Two Break-Ups You Probably Don't Care About
Just pretend to care, okay! Hearts have been broken! You skanks go and comfort JLove's "size 2" ass and I'll try to cheer up Patricia Arquette's bodacious breasteses. I'll spoon feed them Neapolitan ice cream while rolling my eyes at their weepiness.
We've all been there! It's the fucking worst when your friend is bawling and saying they are going to kill themselves because some dumb ho dumped them. You sit there, holding their sweaty hand, trying to show in your face that you care. You're thinking to yourself, "I need to get this bitch a Casual Encounters ad on Craigslist ad so that they can fuck the pain away and I can go watch Real Housewives!" Although, I do love using lines like "He's not worth your tears" or "His loss! I sucked his dick in the bathroom anyway." Just say the last line if they really won't shut the fuck up.
Anyway, JLove and Patricia Arquette's friends may be giving the fake "I care" face, because both of their relationships went bust.
People says that JLove and her creepy fiance canceled their engagement around the holidays. They were engaged for 1 year and dated for 2. A source said, "They're both really sad about this. Even their friends are surprised; they seemed really happy. Everyone just wants the best for both of them."
He probably got sick of her claiming she's a size 2 when he called her fat. The nerve of some people. And she probably got sick of him giving sex eyes to small animals. Look at the dude! You know he's into some sick shit!
I'm sure we'll see JLove's ass on the cover of some magazine with the headline: "I'm single and loving it! And I'm still a size 2!"
Now on to Patricia Arquette. UsWeekly says she filed for divorce today from her husband of 2 long years Thomas Jane. Of course, she blamed "irreconcilable differences" on the reason why her marriage tanked. Is there ever any other reason? The two have a 5-year-old daughter named Harlow together.
I hope both of these bitches broke it off AFTER the holidays. That shit is the way to go. If you need to dump someone, break it off with their asses after the season of giving so that you can still collect your presents! Don't ever do it before. If you think you're going to get dumped, stall that shit until your gift is underneath that tree! And if they didn't give you shit because they knew they were going to end it with you, make them get you one! They have to, because technically you were still together. Sue their asses if they refuse! Judge Judy will definitely side with you.
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oh & was she married to THE Thomas Jane..didn't know that..cool!
The Medium & The Ghost Whisperer got dumped?? hahaha about time
I can't believe Patricia Arquette's husband didn't divorce her as soon as he saw that dress fiasco!
Bad hair or not, I'd hit it. 24/7.
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Kittens give Morbo gas.
P.S. Could give a fuck about JLove. She was cute on Kids Inc. though.
Aww... sad about PA and TJ. Thought they were an adorable B-list couple.
Wasn't this a blind item where the couple were beards for each other? I can totally see PA & TJ in these roles, despite PA's huge cannons...she just can't ever get the look right...she'll give Rojo a run for her money(or Cynthia Nixon's money)
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the end...
miffed 33: yes, that was the night tj wore the kilt. as you can see in the pic behind him, the event was called "dressed to kilt," and the plaid pa is wearing and the short tie and kilt tj wore were part of their effort to look scottish-ish. personally, i liked it, except for the overflowing mammaries, which were kind of distracting. as you can see by my pic, i like kilts (that's one of my wee ones in a kilt). the only thing i ever saw tj in was that australian movie, so i thought he was an aussie. kind of surprised to find out he's american.
I can't blame anyone for divorcing someone who thought that dress was a good idea. She looks like a cheap stripper who's decided to class up her act with plaid and call it the Harvard routine.
THE PUNISHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously, Thomas Jane was so fucking HOT as the Punisher.
Sad for their daughter.
I could give a rats ass about JLove's size 2XX ass.
Submitted by theboy on Tue, 01/06/2009 - 10:56am.
Okay, but his HAIR!! Forget the shortbus tie, his HAIR!!
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He has seriously gone off the reservation.--callan
this shit right here is some good news, because Thomas Jane was way TOO MUCH for her ass.
Submitted by Balenciaga Bitch: "Sorry to be off topic, but THIS deserves a break in the threads. I was reading a rag mag today at the doc office and read where "SHITNEY IS COMING OUT WITH HER OWN LINE OF HAIR EXTENSIONS!!" Swear to God. Oh hell, no...."
She's jus trying to copy Chestica Simpson.
Those boobs are just so disproportionately large. Wow, that was a big word.
I'm actually kind of surprised about JLove. Maybe he just got grossed out by her cottage cheese thighs.
Nobody cares about these people
Arquette has the best boobs..right up there with ScarJo's
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
Lord above PA, put those things away, you'll have someone's eye out. I love medium and she used to be married to Nic Cage when he was lovely and not a bad wigged eejit playing roles way too young for him with a love you long time child bride so well done her. That small tie fellow was too dull.
edited for awful spelling
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If you can't be a good example, be a horrible warning. I'm talking to you actually.
I have no idea who this person is JLH was engaged to. I thought she was still dating the news anchors son from (Tampa) Fox TV news here. Mark Wilson's son.
That being said, I hope this douche gives a tell-all about her mad denial skills cause bitch ain't a size 2!
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Dick happens! - MK
It's not so much the tie I'd be worried about ,wasn't that the night he wore a kilt? Ick! Is there going to be anymore Medium?
Hi Sandy..
Submitted by TITS on Tue, 01/06/2009 - 2:15am.
Submitted by whippersnapper on Tue, 01/06/2009 - 1:31am.
OK, wtf is up with Thomas Jane's shortass tie?
==It matches his bitch's shortass dress perfectly. Not a good idea to shop at Club Petite when you're not petite.
No one person, male or female, can handle those Doom Tittays. That's why he's not looking at them: he's already been mesmerized in to submission. The hair...the tie....it all makes sense.
I want Santa to bring me a rack like that next year for that very purpose.
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Are you gonna bark all day, little doggie, or are you you gonna bite?
Submitted by whippersnapper on Tue, 01/06/2009 - 1:31am.
OK, wtf is up with Thomas Jane's shortass tie?
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If you step on his foot his tie squirts water in your eye.
.o.o.o.o.0.0.0.O.O.O.0.0.0.o.o.o.o.
"And how fat does one have to be to get dead animals trapped on your person?" madam s
Wasn't tj been busted twice in '08 for drunk driving? (maybe "just" once) that's kind of a turn off.
OK, wtf is up with Thomas Jane's shortass tie? Why the hell does he look so fucking goofy?
I'm a girl, and I am mesmerized by Patricia Arquette's breasteses.
Patricia's husband sooo doesn't love her. She has enormous hooters and he's not even looking. He's looking at the camera. I have HUGE boobs and even GAY guys look at mine. If you don't look at your own wife's cans, there's no love.
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"That picture makes me look like a sociopath." - Theodore Bagwell
OMG that dress looks hideous on PA. Her boobs are way too big and she is showing too much. I cannot believe TJ let her leave the house looking like that. The dress also looks a size too small.
I know I shouldn't care, but Thomas Jane looks like Zippy the Pinhead in a Scotch cummerbund.
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Wow, this is graphic.
C.U.N.TUESDAY - "He never gave anyone a clue that he was going to do it..."
==That's so often the case. Some people actually renew long broken relationships then suicide days later. So glad they feel better now... Selfish cunts!
In contrast, I can totally understand people who are alone and have nothing to live for topping themselves. I can also understand suicide by mistake, ah la Mick Hutchence, Heath Ledger.
Suicide rarely leaves the world in a better place.
Too bad about the breakups, but...............MK you are hilarious...This post is great.
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Never go with a Hippy to a Second Location
Submitted by Manimal5 on Tue, 01/06/2009 - 12:31am.
Thanks. Hadn't noticed there was a dude in the picture.
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I am the devil, and I am here to do the devil's work.
Yeah, and the saddest thing about it is that the only person he really hurt was his mom. As cold hearted as it may sound, most people just think he was stupid, and honestly it pissed us off. Because it was so stupid and senseless and other than her leaving, nothing else was wrong in his life, actually many things were improving!! But, trust, aside from finding him, it really sucks to be the people calling his mom (we did it before the police did, because we thought it would be better to hear it from someone who cared), and packing up the remnants of his life (his stuff) and being the object of curiosity (so many questions!) , dealing with morbid sightseers, oh... I never really understood when people called it the most selfish act! His family is in the northeast, and we are in the south... we just wanted to make it as easy as possible for them, which is why we handled what we could. Have to say, it gave me a whole new appreciation for life in general!! He never gave anyone a clue that he was going to do it.....
"Small and broken..... but still good..... mostly...."
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Mon, 01/05/2009 - 10:43pm.
Oh, and I can't get over P.A.'s GINORMOUS CHICHIS...
*jumps headfirst into twin peaks*
But what's with her husbands really short tie and poof hair?
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Patty Arquette has never struck me as the most stable member of the family. Hell, Alexis is probably more balanced. TJ should thank his lucky stars to get out of there.
As for the JLove breakup, maybe the guy was her beard. Who the hell knows. And for that matters, who cares?
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"Now is not the time for my fuckery."
http://girlandherbooks.blogspot.com/
http://dumb-report.blogspot.com
wasn't this a blind item a couple weeks ago? something about stores lying to the person about her size.... I think mk guessed it right too
Holy Shit SeeYou.....!
that is such an awful story!
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Submitted by parissucksliterally :got an excuse for Port-au-Prince? Can you even tell me where it is without Googling it?
Submitted by carebearloves on Tue, 12/30/2008 - 5:46pm.
its a person from france.
I haven't seen much of jlove-looking-over-a-shoulder since I stopped buying magazines. Shit, that was eons ago.
Submitted by See You Next Tuesday on Mon, 01/05/2009 - 11:35pm.
Holy, shit! I never thought that dlisted would ever hit a nerve.
==WOW what a story. Ain't it the truth that *how to end a relationship 101* should be a compulsory part of high school education WORLDWIDE.
Or better yet, just never get married... have an infinite engagement!! But I have also been in the exact situation that MK was describing.... and its so hard to not call the "dramatical" female friend a dumb bitch and point out that he only dumped her cuz he found out about her live in bf. This is why I like sites like this.... less drama, lol.....
"Small and broken..... but still good..... mostly...."
IG! Thanks hor! HNY to you too!~
xoxoxox,
BB
***I'm a Free Bird, honey!"***
NeNe~
I think engagements should last no longer than a year.
Holy, shit! I never thought that dlisted would ever hit a nerve, but it did!!Personally, I don't give a rats ass about any of these people, and the only relationship I care about it my own... but damn. Ok. Two weeks ago, a friend of mine's gf packed up and left while he was at work. He was upset, but didn't seem to be THAT upset, actually sounded pretty good. No one heard from him for a few days, so we went to check on him, and we found him on his couch... he shot himself with a .44 to the temple. So maybe its the ones that don't say anything that are the ones to keep an eye on. And he did post an ad on craigslist earlier that day for a female to talk to. Funny how things play out. And this guy had did the same thing to her about a year ago, just packed up and moved a thousand miles away.... she didn't kill herself over it. Makes no sense. Sorry.... it just brought it all right back to me. But I'm done. Too many fish in the sea to give up fishing after you get a bad catch, ya know?
"Small and broken..... but still good..... mostly...."
Clarisse, I agree. Damn her.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Mon, 01/05/2009 - 10:36pm.
Submitted by letinstar on Mon, 01/05/2009 - 10:00pm.
out with old dick...in with new dick...that's the way to start the new year...
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certified in knocking dicks outta mouths...
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This all works for me...excluding knockin dicks outta moufs...I mean, how else is a girl gonna make a living????
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tigerlilly: i'm dusting off the resume right now...seems like knocking dicks outta mouths pays real good these days...who knew?
and on that note...i'm going to bed...lol...
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certified in knocking dicks outta mouths...
This might be TMI but what the feck. I practice the art of chichi slapping my man's face while we are having sexay times. Mine aren't big but they are big enough that I've been known to feck a jowl up. With PA's, I might send my man to the damn dentist...definitely knock him unconscious.
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http://www.myspace.com/oxygen162
Submitted by bambam on Mon, 01/05/2009 - 11:01pm.
@tigerlilly,
Aint nothin like a pair a cankles when you're doin the wheelbarrow with your baby. Both these wimmens is in my cankle lovin hall of fame, right up there with Jamie Lee Curtis.
I love Medium too, Ghost Whisperer not so much.
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Hey, I ain't even into to chicks, but CHICHIS...Those bitches have 'em...just sayin'.... Kay I really do have to get my beeeeyooootaaay sleeep you fucking whores..., so nite, nite, skanks....and quit talking about chichis....
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
@tigerlilly,
Aint nothin like a pair a cankles when you're doin the wheelbarrow with your baby. Both these wimmens is in my cankle lovin hall of fame, right up there with Jamie Lee Curtis.
I love Medium too, Ghost Whisperer not so much.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41APzy5kqBU
Cara,
I think his do is Patty's fault. He was hot as FACK before the patty family....
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... so I threw my breasts out of the window of my Lamborghini!
Thomas Jane can be hot, but if the fauxhawk was annoying on 20 something Hot Topic shoppers, it's doubly annoying on a balding 40 something. Just saying.
I just this morning read that January is the biggest month for divorce filing. People have just had it up to here over the holidays and lose their shit.
♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀♀
Chicago area 5K race 2009: http://rallyforautism.com/
I don't care about these two couples but ....
One should break up before the holidays. Saves you sending money, time and effort on someone you don't like.
But I see MK's point of waiting until after.