Just Your Regular Wino Story
Here's a lovely story for a Sunday evening starring the Crackie of Camden as told by some scum bucket who used to lick on her crackpot. You may remember this Alex Haines dude? He used to be Wino's personal assistant and they got a little too personal while he was working for her ass and Blaaake was in the chokey. Alex has now done what most people involved with Wino do: he sold his story to The News of the World.
Obviously sucking on Wino's crack pipe clit has made Alex foggy in the brains, because why else would he admit to sexing up Wino? That's some shit you take with you to the grave.
Alex's revelations about Wino won't make your eyes bulge in shock, but it is a good after church read. I've made it a little easier for you by summing it up with extra exclamation points, of course. Because exclamation points make everything escandalo. ESCANDALO!!!!!
Wino dined on a hearty breakfast of toast and CRACK every morning!Wino spent £3,500 a week on drugs and made crack pipes out of old drink bottles! She once used a screwdriver to scrape out the residue from her crack pipe. “When Amy ran out of the drug it she would cut the bottle in half and sit there on the floor completely wired, scraping the inside to get the residue with a screwdriver." The bitch is a thrifty one! She should get her own show on HGTV.
Wino is a bulimic who lives off of McDonald's and Crunchie bars! Alex says she used his toothbrush to barf. Ew. I bet you that nasty bitch Alex hasn't bought a new toothbrush either!
Wino was like Alex's own personal porn star. She was addicted to ze sexy times and wanted it four or five times a day. "When I stayed at hers I would be asleep downstairs and there would be this little girl on the bed crawling towards me waking me up for sex.” Okay, Alex is creepy.
Wino is a cutter!!! "Cutting herself was her favorite pastime.” I'm pretty sure smoking crack is her favorite pastime, but maybe cutting is a close second.
Wino is afraid she might join the 27 club of rock stars who died at the age of 27.
Wino wanted to prove to every one that she was the cokiest cokehead who ever coked, so she once snorted a line that was 20 centimeters long!!!
Wino's favorite drink is super classy. She loves vodka with supermarket tropical juice!!
Did you get all that? Wino is a bulimic, a crackhead, a cutter, a nympho and she's also the Martha Stewart of the crackworld. Basically, she's like every after-school special rolled into one hot sexy package (see above picture). Also, Alex needs to try much harder.
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Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 10:19pm.
Thank you Mrs. Kravitz! I added to my favorites.
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Bye! Good
Vodka and supermarket tropical juice? Klassy! *mixing drinkie*
Where's ESE or DA when ya need them?!
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That lil' lint bastid will be back within the hour snorting your Borax with a rolled up dollar bill. Trust....TigerLilly 10.24.2008
Really? Vacation, huh? We've been thinking about going out there. I'd probably get busted for dog-napping though, and blow my "career" all to hell!
Creepella,
People are the lowest life form...IMO. I have been doing rescue for years and, um, they suck.
breaktheleash,
Good for you. When you save a life, you become a hero.
(((hugs n kisses)))
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Please don't breed or buy, while shelter animals die. Opt to adopt.
with regards to http://www.sugarme.bravehost.com, i ve only one thing to say that it is a funny site....
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 10:22pm.
I imagine being anywhere downwind of Amy would also make you tear up.
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
Submitted by madam s. on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 10:21pm.
They'll let you vacation on their 10,000 acre ranch in Utah. You may be able to shoplift several pups.
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
@Madam S. I have little pic of Lisa Marie (the dog) up on my fridge. Sadly she's in a kennel now but the volunteer coordinator writes back that she has a devoted handler.
TV--
I got one thing to say to you, buster...
THANKS!!!
I have dry eyes (along with the bad hearing and the incontinence) and your comments make me laugh, hence my eyes tear up, hence they are not dry anymore.
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Jimmy Mack, when are you coming back?
breaktheleash and Team V.,
I'm looking at their site... it looks great. (I shouldn't look though because I want to adopt 200 dogs at minimum and may one day become "the crazy dog lady" circumstances permitting).
Also check out hua.org (Hearts United For Animals). They're fantastic, and you can sponsor a dog, or dogs, until they get adopted... if you can't adopt yourself.
Oh, Creepella...this is for you
http://www.netlingo.com/
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Jimmy Mack, when are you coming back?
Wino tries to clean up. good for her. she can be a junkyskank any old time. Amy don't join the 27 club make another cd NOW !!!!
Religion is the stick they beat people with...lsmith07
The only upside to Amy jumping in the ocean is that the fish come out pre-fried. Fish make her ideal audience, they have no ears.
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
Submitted by boomsy on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 10:08pm.
very beautiful.Thanks.
I truly believe, and I know there are those that disagree, that if she survives and she continues to record and perform she will forever be considered one of the all-time greats.
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Jimmy Mack, when are you coming back?
@ Team V: Yeah they are. And bless you for volunteering. I recently "adopted" Lisa Marie (dog) - I send $ for her. Love her grin. O.k. Nuff said about that.
Submitted by Mr. President on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 10:10pm.
It wasn't having sex five times per day that he was complaining about, it was the tedious task of having to pick off the scabs prior to each session.
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ughhhh....thanks for the image of that in my head.
with a big box of baking soda, a bond fire, some glass plumbing, we could free base the shoreline after her swim.
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Is it Jan 20 yet?
Submitted by Clarisse on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 10:08pm.
That goes on alot. I remember Whoopi quasi defending Vic. People that harm children and animals should be put to death.
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oh godddd remind me to never swim in the ocean again. i think its been contaiminated.
aw i am so depressed right now. i tried to add my idol Micheal K on facebook and got a message that said "Michael has too many friends" and i couldnt add him.
i hate my life.
Submitted by breaktheleash on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 10:10pm.
I volunteer for BestFriends. They're the best!
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
Submitted by madam s. on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 10:05pm.
Unfortunately Wino has Britney Spears-like judgement in the people she invites to be around her. Probably her greatest downfall.
And this loser assistant needs to sell these seedy (although not remotely surprising) stories because they are the most interesting things that will ever happen to him in his entire life. And that's pretty sad.
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It more than sad, its a fucking disgrace! That fucker was being paid to take care of her and he sold her out to the papers as soon as the cheques cleared. That kind of disloyalty and backstabbing maliciousness is lower than low >:|
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Submitted by Clarisse on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 10:08pm.
Ok. This is off topic but I am watching a special about Michael Vicks pit's and it is heartbreaking!
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Yes, that, and other "tricks of the trade" are the very reasons that bastard belongs right where he is, in a cage.
"Mistletoe- n. A demon weed that causes ugly men to think they can force unwanted and awkward kisses upon a woman."
@Clarisse: Off-topic: Go to BestFriends.org - that's best animal adoption website I've found. I got a fur-kid from them. They're awesome.
It wasn't having sex five times per day that he was complaining about, it was the tedious task of having to pick off the scabs prior to each session.
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
Submitted by Sugaroo on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 10:05pm.
If I didn't eyesdrop on your convo. I wouldn't know what ITA meant either. And there are a couple of more, but I can't think of them to ask right now.
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Submitted by Sugaroo on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 10:05pm.
Submitted by Biel-zee-bub on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 10:04pm
Further proof of how edifying dlisted truly is. We all learn something new here every day! HAHA
"Mistletoe- n. A demon weed that causes ugly men to think they can force unwanted and awkward kisses upon a woman."
For you, Mrs. K:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4L9-AvjsB6g&feature=related
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Love me or hate me
It's still an obsession
Love me or hate me
That is the question
And if you love me then 'thank you'
And if you hate me then 'f--- you'
Ok. This is off topic but I am watching a special about Michael Vicks pit's and it is heartbreaking!
There is a female, who was a "champion" who had all of her teeth pulled so that she could be bred without hurting the male. Wut the fuck are people about???
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Please don't breed or buy, while shelter animals die. Opt to adopt.
Submitted by Mr. President on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 10:02pm.
She came to the beach to steal Daniel Craig's big bag of Ruffles.
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And her doppleganger (sans the tattoos) argued for the chips and failed...
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That lil' lint bastid will be back within the hour snorting your Borax with a rolled up dollar bill. Trust....TigerLilly 10.24.2008
Submitted by Madam Pince on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 9:55pm.
Sorry. You are right. Poor Michael has been through enough.
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with regards to http://www.sugarme.bravehost.com, i ve only one thing to say that it is a funny site....
This pic was taken during her annual recreation of the Exxon Valdez disaster. Not pictured: all the oil soaked waterfowl and the fish that are high as fuck.
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
amy is talented, but unfortunately her addiction has ruined her career, voice and looks. If britney can make a comeback after how fucked up she was, amy can also if she is determined enough.
Submitted by Biel-zee-bub on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 10:04pm.
No, no sweetie, ITA- I totally agree with you. When someone does spill TMI, it's worse to use it against them for spilling it.
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Oh okay. LOL! I'm ashamed to admit I didn't know what "ITA" meant. Silly moi.
Unfortunately Wino has Britney Spears-like judgement in the people she invites to be around her. Probably her greatest downfall.
And this loser assistant needs to sell these seedy (although not remotely surprising) stories because they are the most interesting things that will ever happen to him in his entire life. And that's pretty sad.
I'm with mike regarding the whole "something in the milk ain't clean that he's complaining about frequent sex" thing.
And I'm with Mrs. K. regarding the whole Team Wino! thing.
Submitted by boomsy on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 10:03pm.
@Mrs. K: 'Rehab' is ok, but my fav is 'Love is a Losing Game'; the video damn near breaks your heart.
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Yes, I suppose there are some of us whose taste just isn't *sniff* sophisticated enough **coughTVcough* to appreciate La Winehouse.
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Jimmy Mack, when are you coming back?
Mrs K.,
Oh, uh, nothing. Nothing. Loves you!!!
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Please don't breed or buy, while shelter animals die. Opt to adopt.
Submitted by Sugaroo on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 9:58pm.
Submitted by Biel-zee-bub on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 9:56pm
No, no sweetie, ITA- I totally agree with you. When someone does spill TMI, it's worse to use it against them for spilling it.
"Mistletoe- n. A demon weed that causes ugly men to think they can force unwanted and awkward kisses upon a woman."
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 9:58pm.
seriously, love you to death, but the ears aren't usually the first to go.
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seriously, if you weren't such a funny motherfucker I'd slap you into next week!
What's that you're listening to? Wayne Newton and Celine Dion duets recorded at the fabulous Sands Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas?
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Jimmy Mack, when are you coming back?
@Mrs. K: 'Rehab' is ok, but my fav is 'Love is a Losing Game'; the video damn near breaks your heart.
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Love me or hate me
It's still an obsession
Love me or hate me
That is the question
And if you love me then 'thank you'
And if you hate me then 'f--- you'
Sorry, not my type..
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Get a spicy celebrity news!
She came to the beach to steal Daniel Craig's big bag of Ruffles.
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
Submitted by . on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 9:56pm.
Mrs. K., how you dealing, hon? Grief is a wicked beast.
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Thanks.
I'm doing OK. I'm very philosophical about it.
I miss him, but we had eight great years together and he'll forever be in my heart.
I've already gotten an 8x10 glossy of him and I am bringing it to the framer's this week. Plus, I am having a pet portrait artist do a painting of him, so he'll always be around.
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Jimmy Mack, when are you coming back?
Amy looks healthy and the hair style is decent. Hopefully this is an legitimate attempt on amy's part to stay clean and sober, adleast she is trying. Too bad assholes' like alex don't support amy's efforts to get better and instead choose to make money from whatever association they have had in the past with her. Hopefully this story won't screw with amy's recovery and that the group of people that are supporting her continue to do so no matter how difficult it maybe. I wish her good luck
Submitted by Biel-zee-bub on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 9:56pm.
ITA- that's a little more below the belt than I like my below the belt shots.
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You mean what I just said? How? I was agreeing with you.
Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 9:55pm.
air kisses, dahlink!
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Hmmm... classy.
*muah* *muah*
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Submitted by Mrs.Kravitz on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 9:53pm.
seriously, love you to death, but the ears aren't usually the first to go.
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
Submitted by Sugaroo on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 9:51pm.
Submitted by Biel-zee-bub on Sun, 12/28/2008
ITA- that's a little more below the belt than I like my below the belt shots.
"Mistletoe- n. A demon weed that causes ugly men to think they can force unwanted and awkward kisses upon a woman."
Mrs. K., how you dealing, hon? Grief is a wicked beast.
Submitted by Team Valtrex on Sun, 12/28/2008 - 9:51pm.
She should learn to appreciate just how good she has it. Most brutally untalented crackheads have to suck cock to get their fix, and she just might be too ugly for that.
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*finger in ears* LALALALALAlala...
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