry blankets...
They are letting this little brat do as she pleases cuz their FUCKED UP CULT tells them that children are just little adults and should make decisions for themselves or some such nonsense. Mark my words, Suri's narcissism will leave Parasite, Shitney et all in AWE. This little snot factory is going to grow up to be a MEGA CUNT! Trust.
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Hmm it was 20 degrees in NY last night and this morning...nice to see she doesn't have a coat on *rolling eyes*
Submitted by Emeriesan on Tue, 12/23/2008 - 9:16pm.
Is it wrong that I find Suri really hot?
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Yes.
Disgusting comment. btw.
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And I love you best, you're not like the rest
You're there when I need you , you're there when I need - I'm gonna need you
- Little River Band "Lady"
Submitted by Emeriesan on Tue, 12/23/2008 - 9:16pm.
Is it wrong that I find Suri really hot?
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Yes.
Please feed the ducks.
Submitted by TITS on Tue, 12/23/2008 - 9:02pm.
Hey Tigerlilly!
How are you this evening you fucking whore?
I'm all out of catnip - keep those claws sheathed!!
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Aw, TITS called me a fucking whore! *tiger tear* How sweet! That's what made me love my Cholly...More romantic DListed words cannot be spoken...Ok, maybe "skank ass cunt" or something like that, but I think you really only call someone something like that and mean it when you have a long standing, meaningful DListed committed romantical romance going on, no? "Fucking whore" is in the puppy love stage....it makes you giggle like a school girl and swoon over possible similar future sweet nothings whispered in your ear....
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Is it wrong that I find Suri really hot?
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"Our business in life is not to succeed but to continue to fail in good spirits" RL Stevenson
Lo-eezy,
Yeah, I don't get the carrying her around in a fucking blanket all of the time either. She constantly looks like she's been scooped up and is being rushed to the hospital or something.
Tom Cruise and this lobotomized victim are just freaks.
i'm looking at suri's face in the main picture...tommy is SO NOT the bio father of this child...
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did you sleep with charlie the tuna last night or did you just forget to douche?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hrJAgdMLsMI&feature=related
joe, I know! I love LRB!
"Lady" is such a beautiful song!
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And I love you best, you're not like the rest
You're there when I need you , you're there when I need - I'm gonna need you
- Little River Band "Lady"
Sorry, but I just think that kid is homely as hell and I don't understand where people are seeing cuteness. She's slightly less homely than when she was younger and once in a while she's SO homely that she sort of becomes ugly-cute. Not to mention she looks like a hellacious brat which just compounds the problem.
I guarantee she'll be plastic surgery girl (Ashlee Simpson-style) by the time she's a teenager.
Is it me or is it not 15 degrees out???!!! is she still being CARRIED around ina f*n blanket??? WTF??
Submitted by parissucksliterally on Tue, 12/23/2008 - 8:55pm.
Suri looks so fucking obnoxious, I can't even see the cuteness in her.
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PSL! That's an Aussie band you've cited in your siggy! Good work! Secondly, I have to consider Suri in her circumstances: that is, every time she is taken outside, there are grown men and women, yelling, running around, circling, flashbulbs going off and God knows what other mayhem, going on. As a mother of 3 kids, I can't imagine what this is like for a very small child. I guess in about 20 years or so, we're gonna find out when she writes that tell-all book.
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Chocolat
xoxoxox
Hey Tigerlilly!
How are you this evening you fucking whore?
I'm all out of catnip - keep those claws sheathed!!
+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+~~~+
A holiday ecard from me to dlisted. A ""prize"" to the first smart-ass that points out the typo.
TigerLils,
I've grown to love Cholly. I could never hurt Cholly...he/she's had a tough coupla months.
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PSL, I was tempted to make a Suri avatar of her morphing into her brattitude but I grew a conscience. She's just a kid after all...she didn't ask to be born into this fuckery but yeah...unless she has a really strong sense of self she's never going to appreciate her lot in life but again, she's just a kiddo so I'm gonna hope for the best for her...
Submitted by TexnDoc on Tue, 12/23/2008 - 8:53pm.
When daddy's nazi movie bombs it's back to living in some dresser drawer for you, kid.
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Hopefully not the drawer with the strap-ons and batteries.
was reading a paper today on the front page of the entertainment section it referenced an interview with tom cruise on page 3 or 5 or something. I read it, it had one or two very short paragraphs on the new movie then a recap of all his main movies with a 'blurb' from tc about it.
How very pitiful is that?!
He's airing his so-so track record to try and get people to see the crap he's putting out at xmas.
PASS.
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A holiday ecard from me to dlisted. A ""prize"" to the first smart-ass that points out the typo.
Submitted by Thornhill on Tue, 12/23/2008 - 8:51pm.
I think JIM's caps-lock button is broke. But he always makes sense to me....
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Yeah, you whores leave all caps Jim ALOOOOOOONE...Next you'll be picking on my Cholly, and I ain't havin' that...Where the fuck is my Cholly anyway?
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Suri looks so fucking obnoxious, I can't even see the cuteness in her.
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And I love you best, you're not like the rest
You're there when I need you , you're there when I need - I'm gonna need you
- Little River Band "Lady"
When daddy's nazi movie bombs it's back to living in some dresser drawer for you, kid.
I think JIM's caps-lock button is broke. But he always makes sense to me....
_________________ ☮ ___________________
If music be the food of love, put another glockenspiel in the easy bake oven...
That kid is going to have the MOST hellacious case of Narcissistic Personality Disorder EVAH! She will make L.Ron proud...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...