Jessica Is Lovin' It
I didn't mean that in a McDonald's way. Okay, yes I did, but I also meant that Jessica Simpson is absolutely busting pussy Whoppers over all the attention she's getting about this FAT shit.
Last night during my nightly ritual of watching all those entertainment shows while eating a nutritious snack (a microwaved powdered donut with Hershey syrup on top), I almost chucked at all the Jessica Simpson coverage. That damn picture of her smothered crotch kept flashing on my screen. It almost made me quit my donut, but I could never do that. Not in this economy!
During one of the shows, they even showed a "Jessica Simpson body timeline." Fucking ridiculous. The only person I wanted to hear from about this subject was my mom. This is what she said: "Um....No. She's not fat. Just a little thick, maybe. A little big-boned. Kind of juicy. She could eat more vegetables." Case closed.
And you know Papa Joe hasn't left the house in days. He tries to, but he can't stop the orgasms from all the attention. It's like a sea of Papa Joe semen up in that house. He turns on the TV, sees Kathie Lee talking about his daughter and BOOM! There pops another one.
Anyway, here's Jessica frowning on the outside, but running through a meadow of Pop Tarts on the inside while arriving at some place in Virginia last night.
• 
That's the John Paul Jones arena in Charlottesville on the UVA grounds. I know for a fact some dumb bitches wasted money just to see "how fat she's gotten" & left before the headliner.
Her sunglass is very beautiful, I think it is very popular this year, I have seen some girls on the rich dating site www. millionaireloves. com wearing it.
I'm not the greatest fan of her OR her sister but... really, she looks better with a little curviness than she did superskinny. She's not fat!
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I'm trying to be a nicer person so back off you nasty pie-faced cow!
Submitted by ewwyouslore on Thu, 01/29/2009 - 9:54pm.
ugh shes in my state....please go back to texas. NO ONE WANTS YOU HERE!
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That's nothing-she was in MY town. Her hotel is less and a mile and half from my house.
Submitted by Manimal5 on Fri, 01/30/2009 - 12:10am.
She looked good then but still not hot--she's stocky or stumpy or sumppin. That vid bugged me, too, since I liked the Sinatra version which was line-dance-free.
Submitted by Sheeps on Thu, 01/29/2009 - 11:57pm.
Then why does her limo say "Extra Wide Load"?
So she gained a "little" weight since the Boots are made for walking vid. Nobody is perfect.
Except maybe this girl:
http://www.mandinner.com/perfectwoman.jpg
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Then why does her limo say "Extra Wide Load"?
I don't understand why this is even on the radar.
Oh, yeah, that's right, her dad's an attention whore by proxy.
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Um, um, Look to the cookie Elaine. Look to the cookie.
yeah she's fat! fat and thick! thick in the head and thick on the hips it figures.
She is not fat
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
Jessica is in VA for a show in Charlottesville @ JPJA.
Didn't she say she was a size 8? Nothing wrong with. I still think she's a half-wit.
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Joel McHale for Hot Slut of the Year!~!
She's not fat, but that outfit the other day was horrible and really didn't help matters. She looks fine, and she looked fine before (even better 'cause you could tell she was working her ass off for that Daisy Duke body) but of course it's up to her which body she wants!
Now Kim Kardashian's jumping on the fucking bandwagon, as if she knows jack shit about what a "real" body looks like.
Kim Kardashian's ass is why she's famous. Don't play that "I'm so insecure" game, when your body type is forced down girls' throats just as much as stick thin is.
ugh shes in my state....please go back to texas. NO ONE WANTS YOU HERE!
She is not fat. She looks flabulous!
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She is not Fat!
Krystal
www.blahgirls.com/blog
krys@blahgirls.com
Without the wig she would just look like an ugly little stumpy man. Must be hard to know people would call you a boy without fake hair.
http://www.tmz.com/2009/01/26/jessica-simpson-this-is-how-she-rolls/
More proof this bitch isn't a size 2!!!
OMG PLEASE let your mom host an open post or SOMETHING! I beg of you MK! lol that would make my year!
What is that bitch doing in my state? Eviction time!
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"I think you better play that jingle to someone who gives a rat's ass." -- Craig Ferguson
http://girlandherbooks.blogspot.com/
http://dumb-report.blogspot.com
That's just her winter pelt.
Omg. If that is fat then we are in big trouble.
Those sunglasses makes it so obvious that she got a bad nose job
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"I'm ginna drezz mah baby in all bran namez 'n' if I can't afford it, I guess I'm ginna still it!" or "If mah baby losez its pacifier, I have three mo'!"
My first thought: "hmmm...never thought of microwaving a powdered donut"
M.E. on Thu, 01/29/2009 - 2:34pm
Jared did the Cayenne and syrup cleanse diet poop.
"Going gray is like ejaculating. You know it can happen prematurely, but when it actually does, it's a total shock." MAH BOO!!!
VOTE 4 MK http://2009.bloggies.com/
Nevermind, I don't need anal leakage.
Isn't that the shit Jared Leto said he drank when he lost the weight from his "Chapter 27" fatness?
I for one think she looks more womanly than she has in forever. Her face looks so much prettier and softer. Maybe she could tone up a bit, but ppl this girl is not fat.. she STILL doesn't even have any ass or hips
I am just too much. - Joan Crawford
Well said, luscious...
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Can you tell your tits to quit staring at my eyes?
Running through a field of Pop Tarts. Ha ha ha!!
I guess we're not talking about Romo cheating on her, so the plan worked. Good job Simpson fam--- and ladies, take note:
while it is important for a woman of any worth to be wealthy, thin, and with a hot man, in order of importance, having a man trumps being skinny. Better to be mocked for fat than mocked for being cheated on/dumped.
and thus the machine chugs away...
*****
I can't decide which color Snuggie to buy.
http://www.myspace.com/luscious_t_999
ABANDONED COUCH - FOREVER HOT SLUT '08 IN MY HEART
Submitted by Knuckles_Johnson on Thu, 01/29/2009 - 1:51pm.
Word.
Submitted by BangoSkank on Thu, 01/29/2009 - 1:57pm.
"What is this lemon juice maple syrup diet diarrhea wonder????"
Isn't that the Master Clense, or whatever it's called
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K, ACK! I HAVE to say it. That's a spiritual fast. You're not just supposed to drink the lemon juice and maple syrup and take off weight. It's kinda hard on a body with no mental training and spiritual activity. It's not meant for losing weight but for cleansing. It drives me crazy when people call it a "diet".
♥ ThreadKilla!
Happy Birthday, DLISTED!!!
I take a couple uppers, I down a couple downers
But nothing compares to these blue and yellow Purple Pills!
"What is this lemon juice maple syrup diet diarrhea wonder????"
Isn't that the Master Clense, or whatever it's called.
My wife and I were just discussing that, and that Alli stuff.... I'd try it, 'cause I'd love to lose 10 pounds with no work.... The problem is, it's been such a long stretch of time since --you know-- the last time I shit my pants, that I'd just hate fuck with it. I think it was springbreak in Mexico, more than a decade ago. That's a pretty good run in my book.
Submitted by M.E. on Thu, 01/29/2009 - 1:41pm.
What is this lemon juice maple syrup diet diarrhea wonder????
its this detox drink that help you lost alot of weight and it decrease hunger. beyonce is the spokeswhore for it
Submitted by cornpone on Thu, 01/29/2009 - 1:38pm.
re: can'tstandbitches
"im just waiting for her to be on usweekly and okmagazine on "HOW I LOST 25 POUNDS"
my guess she will be anorexic by the summer. too easy"
I was thinking the exact same thing. You know she's already booked up with her trainer for the next 4 months and is probably guzzling the lemon-juice with pure maple master cleanse diarrhea inducing diet drink!
so true, and i see a fitness dvd and a book coming (rolleyes)
The whole thing is a carefully constructed move by the Simpson camp to keep their names in the press:
1) Let's have Jessica appear in an event looking less than svelte so as to create media interest, thus making headlines and keeping Jessica's name out there. Eventually leading to the inevitable People magazine cover "How I lost the Weight" by Jessica Simpson.
2) Let's have Ashlee "defend" her sister so as to create media interest, thus keeping Ashlee's name out there, since having her baby (along with the intentionally ridiculous name she gave her child) created zero interest.
Someone needs to get those two in a room and look them directly in the eyes and say, "Both of your 15 minutes expired 4 years ago, now please go away."
Her outfit was more offensive then her 'fat ass'
Angel_i thank you for the following post. I seriously spat Mountain Dew on my keyboard and screen after reading it!
"You know what's funny, achally? When Jessica came out I was VERY removed and I'd heard her name but I din't know anything about her at all. And I saw a billboard of her and I thought she looked lovely. And I hated her but NOT because she was lovely. It was the oddest sensation. And every time I would see her picture after that, I would cringe. Something about her bothered me so much that it is, in fact, the reason I came to know anything about her at all. Now, I know. It's because she's fat."
*Throws Buffalo Wings at Jessucka"
*One hits her in the teef*
Who cares about this biiiitch!! Why won't they go away? I guess any publicity is good publicity
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You got your problems, I got my hash pipe
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ba_NNKyUwEE
"Bench sucking is only for after midnight. Dumb blue motherfucker!" MK 12.30.08
What is this lemon juice maple syrup diet diarrhea wonder????
re: can'tstandbitches
"im just waiting for her to be on usweekly and okmagazine on "HOW I LOST 25 POUNDS"
my guess she will be anorexic by the summer. too easy"
I was thinking the exact same thing. You know she's already booked up with her trainer for the next 4 months and is probably guzzling the lemon-juice with pure maple master cleanse diarrhea inducing diet drink!
Yep, give it 6-8 weeks, she'll be on the cover of one of the rags on how she "Got her Body Back"
Papa Joe aint stupid. He's gonna use this "Jessica is a chunck" to his benefit, milk it for all it's worth, the pregnancy rumors, then the diet and exercise.
Uh, huh, mark my words!
Submitted by Stoney on Thu, 01/29/2009 - 1:35pm.
Why in the FUCK have my comments been deleted?!?!
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Bizarre, dude. I want to ask you what you said...cuz surely it was nothing...weirdness...
♥ ThreadKilla!
Happy Birthday, DLISTED!!!
I take a couple uppers, I down a couple downers
But nothing compares to these blue and yellow Purple Pills!
Why in the FUCK have my comments been deleted?!?!
THINGS TELL ME YOU AND ME CAN BE FUCKING REALLY GOOD GODDAMN FRIENDS.
You know what's funny, achally? When Jessica came out I was VERY removed and I'd heard her name but I din't know anything about her at all. And I saw a billboard of her and I thought she looked lovely. And I hated her but NOT because she was lovely. It was the oddest sensation. And every time I would see her picture after that, I would cringe. Something about her bothered me so much that it is, in fact, the reason I came to know anything about her at all. Now, I know. It's because she's fat.
♥ ThreadKilla!
Happy Birthday, DLISTED!!!
I take a couple uppers, I down a couple downers
But nothing compares to these blue and yellow Purple Pills!
Any truth to the rumor Tony Romo dumped her?
im just waiting for her to be on usweekly and okmagazine on "HOW I LOST 25 POUNDS"
my guess she will be anorexic by the summer. too easy
Ahhahaha. Now we KNOW MK is lying his ass off about his diet, because no one in the history of the earth has ever eaten a microwaved powdered sugar donut with chocolate syrup on it. Not to live to tell about it, at least.
And if MK isn't making this up, we need to find him a nice live-in boyfriend who is also an EMT, so that when MK's heart seizes he will have someone to hopefully revive him.
Hey I love being catty as much as the next guy but come on....it's not like she's Kirsty Allie for friggen sake. Yes, she isn't skinny like she was in her Dukes of Hazard days (where she looked amazing, I might add) but to me it was clear at a young age that this girl is naturally curvy and likes to eat. As she gets older, it only gets harder to lose the chunk.
Submitted by Zappy on Thu, 01/29/2009 - 1:20pm.
Larry Vicodin?
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Ha! Cuz that's what's in there and the name of the guy who packs it!
♥ ThreadKilla!
Happy Birthday, DLISTED!!!
I take a couple uppers, I down a couple downers
But nothing compares to these blue and yellow Purple Pills!