The Real Housewives Of OC: Getting To Know Lynne
Before last night's episode of The Really Plastic Housewives of Orange (like their skin) County, I only knew Lynne as the genius creator of Cuff Love, the accessory that will soon take the fashion world by storm, and I also knew she had the skin of a rotisserie chicken. But I didn't know she also had the brains of a chicken. A fried chicken to be exact. A severely fried chicken to be exactly exact.
On last night's episode, the hags all packed their favorite slinky tops held by jewels (THEY ALL WEAR THOSE THINGS) and headed to Las Vegas. During a poker game and dinner, we learned that Lynne is....how do I put this delicately....um...she's a dumb fuck. Yup, the sun not only fried her skin, but it also fried her brains. Here's a couple examples:
This is Lynne at dinner: "What can you put horseradish on if you're a vegetarian?" You know she thought horseradish was made out of ponies. The waiter should have told her that vegetarians can eat horseradish on a big juicy steak. She totally would've fallen for it.
Lynne also has no idea if she has air conditioning in her house or not. It's obvious that Lynne doesn't have AC in her head house, because that shit up there is baked. She knows it. But how can you not know if you have AC in your actual house or not?! But this is Lynne we're talking about. Her body is always a toasty 85 degrees Fahrenheit. AC or not. Her burnt up skin always keeps her warm.
Now, let's take a break from big brained Lynne and talk about Gretchen for a quick second. Am I the only one bothered by the fact that the bitch is always complaining about how much stress she's under from taking care of her ailing sugar daddy? What fucking stress is she speaking of? The man comes back from the hospital and she jets off to Vegas to flirt with dick bags! And when she's not doing that, she's getting tanked at dinner parties or living it up at Lake Havasu. She's always saying shit like, "I just have to get away." Bitch is always getting away! If I hear her complain on the show about "going through so much" one more time, I'm going to slap her in the head and peel a really big apple using her jumbo ass teeths.
Okay, back to Lynne. Please go pour yourself a dirty martini with THREE blue cheese stuffed olives (Vicki's siggy drink) and watch the clip below of Lynne busting a move. Why does she dance like a horny gorilla trying to butt fuck himself with a ripe banana using no hands? And also, I'm pretty sure only dudes with blurry faces hit on Droopy Vicki.
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Lynn is on a permanent high. How could you not know your house has air conditioning? In Cali???
Gretchen is a ditz. But harmless. Viki needs to stop listening to her selfish famiily. BUY THE Fn BOAT!!! WHEN THEY CONTRIBUTE AS MUCH AS YOU DO, THEN THEY CAN Fn VOTE. :)
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As Ashley from Rock of Love Bus would say, "She must have gotten those implants for $350 in Tijuana."
How old is Lynne. She looks like Steven Tyler's twin sister. Her skin looks like it has been dyed and fried.
"What stays in Vegas, Stays in Vegas."
She just needs some chola eyebrows to make that sentence complete.
Can I say how much I love Tamrah? I love Tamrah.
Okay, so did poor pitiful Gretchen get her pot of gold from her sad sugar papa?
lol...interesting. but she looks really awful.
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its bruce bitch...
Wait.. air conditioner?? Isn't that the stuff you put on your hair but its like air??? Wait, air conditioner?? do I have one??? I have like air... is that the same thing??? I don't know...
its bruce bitch...
Can we please address the critical issue of Gretchen taking Vicki's drink???? If you think Tamra didn't know what Gretchen was up to.. THINK AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is about the biggest cover up since NIXON!!!!!!!!!! Thank God Tamra is all over it... Gretchen will NOT get asway with this...
sorry for the edit. I repulsed myself.
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I am nuclear energy.--Kanye
I am totally for people getting the meds they need. --Hekki
My pale ass would be ostracized in the OC by these fried bitches. Here is what confuses me. All their husbands and ex husbands seem like reasonably intelligent men. Why would they want a partner that is brain dead and mooches off their money? I have really always wondered this and want answers. Because, honestly...their not really that hot either.
there was an episode, Lynn wouldn't tell Gretchen her age. my guess 52.
Jeana takes her sons behavior out on Lynn by treating her same way.
Brianna's legs were fatter then her mother's.
Submitted by Tubereuse on Wed, 02/04/2009 - 6:52pm
I don't remenber where I read that but his sister was the one that gave the info , But he was rich he was a sucessful man.I think he was involve whit Indy cars. He was no dummy he wanted a arm candy and she wanted a sugar daddy.
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"I'm ginna drezz mah baby in all bran namez 'n' if I can't afford it, I guess I'm ginna still it!" or "If mah baby losez its pacifier, I have three mo'!"
Submitted by yiooooooo on Wed, 02/04/2009 - 6:34pm.
Submitted by Tubereuse on Wed, 02/04/2009 - 5:51pm.
She quit her job to be whit him , so he use to paid the bills because he was rich. She said her job was taking "cared" of him which means she was the arm candy and his nurses did all the work. She got that ring and life insurance when he died. So she got paid for her service.
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Well, in a recent episode she said he was not paying the bills and she was living on her savings. Then Vicki and Jeana started telling her she should talk with him about money....
And before he went in the hospital, she did a lot of what nurses do: I think he said that.
I don't know about the life insurance, do you have a link?
Frankly, I have my doubts that he was all that generous or even all that rich.
My mum HATES Lynne. In fact not 5 minutes ago she was telling me what a stupid cunt she is and was asking why she always talks like that. She said that chick is fucked up on something.
As for Gretchen, I love Gretchen (so does my mum). She's fun and doesn't take crap seriously. It's obvious we don't see her at the hospital so it's no wonder she always "seems" to be partying. But even Jeff's family said they were happy he had someone like her around and that she was always with him, taking care of him. I'll believe them over Bravo and their tricky editing.
This bitch is what many of today's girls in their late teens and 20s will look like in middle age. Scary.
Submitted by Tubereuse on Wed, 02/04/2009 - 5:51pm.
She quit her job to be whit him , so he use to paid the bills because he was rich. She said her job was taking "cared" of him which means she was the arm candy and his nurses did all the work. She got that ring and life insurance when he died. So she got paid for her service.
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"I'm ginna drezz mah baby in all bran namez 'n' if I can't afford it, I guess I'm ginna still it!" or "If mah baby losez its pacifier, I have three mo'!"
I don't know, maybe Lynn and Gretchen's bathing suit parts were trying to escape. What would want to live down there?
How old are these women? Does the term mutton dressed as lamb come to mind?
Sunscreen: everyone wear it!
Gretchen went to Bass Lake (between Fresno and Yosemite) one weekend to see her parents; why is that a big deal? As for going to Las Vegas with those stupid women: that is part of her J-O-B. What other income does she have? She said a few episodes back that Jeff doesn't pay bills, she does (nor does he apparently offer to).
I really do not get why people think she (or anyone) should sit in a hospital room all day, every day, month in, month out, meanwhile making no money. The job she has (this stupid show) allows her to support herself and have a life.
I hate this show. I said to one of my friends that the whole thing was one big fuckery. She wanted to know what the fuck fuckery meant. It's a dlisted thing...
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Dick happens! - MK
vegetarians can put horseradish on fried eggplant slices. Delicious :)
Submitted by madam ex on Wed, 02/04/2009 - 4:44pm.
You and MK should do commentary on the dvd
Gretchen is queen gold digger. She even has his kids saying stuff like "we need to help Gretchen as much as my dad... she does sooooooo much". Those kind of skillz really are kind of hard to come by. Wow.
@ Sartastic..LOVE the avatar..cracking me up here.
Gretchen doesn't hide that she loves the bling. She's a whore and she knows it and she knows we all know it too..
I hate to be superficial and picky (no I don't) but Vicki's face gets on my nerves.
They all are cunty whores. Tamra needs a bitch slap with her 'ugh' comments..fuck her and her plastic face.
Jeana has basically surrendered to the 'abusive' way her boys treat her. On one episode (now I started watching that shitty show) when they were out to dinner her boys were such dicks to her.
Lynne would be hot if she wasn't all leathery. And her daughter is a little spoiled bitch.
I'm not gonna lie, I'd like to be in Gretchen's place some days....
an old peepaw who'll buy me anything and is about to die and leave my young ass alone with all the $. sigh, it's my inner HOOOOOOR!
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"This is MK. He started it" angel_i
"why is there a dead Pakistani on my couch"!?!
i hate all these bitches...much rather read the updates on dlisted than to ever admit i watch this shit...
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we've all had our fair share of cock...it's nothing to shout about...
Her skin makes me think of a roasted pig.
Bitch's site for "luv cuffs" gets dlisted automatically for using "pop of color." I will punch the next fashionhead I hear using that phrase. Ugh!
Hey Ho.
The best part of this season so far is watching Tamra get pissed off at Gretchen for being younger, blonder and *gag* hotter. How many times an episode do we have to hear Tamra remind everyone that SHE'S the hottest OC wife.
I hate that I watch these bitches and know anything about their lives.
Lynne is definitely eating Xanax/Klonopin/Elavils/Seroquils, etc. like Tic Tacs, she has the glazed over Xanax eyes I am all too familiar with, not only the eyes, the mannerisms, the slowness. I dont doubt she was a bit slow to begin with, add some substance to this mixture and you have La Lynne.
Gretchen is boo hooing all the way to the fucking bank, fucking whore. She totally needed to cancel that trip after he was in the hospital for 2 months. So what his kids were there, she needed to be there. She is totally grating of my nerves. And agreed those tops/dress with those Rhinestones are fugly, I dont care how much they cost.
While I hate Vicki, she does have a lucrative business she built herself, is intelligent and her daughter turned out pretty well. I feel bad for Don.
Jeanna is a miserable bitch inside, she's my favorite but by far very very unhappy with the way her life has turned out and obviously noooo amount of money can fix her. And not seeing your parents in 10 years, your kids not knowing their grandparents while they are elderly and sickly just really made me sad and dislike her last nite.
Tamra needs to die in a fiery car accident while she's blowing Simon (or whatever the fuck his name is, btw I think he takes it in his ass, not that theres anything wrong with that, I love it in my ass) on the way home.
You nail it everyweek MK with this show.
Sorry that was really long...but they get me going.
The makeunders in O Magazine are fantastic, they look fabulous made under. Tamra looks very different in this picture.
http://www.oprah.com/slideshow/omagazine/200811_omag_oc_makeovers/4
Miss Thang is right - Vicki has the nicest kids - well the daughter seems nice, the son is growing out of that "douchey" stage I think...
As for Lynn - if she lived in a cooler climate where it is socially acceptable to wear clothes that don't show your cleavage constantly, she might actually be more attractive. The skin on that chest of hers.... eek.
I can't help it, I like Gretchen - I like how last night she played dumb just to get Vicki in a "whirlwind" as she put it. I would probably want to punch her in the face if I were in the same room with that laugh of hers but on TV it's very entertaining.
Wow, Jeana's sister looks nothing like her - and she looks MUCH younger than she is - if my math is right she must be mid forties?
ooooh, I just found a good hair pic of Jeana and Tamra....an improvement anyway. http://www.usmagazine.com/news/real-housewives-orange-county-make-unders...
Nice shiny hair always gets me excited!
Hey .Child.-
FYI, these chicken-heads did get a makeover - from Oprah, although I don't know how much of an improvement it was. Personally, I think most of them could use an "Extreme Makeover" type of transformation. Anyhoo, here's the link to the photos: http://www.oprah.com/slideshow/omagazine/200811_omag_oc_makeovers
I think Vicki desperately needs her face sandblasted, and the right lipstick(for starters). As for Lynne, I don't think she tans naturally, I think most of it is spray tan. I doubt she would be able to achieve that very unique color otherwise. They did film her with her daughters at the spray tan salon, and it appeared they were regulars (SAD).
Jeana reminds me of a damp, smelly washcloth, or at least that's the extent of her (and her chin wart's)personality. To think she was somewhat hot in the 80's. http://bp1.blogger.com/_hSYC0lRPBEk/RpYboBuNVzI/AAAAAAAABLQ/ixKU0J7rQM0/...
The thing that bothers me most about them is their hair....the top offenders are Lynne and Tamra. Ladies, would you please cut some of that fried straw off and get a blow dry, or invest in some hot rollers. Do somethin. Just cuz you mold that shite with spray don't mean it looks good. It's always those bitches with the scraggly, dead ends about a foot long that refuse to part with their "long hair". And Gretchen's hair is disturbing because it ALWAYS looks exactly the same.
Someone at Bravo - please throw these bitches on a plane to Thailand and let them cleanse for a few months before returning their asses to my TV set. There, I've said my piece, and even if nobody has read this, I feel much better!
Submitted by suze on Wed, 02/04/2009 - 3:39pm.
But then she says she's vegetarian, then "Oh I guess I could eat the horseradish on shrimp" WTF? This ho is braindead I swear
Plus I LOVED Jeana saying "You're very boring. We're just tolerating you." LMAO, bitch didn't even have a comeback!! Lord have mercy, I'd have had a field day teasing bitches like Lynne in high school.
I am just too much. - Joan Crawford
I live in Orange County and the oranges groves are long. Now whenever someone asks why it's called that, I'll tell them it's because of all the orange skinned hoes who live here! you crack me up MK, but you're so right! LMAO
Submitted by Eddie on Wed, 02/04/2009 - 3:16pm.
those tops they wear are called Sky Tops, and go for about $200 on up at a South Coast Plaza near you...
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I got mine at Big Lots for a buck ninety-nine.
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I am nuclear energy.--Kanye
I am totally for people getting the meds they need. --Hekki
Thank God that I'm not the only one that is annoy by Greedy gretchen. Everyone else seems to like her and make excuses for her when she acts like a HO.
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"I'm ginna drezz mah baby in all bran namez 'n' if I can't afford it, I guess I'm ginna still it!" or "If mah baby losez its pacifier, I have three mo'!"
I also thought this was a severly burned Maniston.
With regards to the horseradish comment - and not to detract from her dumbness at all - I took it to mean that *what else can you put horseradish on if you're vegitarian* - horseradish only goes on meat, right?
So, what veggies does horseradish go with?
Just my take.
Morbid. My dog's name is Morbid.
p.s.
Please God...let these skanks come across this blog and read our comments....PLEASE!!
Thats all
Thank you
Wow, is that authentic leather? Classy.
Fried chicken skin is right!! I know I've said this before but the state of some of these womens skin annoys me no end for some reason. You have the fucking money for botox, collagen and god knows what other kind of injections, why the fuck CAN YOU NOT WEAR SUNSCREEN???!!!! Jesus christ, it just doesn't make sense to me...spend all that money on plastic surgery and shit and then bake yourself in the sun, fucking DUH!! Just like a friend of mine who had lipo on her gut and yet she continues to eat like a pig and not work out. Quick fix sure, but for how long? Anywhoo...these hags are annoying.
I don't think I could stand to actually watch this trash, but I love reading MK's comments about it.
Slutts - that reminds me... I got some pics in the mail today that look like they were taken by someone who was riding a paint mixer. Anything you want to tell me????
It's bad enough seeing the glut of shows featuring immature, insecure twat 20 somethings like the hills and now 'The City' (will they ever stop?) but a show documenting the same in women coming up on middle age is annoying and sad. By that time in their lives they should not need so much reinforcement from random dick at a club. They should have enough confidence to not need to embarrass themselves like that.
I'm all for having fun no matter what age but I do not miss the annoying, cheesy people at clubs. I liked the music sometimes and seeing friends but the trolling was non stop eyerolling for me.
And why do these grown assed women talk in babyish voices like their counterparts on the Hills? Act your age, bitches! Pull it together already.
bitch seems to have learned her dance moves from dina lohan
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Wed, 02/04/2009 - 3:20pm.
Yeah, but not as nice!
Submitted by devilgirl on Wed, 02/04/2009 - 3:17pm.
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Wed, 02/04/2009 - 3:14pm.
She makes these gaudy, God awful cuff bracelets from leather, busted up light fixtures, auto parts, whatever ugly garbage she can glue gun to a cuff bracelet. She charges like $225-1100 for the pieces of shit. The nerve.
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Like those crazy crappy wrist thingies Badu is wearing.
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My avatar is my 27-pound Maine Coon furkid named Mozart. Lying next to him is a standard-sized cat.
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Submitted by Molotov Cocktease on Wed, 02/04/2009 - 3:06pm.
And hello, we JUST got every surface in Vegas wiped down from the last group of whores who came through here, now we gotta disinfect AGAIN *grumble grumble*
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Don't you just hate it when the hwores descend upon your city and lose control, acting all crazy & stuff.
PS....get some wrinkles on your fo' head.
isn't there a make-under show that could ambush these skanks and try to make them look human again? that would be something i'd watch.
I liked when she said earlier, "I'm not boring"!!! Sorry to break it you, Rode-Hard-and-Hung-Up-Wet, but you are so boring I almost change the channel during your parts, but I don't want to miss the other skanks fuckery. And a few eps. back when her Mensa alcoholic daughter made her sister change dresses with her prior to her birthday party and her boyfriend told her she looked like a stripper. Lynne says, "She didn't look like a stripper - that was my dress". Newsflash Iron Eyes Cody, even a stripper wouldn't wear that dress. Didn't one of them (Larie) have skin cancer in the first season?
Submitted by Momus the Sarcastic on Wed, 02/04/2009 - 3:14pm.
She makes these gaudy, God awful cuff bracelets from leather, busted up light fixtures, auto parts, whatever ugly garbage she can glue gun to a cuff bracelet. She charges like $225-1100 for the pieces of shit. The nerve.