Just Your Regular Wino Story
Here's a lovely story for a Sunday evening starring the Crackie of Camden as told by some scum bucket who used to lick on her crackpot. You may remember this Alex Haines dude? He used to be Wino's personal assistant and they got a little too personal while he was working for her ass and Blaaake was in the chokey. Alex has now done what most people involved with Wino do: he sold his story to The News of the World.
Obviously sucking on Wino's crack pipe clit has made Alex foggy in the brains, because why else would he admit to sexing up Wino? That's some shit you take with you to the grave.
Alex's revelations about Wino won't make your eyes bulge in shock, but it is a good after church read. I've made it a little easier for you by summing it up with extra exclamation points, of course. Because exclamation points make everything escandalo. ESCANDALO!!!!!
Wino dined on a hearty breakfast of toast and CRACK every morning!Wino spent £3,500 a week on drugs and made crack pipes out of old drink bottles! She once used a screwdriver to scrape out the residue from her crack pipe. “When Amy ran out of the drug it she would cut the bottle in half and sit there on the floor completely wired, scraping the inside to get the residue with a screwdriver." The bitch is a thrifty one! She should get her own show on HGTV.
Wino is a bulimic who lives off of McDonald's and Crunchie bars! Alex says she used his toothbrush to barf. Ew. I bet you that nasty bitch Alex hasn't bought a new toothbrush either!
Wino was like Alex's own personal porn star. She was addicted to ze sexy times and wanted it four or five times a day. "When I stayed at hers I would be asleep downstairs and there would be this little girl on the bed crawling towards me waking me up for sex.” Okay, Alex is creepy.
Wino is a cutter!!! "Cutting herself was her favorite pastime.” I'm pretty sure smoking crack is her favorite pastime, but maybe cutting is a close second.
Wino is afraid she might join the 27 club of rock stars who died at the age of 27.
Wino wanted to prove to every one that she was the cokiest cokehead who ever coked, so she once snorted a line that was 20 centimeters long!!!
Wino's favorite drink is super classy. She loves vodka with supermarket tropical juice!!
Did you get all that? Wino is a bulimic, a crackhead, a cutter, a nympho and she's also the Martha Stewart of the crackworld. Basically, she's like every after-school special rolled into one hot sexy package (see above picture). Also, Alex needs to try much harder.
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The crab population on that beach has doubled since Wino's been there.
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@Clarisse: I think the crazy dog-cat hoarder person my husbands treats spends most of her time in a fugue, trolling for cats at all hours of the night (we used to get a lot of calls from her in the middle of the nite until I put a stop to THAT shit). The danes she has adopted come from Craig's List. Like I said, she's on a lot of psychiatric meds (NOT prescribed by MY husband).
Submitted by MyTwoCents on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 11:30pm
aaaaeeeeiiiiiiiii happy happy happy dance!
M2C - Happy belated Xmas, where you bin bitch? I was about to ring triple zero.
Bat foot:
http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/03_02/HiltonFootMTX_468x730.jpg
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breaktheleash,
Jebus! It's a fucking Dane!! Do they live under a rock????
CTH,
Shepherds are the most loyal, most intelligent dogs out there. You want a free thinker that will protect you? Then you need to spend time with exercise and rules. If they have to, they will make their own rules. Smart dogs do that...
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Please don't breed or buy, while shelter animals die. Opt to adopt.
Submitted by Sheeps on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 11:28pm.
Ha! never thought of that one.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 11:23pm.
I doubt that came from News of the World, there wasn't a single mention of Bigfoot or BatBoy
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Or Batfoot? What is Paris doing these days?
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Submitted by Aunt Bea on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 11:21pm.
She's either in a hospital/rehab that lets her frolic in the ocean or she's a stanky pig cause she has those hospital tags on for weeks.
Police have asked her to keep them on so they can ID the body better.
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Of the life of Benjamin Button between his twelfth and twenty-first year I intend to say little. Suffice to record that they were years of normal ungrowth.
oh man...How awesome would it have been if she was on the same beach as Daniel Craig, giving HIS second-hand Wino a run for his action?
Yeah, popped in just to say that, ha!
I doubt that came from News of the World, there wasn't a single mention of Bigfoot or BatBoy
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
Alex can screw 4-5 times a day?? Why can't I find guys like that?
She's either in a hospital/rehab that lets her frolic in the ocean or she's a stanky pig cause she has those hospital tags on for weeks.
"Submitted by Sheeps on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 10:46pm.
Alex recalls: “Mark Ronson had prepared a backing track based on David Arnold’s Quantum Of Solace score. But when Amy heard it, she said, ‘I want a tune James Bond would dance to. That sounds like something fucking James Bond gets into an elevator to’.”"
She was right about that; the QOS theme sucks ass. Wino may be stupid about men but she knows her music.
Submitted by Sheeps on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 10:57pm.
Submitted by MyTwoCents on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 10:51pm.
The NOTW story suggests it IS the same one: Wino turned it down, so it went to White/Keys. I agree: no bueno. Amy is a raving f-up, but she's also a real musician.
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"Another Way to Die" was written and produced by Jack White (who performed it with Keyes), the score was by Jack Arnold.
There is no way Winehouse would have recorded a JWhite track. I think they're suggesting Amy is talking about how her track (and she said she wrote one) was mixed into/arranged by Ronson to fit with the score?
Either way, I loved her description of it. Reminded me of the start of the Foo Fighter 'Monkey Wrench' video, where they're in the elevator listening to a muzac version of "Everlong'. Hehe.
edit: oops.
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Submitted by MyTwoCents on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 11:15pm.
Ohhhh. Thanks. I read that wrong. Yeah, the Foo Fighters have a nice, light touch.
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Of the life of Benjamin Button between his twelfth and twenty-first year I intend to say little. Suffice to record that they were years of normal ungrowth.
________ Sadly all of the fish over dosed the day Amy went for a swim.
÷ö÷ö÷ö÷ö÷ö÷ö÷ö÷ö÷ö÷ö÷ö÷ö÷ö÷ö÷ö÷ö÷ö÷ö÷ö÷ö÷ö÷ö÷ö÷ö
As a matter of fact, I do have a leg to stand on.
Sheeps,
Well, I NEVER do that.
@Clarisse: My husband's client has a dane and she pulls that same shit - she's gone through four danes now, and this frigging vet just plays right into it all encouraging her to adopt more animals she can't care for.
Submitted by Clarisse on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 11:03pm.
yeah, that fucking shit makes me hate people...
", oh, you got a german shepherd and NOW you realize it's gonna need a great deal of love and attention, because it's a smart fucking dog?"
kill these assholes!!
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"I'm pretty sure I asked you to pick up some Pecan Sandies."
breaktheleash,
The vet part is the worst. They are suppose to hold the animals welfare above all. Sadly, more than likely, it is the all mighty dollar. My vet, when after two surgeries, finally said "it was time", a week later made a 100 dollar donation to the local zoo....
CTH,
Ugh. I do some transport for the local Dane rescue and probably 80% of the surrenders are because "they got too big". Stupid people. Humans have bred "dog" to be what it wanted, then we are too lazy to give it to them.
Bah...sorry to be a downer...this Vick dog story got me a bit maudlin..
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Please don't breed or buy, while shelter animals die. Opt to adopt.
I will have to say, Wino has a pretty nice crackie rack...just throwing that out there...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by madam s. on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 10:55pm.
I also love how generous The News of the World is with ALL CAPS
Good thing NO ONE on Dlisted ever does THAT. All-caps help NOTW's slow readership.
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Of the life of Benjamin Button between his twelfth and twenty-first year I intend to say little. Suffice to record that they were years of normal ungrowth.
Submitted by MyTwoCents on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 10:51pm.
The NOTW story suggests it IS the same one: Wino turned it down, so it went to White/Keys. I agree: no bueno. Amy is a raving f-up, but she's also a real musician.
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Of the life of Benjamin Button between his twelfth and twenty-first year I intend to say little. Suffice to record that they were years of normal ungrowth.
For the most part, we just try to donate what we can to the small local animal shelters who are struggling. I use some rescued and rehabbed dogs for Alzheimer's/Dementia patients - they really wake them up. It's pretty amazing.
Sheeps,
I know... that quote cracked me up. I also love how generous The News of the World is with ALL CAPS when using exciting words like BULIMIA and CRACK for BREAKFAST.
Submitted by Clarisse on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 10:47pm.
yes,I am all about adoption, but also, RESCUE.
so many assholes get a dog like, say, a german shepherd, not understanding how much time and attention they need, they wind up in shelters.
I friend who works at a pound told me german shepherds are always the first dogs to get killed because without human contact, they get depressed and stop eating... this from a dog who will die to protect you and your family.
such a sad situation....
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"I'm pretty sure I asked you to pick up some Pecan Sandies."
Jesus, Clarisse! Yeah, uh, this cat-hoarding person my husband sees also happens to have a fixation on her pricey butcher of a vet, so that's part of it. She spends an assload of money every week at this vet's with her "sick" kitties and two dogs. And he encourages it, naturally.
Submitted by Sheeps on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 10:46pm.
Alex recalls: “Mark Ronson had prepared a backing track based on David Arnold’s Quantum Of Solace score. But when Amy heard it, she said, ‘I want a tune James Bond would dance to. That sounds like something fucking James Bond gets into an elevator to’.”
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Quantum of Solace: The 007 musical....
Pssht...you know that shit's coming to Broadway....
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by Sheeps on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 10:46pm.
*Gafaw* *snork* HAHA!
It couldn't have been worse than the one they went with though. Zzzzzz.....
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it's actually the 33 club. Jesus, Belushi, Farley. K they aren't rock stars but they are more important.
breaktheleash,
Oh I had a hoarder. 180+ rabbits (apparently they breed) 5 cats and two dogs. We rehomed over 100 rabbits, but she got to keep the cats and dogs. Some of the rabbits, not so lucky.
The person I got canned for had, when I met her, two cats, a Springer and a Sheltie. She claimed that the Springer killed the two cats, so I got a rescue to take the Springer, but she had it put to sleep. While she was there (RIGHT!) her vet gave her two new kittens. Well, then somehow the Sheltie got aggressive and killed one of the kittens, so she had the Sheltie put down and adopted a Shepherd mix. Soooooo, I got canned.
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Please don't breed or buy, while shelter animals die. Opt to adopt.
Alex recalls: “Mark Ronson had prepared a backing track based on David Arnold’s Quantum Of Solace score. But when Amy heard it, she said, ‘I want a tune James Bond would dance to. That sounds like something fucking James Bond gets into an elevator to’.”
Submitted by Manimal5 on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 10:33pm.
I think Wino is doing her titty check to make sure they haven't got lost.
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That's important. Mine have been known to stray.
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Rock Paper Scissors Lizard Spock
Submitted by Sock-Monkey on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 10:29pm.
Vodka and supermarket tropical juice? Klassy! *mixing drinkie*
Where's ESE or DA when ya need them?!
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And where the FUCK is DawnieDawnDawn. That skank ass whore hasn't been servicing us DListed sluts in, like FOREVER! I MISS U, YOU DUMB WHORE!
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 10:40pm.
yes, and if you want to partake of that sauce, feel free my friend.
just never come to Cleveland, or at least warn me so I can plan my vacay during that time.
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"I'm pretty sure I asked you to pick up some Pecan Sandies."
How can she be that close to water and still have filthy hands?
She needs to let go of her bosoms and waggle those digits it the briney ocean. Stat.
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Rock Paper Scissors Lizard Spock
Wino and Adam Sandler's kid - SEPARATED AT BIRTH!
Submitted by christine the hoff on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 10:36pm.
the tartar sauce is only ideal because it's so hard to misplace, glowing like that.
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
Submitted by Freak Speely on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 10:36pm.
Alex sounds like a freak his own damn self...a "little girl" crawling toward him for sex? Wino is short but she's a GROWN ASS WOMAN. Fucking pedophile!
His pic on the NOTW site looks like a bookish serial killer.
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Of the life of Benjamin Button between his twelfth and twenty-first year I intend to say little. Suffice to record that they were years of normal ungrowth.
Clarisse, this woman's got 22 cats. She's on a lot of meds though. The local animal authorites have been out to her home to collect some of them, but she just keeps replacing them.
What's funny is that bikini bottom used to be white. I love Wino.
Alex sounds like a freak his own damn self...a "little girl" crawling toward him for sex? Wino is short but she's a GROWN ASS WOMAN. Fucking pedophile!
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 10:17pm.
The only upside to Amy jumping in the ocean is that the fish come out pre-fried. Fish make her ideal audience, they have no ears.
And, her cunt drippings make the ideal tartar sauce.
"Barfing in nearest toilet."
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"I'm pretty sure I asked you to pick up some Pecan Sandies."
Submitted by breaktheleash on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 10:28pm.
Yeah, they'll let you volunteer for a day or a week or whatever you want, or just spend the time treating it like the world's largest petting zoo.
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
@Madam S. I'm not sure really why she was moved to the kennels, but from what I understand the animals are taken out and played with on a daily basis. Lisa's been up for adoption for a while probably because of her breed and her hearing disability. But they ARE a no-kill shelter.
breaktheleash,
Ugh. I got fired a few years ago for calling out someone like that. I had been there for 3 years and she had gone through 5 cats and 3 dogs.
She was absolutely foul, but she had the same vet the whole time, so that vet became offal.
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Please don't breed or buy, while shelter animals die. Opt to adopt.
I think Wino is doing her titty check to make sure they haven't got lost.
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Submitted by Clarisse on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 10:27pm.
That's great that you do that. I have three friends that will only get their cats/dogs from rescue centers. My one friend took an elderly dog because they were going to put him down the next day. The dog lived for three happy years with her, until he passed away the other day.
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Bye! Good
Team V.,
I'm on their site scoping potential plunder as we speak.
breaktheleash,
I'm confused though... why would they send one of their own rescued, sponsored dogs to a kennel? I'm assuming it's a no-kill situation. Hearts United, once they rescue dogs keep them on their own facilities until they get adopted.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 10:12pm.
I volunteer for BestFriends. They're the best!
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Aww TV, that's awesome. I just checked their site out! Places like that make me feel warm in the heart region... that the animals are being cared for. *kisses*
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My husband has a client who has the pet owner's version of Munchausen-by-Proxy syndrome (with cat-hoarding). She's a pretty sorry case.