A few months ago, Heather Mills bought a popular sea kitten restaurant in East Sussex, England and fired all the bitches. Heather queefed that she was going to turn the place into a vegan restaurant. Well, the time has come! Heather opened V-Bites yesterday and the only rotten kipper in the joint is Heather herself!

You know, the name "V-Bites" sounds short for vagina bites. This makes sense since Heather's cunt does have teeth. Speaking of cunts.....

Heather's hair is just two snips and a taser attack away from looking just like Kate Gosselin's electrocuted possum head. Cunty cunts think alike! The Cuntress of the US and The Cuntress of the UK should really join forces and declare world domination. Two cunts are always better than one.

And because this post doesn't have enough of the "cunt" word....CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT!

Kathy Griffin finally has her own wax figure at Madame Tussaud's in Las Vegas! It's the one on the left in case your eyeballs quit that bitch from trying to figure it out. It is kind of hard to tell since both of their faces are made from the same materials. Although, Kathy's wax figure's hair looks more natural. Seriously, Kathy's hair always looks like it came directly from The Raquel Welch wig factory.

Kathy's wax statue is kind of missing something important. It needs live entertainment and I know just the hot bitch for the job! Peep at the shiny-eyed crackie in the clip below at the 10:00 mark! If she isn't a star, I don't know who is! It won't break Madame Tussaud's bank either, because they won't need to pay her! Just blow a little crack smoke in her face, shine a bright spotlight on her and she's good to go!

File this under: Why are humans the dominant species on earth?!

If this story isn't a good reason to start drinking rubbing alcohol and vodka on a Saturday afternoon, then I don't know what is....

At a park in Cambridge, Maryland on Monday, a bitch named Candy Michelle Vignari, gave birth to a baby girl....in a Port-A-Potty. Get ready to launch "Awww...Hell Naw" from the tip of your tongue, because it gets much worse. After the baby was born, Candy put her inside the caca-filled toilet, went outside and asked a construction worker for a cigarette. And we have lift-off!

The construction workers knew something in the milk wasn't clean when they noticed Candy covered in blood and womb jelly. When one of the workers tried to go into the Port-A-Potty, Candy told them not to because there was a baby in there. The police were called.

One of the workers said, "Right as the cops had pulled up I had seen her go back into the port-a-potty real quick grabbed a towel at the time I didn't know what it was and then she comes over to the cops and the cops grabbed the baby."

Candy was arrested and charged with child abuse and reckless endangerment. The baby is currently in stable condition at a local hospital.

It's too bad that the baby didn't know what was about to go down, because she could've pulled out Candy's uterus as she was sliding out so this fuckery doesn't happen again! I mean, this was unnecessary! All Candy had to do was bring the baby out and scream, "BABEH 4 SALEZ." Both St. Angelina Jolie and Vadge would've magically appeared with their checkbooks in hand.

Source (Thanks Tanya)

The Bang Bang Lady and The Boom Boom Girl - Happy Fourth of July, hos! If you plan to celebrate by doing firework stuff today, I suggest you get in your car (or take the next Chinatown bus) to Phenix City, Alabama and ask for The Bang Bang Lady or The Boom Boom Girl to assist you with all your sparkly needs. Also, maybe you should let The Boom Boom Girl know that in certain circles her nickname means "prostitution whore." Actually, maybe that's what they are really selling over there! Buy 1 and get a finger bang bang and a bagina boom boom for free! It is the American way.

And if you are an American, it is your duty to watch all of their commercials. Actually, if you are a citizen of the world, it is your duty to watch this shit! That's Hawwwwwt!

Gloria Stuart (99)
Isabeli Fontana (26)
Becki Newton (31)
Koko The Gorilla (38)
Ute Lemper (46)
Geraldo Rivera (66)
Gina Lollobrigida (82)
Neil Simon (82)
Eva Marie Saint (85)

Brad Pitt's motorcycle bike down, so he got ride a from the paps. St. Angie's angel drawn crystal chariot was not available, obviously. - Lainey Gossip

Three sexy ladies in a row - Egotastic!

Lenny Kravitz should be wearing less clothes - Popsugar

Gis Bundchen or a SJP/Aniston hybrid? - Hollywood Tuna

The weepy Stepford robot is in Australia and still wearing her second trimester pillow - Just Jared

Vintage busted teefs - Cityrag

Adrien Brody will be wearing this in 3...2... - Towleroad

Tater Head to guest star on 90210 as a "punky cute lesbian." I understand the "punky" and "lesbian" part.... - ICYDK

Ryan Eggold tried to recreate Johnny Depp's grease mop and it didn't work - SOW

Harvey needs to start styling Katie Price (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel will never break up, because nobody can work a strap-on like she can - Celebitchy

Zac Efron cut off his twink shag - Socialite Life

So this is the real reason why Jakey chose Reese as his main hag? - I'm Not Obsessed

Gloria Trevi breaks out the "pushing out a doody bubble" pose - Hollywood Rag

I'll take this swimsuit in every color - Superior Gossip

Thanks Ryan

Tomorrow is the Fourth of July, so those of you that celebrate that shit should spend today preparing your liver and stomach for the fuckery that is to come. That's what I'll be doing all day (holy water colonics, etc....), so I'll only be posting here and there. This shit will return to its normal schedule on Moooonday. That's if I don't end up in the hospital after joining the legion of drunky dumb fucks who think it's really hilarious to stick a sparkler in your ass. Tempting....and completely possible.

Now I leave you with Kanye West's ballsack polisher, Amber Rose, outside of a club in Hollywood last night with some kind of fungus growing on her head. Stop the insanity!

Yesterday was the day we were all reminded that HoHan is not a 45-year-old truck stop vagina vendor, but actually a 23-year-old girl. Twenty-three never looked so fresh and pure. Happy Birfdays, eh? HoHan took advantage of the day by dragging the object of her stalking, SamRo, to lunch in Malibu.

You know this shit was a special occasion, because they actually ate food stuff. And you know SamRo also did the eyeroll mambo while eating HoHan's chocha asada a little later. She had to. It was HoHan's BIRFDAY. You have to bust one your birthday. Just ask this trick.

Gary Coleman's giant ginge wife, Shannon Price (don't even mention it), was arrested at their home in Utah on Wednesday night for midget abuse and acting the fool. TMZ says that the two had some kind of argument. Shannon told Gary to go sit in the "time out" corner, but he wouldn't listen, so she locked him out of the house and refused to let him in.

Shannon then went into Gary's room and destroyed everything he loves like his favorite big boy pants, his booster seat and his Cuddle Buddy. Gary called the police and Shannon had some Dlisted-approved words for them when they arrived. According to the report, Shannon called the cop a "fucker" and then followed it up by saying, "fuck you and fuck him!" Obviously, that didn't go over well with the cops, so she was arrested and shuffled off to jail. She was later released on $1,205 bail.

For why are these two still together? Anybody who saw their wrong asses on Divorce Court or The Ty Ty Baby Show know that they HATE hate HATE each other in the worst possible way. I mean, they've never done fucky times together and Gary even threw a printer at Shannon once. If Shannon is using him for his cash, then she's the worst gold digger of all-time, because I doubt he's making major bank from selling his Gap Kids khakis on eBay.

It's a shame that they can't get along, because they really are a match in Kentucky Derby heaven. With his small stature and her horsey physique, they could go all the way!