Heidi Klum Is A Real Lard Ass

The new season of Germany's Next Top Model hosted by Heidi Klum just premiered, so I guess the papers started asking deezigners if they think Heidi could make it as a runway model today. This prompted one designer to say that she's so chunky that she would break the catwalk in two. Basically.

Deeeeezigner Wolfgang Joop told Bild,“She is no runway model! Heidi Klum is simply too heavy and has too big a bust. And she always grins so stupidly. That is not avant-garde – that is commercial!”

True. She doesn't look like she poops out butt nuggets the size of a rabbit's. She also doesn't look like she'd end up in the next country if you sneezed near her. And she doesn't look like she's in dire need of a massage from a defibrillator. So in that respect. No, she doesn't look like a runway model.

Karl Lagerfeld also chirped in. He crawled out from his tomb, quietly ate his salad made from virgin souls and said in between bites, “I don’t know Heidi Klum. She was never known in France. Claudia Schiffer also doesn’t know who she is.”

What the fuck is Karl even saying? Bitch never takes his sunglasses off, so how does he know what she even looks like?! He probably confuses his toothbrush for Kate Moss all the time. The bitch needs to take off his glasses and get a good look. He knows who that bitch Heidi is!

Also, am I the only one bothered by the fact that Heidi's panties and bra don't match in the picture above. It bothers me so much that I want to Photoshop them to match.

Posted by: Michael K

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Submitted by xvaesthirxv on Sun, 02/15/2009 - 9:58pm.

I'm not one of those fat women who say things like "she's not fat, she's beautiful!" In Heidi's case though, I will say that she has a fantastic body. And I am gay so my standards for modelly women are very high hahah.

Submitted by z-listed on Sat, 02/14/2009 - 11:28pm.

This just shows that fashion designers are nothing but a bunch of snooty fags (sorry MK, but it's true) who want women to all look like 12 year old boys!

Women have been buying into designers' personal taste for skinny women for too long. Ask any heterosexual male if Heidi's boobs are too small or if she is too large and he will think you have lost your mind!

It's high time we stop making our girls miserable because some pansy thinks normal is a walking skeleton with a gaunt face, black circles under eyes and the inability to look anything other than depressed. And oh yeah, she has to stomp, toes first, when she walks!

Submitted by Yellowgoat on Sat, 02/14/2009 - 9:39pm.

I think both Heidi and runway models have impossible to achieve physic for common people like me. So she's still amazing to look at in my book. She's moved on to become a TV personality and she's not auditioning for a runway gig, so who cares if she's bigger than industry standard?

Agree with MK, what's with the not matching undies VS?

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Submitted by Zappy on Sat, 02/14/2009 - 8:52pm.

Her boobs are too big? WT...F? Does she have to be a negative 33 A to be a runway model?

The bran and panties don't match and that belt looks stoopit.

I actually like Heidi, she's got quite a little personality about her.

Submitted by Zappy on Sat, 02/14/2009 - 8:48pm.

Where's the spam terminator to eradicate this shit.

Did I speel eradicate correctly? too lazy to type dictionary.com

Submitted by lilylonely1986 on Sat, 02/14/2009 - 8:47pm.

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Submitted by maxcon02 on Sat, 02/14/2009 - 7:11pm.

It's too bad that we equate beauty with an almost-not-there nose.

Submitted by Rosemary on Sat, 02/14/2009 - 4:27pm.

She's definately too fat for her nose.

Submitted by Rosemary on Sat, 02/14/2009 - 4:25pm.

OMG, whats with her nose? I've never seen such a f'ed up tiny nose. wtf?

Submitted by get serious on Sat, 02/14/2009 - 3:45pm.

LOL. Yes, it's ironic that men who would never really find a woman attractive have so much power in how a woman should look... but then, can you imagine a straight guy dressing you!? We'd probably be wearing wet t-shirts with heels or football jerseys and thongs. Oh, sorry to generalize you, dear straight men...
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You're close, but not quite. Us straight guys don't like dressing women; we prefer undressing them...

Submitted by get serious on Sat, 02/14/2009 - 3:42pm.

Who the fuck is karl lagerfeld, and why do people put up with his faggoty, fan waving butt?

Heidi Klum is one hot piece of ass. Karl lagerfeld wouldn't know that, because he's more interested in pre-pubescent little boys.

Submitted by HotParisHilton on Sat, 02/14/2009 - 3:37pm.

Heidi Klum is not fat! She is gorgeous! She is slender. My Bmi is a 16.6 . I know I may be thinner but she is so not fat! You weigh more than she does and you know it! she looks hot! Too skinny is gross. So is too fat. I think she looks just right. At least from that picture. Her arms look good.

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Submitted by Melody1980 on Sat, 02/14/2009 - 3:10pm.

Well technically it's true - runway models have to be almost impossibly skinny. The industry standard is something like 5'9"+ and you can't weigh more than 110 or 115 lbs. I forget which one. You also can't have breasts larger than a small to medium B cup. Lots of pressure on those poor girls.

Submitted by EvilShoe on Sat, 02/14/2009 - 11:05am.

Fuck these dumbasses, I love Heidi. If she is fat, I guess that can explain the downfall of Victoria Secret since they use healthy looking models. Oh wait....

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Dick happens! - MK

Submitted by lilylonely1986 on Sat, 02/14/2009 - 9:47am.

Submitted by jiggywiddit on Sat, 02/14/2009 - 9:30am.

............

MK you are an evil genius.

That said, Klum's bra looks like one I saw yesterday at the Dollar Tree.

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Submitted by julli on Sat, 02/14/2009 - 9:27am.

She looks so cool in this photo,lol...
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Submitted by Keane on Sat, 02/14/2009 - 9:00am.

Leandra/Chica Robotica/Joe Shmoe - I obviously can't give you "proof" at this stage. If there was proof then it would be being printed in a newspaper and the world would know about it. I think from their behaviour recently its pretty obvious its over between them and if you listen to what people within the industry are saying who were at the awards shows etc it seems that a lot of people know about it. This person is an annonymous poster on the internet with no agenda as such and nothing to lose or gain from saying it, I'm not sure why they would bother making it up. Believe what you want to believe, if you look at the trajectory of relatioships like Guy and Madge and Gwyn and Chris its pretty obvious they were separated for literally years before the general public knew about it and before they themselves confirmed it. You've got to read between the lines with these things, "proof" only comes with their official statement once the relationship's been dead in the water for ages.

Submitted by BarbadoSlim on Sat, 02/14/2009 - 6:48am.

Was Klum ever high fashion? I always had her as a Victoria's Secret girl, you know, before the went all tranny and shit?

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Submitted by MickeyHolland on Sat, 02/14/2009 - 3:12am.

Designers only like women who look like little boys. They fuck up things for normal sized women, setting unattainable standards. They are a bunch of arrogant pricks, who usually look freakish themselves. I never got this whole concept of "high fashion". What's attractive about angry looking war refugees in rags?

Submitted by kennyjoe on Sat, 02/14/2009 - 3:03am.

LoL/ She is really sexy!!! I have ever seen her hot profile in her account at Richlo ving. com, a hot club for hot wealthy singles.

Submitted by girl_cheese on Sat, 02/14/2009 - 2:16am.

That whole thing she's got going on there makes me wish I was blind.

Submitted by MyTwoCents on Sat, 02/14/2009 - 2:08am.

Not sure why, but Karl's "Claudia Schiffer also doesn’t know who she is" made me lol.

Anyhoo, Heidi Klum is a hot bitch. Most chicks called Heidi are. True fact.

The only reason Karl doesn't know who she is is coz bitch has a personality and facial expressions, and doesn't need to have a pole removed from her ass like most 'models'. Bitches like her don't cross paths with the likes of Karl or give a fuck about his opinion.

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Submitted by stake_spike on Sat, 02/14/2009 - 1:50am.

Well I guess because she isn't a size 0 and looks a very healthy 4 or 6 she is, by runway standards, a fat ass.

And while she was never a runway model, more a SI/VS girl, Karl wouldn't know who she was but she is big here in the states and that's what fucking counts.

As for Claudia, does her opinion even matter? Bitch has not aged well and I wouldn't even know who she was if you didn't place her damn name at the bottom of her photos. Last I checked Guess wasn't exactly Chanel but whatever.

Submitted by rk-d on Sat, 02/14/2009 - 1:33am.

They are right about one thing -- Heidi Klum is not a haute couture model. She's very commercial and bland.

Submitted by bo_tatoe on Sat, 02/14/2009 - 1:16am.

Submitted by Creepella on Fri, 02/13/2009 - 9:09pm.

I'm not crazy about Heidi's looks but she is far from a fatass and she does seem like a down to earth person.

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I guess he ment that her pelvic bones were always far too high and she never had a waist. And now after two kids her pelvis got blown even more out of proportion.

Do understand the difference between looking good and demanding top dolla for professionally looking good. Heidi never had an exeptionally good figure, but now her figure dropped below model standards. Not because she'd be "fat" but because she is not well proportioned.

Submitted by cc5735 on Sat, 02/14/2009 - 1:16am.

OMG. She is soooo disgusting. When will people realize that anyone over 100 lbs doesn't deserve to be alive? I pray for humanity.

Submitted by idiots drive me loco on Sat, 02/14/2009 - 1:01am.

If Heidi Klum is too fat, then I might as well go ahead and build a sex ramp like that guy in Mexico. ARRRGH. I'm so fucking sick and tired of a woman's worth being judged by her fucking pants size.

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Submitted by Manimal5 on Sat, 02/14/2009 - 1:00am.

Zis is shtoopiit! Heidi may not be a runway model but Claw-dia should know who she is.

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Submitted by Sheeps on Sat, 02/14/2009 - 12:53am.

Aren't Claudia and Heidi both Germans, like Karl? (I seem to be on a first-name basis.) Shouldn't they be sticking together?

Submitted by chica robotica on Sat, 02/14/2009 - 12:52am.

Submitted by starsign on Fri, 02/13/2009 - 6:11pm.

I LOVE how these MALE (and usually gay) designers think they have the fucking right to critique the female form. It is thanks, in part, to these narcissistic, unrealistic thinking, fashion dictators that SOME women starve themselves to look like the ideal female figure. A figure that is ideal in a male, gay mans mind. Nothing wrong with gay men, love em! But alot of the gay diva's in fashion have a very narrow and limited view on what a woman should look like.

If Heidi Klum is chunky then I wanna be chunky!
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Submitted by Winnyfranfran on Sat, 02/14/2009 - 12:46am.

Yes, Heidi is a real pig. I was I was that "fat."

Submitted by FritoDorito on Sat, 02/14/2009 - 12:45am.

Submitted by chica robotica on Sat, 02/14/2009 - 12:11am.
Submitted by FritoDorito on Fri, 02/13/2009 - 11:56pm.

I think he meant Claudia Schiffer doesn't know who Heidi Klum is ... in terms of fashion/modeling.
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Oops. My bad, thanks.
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Submitted by chica robotica on Sat, 02/14/2009 - 12:41am.

Submitted by FritoDorito on Fri, 02/13/2009 - 11:56pm.

I think he meant Claudia Schiffer doesn't know who Heidi Klum is ... in terms of fashion/modeling.

Submitted by chica robotica on Sat, 02/14/2009 - 12:35am.

Submitted by joe shmoe on Fri, 02/13/2009 - 7:50pm.

Submitted by Keane on Fri, 02/13/2009 - 6:48pm.

So Brangelina live separately but globe trot together in order to escort each other to various events? I think that rumor would be more credible if they were based anywhere. As it is, it just seems a series of hotels and rented homes. Better rumor is that they're sleeping in separate hotel rooms or different bedrooms in whatever mansion they're renting. Or that they have an open relationship. I'd believe any of those rumors...

Submitted by FritoDorito on Sat, 02/14/2009 - 12:26am.

If Karl Lagerfucker doesn't know who Claudia is, why did he make a point of mentioning her name? Idiot.
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"This is why I beat hookers" - Tig from Sons of Anarchy

Submitted by ftlatrctn on Fri, 02/13/2009 - 11:49pm.

Submitted by beatslikebombs on Fri, 02/13/2009 - 9:39pm.
PS. To the people saying she doesn't have the European look -- she was born in Germany. I think she looks German, not American.
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What they mean is that she doesn't have the "look" that European designers are into. They like those 100 pound, look-like-14-year-old types.

I couldn't believe he said her bust was too big(this picture makes 'em look like b cups) until I remembered what look they go for in Europe... Too bad.

Submitted by soul on Fri, 02/13/2009 - 11:46pm.

HEIDI! you are not Babarella. Or Jane Jetson! :)

><> + ^o^

Submitted by Mittmah on Fri, 02/13/2009 - 11:39pm.

Karl Lagerfeld is so disgusting. Who f*cking cares what he thinks.

Heidi's nose does look very "done" though. I never noticed that before.

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Submitted by sushi on Fri, 02/13/2009 - 11:28pm.

I don't get the big deal with her. She's okay looking. Not even the best body. I saw her naked and her tits suck.

Submitted by Stoney on Fri, 02/13/2009 - 11:10pm.

Fuck you all, I'm talking to myself in the open thread!

*commits suicide*

"Whats so bad about rapey eyes? At least you know youre definately going to get laid at some point in the night if u go on a date with him."

Submitted by Hekki on Fri, 02/13/2009 - 11:10pm.

Submitted by Tripitaka: "she needs to grow some nose back, she's had way to much plastic surgery."

True. Why do these women have to mess with their shit?

Submitted by tojo on Fri, 02/13/2009 - 11:02pm.

Submitted by mike on Fri, 02/13/2009 - 4:38pm.
She's sure as hell thinner than the current host of America's Next Top Model.

lol

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Submitted by tojo on Fri, 02/13/2009 - 10:52pm.

I love Heidi, she's witty and beautiful she seems very down to earth. On the other hand Karl Lagerfeld should just be covered with earth... ================================================
the end...

Submitted by GazingBeauty on Fri, 02/13/2009 - 10:40pm.

Submitted by beatslikebombs on Fri, 02/13/2009 - 9:39pm.

How can one look American? *confused*

Submitted by Bunny Rabbit on Fri, 02/13/2009 - 10:35pm.

Heidi Klum is not fat by any means, but she does have a wide frame. She's a model, but not the runway variety. When she did that VS show 6 wks after the birth of her second kid, I noticed that she had gotten wide in the hips. Nothing wrong with that, but I suppose runway models are typically very thin with bony frames. The last person I would like to is Karl Lagerfeld. He's always been out of control, first as a lardass and now as a memeber of the living dead. I am, however, turned off by Heidi's unnecessary plastic surgery.