How Many Douchebags From Tool Academy Would You Hit?
I mean hit it with your genitals and not hit it with a tree branch covered in nails. You know, I asked myself this question while watching Vh1's latest trainwreck Tool Academy. If you're not familiar with this refined piece of entertainment, let me fill you in.
9 mega mega MEGA mega mega assholes are thrown into a house thinking they are competing for some shit called "Mr. Awesome." Of course, only a DOUCHEBAG (caps for effect) would compete in that mess. It turns out, the 9 pieces of trash are really unwittingly enrolling into Tool Academy, because they treat their girlfriends like caca. They cheat on them, they take their cash, they lie, they talk shit on them, etc...etc.... They compete in a series of challenges with their girlfriends in an effort to de-tool themselves. The dick bag who has had the biggest transformation will win some shit in the end.
This should really should have been called DICKMATIZED, because these chicks have a bad case of it! How could they have not have put their boyfriends' peens in the garbage disposal as punishment for treating them so assy? That's because they are addicted to the dick. Dickmatization is a serious disease!
Okay, so back to the important question. How many would you hit? And be fucking honest! Below is a clip that is so douchy, it is guaranteed to completely clean the dirtiest of vaginas. I am so ashamed to admit that I'd hit 8 out of the 9. I had to give my genitals the evil side-eye every time it got a little tingly when one of the tools took off their shirts. I would even hit Celebrity! I'd put on that Monopoly money boa and take that shit. Ew. I'm so gross.
The only one I wouldn't hit is Josh. I'm sorry, but.... Okay, I'd only let him stick the tip in. That really wouldn't count as sexy times, because his peen is probably the size of an ant leg.
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That girl who took him back was a dumbass.
I mean, he got eliminated the FIRST ROUND, for fuck's sake! What did he prove by losing the FIRST round? That he's not only a scumbag, but an incompetent one at that? He's a failure of a person.
Oh, and that Dimitri was Greek? How embarassing for us all.
I'd like to think that some of these chickas just kept these cunt boyfriends around for the sake of humiliating them in front of the world on television. That's what I would've done. It sounds bad, but I don't care, because that's the type of girlfriend I'd be to someone who treated me like that.
I WANT MYYYYYYY SON BACK!!!!
id bone dimitri or joey thats about it then id put them back in the tool shed
Yeah I agree Juni. If that "I love you out of Dimitri's mouth was not the most half-assed forced "I love you!" I ever heard, I don't know what is.
I loved it at the end Dimitri's when girl complained that he never said he loved her. So he perfunctorily says, "I love you, there you go," after he orders her into the car.
Who, in their right mind would do that?!?!?!?! I would rather develop a heroin addiction, and get raped in an alley. The only thing they are good for is spending money on girls, and providing insight to other guys on what not to do. Classic idea for a show! Love the name. really.
Grapedrink: Haha I don't expect Tiny Tool to win the whole thing. I'm thinking that man panty loving Matsu-Flex will win! Cause he won the first challenge and showed their is a little bit of a sensitivity behind that tool in particular.
I was just saying I think that Tiny Tool might be surprise women in the bedroom, with his Tiny Tool and his bowling ball in action. hahhahhaha
Girllooking4love: I'm with you on this one...i think Tiny Tool, Josh is gonna win this whole masterpiece
he is the most awesomest with his bowling ball moves
Bing that I have serious daddy issues, and low self esteem, I honestly would hit it with all of them…….In a row…..In the same night.. Just Kidding!!! HAHAHA!!! I would never touch any of these ass holes! But, I will DEFINATLY watch this show! I love to laugh at tools.
Hit it? Out of these douchebags, if I had to make a choice, I'm going celibate, ala 105 year old Clara style, never again.
Besides, half those guys look like they'd be hitting it with each other. Forget it.
Tiny Tool and his bowling ball, might just surprise some of you. You know what they say about men who can bowl right? Their used putting their fingers in the right holes. Ohhhh Tiny Tool!
I nearly pissed myself while reading this :)
Seriously i'd let none of them near my genitals, not even pointing at them in a picture. However slapping these douchebags into shit eating submission might turn me on slightly
...where there is a will...i want to be in it...
Good idea...but I'm against reality shows
I guess I'd acquaintance rape the one called Rob, if only to make a point. The others all look like supporting parts in gay gang bang DVDs.
Sigh, that reminds me of why I don't watch "reality" tv anymore.
WARNING!!!
I heard rumors from a quite reliable source that he is seeking hot girls
@___ http://matchwealthy.com ___the wealthy and the beauty mingle. Is he looking for a serious relationship or just for fun? who knows!
I think I have a sick fascination with douchy and slutty shows like this. But seriously how much of a douche do you have to be to compete in a show called Mr Awesome?
That being said, I'd let them all hit it - except Josh and Celebrity. Matsuflex gets me tingly in a way that'll probably require a hepatitis shot if I dare download this shit.
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I mean everything I say. It's my besetting sin
Sorry, but the Greek guy is hot, I just wish they weren't such dick heads! Why do they have to be dick heads? Damn!
BTW, tools date fat/ugly girls.
This is what they do: They take the most vulnerable, insecure fat chicks they can find and call them their girlfriends because they "can", because they believe that they are below their level while they go out and fuck high klass strippers.
They date insecure women for security and to feel better about themselves. See, I'm a little bit on the insecure side, I won't lie. I have a lot of issues, so I feel for these girls. However, I have enough common sense to avoid relationships altogether in fear of ending up with someone like that, because girl with self esteem issues + cheater = BIG MESS.
I WANT MYYYYYYY SON BACK!!!!
Ugh, I'm already hooked on this show in a masochistic way. These fucks are so disgusting, and I can't wait to see them get their asses handed to them...but I'm not sure if it's emotionally healthy for me to watch because at the moment I'm going through one of my "Alanis Morisette" phases, lol. I'm afraid that after watching this, I'll be even more jaded about relationships than I already am.
It's nice to see that people are finally no longer encouraging men to be assholes. I watched the first episode, and it's amazing seeing how many of these fuckers feel "disappointed" and "embarassed" only after they've been videotaped and exposed to their girlfriends, but they seemed mighty proud of themselves on the tape.
I'm really interested in seeing how any of these so called men can redeem themselves, because in my opinion, they all seem like such pieces of trash that there's no hope for these motherfuckers. They all deserve to be anally electrocuted. Repulsive.
I thought Bret Michaels was a tool, but he has nothing on these scumbags. If that's what a "tool" is, then I guess I've been using the word much too flippantly. Then again, I suppose "Bastard Academy" or "Posterchild for Abortion Academy" sounds a little bit crude.
I WANT MYYYYYYY SON BACK!!!!
Josh is a big no, but Douche Rob is a no for me too. I think hes fug. I would not hit it.
The douche look really turns me off. Disgusting hair gel, tacky ass Ed Hardy shit. Ew. They'd probably talk about themselves in 3rd person or call themselves "my daddy" the whole time during sexy times. GROSS.
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These douchebags make me so mad. Sexist, small disgusting pigs! I just wanted to bash that fucker's head in when he was talking about how he trained his gf. These are the same type of guys that play head games and manipulate sensitive women into thinking they are always the ones with the issues in the relationship, that no matter what's done by HIM, its always her fault.
I dunno..I've dated guys that fuck with your head because they were desperate not to lose me because I helped them with so much shit.
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Submitted by Candy on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 11:54pm.
To be called a bottom bitch and a trained monkey and still sit there is saying something about their self worth. I thank God I'm not in this situation a bitch would've been 'physically injured' 10 times already.
OMG @ the preview for next week!
I watched this past week and saw the preview but I think I cannot even get myself t watch more of this. I enjoyed some of the Chris Abrego shows for a while but they are now sooo way past bottom of the barrel, I think i may have to give up on VHi like I did MTV many years ago....sadness... ___________________________________________
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To be called a bottom bitch and a trained monkey and still sit there is saying something about their self worth. I thank God I'm not in this situation a bitch would've been 'physically injured' 10 times already.
OMG @ the preview for next week!
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_I watched this mess yesterday and laughed at these women. Really, how desperate are these chicks? And who wants to have a relationship with these guys, let alone kids.... bottom of the sperm pool. ___________________________________________
Rudeness is a weak man's imitation of strenght.
An Eye for an Eye Leaves Everybody Blind!
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I'm watching right now and I'm convinced they are all Brad Pitt related. I can't stop laughing at this shit LMAO!
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MEGA PLEASE!!!!!!!!! LOL
MEGA PLEASE!!!!!!!!! LOL
Submitted by Karen Flatts on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 9:23pm.
I'm sorry but these Tools are kind of of lovable. I wouldn't be surprised if Tools make a comeback because of them. They are exciting and you know you'll feel a thrill ride from them.
Sorry MK, but I wouldn't hit any of those douchebags. That type of guy who's more interested in his physical appearance and who thinks he's the shit because he has muscles, who thinks he's hot and handsome but has a stupid retarded and semi-funcional brain cell..... is not my cup of tea.
Idiot attracts stupid. Idiotic men attract insecure stupid women, so it's a match made in douche heaven.
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-"I am not about to deal with unstable people" - HEART ANGELINA.
Submitted by Dirk Diggler on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 8:04pm.
All right, "sunk to a new time low."
Thank you. Thank you very much. I can sleep peacefully now. :-)
xo
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"I am pretty sure I am a doppelgänger for Alan Alda. I'm a tranny. I'm a man. I'm so painfully insecure. I'm on the verge of vomiting now. I am so horrified that I am here, and embarrassed. I'm scared."--M
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Submitted by mike on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 8:44pm.
These girls had to see this to know their bfs were such douchebags? C'mon, if you're that lacking in awareness you deserve every bit of misfortune thrown at you.
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Exactly. These are the masochistic type of chicks who are looking for nothing but sympathy-- one step (if that) away from the type that calls the Cops to their house for a Domestic and then fights the cop trying to arrest the dick that just beat them. Trust me. I have no sympathy for theses idiotic bitches.
Submitted by mike on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 8:44pm.
These girls had to see this to know their bfs were such douchebags? C'mon, if you're that lacking in awareness you deserve every bit of misfortune thrown at you.
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ITA.
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"This is why I beat hookers" - Tig from Sons of Anarchy
Okay, after having watched that clip, I want to see that show, I'd hate to admit it but I would really love to see the look on those guys' faces when they're told what douchebages they are.
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"This is why I beat hookers" - Tig from Sons of Anarchy
Can't wait, angel. Hopefully she will eating some Sketti Pussy, er, I mean, Cat.
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Team Rojo!
These girls had to see this to know their bfs were such douchebags? C'mon, if you're that lacking in awareness you deserve every bit of misfortune thrown at you.
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Submitted by Mr. President on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 8:41pm.
Hey, angel! Um, perfecto because I'm a douche/tool or because I'm awesome? Hey, I left a comment and rating on your YouTube vid.
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Hey, I saw! Thanks!
The next one is gonna be set to this becuz of you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LI4kQPzcoTk
I hope you're proud of yourself.
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I'd watch them get hit... by a bus.
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"This is why I beat hookers" - Tig from Sons of Anarchy
Hey, angel! Um, perfecto because I'm a douche/tool or because I'm awesome? Hey, I left a comment and rating on your YouTube vid.
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
Submitted by Mr. President on Mon, 01/12/2009 - 8:38pm.
Now that my term is about to end, I'll have to find a new user name. "Mr. Awesome" would be a good replacement don't ya think?
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Perfecto!
PS. You're on the wrong team. See that? You're already on your way to the Mr. Tool Awards!
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Now that my term is about to end, I'll have to find a new user name. "Mr. Awesome" would be a good replacement don't ya think?
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Team Rojo!!!
I was hoping the economic crisis would at least rid us of VH1 and MTV. No such luck, yet. Douchetard Central!
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"I think we'll need some more FBI guys."
If your boyfriend wanted to compete in a "Mr Awesome" competition, wouldn't that be a clue that he could be a..errm..tool?
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When Judge Margaret Richards asked the accused if he had anything to say, he replied "I like your hair". He was sentenced to 115 days in jail.
Mega and Rob. I'm being prudish, too, cuz these guys are SUCH assholes. And any girl who din't up and walk out of that scenario and never look back REALLY needs to see Dr. Obvious about that Dickmatization. STAT!
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Dickmatization is a serious disease!
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Tell me about it. It makes seemingly perfectly sensible people do and put up with some perfectly ridonkulous shit. Believe. I've seen it happen so many times. Never fails to amaze me.
Forget health warnings on cigarettes. We need Surgeon General Warnings tattoed on these douchbags foreheads. And public service broadcasts on the causes, symptoms and long term effects of dickmatization. The board of Health needs to be checking into this shit. It's turning into an epidemic with the rising number of women increasing ever year going through this and more and more ridiculous shit over some dick that happens to have a massive dickhead attached to it.
Somebody tell me. Is there a man shortage? Is it that bad? Why are women's self esteem issues so out of wack that they think they need guys like this in their lives? And why are so many men turning up as such douches? Are they all going on secret special courses to teach them "how to be a monumental douche and a massive shit"? Is the government sponsoring it? Oh so many questions, people. So many questions!
All right, "sunk to a new time low."
Shit why don't I get VH1 anymore. I need to see this show right NOW!!! hahahaha! Srsly I think I'll go back to my cable subscription just for this shit. It looks golden. Golden I tell you!
I'd hit all their fat ugly girlfriends. Across the face. Especially the one who starts crying.
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Exercising pointless futility.