You Think You Know Someone

Somehow Brit Brit managed to fly all the way to India over Christmas break and then fly back again without one pap following her ass. That's what the Mirror claims anyway. According to them, Our Lady of Cheetos has fallen in love with Bollywood choreographer Sandip Soparrkar who worked on her "Woomanizah" video. What the Frapp?!

Apparently, the two met earlier this year at one of Vadge's parties. They reunited when Sandip worked on Brit's video and that's when true love was born. They somehow found a way to spend Christmas in India together without any bitches finding out. Something in the curry ain't spicy about this shit!

A source said, “Britney and Sandip tried to keep their reunion in India hush-hush as they’re determined to have a relationship just like any other couple. For Christmas, Sandip – or Sandy as Britney calls him – presented her with a traditional Indian sari. She wore it during a candlelit dinner. The pair were whispering and giggling all night. Sandy ordered local delicacies including chicken tikka and a cottage cheese curry. Britney was nicking the dough balls from his plate. It was really cute.”

Nicking the dough balls? That isn't like Brit. If she knew they were dough balls, she would have swallowed them whole and taken no prisoners. And if Sandip really wants to find his way into Brit's hear, he needs to make her cheese curry with Velveeta, of course.

This is too much too soon. Brit was in India? Brit is bumping tikkas with a dude who looks like my dentist? Brit nicks dough balls? The secrets! The revelations! You think you know someone! I feel so hurt. I feel lied to. I need to comfort myself with a Cheetotini and a Slim Jim.

Seriously, this Sandip dude really does look like my dentist. Except my dentist has been intimate with a wax strip or two and obviously Sandip hasn't. Brit knows how I feel about eyebrows and she gets with him?! The betrayal!!!! And I'm going to pretend like I didn't even see Sandip's baby bangs. I can't....

UPDATE: Yes, that shit above is Photoshopped. The Times of India says the picture has been making the rounds from Sandip's e-mail. Click here to see the original. How dare they obstruct Doogie Howser's beautiful face. Blasphemy! (Thanks Jodi)