Wednesday, January 14th 2009

Open Post: Hosted By A Hamster Eating A Carrot


I am all kinds of wrong for the thoughts that passed through my head while watching this sweet innocent hamster swallow a tiny carrot in a matter of seconds. I am not right in the head. The church was right. Just for that I'll be forced to join the glory hole clean-up crew in Hell.

It's that time of day where you can converse freely about whatever while others silently judge you. You can talk about how this hamster eating a carrot looks just like my dream from a couple of nights ago where my unwaxed no-no swallowed Carrot Top's stick. WHY?! Why does the devil make me write such garbage? Anyway, I'm gonna go dip my head in bleach (I do that anyway because of the crabs) while you rant amongst yourselves.

VIA Buzzfeed

Posted by: Michael K


Molotov Cocktease's picture

I wanna meet some of you Dlisters!!! I almost met M.E. but I was in a bit of a situation and was not fit for public (remember that?). I still kick myself for that. I might meet some folks soon tho *rubs hands together devilishly*

___________________________
When the Power of Love overcomes the Love of Power, The World will know Peace.

M.E.'s picture

Papa Smurf - it's beyond fucked up.

xxyxz's picture

Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 01/14/2009 - 4:32pm.

That's awesome. where is Mishma? I haven't seen her in a long time

Clarisse's picture

Nothing like a good "I may have the Herp" story!!!

What. The. FUCK!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Clay pigeons are fuckers!

M.E.'s picture

Meeting dlisters: So far I've only met one dlister, but it's a forum dlister who doesn't post on the main.

This Sat her and I will go have lunch with Mishma. (her and mish are already friends)

Should be fun!

la cucaracha's picture

Submitted by Miss Priss on Wed, 01/14/2009 - 4:21pm.

hahahaha Paris herpes!

I remember that song! It was popular in college

I got hos
I got hoes

in different area codes
======================================
We doin ho activities
With ho tendencies
hoes are my friends
hoes are my enemies
with ho energy to do whatcha do, blew what cha blew, screw what cha screw!

That was the popular ho song when I was in college!

~~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~~
There's a reason they don't play Rock / Paper / Scissors / Pussy - NOTHING beats pussy. -TV

ILovePapaSmurf's picture

"Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 01/14/2009 - 4:01pm.

The bathroom at my work is in dire need of a HAZMAT cleaning.

Crazy Lady refuses to let us hire a cleaning crew, she INSISTS on doing it herself. Yet, her idea of cleaning it is sprinkling Ajax in the bowl and letting it set.

I went in there once and there was shit splattered all over the back of the toilet, shit smeared TP on the floor and garbage can. UGH!

But again, this is the same crazy sick lady that fishes the used tampons out of the trash with her bare hands."

What.The.Fuck.

Everything about this post is wrong as fuck. I feel like throwing up. lol.
--------------------------------------
"Her voice sounds like a goat in heat..." - Balenciaga Bitch on Sarah Palin (10/6/08).

KD's picture

I'm going to Chitown some day to do some hoodrat stuff with Miss Priss. Woohooooooo!

M.E.'s picture

MC - she's 80 AND the owners mother. I have to be nice.

xxyxz's picture

Miss

That is strange! There are a lot of cool dlisters from Chitown. I have almost meet MC, Aphid, PSL
someday...

ofcourseshesaid.com's picture

ofcourseshesaid.com
Patti Kelly Art

I had two hamsters when I was a kid. i never gave them carrots. i am sorry about that now.

M.E.'s picture

snowy - my bitch hub snores in all positions, side, back, stomach. UGH! Kicking the bastard helps usually long enough for me to fall back asleep.

Molotov Cocktease's picture

*beats head on desk*

___________________________
When the Power of Love overcomes the Love of Power, The World will know Peace.

KD's picture

Miss Priss- I bet mine is Hairier! LOL, that sounds kind of wrong.

Molotov Cocktease's picture

Submitted by M.E. on Wed, 01/14/2009 - 4:21pm.
UHM! I'm not the only chick who works in the building!!!!!!! GET THAT SHIT OUT OF MY FACE!
*********

OH HELL THE FUCK NO! I would have to sit that crazy old bitch down and tell her lissen up bitch, you come waving that filthy shit in my face again I will have this place shut the fuck down, and have both your fucking kneecaps broken while your children watch. I hope we don't have to have this conversation again.

Homey don't play dat

___________________________
When the Power of Love overcomes the Love of Power, The World will know Peace.

KD's picture

Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 01/14/2009 - 4:21pm.
yeah, they get all mad when you shove 'em. If you can get them to sleep on their side usually that will help the snoring....
_________________

LOL, at first I thought you meant on their side of the Bed! He snores on his side, too, I think.

the_original_shortright's picture

Submitted by Mrs. Gosling on Wed, 01/14/2009 - 4:21pm.
here in the greater cleveland area i'm dealing with 12* feeling like 2*. tomorrow is a high of 9* with a low of -7*. yay! (i hate wind chill).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Your HR lady is a cunt." -Chris Ecclestons Concubine

M.E.'s picture

My bitch hub snores like a mother fucker. That is why I wear earplugs.

I talk in my sleep. You can ask me questions and I'll answer. I sleep walk occassionally. Nothing like waking up in the shower at 2am with socks on.

Miss Priss's picture

KD: My BF is hairy as hell!!! that might work!!! lol

xxyxz, no...i've never met any Dlisters...TonicBitch lives like 10 minutes from me, but we never met...it's weird...no?

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You got your problems, I got my hash pipe
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ba_NNKyUwEE

"Bench sucking is only for after midnight. Dumb blue motherfucker!" MK 12.30.08

Molotov Cocktease's picture

lol
every other city we go, we see the same hoooo-oo

That doesn't help the question on the table, I just wanted to sing it.

I ♥ Open Post.

___________________________
When the Power of Love overcomes the Love of Power, The World will know Peace.

Jadedkitten's picture

Wow impressive that hamster was deep throating that carrot like a pro maybe he can give miley some tips so next time she doesn't cut her vulva

:(
George Carlin went to Heaven and left us with Dane Cook here in Hell
****
Michael Phelps’ heart pumps twice as much blood as the average human’s heart.Blood made of the failed Olympic dreams of everyone that has raced against him.

loozer's picture

My condolences to Mopa.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UbYItdf6IBc
*************************************************
I will give you my finest hour, the one I spent watching you shower.

snowpiece's picture

yeah, they get all mad when you shove 'em. If you can get them to sleep on their side usually that will help the snoring....
****************************1/20/09
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"thats my favorite bible saying bitch!"

M.E.'s picture

sorry paris herpes. Worst part of that story, she came storming in the office, will all them dirty cootch plugs in a plastic bag, shoved it in my face and started yelling at me in her half Danish half english accent something about them being put in the wrong garbage or some shit.

UHM! I'm not the only chick who works in the building!!!!!!! GET THAT SHIT OUT OF MY FACE!

Mrs. Gosling's picture

Submitted by the_original_sh... on Wed, 01/14/2009 - 4:08pm.

its 12 degrees but feels like -5! So not fun and I take the bus!

____________________________________________
I never stay on topic :)

Miss Priss's picture

hahahaha Paris herpes!

I remember that song! It was popular in college

I got hos
I got hoes

in different area codes

LMAO

◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘◘

You got your problems, I got my hash pipe
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ba_NNKyUwEE

"Bench sucking is only for after midnight. Dumb blue motherfucker!" MK 12.30.08

bitchette's picture

definitely - hos

312 - 210!

'fuck you guys. i'm goin' home.'

xxyxz's picture

Miss Priss

OMG! have you meet any dlisters?

KD's picture

Miss Priss- Pull his leg hairs next time. That's always fun.

Molotov Cocktease's picture

aw shit chi-town in the heazy! I'm not there but my fam is. Some of the classiest people I have met are from Chicago.

___________________________
When the Power of Love overcomes the Love of Power, The World will know Peace.

paris herpes's picture

MC, I've wondered the same thing many a time as well. Hmmm. How did that song go...I got hos in different area codes? Was it hoes? That does look wrong...

STFU!!!

snowpiece's picture

GrisslyGlamour there was something about that in AMNY or Metro this am, I was looking at it in the dentist but I didn't get the whole story.
****************************1/20/09
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"thats my favorite bible saying bitch!"

Miss Priss's picture

Mrs. G,

Im in chitown too.

It's freeeeeezing today!!!

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You got your problems, I got my hash pipe
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ba_NNKyUwEE

"Bench sucking is only for after midnight. Dumb blue motherfucker!" MK 12.30.08

xxyxz's picture

The dlisted forum is a place where you can get private messages
I'm trying to get mine set up. There is something I would like to share with you *shhh*

Kidding. I'm not trying to sound all creppy!

I'm sane, I promise

Miss Priss's picture

My dad snores like a mofo!
My sister and I could hear him through the walls snorting!! My step mom would sleep in the couch sometimes. lol

My fiance snores too. Not often, but he does. I kick him and wake him up he gets mad at me

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You got your problems, I got my hash pipe
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ba_NNKyUwEE

"Bench sucking is only for after midnight. Dumb blue motherfucker!" MK 12.30.08

KD's picture

I once almost choked on a triscuit. Unfortunately, I think of that sometimes when the person "triscuit" posts.

the_original_shortright's picture

Submitted by Mrs. Gosling on Wed, 01/14/2009 - 4:15pm.
that would have been a little scary... lol! chicago? is it as cold as an eskimos balls there today?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Your HR lady is a cunt." -Chris Ecclestons Concubine

M.E.'s picture

MC - I'M NOT THE NASSY ONE!!! It's the crazy old lady!

paris herpes's picture

xxyxz, what's that?

STFU!!!

Molotov Cocktease's picture

chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis oh my!

___________________________
When the Power of Love overcomes the Love of Power, The World will know Peace.

paris herpes's picture

snowpiece, like hell IT does...I gotta go gets me a certificate in non-profit management now. Great!

STFU!!!

Mrs. Gosling's picture

Submitted by the_original_sh... on Wed, 01/14/2009 - 4:08pm.

Wouldnt it be weird if we were BFFs?? lol no im from Chicago

____________________________________________
I never stay on topic :)

GrisslyGlamour's picture

Oh, and I hope the hamster is well :)

Miss Priss's picture

Stoney

Me too I hate Bugles! They cut the roof of mah mouf!

I only got 50 cents tho...grrrrr

I wouldn't pay 75 cents for 4 doritoes either. They are the little bags of doritos!! 2 bucks more you can buy that one pounder!

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You got your problems, I got my hash pipe
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ba_NNKyUwEE

"Bench sucking is only for after midnight. Dumb blue motherfucker!" MK 12.30.08

xxyxz's picture

Paris Herp

Do you have an account in the forum?

Molotov Cocktease's picture

oh my god I am so over today.

Has time been creeeeeeeeping by for you hoes too?

how exactly does one pluralize "ho". "Hos" looks wrong, but so does "hoes."

___________________________
When the Power of Love overcomes the Love of Power, The World will know Peace.

paris herpes's picture

la cucharacha, it's the absolute nastiest thing I've ever head. I'm gonna go to the bathroom and retch now.

STFU!!!

GrisslyGlamour's picture

I´m a daily reader who doesn´t comment very often, but I find this occasion very appropriate for putting forth this information. Michael K has repeatedly warned us that a new wave of STD´s is or soon will be upon us due to all the whoring that goes on on tv. And yes, this is in fact the case, happening both in the UK and USA, at an alarming rate. So beware and stay away from sex ya´ll (yea right)

http://www.newsmax.com/us/med_std_cases/2009/01/13/170836.html

Mrs. Gosling's picture

Submitted by KD on Wed, 01/14/2009 - 4:09pm.
But the worst was one night he woke up at like 2 and started giggling his head off and he WOULDN'T stop! It was so annoying and I was so tired and cranky I just starting smacking him and yelling and he just kept on giggling like a school girl. Apparently he had a dream that I was doing something silly and it was really funny.

-----Lmao I actually laughed out loud!!!

____________________________________________
I never stay on topic :)

snowpiece's picture

paris herpes: your story sounds very familiar, oh yeah, that English degree has served me well, HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH HA!
****************************1/20/09
"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"thats my favorite bible saying bitch!"