Jessica Simpson Is Melting
It sounds to me like Jessica Simpson needs to snort a few lines of crushed down Valerian and then take a looooong Calgon bath while listening to some soothing Enya, because bitch is on the verge. Apparently, the big-tittied frog was a mess while opening for Rascal Flatts in Grand Rapids, Michigan last night.
According to Radar and hos who were there, Jessica's fuck-ups started at song #1. Jessica forgot the words to songs, complained about her ear monitor, got weepy in the eyes, said she missed her man, constantly drank water and even asked the band to start over during some shit song called "Pray Out Loud." This is exactly what she did when shit kept going wrong. Jessica whispered in her mic, "Please, God help me through this!" At one point, she apologized to the audience for forgetting the words and said she just wanted to quit that bitch.
Jess' spokeswhore said she wasn't feeling well that day and had an off night.
And I thought the next Brit Brit meltdown would come courtesy of Miley Cyrus. Bitches better keep Jessica away from umbrella and hair clippers, because it sounds like this ho is one "Yooz a FAT bitch" away from going completely nuts. Bitch just needs to push her daddy off a bridge, go eat an entree at Claim Jumper and lay down for a few lifetimes.
Image VIA Radar
(Thanks Kathy)
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She doesn't really need a singing career. She's making millions from her shoes/bags/jewelry/cosmetics...etc. etc.
Plus I'm sure she has a lot banked away from her crappy movies & reality show.
She'll never have to worry about money again.
And she was so pompous and bitchy near the end of Newlyweds she needed to be brought back down to earth.
She can always lose weight if she wants to. Not like it's something she can't change.
But even with all that, I'm sure it would totally suck to have everyone calling you fat and being scrutinized like that.
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Never go with a Hippy to a Second Location
Submitted by Darryl Hill on Sat, 02/07/2009 - 8:55am.
Now everybody's hating her first Britney now Jessica.
Some people in this country need to get a life. There is not one guy on this board that would kick either of them out of bed including me.
Back off people. The girls here what do you look like?
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You're right. I'm not blonde. And I can't never be blonde. I'm just a jellus h8tr.
♥ ThreadKilla!
Well, you know - I heard it through the Grapevine:)
That's not what this is. Every time a decent person comes in you set out to prove they have brain damage. House MD
I kind of feel sorry for her
xoxoxoxox
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
Submitted by Darryl Hill on Sat, 02/07/2009 - 8:55am.
Now everybody's hating her first Britney now Jessica.
Some people in this country need to get a life. There is not one guy on this board that would kick either of them out of bed including me.
Back off people. The girls here what do you look like?
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Actually, Darryl there are a lot of guys on this board who would rather be in bed with Tony Romo.
That is, of course, only before he had slept with Jessica.
Opening for Rascal Flatts in Grand Rapids?
That just about says it all.
Next step on the career ladder: being a waitress at Hooters.
Now everybody's hating her first Britney now Jessica.
Some people in this country need to get a life. There is not one guy on this board that would kick either of them out of bed including me.
Back off people. The girls here what do you look like?
http://www.culturallycool.com
Wasn't she singing at a chili cook-off when she wore that getup with the horrendous mom jeans and leopard print belt?? Jessica honey, singing and then binging isn't going to help your figure any. Stay away from the chili! And you might want to stay away from the mac n' cheese, apple pie and 24 oz steaks, too. Spanx might help. It's ok, there's just more of you to love! But jesus, get yourself a man who isn't going to stray!
Oh come on...everyone has a bad night...she can cry on
my shoulder Anytime ;p
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0006718/
Submitted by SeH on Fri, 02/06/2009 - 7:25pm.
It was actually Johnny Knoxville, not Bam Margera. : )
It is my understanding that she has slept with both those men; Bam admitted the fling to his father who in turn blabbed out it, and Johnny, well, duh they worked on a shiteous movie together.
Nick Lachey worshiped the fucking ground this bitch walked on. She was the one who filed for divorce because she wanted to get her fuck on.
No sympathy.
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CORRECT! Nick dated her for years with her giving him no sex. He loved and patiently waited and abided by her wishes. Then SHE filed for divorce because I guess she thought she deserved better/more, and SHE started fucking around like a two bit tramp. NO sympathy for this slut. NONE.
I really had hoped there would have been some video or audio to this post. Bummer.
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"Wait until the bitch finds the family of wombats living in her chocha." - MK
If you are still an opening act after all these years, maybe its time to give it up and become a trophy wife.
She's not a performer and her voice really needs some work. I'd be surprised if she has a voice coach. She'll go away. She's getting older and nothing can help that.
So is Tony cheating on her? I still think she should have stayed with Nick, but I guess her and Daddy thought she was getting too famous for him.
Dammit, I was hoping the storyline was going to read "Jessica Simpson Is Melting IN A VAT OF ACID." Chestica can't handle a few days away from her douchetard boyfriend?!?
Methinks she is (THANKFULLY) nearing the end of her "illustrious singing career." I imagine her soon playing at the grand opening of a Dairy Barn or Menards in Stinktwat, Alabama. Tickety-tock, oh fifteen minutes of undeserved fame.
Submitted by devilgirl on Fri, 02/06/2009 - 7:12pm.
Submitted by EatYourVeggies on Fri, 02/06/2009 - 7:11pm.
It was actually Johnny Knoxville, not Bam Margera. : )
It is my understanding that she has slept with both those men; Bam admitted the fling to his father who in turn blabbed out it, and Johnny, well, duh they worked on a shiteous movie together.
Nick Lachey worshiped the fucking ground this bitch walked on. She was the one who filed for divorce because she wanted to get her fuck on.
No sympathy.
She just needs to buy her glamour trailer and have her (all-natural) 10 kids already.
♥ ThreadKilla!
Well, you know - I heard it through the Grapevine:)
That's not what this is. Every time a decent person comes in you set out to prove they have brain damage. House MD
Submitted by EatYourVeggies on Fri, 02/06/2009 - 7:14pm.
Wow, did not know about Bam.
She had a fling with Knoxville during Dukes of Hazard.
Look at her mouth around that mic.
The next logical career misstep is porn!
Someone can titty fuck her and come on her rawhide!
Don't think Daddy ain't thunk it!
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The line between sex and society is so fine and blurred... even Amy Winehouse wouldn't snort it.
http://www.myspace.com/triston
Submitted by devilgirl on Fri, 02/06/2009 - 7:12pm.
The sad thing is that it was probably both of them. Bam's father and his fiancee at the time said it was true. Another reason why J.Simp is total fail.
Submitted by EatYourVeggies on Fri, 02/06/2009 - 7:11pm.
It was actually Johnny Knoxville, not Bam Margera. : )
She has a crap voice. That's all that anyone should really be criticizing her for these days. Not the fact she's no longer running around in slutty Daisy Dukes like a whore.
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Uh People Magazine reports she wore the Daisy Dukes to this concert.
Karma. This bitch cheated on her other half with the fucking dude from Maroon 5 and Bam Margera. She was only famous for being a retard on Newlyweds- what an idiot for thinking she could transition into country music.
And she made millions for all of that, so fuck the pity party.
You don't think she's fat?
I reckon she looks fat.
Not morbidly obese sure... but definitely fat.
Why the FUCK should we feel sory for Jessica Blimpton!?
She's never made it on anything but her looks anyway, even though her voice is somewhat passable.
No, she parlayed her career through her ass and titties, and since those are getting wider by the hour, she either needs to rectify the situation, or go away.
Pam Anderson may look like Skeletor in MAC, but at least her body is still thin.
Get it together skanklette, or wither!
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The line between sex and society is so fine and blurred... even Amy Winehouse wouldn't snort it.
http://www.myspace.com/triston
She's by no means fat, she just wore a really really shitty outfit including the worst pair of jeans ever created.
YET I don't really feel too sorry for her if her feelings are hurt from being called fat. There's a lot worse shit to worry about in this world. When you CREATE a career off of your looks, expect people to comment accordingly. Go count your fucking millions you got from doing videos rubbing your twat on soapy cars. Be thankful you aren't a fucking burn victim or a disfigured soldier who was blown up in an IED attack.
No fucking way I am going to pity a beautiful, rich, famous woman because she wore a shitty outfit, and might have gained a few pounds that she could easily lose if she wanted to.
Take your fucking money and go buy some better jeans, and don't fucking dare have yourself a pity party to an audience that spent likely more than they could afford to hear your fucking ass sing (or the person you opened for).
Is trying to give head to that mic?
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"This is why I beat hookers" - Tig from Sons of Anarchy
Hey, at least she was really singing, unlike her sister and most other pop "stars".
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You can only hold it so long before crunchy gets soggy. - TITS
If I had a daughter I would be horrified by this shit...and I am someone who has no problem hating on the fat fucks who drive around in Hoverrounds at Walmart!
She's bigger than she used to be but she looks fine. Fishsticks could take some lessons from her.
On another note, it's rather amusing watching the Brangeloonies at Celebitchy getting all sanctimonious about Jessica Simpson's weight gain and then watching them get all butt-hurt when people make speculations about Angelina Jolie looking like death.
@ Nippy: Yeah, they are really ugly clothes. I wouldn't wear that even if I could get away with it.
I agree with you, though. Girls are going to hate themselves because of this load of shit.
Submitted by TinyHammer4 on Fri, 02/06/2009 - 3:46pm.
sounds to me like she's preggers
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I hope not, can you image a Jessica 2.0? *shudders*
I'm Falling In Love Again. Never Wanted To. I'm Not To Blame. ~ Christina Aguilera, Falling In Love Again
@Khensu Hetep: I don't think her body looks bad at all except for the ugly clothes she's wearing. Magazine editors should be shot for continuing to spread this crap to little girls.
She has a crap voice. That's all that anyone should really be criticizing her for these days. Not the fact she's no longer running around in slutty Daisy Dukes like a whore.
NOW I understand why her and John Meyer dated so long... both their fucking faces contort up so fugly ass ugly ass while singing... their kids wouldn't stand a chance!
Bag her face NOW!!!
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It sounds like I'll need to be drunk, stoned and suffering from a minor concussion to deal with this fuckery. MK - 11/24/2008
People might not be talking about her weight so much if she would just simply wear some more flattering outfits instead of mom jean, camel toe baring outfits.
BOO FUCKIN' HOO JESSICA!
uh oh...someone must've read the tabloids talking about how fat she is...don't these "stars" claim to not believe or read their own press...
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we've all had our fair share of cock...it's nothing to shout about...
The fact that she is letting personal issues get in the way of her professional life really proves to me that she doesn't deserve all the fame she received. Bitch, there are people that can take your spot with more talent that aren't weak. Get the fuck out of the fire if you can't stand the heat, geez.
sounds like man trouble
Jessica Simpson's an airhead with a grating voice, but I feel somewhat bad.
Yes, I know that she's famous for the same reason that Britney Spears (and I felt bad when she lost her way, as well) and Christina Haguilera are, but for a period of time, I was emotionally struggling...and that also caused me to quit taking care of my body and gain weight.
I think that Jessica Simpson's current weight gain can be attributed to her emotional state, speaking from personal experience. It really sucks for anyone to endure.
Aw, I want to hug this girl. She's had a tough last couple of years. She'll get through this. I really don't think she'll pull a Brit Brit.
Hopefully this is the end of her 15 minutes.
She really needs to pack her bags, her sister (and douche Pete) and Papa and spend the rest of her life in the bayou down in Louisiana or some fucking place where we never have to see her fat, zitty face again, Ever! Gawd I feel better!
I am surprised her big, empty ass head can even handle lyrics to one song, let alone an entire set!
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The line between sex and society is so fine and blurred... even Amy Winehouse wouldn't snort it.
http://www.myspace.com/triston
I admire her for not totally caving under pressure. Imagine the whole world coming down on you for gaining a few pounds. I think she's a though cookie for getting on that stage. For me it would be a one way trip to the mental ward, straight-jacket and all.
sounds to me like she's preggers
Despite the minor bumps in the show, Simpson told the crowd she had something to look forward to: a weekend rendezvous with Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo.
"I'm excited – I get to see my boyfriend tomorrow," she told the crowd, grinning. "I love him so, so very much."
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Ok Jessica. We get it. You're dating a Dallas Cowboy. Way to be clingy and run his ass off. Dumb shit.
Well that fact that it's Jessica Simpson makes me not feel 100% sympathetic, but I'd certainly wouldn't be in the best spirits if the entire country was all over how fat I've gotten, lol the president even had to mention it (even though he was really just reading off the magazine). That and knowing what an epic failure you've become (always been).
Jessica has had these problems before. By this point she should have learned how to carry on as a professional - regardless of her personal issues.
Honestly, I don't think she really enjoys being a stage performer. I agree that she should go behind the scenes and fade away.
And wasn't SHE the one who cheated on Nick? If she's getting cheated on now than I don't feel the least bit sorry for her.
whatever whatever I'm so over it and her get on to bigger and better things like bringing back the Marathon and Reggie candy bars.
I have no pity for this girl. She is a vapid fame whore just like her dumb sister. They will do anything short of flashing their vag for attention. Now that things aren't looking up for her, she has to throw a fit. Well, too bad.
People sseriously need to leave this girl alone. She is beautiful and healthy looking and not anywhere NEAR fat.
I think she needs to get back with Nick and tape their reunion for MTV. Then everything will be right with the world again.
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It's official - Michael K. is MAH BOO!
NoWords, yes it is...on CDAN. The one I alluded to last week.
have a great day all, I gotta go to work!
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Every time I move I lose...when I look I’m in
And every time I turn around...I’m back in love
-L.T.D. "Back In Love Again"